i'm in my bedroom, but fragile

Kahlia, yes it is 5 months. *cuddles*
Oliver, thank you.
Everyone else, keep hanging in there.

I can't stop crying & the people I'm crying over, are so not worth this...It ****ing hurts.

*cuddles everyone*

I'm so fed up with this.



I'm so sick of life. I really am. So damn over it all. :'(

Sorry no individuals tonight. :(

Oh, & I wanted to say congrats to both Kahlia & Hels for making it so far in SI recovery!!! Awesome, both of you. *claps & cuddles*

*hides in a hole for awhile and cries softly*

*joins and cuddles April*

*cuddles April and Hels*

*cuddles Oliver & Hels* Sorry for the rant... :(

rant away April, sorry I havn't read it though, cos of what you hid it for, but *cuddles*

*cuddles you both*

yeah sarah and love hugs..sadie is another story tho lol

sarah says thank you.

so worried about tomorrows eval. with drs.
took a xanax so things seem pretty quiet/calm right now.
hopefully can sleep some tonight.
lots of worries and anxieties over tomorrow but right now the xanax seems to be supressing it some.

Sadie did very good tonight. she got urges to SH cause panic and all was too much earlier but she didnt...think she knows if she did that it would def result with us staying in hospital . which we dont want.
im proud of her. lol she is making gag sounds at me for saying that hehe
Hiding

*hugs hiding(if ok)*
I'm glad Sarah didnt SH, you should be proud of her. I hope your appt with the dr goes well tomorrow, anxiety is horrible.
Also dont think I have properly said hi yet, I apologise if i had, I'm Oliver.

hi oliver..
it isnt sarah that SIs its Sadie.. too many S names ..its ok lol
thanks for the hug and support and understanding *hugs back*
Hiding

*hugs Hiding*
I'm sorry I got the wrong name, I'm glad Sadie didn't SH then, sorry again.

Wow, we've been really quiet overnight, last post was nearly 7 hours ago. Hope everyone is okay as can be, I know we're/most are struggling.

*cuddles all if okay*

*huggles/waves at everybody*

Very cold right now.
Anxiety through the roof.
Getting frustrated easily too.
Meh.
So.damn.over.it.all.

Sorry for the lack of individual replies.

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all on the table*

*Hugs Everyone*
I'm tired , struggled to get out of bed ugh :(
I have to meet my Psych Dr on Thursday at 2pm , My SW will be there and will have either told him about my Sui plan or will want me to tell him :( , I'm so worried and anxious :S In the morning my Nurse is taking me to a befriending place for people with severe mental health issues , not sure I qualify but hey, Thats making me anxious too , My nurse thinks I need to get out more and get more friends , I don't have many IRL , sorry .

*cuddles all*

Mark, love, what are you apologizing for? There's no need to be sorry. *gentle cuddles* I hope that you do make new friends there - I don't have many IRL either. Depends on what they say is "severe mental illness." Hmmm. Well, I do hope that it goes well though - keep us updated, 'kay? oh, and when is it that you're going? is it today?

Kahlia, I hope that things look up for you soon. :( Am sorry that you're still struggling so much... is there anything I/we can do to help?? :( I feel so helpless... for all of you... *gentle cuddles*

Hels, how are you, sweet? did you sleep okay last night after we chatted? Hope so. I know I sure did, despite dreams, hah. I didn't even wake up when Jarrod got up for work. O.o And I always used to. Guess that's an improvement, lol, one which lets me sleep for about an hour longer than he does in the mornings. :P *cuddles*

I'm still exhausted, though. And a friend of mine convinced me to apply for a job today - as a dog trainer at a local pet store (chain). I doubt I'll get in/be good enough, if they even still have the ad up. >_< Stupid me if they don't. Anyway, I do have experience, used to do a lot of dog training and shows through 4-H... so yeah. But as that was years ago, I don't know if it will still qualify as "experience." :-S I was only 10-15 at the time... hah. :-X

So Jarrod went back to work today... guhhh... gonna have to figure out what to do here without him. It's going to be difficult, unless I do get that job. Then I'll be busy as all get out!! :P And I will also feel a little more useful, bringing in extra cash & all of that. :) So that would be nice. I know it's not really using my college degree - heck, you don't even need a high school diploma to do this job - but oh well. Hah. As I said, though, I doubt I'll get it.

*hides in a deep deep hole* :(

April , The befriending Appointment is on Thursday Morning and the Psych Dr appointment is on Thursday Afternoon , I'm just getting anxious in advance heh ,still I'm STILL numb so the anxiety is copeable with for now , not ideal situation though :S

Good luck with getting the dog training job !! *Hugs*

oh and whats 4-H?

Ah okay, that makes sense now. :) Well, best of luck at both!!! *cuddles*

4-H is a group for boys & girls ages 8-18 that does a variety of different "stuff" ... like dog obedience, goat/sheep/rabbit/dog/horse/cow shows, sewing, spinning, knitting, basket-weaving, entomology (study of insects - loved that one!! I still have 2 old insect collections hanging in my parents' house), orienteering (finding your way through an area with the use of a compass, etc.), forestry, etc., etc., etc... I could go on & on, hehe. There's also summer camp that's for a week every June, which I did for about 8 years. Was a camper, "CAT" (counselor-at-training), then a counselor for a few years. :) It was a lotttt of fun and I really miss it. :(

Anyway. That's what 4-H is, summed up. :)

*hides & cries a little* I just... am so tired, and lonely, but even Jarrod being here wouldn't help me feel "un-lonely" ... it would just make it better for a little while. But not entirely better, never entirely better... :(

I'm not 100% how I am. But I do know for a third day running, my mouth or cheek or whatever's sore is STILL hurting me. I did sleep okay but took until after 3am to get me to sleep. *grumbles* Glad you didn't wake when Jarrod did. Dreams suck aha!! I can't remember mine from this morning but can from Saturday night's. Well not AS well obviously.