*Hugs Heather * Thanks that means TONS :)

*Hugs Crimson* It IS a milestone , I'm almost 30 and I'm still standing , Thanks for that :)

*Huggles Nicole* How are you tonight?


*Hugs Sarah* I'm so so sorry you are having such a horrible time . I
wish I could help more *Holds Sarah*

*hugs sarah tightly* aaw sweetie, i'm sorry your family is being so awful! i really dont know what to say hun, and i know how hard it must of been to see all the police cars and the ambulance turn up. but just remember your fiance only did it because he cares about you. i'm really sorry they dont understand :(
*hugs mark* i'm ok thanks, had a bit of a bad time at college earlier, but my tutor was really understanding and she printed off some information for me and just told me to highlight the key points instead of making me research it all and put it all into my own words. and then i had a fun afternoon singing nursery rhymes to my friends stomach :D

*cries* is awful here :(

Thanks for the support though. You're all amazing. I love you all.

*hugs everyone*

*hugs lindsay* how're you today?

*gives everyone huggles and cookies/brownies*

Gah, I really do hate living a lie. Pretending all is okay when its really not. *sigh* its just not going to work out in the end that well at all for me. Too many people are getting on to me about doing this and doing that, or going back to the psych/getting on meds again when I clearly am too stubborn. I feel like yeling and screaming at them, but what does that do?

*yells in here instead and sits down and curls up*

Matt

*hugs everyone tight*

*hugs helen* how're you tonight?

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Matt*

Nicole - I'm low & bored lol. You?
Mark - hugs back x

*Hugs The Ward Goonight*

*cuddles Wardies* mum is now pretty much saying she wants to disown me and I have to decide between my fiance and uni... I told her I wouldn't leave my fiance and she went insane... Now doesn't want anything to do with me emotionally or mentally or anything like that. I don't know what to do anymore. Ugh... :(

Sounds like you don't need her in your life anyway sweetheart and not just saying that because of your post. I'm sorry but she has NO right to force you to choose between someone you love and education =/ *hugs* I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time of it.

*hugs Mark goodnight*

*huggles all*

I want to disappear ...

I just found out that my singing teacher has had another stroke .... she only had a stroke/heart attack a week or so ago. She's been locked in her house with severe depression for quite a while and now this ... I don't know.

Maybe i'm just being selfish, but I just want to attack and destroy myself because I think that will make her better. *sigh*

It won't make her better Kahlia & you know that deep down *hugs*

*walks in and looks left to write, and realises she can be herself. Starts to cry and her description of herself from her friends as "emotionally stunted" because she doesn cry quickly fades. She knows this is the one place where she feels more normal, can explain her worries and show emotion. Thank you*

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, but if you want to be with your fiance, then that's what you should do. I'm sure you've learned by now that things never turn out for the best when you allow other people to make the descions for you. Why do you have to pick anyway?

*Hugs Sunny if that's ok* Hey. I'm Lia. I feel like that about the ward too. It's the one place where I can at least sort of open up and be myself.

*Hugs Kahlia* Helen's right, that won't make her better and can only make you feel worse in the long run.

Just now, I asked a girl who I have never met if it was odd that I could relate to a fictional character more than anyone else in the world, and the fact that a 20 year old I met on the internet and have never seen IRL knows me far better than my best friends ever will. She said no, it was a good thing that I had a friend like that. How very wrong she was. She doesn't know how lonely this existance is. My friends, my family, they don't know me at all. No one IRL really does.

They think I am cold and uncaring. They think I'm content with my own life and love a laugh and joke. They think I can take the jokes and put downs without turning a hair, when really each tiny comment hurts and just makes me feel that little bit more worthless.

I'm so lonely...I know I have you guys, and I love you and really appreciate the support, but it comes to something when this is the only form I have and you lot know me better than people who have lived with me for years.

I'm so scared of letting go and being happy, my freedom is right at my fingertips, but I have no idea what will happen to me if I reach out and grasp it. Pain is all I have known for so long and I don't know what's outside it. This is my comfort zone and I don't know if I want to leave it. Leaving this means leaving the Ice Queen, and that's what scares me most because it's a part of me now and I don't know what I will do if all of that is stripped away.

"I'm so scared of letting go and being happy, my freedom is right at my fingertips, but I have no idea what will happen to me if I reach out and grasp it. Pain is all I have known for so long and I don't know what's outside it."

know how you feel =\ and i wish i could help but here if you need someone to talk <3
love you <3

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Sunny if okay*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Heather*

Well I'm at my parents *Happy Mask on* I'm sorry to here you guys have been having such a rough night :(

On the up side My Grandma is out of hospital for what was going on 2 weeks :)