*hugs Crimson* I hope you get things sorted soon.

*hugs Angel*

The repairs are done, now is just waiting for the appraiser on wednesday and then the process to close on the loan... debating forcing the in law to not just buy her own food but a mini fridge and pans but i doubt i'd be successful... at least after we move she'll be in the basement and about 6 months later out of my house.
i was hoping to have easter at the new house but thats ok...

*huggles all*

Had a bad night last night followed by me being exceptionally tired and depressed this morning. Had a fairly large chat with my fiancee about my suicide plan and various things like that night. He told me that if I don't feel I can say something I can text, email or write it out for him and tell him whether to mention it to me or not. Having lots of trouble this morning with simple tasks - decision making, walking, carrying things, staying awake, keeping out of my bedroom and so on.

I hope the rain stops soon, for anyone who isn't doing so crash hot.

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all*

:-) im checking myself in to this virtual psych ward.

welcome! *Huggles and gives chocolate*

do you wanna sit with me? or just be alone for a while?

*Hugs Louise*
*Hugs Angel*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Habibi if okay?*
*Hugs Megz*
So My Friend Hannah L and I kissed 3 time back in hospital , then she said she wanted to take things slowly , this was 2 years ago, Last night I worked up the courage to ask her if I could kiss her again and she said "Actually , Can we just be Friends?" I am crushed beyond repair , I am so in love and she isn't even interested . I've never had a girlfriend , I'm 30 , I scarred all over and she knew all this and still let me hope and fall deeper and deeper in love with her. She had me spend the night on her sofa as she was worried about me , I don't know what to do...I even cried in front of her , How manly:S

EDIT:-
Oh She Called and wants to talk over dinner later , I don't know what to make of this , she said she didn't think our talk got finished earlier.

* hugs mark*
Welcome Habibi * hugs*

cuddles all. curls up and cries. cant seam to catch a break. really feel like giving up now.

*Hugs Angel*

*Hugs Jill*

hugs everyone

*huggles Megz, Habibi, Angel, Jill, Louise*
*extra big huggles Kahlia and Mark*
Sorry you're struggling so much Kahlia but I'm glad you have someone so supportive and understanding.
Mark, I don't have any idea what to make of your situation with Hannah... It seems like she wants to but then she doesn't, and then she does maybe... I dunno. I'm confused by it all. You'll have to let me know how the dinner goes. And I'm just a PM away if you need to talk.

As for me, I'm getting fed up enough with my back hurting I'm considering seeing a doctor about it... Then I remember the main problem with that. I haven't got a doctor and since I'm practically doing 2 jobs I have no time to find one. When I asked a couple of coworkers if they have a doctor to suggest they told me they just go to walk in clinics... There is a reason those places are low cost... Most of the 'doctors' in them may as well have gotten their degree from a cracker jack box. I think it's time to spend my lunches looking online and calling to find places that take my insurance and won't turn me away for having Medicaid as a secondary insurance.

Thankyou Crimson *Gently Hugs your Back*

I'm off back to Hannah L's Back Later tonight or tomorrow middayish *Hugs You ALL*

*hugs all*

great so i was honest with the different GP I saw today and she has got really worried and has made me an appt with a psych on friday, I guess I can see why cos I told her I was going to OD on monday no matter what, but now I have to convince the psych I'm not going to cos I dont want to get kept in hospital cos I'm going out with my friend friday afternoon to something she has had booked for ages, then sunday I'm moving. I hate this, I tell the truth and then I have to lie cos I can't let other people down.

*huggles Oliver* Could you maybe explain that you need to be outpatient at the least till Sunday night? Maybe since you said it'd be Monday, if you explain you need to move on Sunday they'll kind of compromise. Then you could be honest and safe and still be able to go with your friend and move in the mean time.

that sounds like a good plan thanks Crimson, I've just been stressing over it for the last hour.
how are you?

Well, Thats that , we can continue to be friends but nothing more , Life can take a ****ing running jump.............

*Hugs Oliver* I'm sorry you're in such a predicament too.

That's it... I'm looking for a different state job and whoever wants to throw a temper tantrum and make my work harder can go **** themselves. *screams out frustration*

*cuddles Mark* Did she say why?
*hugs Oliver* Glad I could help. :)

She just doesn't feel the same way I do , she Likes me as a friend , I am besotted with her. Not her fault , I'm ugly inside and out and totally unlovable. I need to sleep.