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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

PoisonedApple 30-06-2011 08:35 PM

*hugs everyone*
Hope you're all doing well!
*scurries off to get more work done*

Doikers 30-06-2011 09:40 PM

I did Crimson but now I'm heading to bed

I love you guys

*Night time hugs y'all*

PoisonedApple 30-06-2011 09:49 PM

*cuddles Mark* Tomorrow is a new day! Can't expect to win with no slips or it wouldn't be an addiction you are trying to break :) Good Night! And since you'll likely get this when you wake up, Day 1 starts now!

I updated my blog with a rant on rampant stupidity and ignorance today and other updates since I last shared if anyone is interested {http://mybusylifeinalaska.blogspot.com/}.
Eventually I'll figure out how to put my song lyrics and other stuff in my siggy bar without it saying I have too many lines... then I'll just throw the link in there. As it is, what is there is the most it'd let me have. I find it odd seeing as I had so much in there before... Hmmmmmmmm.

Cazki 30-06-2011 10:28 PM

*Hugs Mark*

*Hugs Oiver*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Louise*

taz35 30-06-2011 11:23 PM

*hugs everyone*

I have a major headache at the moment, I think it might be a migraine. Been feeling okay the past couple of days, but certainly lower than previously. Don't know why, but still keeping my head up.

Hope your all doing well <3

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 12:30 AM

*hugs Taz and Ian*

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 12:32 AM

*hugs all*

aklx 01-07-2011 12:46 AM


frenchhorn 01-07-2011 12:52 AM

*hugs Mrs Pan* whats up?

aklx 01-07-2011 01:00 AM

*hugs lots*
I'm supposed to be doing my second and last trial day at a nursery tomorrow but I don't think I can do it. I don't even want to think about it. I don't know how to explain this grinding feeling in my chest, I just want to disappear and be invisible so I don't have to face a decision and have to let anyone down.
Even if I miraculously forced myself to get out of bed and go tomorrow, it's a 9 hour day. What if I want to escape and I can't? I can't break down there in front of the children and everything. And if I magically got the job, how would I manage that every day? What would I do?
I feel like such a ****ing idiot for even bothering to try in the first place. I've just made it worse. Now I'm just going to disappoint my mother again and reinforce the fact that I am a failure.
I want to hit myself in the head so it will stop hurting me.

Sorry. I let out a bit too much.

I hope you're okay Oliver.

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 01:07 AM

*hugs mrs Pan*
dont be sorry for writing a bit, its fine, its good to get it out. your not an idiot or a failure at all. all you can do at the nursery is your best. best of luck tomorrow *hugs*

aklx 01-07-2011 01:09 AM

Thank you, I'll probably need it. I should be in bed, being responsible. Ha.

How are you doing?

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 01:16 AM

I'm not doing so great, really bad urges to OD, just trying to keep myself distracted, but emotions and mood swings are really bad

Cazki 01-07-2011 01:18 AM

*Hugs Mrs Pan*

*Hugs Oliver* I'm sorry your not doing great *sits with you*

aklx 01-07-2011 01:20 AM

Well done for not just giving in, it takes strength. I hope your emotions manage to settle down, keep distracting yourself and hopefully you will get tired and just be able to sleep. That's my favourite distraction.

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 01:25 AM

*hugs Ian and Mrs Pan*

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 01:26 AM

*hugs Ian, Mrs Pan & Oliver*
Good night all!
See ya in the morning!

*crosses fingers for Mrs Pan*

aklx 01-07-2011 01:27 AM

Thank you, nanight

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 01:32 AM

*hugs Crimson* night

Doikers 01-07-2011 08:53 AM

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Mrs Pan*

one_step_closer 01-07-2011 10:29 AM

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 01-07-2011 10:38 AM

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you hun?

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 06:19 PM

*hugs all*

Louise 01-07-2011 08:03 PM

hugs everyone

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 08:17 PM

*hugs Louise* How are you?

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 08:52 PM

*cursl up* ************

Doikers 01-07-2011 08:55 PM

*Hugs Crimson* How are you?

*Hugs Louise* How are you also?

*Hugs Oliver* Whats up Mate?

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 09:00 PM

*hugs Mark* I'm doing okay today. You?

*sits and offers Oliver a plushie* Wanna talk about it?

frenchhorn 01-07-2011 09:09 PM

*hugs Mark and Crimson*

basically I went to my GP today and we talked about a lot of things and it came up about me going back to uni in september and I have told her in the past that I was unsure about going back this year and hadn't made a decision. Now though I have made the decision to go back this september, but the decision wasn't made about me, I said to myself I'll go back because everyone expects me to (my family, teachers, the odd friend, fellow students) basically I said yes to please others. and I told my GP this today and she asked what I really feel, which is I don't think I can go back because I'm not coping now how am I going to cope with essays, practice, rehearsals etc and she said she would speak to my psych's consultant about assessing me and saying i am medically unfit to go back and she said I need to think about it from my perspective and be honest with myself about how I'm not ok. but I know I HAVE to go back this sept cos everyone thinks i am, especially my mum who thinks i am ok now and i cant let her down again.

sorry rambled on there

Doikers 01-07-2011 09:19 PM

*Squishes Oliver Tight*

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 09:32 PM

*hugs Oliver* If you do in fact go back to uni this September, how about doing the work in bite size pieces? Do 15 minutes of an essay then doing something else for 15 minutes then 15 more minutes of the essay, etc, etc for example? I find working in small bits makes it less over whelming.
Though I would also like to point out what your doc is probably thinking... If you are trying not to let her down and then you try when you aren't ready to go back and you get worse that would let her down more than if you were to be sure you were ready before hand. Have you talked to your mom about it?

Louise 01-07-2011 09:48 PM


Originally Posted by PoisonedApple (Post 2872377)
*hugs Louise* How are you?

*hugs back* how are you?


Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2872403)
*cursl up* ************



Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2872408)
Hugs Louise* How are you also?

*hugs back* How are you?

I am feeling so so been distracting myself, trying to keep busy.

Doikers 01-07-2011 10:02 PM

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Louise*

risenfromperdition 01-07-2011 10:32 PM

*curls up sleepily*

PoisonedApple 01-07-2011 10:33 PM

*hugs Louise, Mark and Heather*

PoisonedApple 02-07-2011 01:26 AM

*pops and to leave hugs, plushies, duvets, tea and chocolates*
Good night everyone! And a good weekend too... I'll be back in Tuesday. :)

xxjuliexx 02-07-2011 01:39 AM

*peeps outta my tent* hello.. havent been here in ages

Doikers 02-07-2011 09:43 AM

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Crimson**

*Waves to Amy*

frenchhorn 02-07-2011 10:14 PM

*hugs all who want hugs*

one_step_closer 03-07-2011 12:01 AM

*hugs Oliver*

I overdosed on Friday. I went to hospital and was kept in overnight and put on various drips. There was a patient in the bed next to me who went over to the patient in the bed oposite me and whispered "I think she self harms herself." Then she went on to tell her visitor and also told him about a 'boat trip' that I had taken during the night. I was hallucinating and thought the beds were boats and the nurses were walking about in the sea so were going to drown. So I pressed my buzzer for a nurse to come and I told her that everyone needed to get in the boats or they would drown. She simply told me that I wasn't on a boat but was in hospital and I think I then realised that was the truth and said "oh, ok."

The doctor I saw on the ward insisted that I speak to a psychiatrist to make sure that this wasn't a suicide attempt and that it wouldn't happen again. The psychiatrist was nice but he worked on the basis of my old psychiatrist's management plan so didn't consider hospital even when I told him that I have now met the three men in my head and i'm worried that they may be planning on killing my brother. He said that he'll get in touch with my psychiatrist and suggest that I see a CPN.

So, the three men. They are younger than I thought they were. They seem to be in their late twenties. I only saw the first one out of the corner of my eye, he was sitting on a chair at the end of the ward. The next one showed himself to me on a wall and the next one on a blanket. They haven't spoken to me yet, just sent me the feeling that they are going to kill my brother. The psychiatrist and a nurse told me that they won't kill my brother because they are in my head. They don't get it. The men came close to killing me but I suppose that it is my body and I can hopefully have some control over it. If they try to kill my brother maybe my love for him will be able to stop them. This all sounds like a sick fairytale.

Well, here I am back to normality. I'll start gradually saving up my medication again though but I might not go to hospital the next time seen as I don't seem to require any proper treatment. I don't think I can move forward away from overdosing. I'm too obsessed with hospitals and the emergency services. I'm reading The Blood of Strangers and I watch so many TV programmes about paramedics and people who practice medicine; 24 Hours in A&E, the Real A&E, Real Rescues, London Ambulance, Medical Emergency, Casualty, Holby City, Emergency Bikers...I also crave attention and care. I like that in hospital all you have to do is press a button and someone will come and help you with whatever you need help with.

Sorry this was so long.

frenchhorn 03-07-2011 12:16 AM

*hugs Lindsay* I'm really sorry you OD'd, but I'm glad you went and got help.

Cazki 03-07-2011 12:27 AM

*Hugs Oliver* How are you?

*Hugs Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you od lovely

one_step_closer 03-07-2011 01:01 AM

How are you, Ian?

Cazki 03-07-2011 01:07 AM

I'm not bad thanks Lindsay. How are you feeling?

one_step_closer 03-07-2011 01:43 AM

I'm glad you're not bad. I'm feeling like I want to OD again.

Doikers 03-07-2011 09:06 AM

*Hugs Oliver*

*Massive squishes Lindsay*

*Hugs Ian*

Doikers 03-07-2011 11:47 AM

at my parents for Dad's birthday , I'll be sporadically online today , sorry

one_step_closer 03-07-2011 12:15 PM

Hope your day goes ok, Mark.

Doikers 03-07-2011 01:41 PM

Thanks Lindsay *Hugs* I'm only a PM away should you need to talk hun :)

risenfromperdition 03-07-2011 05:30 PM

*curls up in blankie fort*

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