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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

ljmeep 28-06-2012 05:55 AM

Saphire, you're welcome to PM me anytime though I'm pretty sure we're on totally different time zones and I'm not on as much as I'd like to be.

RootsbeforeBranches, I know that feeling. I'm constantly feeling as though I need even a tiny break. Hang in there.

Today was great until I had to deal with my X. He upset me so bad I was shaking and I wanted to SI so badly after... I'm glad my sis-in-law was here to distract me though.

happiness...its all a lie 28-06-2012 01:17 PM

cant cope with this anymore i really cant. Im sorry im sorry im sorry.

one_step_closer 28-06-2012 04:47 PM

Hi everyone, sorry for lack of individuals. Just letting you know I got out of hospital yesterday. Trying to settle in at home.

happiness...its all a lie 28-06-2012 05:18 PM

hey hun

hope your doing ok. *hugs*

Laura2.0 28-06-2012 06:12 PM

*hugs all*

Lidsay: I hope you are settling in well.

Doikers 28-06-2012 06:15 PM

*Hugs Lindsay* Welcome Home Hun.

Laura2.0 28-06-2012 06:22 PM

*hugs Mark* how are you today?

sapphire hearts 28-06-2012 06:52 PM

Hi everyone, hope it's okay I'm here. I'm having difficulty telling the difference between my friends and people who will hurt me, everyone scares me, and I have to see someone I don't want to later. I'm so nervous, and I can't dissociate in case I hurt myself and people see. Sorry, I'm one big ball of anxiety atm.
Hope everyone's okay.

Katie x

Laura2.0 28-06-2012 07:01 PM

*hugs Katie* hi there. Not being allowed to dissociate always means a lot of pressure... for me anyway. It's the same for me. I'm not allowing myself to dissociate because of the self harm. Is there a safe place where you could dissociate but not be able to hurt yourself?

midnightphoenix 28-06-2012 07:18 PM

Welcome Home one-step, hope everyone else is ok (((hugs and snuggles)))

sapphire hearts 28-06-2012 07:38 PM

I don't know, because I don't know why I hurt myself while out of it sometimes and not others. But the people I'll be with don't know anything and I can't tell them. Thing is, when I'm not dissociating I don't want to hurt myself, it only happens when I'm somehow not in control of myself :( I wish I didn't have to go.
How are you doing Laura? Did you hear back from the special unit yet? *hugs*

Doikers 28-06-2012 07:43 PM

Welcome Katie *Hugs if okay?* I'm Mark :)

Good luck *Laura Hugs*

*Glomps Dylan* How are you?

midnightphoenix 28-06-2012 07:48 PM

I'm sick

I won't see the counsellor for 3 weeks because he's away

What if I can't cope???

Laura2.0 28-06-2012 07:54 PM

*hugs Dylan*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Katie* I called the insurance and the hospital to ask them how far things were and at first they all didn't know anything. Then I got angry and was probably not really friendly anymore and they told me things. I think I have to wait 3 or 4 more weeks until I can go there. Which is super bad, because college starts on september 3rd.
I know what you mean when you say that you don't want to harm when you are not dissociated. I don't want to harm, but when I'm having one of the attack thingies it has happened that I cut and didn't remember doing it.

happiness...its all a lie 28-06-2012 08:50 PM

*sits rocking and shaking in the corner* make it stop. I cant cope anymore.

Doikers 28-06-2012 09:18 PM

*Hugs Faye* I'm from Wilshire too!

happiness...its all a lie 28-06-2012 09:41 PM

*hugs* are you? where abouts?Im in salisbury area how did doctors go today? thanks for the hugs

Doikers 28-06-2012 09:48 PM

I now live in Wales but I'm from Wroughton

happiness...its all a lie 28-06-2012 10:13 PM

ah cool, i grew up in kingston upon thames but moved here when i turned 18. Do you prefer wales?

Doikers 28-06-2012 10:29 PM

I do ,I've become a bumpkin :P

happiness...its all a lie 28-06-2012 10:33 PM

lol cool. My body is tired but im not sleepy :/

risenfromperdition 28-06-2012 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire hearts (Post 3276849)
I don't know, because I don't know why I hurt myself while out of it sometimes and not others. But the people I'll be with don't know anything and I can't tell them. Thing is, when I'm not dissociating I don't want to hurt myself, it only happens when I'm somehow not in control of myself :( I wish I didn't have to go.
How are you doing Laura? Did you hear back from the special unit yet? *hugs*


i know how you feel =\ so bit useless but... <3 although i do wanna most times. but it scares me when it happens.
im around.

RootsbeforeBranches 29-06-2012 01:33 AM

The voice in my head keeps playing the same things on repeat, "you're fat. You're ugly. You're worthless. You're pathetic." - how come I would never let anyone else speak to me that way but I can't stop myself...

I feel like I'm hiding all of this and it's driving me insane

risenfromperdition 29-06-2012 02:04 AM

heads are stupid like that :/

RootsbeforeBranches 29-06-2012 02:13 AM

I don't like it. It keeps me from sleeping

YodaBearInterrupted 29-06-2012 02:33 AM

*hugs all and leaves goodies on the table*

Brownies and cookies and stuffs... all yummy :D

Besides that I am just going to sit in the corner and stare at th wall

RootsbeforeBranches 29-06-2012 02:39 AM

mmmbrownies - Hey Matt, wanna watch some old school Disney movies instead of staring at the wall? I promise I won't sing along too loud.

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 10:07 AM

checks in for the day!!

midnightphoenix 29-06-2012 10:11 AM

Ooh did someone say brownies?

*gives everyone hugs and bring choc chip cookies into the thread*

Doikers 29-06-2012 11:38 AM

*Huggles My Wardies*

Drained....

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 01:35 PM

whats up mark? hugs

im in a weird mood today i feel a bit strange

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 01:52 PM

Checking in. Maybe permanently. I shouldn't be allowed out into the real world.

F*cked up again last night. Hurt myself without knowing. Scared my friends.

I just want to retreat. I want to curl up inside this thread and never have to leave.

*hugs Mark* you alright?
*hugs happiness* strange how?

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 02:14 PM

hey hun sorry things are so hard for you right now. Have you got your wound clean etc. *offers safe hugs*

well for about 20 minutes i was feeling ok almost normal and yet for the last 2 weeks have been awful. Then my mum came home and said to me "i dont know how you'll cope working again you've been off so long" so now im ****ed off and want to be on my own.

Doikers 29-06-2012 02:42 PM

Just been low for quite a while Faye...

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 02:51 PM

Parents can be a pain *hugs* don't be on your own, be here with us :)

Sorry you've been feeling low hun *offers hugs*

I don't WANT to hurt myself, I don't even remember doing it, it's when I'm all stupid and dissociated and then I come back and there's blood everywhere. I hate this. I'm so f*cking pathetic.

Am gonna clean them now

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 02:52 PM

aww anything you want to talk about can always pm me if you like x

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 02:53 PM

im glad your going to clean them hun, its hard but you will get better in time.

Im going to stay here im just sad and fed up. Nothing i do is ever good enough. I dont want to feel this way forever.

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 02:56 PM

*hugs* you won't feel this way forever. It'll pass. And you are good enough honey.

I've just been losing chunks of time, I don't know what I've said or done, and three times now I've come out of it to find I've hurt myself. It started again after the bad thing, five weeks ago, and I don't know how to make it stop :(

(I'm Katie, btw)

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 02:58 PM

Hi Katie im faye :) nice to meet you.

I dont know i just want to cut so i can show them show them how i always fail them.

Could you go to a dr or therapist to get help? do your family know could they help?xx

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:03 PM

Nice to meet you Faye :) beautiful name

My family don't know, and will never know if I can help it.

I'm being referred somewhere to deal with the ED - not sure if they'll deal with this too or just the eating thingy.

I'm sure you don't always fail them honey, and you don't need to hurt yourself (hypocrite alert, I know, sorry) why do you think you always fail people? x

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:08 PM

hey thanks.

Well you could always ask if they cant deal with that if their main focus is the ed you could ask them to refer you elsewhere for the otherstuff. Do your friends know? could they help?

lol thats ok hypocrite is my middle name. Because they supported me when i left my job due to bullying and its been a lot longer than planned me getting into work again and then now my mums making comments i also have a broken leg and shes like so what are you doing today? etc as if im meant to do stuff. My ex broke up with me and met someone else straight away i feel like a failure and my dad told me not to talk such crap i only said how i felt. Its just always something negative coming back my way. sorry ill shush now.

Louise 29-06-2012 03:09 PM

Hi everyone- hugs everyone

then sits in the corner.

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:10 PM

hey louise you ok?

Louise 29-06-2012 03:12 PM

feeling a bit low today.

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:13 PM

Hi Louise *offers cuddles* how are you?

Faye, you've had a lot of difficult things to deal with, things that aren't your fault. That doesn't mean you've failed anyone. If anything, the fact that you're still here shows how strong you truly are.

I'm just sick of this. The flashbacks, the dissociation, the accidental cutting... I just want it to stop.

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:13 PM

I'm sorry to hear that Louise. Is there any particular reason, or just generally low? Is there anything I can do to help? xx

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:19 PM

whats up hun?

they are my fault-i left my job i was too weak, my bf dumped me because he couldnt handle my depression and i slipped in the mud and broke my leg im a total screw up i wish they could put me down.

I knwo hun but thats why you need to ask for help, there will be someone able to help you. xx

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:21 PM

You are NOT a total screw up. Being bullied at work wasn't your fault, neither is your depression (bf sounds like a dick for leaving, sorry) and I am personally so accident-prone I injure myself or others on nearly a daily basis through breaking stuff/falling over/falling up or down stairs. This doesn't make you a screw up sweetheart, it makes you human, someone who's had a very difficult time *hugs*

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:31 PM

thanks just wish i was stronger but im not. yeah he is but i still have feelings for him :( wish i didnt. Im just clumsy i dont mean to injure myself like that i hate not being able to do things it drives me mad. Im so frustrated and lost right now i dont know what to do.

Do you feel able to ask for help for the other stuff not just the ed? x

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:37 PM

I tried talking to my GP about it when I went to get a refill of my ADs, but she didn't really want to listen. I also can't talk about the thing that triggered all this. I don't think I explained it very well. I feel like a freak.

*offers massive cuddles* I know how you feel sweetheart, but this won't last forever. I know you probably don't feel like it, but you will get through this, and you will feel better. xx


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