Well, I think my housemate's gonna make an appointment to see the doctor for me tomorrow

What's left...?

I'm gonna lose my home.

I'm currently losing the one person I need in my life to keep me together. Lmao, he can't even be bothered to try and talk now, he admitted that himself.

I give up.

It's over.

I want to die.

I've had enough of hurting. I don't see a ****ing way forwards. And I still lack that vital courage needed to finally off myself. It's laughable, really, how Goddamn ****ing pathetic I am, how much of a coward I am.

SOMEONE JUST KILL ME, BECAUSE CHRIST KNOWS I CAN'T ****ING DO THE JOB MYSELF.

I CAN'T LIVE ANY MORE, I JUST ****ING CAN'T. I HATE THIS. I HATE MYSELF. I just want everything to end >_<

*hugs Dayna* don't have many words; but have been feeling similarly myself the last few days... i know how it hurts.

*hugs Katie* i'm not sure how i'm doing tbh... i feel lost.. thanks for asking. how are you doing?

*leaves hugs and cuddles for everyone* how is everyone doing? hope things are okish.

*cuddles everyone lots*

*cuddles Helen back*

*hugs Katrica* what battles?

--
feeling quite unsafe, if anyone has extra cuddles or hugs to spare, i'd really appreciate it.

*joins Nicole and BJ under the bed with the denial tent over it.. with my stuffed bunny*

*pulls up a bean bag and sits with ravyn* I have lots of hugs to spare. Hope you feel better soon xx

Dayna- I am sorry things are so crappy atm. I really truely understand what that feels like. Thinking of you, for what its worth x

Katrica- I hope you are managing to win more battles than you are losing. Here if you want to talk about what is going on.

*cuddles Katie* I hope things get sorted for you. Please don't give up. Things can get better.

*pokes Helen* I have already spoken to you on MSN. But hope you are doing better today. *squishes*

How is everyone else doing? Mary Anne, Nicole, Amanda? *leaves hugs for you guys*

*rocks quietly* nothing even, specifically wrong that I can figure. Everything just hurts. Last night was very bad. I had a huge row with my best friend and ended up driving back home at 3am. Not going to bother trying anymore.

Hi all *big cuddles all round*

Forgot to check in yesterday, was trying to stop a window leaking (we are having freak weather here).

Feeling low, weekends are long on my own (did visit mum on Saturday, she is now the proud owner of all the crap that is associated with my wedding to the he-devil).

Helen - you must deffo are not forgotten, *big hug* please stay safe

*hugs Ravyn* hope that cloud lifts soon

*hugs Dayna* not got words but hope you are okay

*sends hugs tyo Ravyn, Katrica, Katie and anyone else around*

x

I'm slowly becoming convinced certain people (not mentioning names and please don't think this is aimed at any of you in particular) think I'm attention seeking & never going to follow out with my plans. But seriously one day soon I'm going to snap and do it in such a way that I seriously will get death out of it or...or if its unfornately fails (as per ****ing usual) then..severly injured.

I also know that some people seem to think my moods drop to the point of suicidal because of something like assignmnet comes and stresses me out and gets me to the point I get suicidal. Well I know for mysef, that's not true. I've been suicidal at times where there was one due...but also times *lots* where it really wasn't. But whatever. Maybe it's a good thing in some werid way if it was just because of that. I don't know?

I don't remember most of last night, I can't bear to even dicuss it anyway, but seriously, I did speak to someone, she thinks I need to see a shrink (I hate english people subtistuting english words with american ones :S) meh. I cba with help anymore. It doesn't get me anywhere. But whatever whatever whatever. We all just think (except me maybe) that I'll be fine again in a few weeks. *rolls eyes* Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Who gives a ****ing **** anymore?

Sorry for last night.

Emma & Dayna , I am worried about you both :(

Emma - thanks for the hugs and sitting with me. *hugs back* sorry to hear about your fight with your friend. did you want to talk about it?

Katrica - *hugs* keep fighting, the tides will turn; hopefully sooner rather than later.

Mary Anne - *hugs back* thanks, I hope so too. Hope that the weekend passes quickly for you.

Helen - *hugs* please try and be safe. i'm worried about you. *sends cuddles*

*sends hugs to everyone else*

--
it hurts to be alive right now and i don't know why or how to change this

Helen : I'm afraid I have no words at the present time. Just wanted to offer you some hugs. I know, unfortunately, what it can be like in regards to both being regarded as attention seeking and people seeking out whatever reasons they can accept for your illness and/or moods being the way they are. Sometimes they are explainable by these things, but quite regularly they are not. I wish I could take your pain away, but I'm afraid that this is something I am just not able to do. *hugs you tight*

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Kahlia*

Thanks Ravyn, I needed that. *hugs you back*

*Sneaks in and hugs all*

I'm trying. I really am. I don't want to worry anyone, and I'm sorry for those I have scared. I just...I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of things always ****ing going wrong, and then being kicked further while I'm still Goddamn down.

I'm sorry, I have nothing useful to say. Just for a change

*hugs Kahlia* thanks for the hug back.

*hugs Dayna back*

--
sorry i have no words for anyone right now, just hugs..

Pretty much same here, Ravyn x_o

*hugs* i think no one will mind if we're silent for a while

*hugs Katrica* I'm sorry too, it's harsh, I'm not exactly ill, just get suicidal thoughts && self harm on/off on top of that. Ugh but I agree....

*hugs* I'm intending to stay safe, get through next weekend, but from there, right now I don't know. I might stay safe, or try & chicken....

Its' okay, I have no words to support anyone else, just hugs. I accept the hugs. It sucks being regarded as attention seeking & people trying to find out whatever reasons they can for me being like this. *hugs you tight* I hope you're feeling better soon, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time :( xxx

*hugs Katrica* *hugs Helen*

*hugs for everyone*

My head still heads =( I woke up this morning, thought it was better, but nope.. it's back. It sucks.

On a good note, my brother is here now. Finally!!!