*calls for a nurse* I wish I was still in hospital.

hi guys....
*curls up under a duvet and cries*

((hugs everybody)) i'm so sorry people are feeling bad today ((passes around the tissues)) i'm really sorry about ur therapist Kahlia, he shouldn't try and force you to do anything you rn't ready for.
Vanessa that is amazing what u've done. i really admire that.
how long were u in the hospital, imaginary?

((continuing sitting in the corner trying to figure out what i can do))

thanks signingchild :) i've never actually been, just sometimes feel like it would be the best place for me for a while.

there is no shame in going to the hospital. i don't know if ur doctor is supposed to recommend it or whatever. but maybe you think about. i have a friend who got a lot of help at one

i havent been to the docs in aaaages. i'm not on any meds or anything atm although i have been before. i just sometimes get in a frame of mind where i think i ought to be sectioned or something...it's scary. :(
*cuddles my squishy elephant and climbs back under the duvet*

u don't need to hide. i've been to lots of doctors and hated most of themi think i'm supposed to be taking meds, but i have ADD and i'm weird. so the add makes drugs pretty much work the opposite way so i would need to take uppers 4 the add and downers for deppression and then i just get all outta wack. so i don't mess w it.

:( that sounds pretty rubbish ((hugs)) i don't wanna go back on meds but if i keep feeling like this then i'll need to. i'm hoping it's just stress with a load of stuff thats going on at the moment and that it'll calm down once i get it all sorted. but **** knows when that'll be.....:(

*hugs everyone*

((hugs everyone and Kahlia)) how's it going?

*hugs Sarah*
*hugs everyone*

I'm not doing too brilliantly at the moment... am going thorugh a really bad patch. I can feel all the certainty draining out of the world. My spiral is definitely going downwards . . .

*hugs everyone*
I know how you feel Kahlia.....exactly how you feel....

*peeks in*

*hides in the corner with a fleece blanket and her kitten*

Today's been a bad day, mind if I hide out here for awhile?

Btw, name's April. Haven't been around in awhile. :-)

*hugs all*

I'm slipping into a dangerous situation. My housemate was evicted from our share house because of having a psychotic episode. It's only a matter of time before I slip into a psychotic episode of my own and I'm terrified that I'm going to be evicted when it happens. That really doesn't help my current mood. I'm so depressed now that I don't know what to do.

*sighs and finds a dark corner to curl up in and cry*

Aww *hugs* I'm so sorry about that situation. Are you on meds that help with the psychoses? (I know that they don't always help, in fact was on Seroquel and it MADE me psychotic, but they can help) Sorry, you might've posted that elsewhere and I just didn't see it. Wish I could help more but I'm in a rubbishy position myself. :-(

And btw, I love your sig. Within Temptation rocks my world. :-D

*hugs April back* Yeah I'm on Seroqul XR and it helps, but my dosage isn't right yet. I've had a similar experience when the hospital pdocs put me on Haloperidol and I spent two weeks in psychotic hell. Oh, and I love Within Temptation and it's nice to meet someone else who knows about them - and openly admits the fact lol.

*hugs everyone*

I actually starting crying just before. Right now I just want to disappear. I don't want anyone to know just how much I am hurting. I want everyone IRL to forget that I ever existed. *sigh*

Aw Kahlia... I wish I could help more, as I said before. I'm sure that people IRL don't wish that for you, and I'm also sure that people here don't wish that, either. I know I don't. Within Temptation fans are not that common here in the US so the only WT lovers I know are via online. And I don't want to lose you now that I've found you!! (Sorry, I know that that was cheesy, but it's true... you deserve the love and support that I and everyone else here is capable of giving. *hugs*)

But don't get me wrong... I understand wanting to disappear. Do I ever. I hate my life and openly state that to my husband and various close friends, as well as my treatment team. They say I'm getting better, but veeeery slowly (like a slug, my therapist [abbreviated as "T"]... and then she apologized, while I laughed). My husband is getting frustrated with me for not getting better faster.

But anyway...

I do hope that you feel better soon. How is your day going so far? Well, I guess it's evening for you now, right? It's only 5am here... I hate getting up so early but it's like I can't sleep after a certain time.

*hugs everyone*

*hugs everyone*

xxxooo to everybody
the Virtual Psych Ward is very possibly my most favorite place on RYL i think
and in case anybody didn't know there is a magical Denial Tent here where the real world is pretend and everything else is real and it's lovely and you'll love it you just will it's fabulous
signingchild thank you for posting about your adhd and the meds interfering with your other psych rx's - i had no idea about this and i have adhd and take an rx for it but no other med i have ever been on has had any thereapeutic results! i only get the crappy unwanted side effects! i have no idea if it's due to what you were talking about but at least now i can tell myself it's not necessarily because i am cursed with unluckyness and should perhaps stop wasting time on my quest to hunt leprechauns and exploit their lucky powers for my own exclusive personal benefit
Kahlia i can relate about crappy hospital docs - it's especially bad when they're crap because if there is any time you really might need a GOOD or at least DECENT doc it's in hosp. humans make mistakes and docs are no exception but in that particular profession it's especially unfortunate, isn't it? it's partly why i sometimes wonder if i really AM cursed, because pretty much every doc and nurse i encountered in hosp, despite my hoping and giving them all the benefit of the doubt, thinking i must be crazy and wrong and unfairly judging them since they are the trained professionals after all, were complete and total crap.
i possibly have a paper bag over my head and have never heard of Within Temptation and must google them and find them on iTunes immediately so as to not be weird loser person

Lol, Within Temptation is a Dutch band, very good, female-fronted "rock" (I guess? I'm not sure what label to put on them). I found out about them from a good friend from the UK, and have been in love ever since. Go on YouTube and search for Within Temptation "Memories" - the best music video EVER!! (in my humble opinion, haha)

Mmm, time for supper. Bruschetta pizza and garlic bread knots. A bit of a "binge" considering my new exercise and diet plan, but it's a celebratory thing for the end of the semester. :)

*hides from failing calc. and awaiting finals in a pillow fort*

oh i like Within Temptation and i have actually heard them before, even here in USA! just hadn't known their name apparently.
ps there are no failing grades or calculus in the denial tent!
shudder i was rubbish at calculus and whatever tiny bit of calculus knowledge my brain has i magically pass onto you. (most likely this is nothing, but it's the thought that counts.)

Aww *hugs Whispering* I hate calc too, *shudders* but you're in the denial tent, no failing here. Hope you do better... we're here for you!! :)

Gahh I'm up and awake and it's 1:40am... don't wanna be awake this early!! I have some silly little YA books that I can read if I feel like it... easy reading so it shouldn't take too much concentration, and I can get on WoW if I feel like it... but I would rather be sleeping!!! :(

Bloodwork tomorrow morning and I am as thirsty as HELL but can't drink anything but water, and our water tastes like CRAP... all sulfur-y etc. :( My mouth is dry and sticky and I hate feeling like that... would love some hot cider or hot chocolate but can't... ugh. Anyway, enough whining, lol.

Wish I had a nurse or someone to talk with in this virtual psych ward... when I was in hos, those many times, there was ALWAYS someone to chat with. Oh well. I'm glad you all are getting your sleep. :)

&♥

so its December 11... 1 year since my last real attempt. I wish i was happier about that then i am, but its not like much has changed, I just don't OD as much... which i guess is good. right? of course it is... i think. But anyway, I hope everyone is doing alright.
*hugs*

Laura it isn't a good thing it's a great thing and it doing it takes a lot of brave strength and that is super impressive so Yay Laura and you should totally celebrate that you did that for a whole year like buy yourself presents maybe and get confetti! confetti always makes it a celebration i mean when do you see confetti and not think YAY PARTY

*hugs all*

Sorry no individual replies, just know that I have read everyone's posts and am thinking of you all.

This morning I sold my gold engagement and wedding rings, did some banking, got my navel pierced and met up with my friend (used to be my housemate) for coffee. I enjoyed the coffee and chat. It was something "normal" in these turbulent times. My friend has to go off to an appointment so I did a little light shopping (groceries only unfortunately) and cycled home. While I was with my friend, he said that I sounded like I had swallowed a cryptic crossword. In a way I was trying to prepare him for my disappearing-without-telling-anyone-where-I-was-going because that's still what I would dearly love to do. But... yeah... I don't know. *sigh* My head is all twisted right now.

Laura, that's awesome!! You should be so proud of yourself. *big hugs* Celebrate... go out and do something special, buy yourself something special, if you can. Try and enjoy the day as much as you can. I remember how much I celebrated when I reached a year of no SI... that was back in July '07... sadly, am back to SI'ing monthly now. But anyway - tangent. Callie is right, confetti is good. :)

Callie, how are you doing?? *hugs*

Kahlia, sounds like you had a busy day. I'm glad you enjoyed the coffee and chat... sounds like you needed it. :) It's always good to get time with friends... but please don't disappear-without-telling-anyone-where-you're-going. That doesn't sound very good nor very healthy, and while you may need a getaway, that definitely doesn't sound like the way to get it. *hugs* I hope that you sleep well tonight (it's nighttime there now, right?)... try and take care of yourself the best that you can, and remember - people care about you.

Gahh. I have fasting bloodwork this morning and I've been up since 1am, unable to sleep. I wonder if it's the Abilify doing that, or the med switch (Geodon to Abilify) in general... been getting up anywhere from 1am to 5am the past few weeks or so. I hate not sleeping. But now because I'm fasting and just drinking water (which tastes very sulfur-y :( ... oh well), I want to fast all day even though I can't. GRRRRR... :(

*hugs Callie* thanks *grabs a handful of confetti and throws it around*

*hugs kahlia* Glad to hear you had a good time with coffee.. i love coffee lol. Stay strong.

*hugs scarletdreamer* (sorry I don't know your name)... I'm trying to be happier about it, I would be happier if I actually felt better, but o well. I'm just having a relaxing day i think. Sorry to hear that you are SI-ing monthly again... Maybe someday you can get back to a year and then 2 and 3... etc... and then i'll hand you some confetti lol.

Dont know if im in the right thread - sorry if this aint the place. Just gotta get it out.

Feeling really really blue...

Feeling really really alone.

bluecherry * huge cuddles*

bluecherry this is the place for everything!
it's magical and perfect because nothing doesn't belong here!
i know, it's awesome, right??
*huge squishy hugs for the whole entire Virtual Psych Ward because it's awesome*
Kahlia how is the belly piercing? i hope it's well - i have had to do mine twice and i'm still not sure it's going to take so i really hope you are having much better luck! be careful with your clothes; mine always is getting stuck on my shirts. i hope you don't have to disappear? disappearing isn't a good thing to have to do. please don't. your belly piercing will be all disappeared and alone and miss all the other piercing friends it has in the world that can't see it anymore.
Laura, you've made a whole year and that is awesome huge confetti progress so just think what this whole next year will bring you with an entire year's more progress! yay that will be giant confetti!
Scarlet abilify made me funny too i think. i wasn't on it long but i specifically remember that the reason i went off it was that i suspected it kept me awake. you should def ask your doc about that. how's the blood work?
hi emski

I hope Puppy Sinclaire is still in here!!!

Arwen: *hugs you* - I believe Puppy SinClair is still around ... I'm not sure he's being fed though!!

The belly ring is going really well. I was concerned for a couple of seconds there yesterday when I looked at it and the dressing they'd put over it was blood-stained. But seriously that's not really a surprise. Yeah I've been warned about clothes interacting with the jewellery. *hugs you*

Yeah coffee is good. And it's even better when you are sharing the joyous coffee experience with friends. *hugs you*

I'm trying to fight it. Luckily I don't have a car. Last time I felt the need to disappear I just jumped in my car and left I was gone for a week and my parents were about to list me as a missing person when I returned. I just hope this feeling/need/urge/idk fades a bit. *hugs you*


I know that I've missed some people and I'm sorry. I just want you all to know that I'm thinking of you. *hugs everyone in the ward and leaves hugs for anyone who walks in*

*hugs everyone*

I'm in an extreme downward spiral... in a really bad place. Knowing I should reach out for help IRL but not being able to. Just wanting it all to be over. *sigh*

*goes and finds a vacant corner in the dark and sits and cries*

*holds Kahlia* I'm so sorry, love, that things are so hard. But you can make it through. What is the toughest thing going on right now? is there anything that we can do to help? *more hugs* Ooh, and I wanted to say that piercings are cool - just got my nose done and I have 8 piercings total in my ears. Trying to figure out what I want done next - not my belly button, as I HATE my stomach and don't want a stranger looking at it. Plus I heard they hurt a lot... the nose piercing hurt enough, lol. I'm not that good with pain unless I'm the one inflicting it. :-/

Laura, my name's April. :) I suppose I ought to put that in my user title thingummy so people know. Hmmm. Anyway, yeah, it will be giant confetti when you reach 2 years without any attempts. And it will be giant confetti when I reach 1 year without SI'ing!! because recently I just cut so badly I had to go get stitches. :( So that was really dumb of me. But oh well... stupid things do happen, especially to someone as dumb as I am. :( How are you doing today?

Callie, I called my NP last night about the Abilify and she told me to increase it from 10mg to 20mg and take it in the mornings. I don't have akathesia (sp?) - movement problem, unable to sit still, that means I have too much Abilify in my system... so we are decreasing the Geodon by another 40mg and, as I said, doubling the Abilify. It's 5am now and I got up a little past four... better than 1am though!!! I am so glad that I have a good NP - she's going to call me later today about how my night went, how I slept, etc. She may have make mistakes with meds but my body is so messed up when it comes to how it accepts medications, so technically it's not really a mistake. But aaanyway... :) *hugs*

*hugs everyone*

Who's Puppy SinClair? :)

*hugs Kahlia* hang in there hun. If it gets bad enough please try to reach out to someone in real life.

*hugs april* sorry to hear about your SIing, but you are not stupid or dumb!! You seem like I very nice/supportive person from your posts in here.

I'm alright today. Trying to ignore some thoughts, but oh well. I'm going to a Shinedown concert tonight so that is bound to lift my spirits.. at least for a few hours anyway.

oh i love shinedown am super jealous. good luck with the thoughts Laura. you can fight them!
Kahlia i'm sorry you are spiraling. how are you feeling now? any idea why? maybe something has happened or changed?
April you aren't stupid love
not stupid at all
if SI'ing made you stupid we would all be stupid and i refuse to be stupid so you can't be either because i want us to be smart please :-P
plus you are way to good at being self-aware AND giving advice AND talking to your NP when you have questions which is super smart
i love piercings too i have my nose as well it's my favorite and i actually got my belly done BECAUSE i hate my stomach and it sort of helps to have something shiny there to distract from my stomach

ow ow ow phone rang and i stubbed my toes wicked bad on my furniture i can't wait to move somewhere where my furniture actually fits this is ridiculous. also my mother lives here and atm i just need her gone. i just don't want to have to deal with another person's presence at all. it's too much.

i feel like crap and. i. am. so. sick. of. this.

Laura, thanks for your kind words. Callie, you too. :) Hehe, okay, fine, we can all be smart in here... lol. I'm sure we all are, but I sure don't feel like it. :( I have argued with a good friend about it to no end and I'm so glad that he doesn't get frustrated with me!!

I honestly don't feel self-aware. At least, not as self-aware as my husband is and he's the one I compare myself to the most (at least, in mental capacity, not physical, because I don't want to look ripped, I want to be skinny). He's SO analytical of relationships and events in life it's crazy!! (hah no pun intended!!) I wish I could be that aware of what's going on with me, you know? Instead I seem to be stuck in a funk that is extremely self-absorbed. Ughhh. I hate myself.

You know, I write that so casually but it's true ("I hate myself") - I can't remember the last time that I actually said to myself, "I love you." I say it all the time to my husband and friends, but not to myself. Anyone similar? :-/

I'm trying to decide where to get my next piercing... want to do my lip but my mum is against it and while I'm married and independent, her and my dad's opinions still matter to me. I think it would look okay and I would like to have it done, but bleh, I dunno. I really like my nose piercing, though. It suits my face pretty well I think, and maybe it even makes me like my (fat) face a little better. :) Hopefully...

*hugs everyone and hands out chocolate* :)

tongue? i have always wanted tongue but i hear that it is bad for your teeth bc it wears away the enamel as it bangs around in there and i really don't need to introduce anything else into my life that could hurt my teeth lol..... although i wonder if there are like plastic barbells that they could use? must look into this thank you random epiphany
i am the same way. i think i hate myself. well, i disgust myself always and i hate certain things about myself (and i really do mean hate in the true sense of the word) but there are also some specific things about myself that i love. like i don't think i would or have ever deliberately hurt somebody else and i love that! some people are mean on purpose and i'm not like them and i so give myself life points for that!
maybe your husband is more self-aware than you in certain areas that you are working on, but you are definitely very self-aware in some areas and i doubt he could be more so than you in those ones..... unless he is some kind of genius person who is so genius as to be annoying and set the bar impossibly higher for the rest of us. but good for him anyway.
you are very self-aware don't take it for granted. you are more than me. okay most people are but still you should all not take if for granted and enjoy it!
you seem to at least know when you are upset and what things bother you. that's being self aware and that is really really good to know.

Hi April. *hugs you* The toughest thing going on right now? I'm not sure. I'm just fighting so hard to keep my head above water and not disappear into a serious psychotic episode that everything is the toughest thing. Actually, my belly piercing hasn't really hurt all that much. I mean, it was nothing worse then getting a needle or a blood test. A little bit of pain, a little bit of pressure and it was all over. *shrugs* - Oh and Puppy SinClair is the psych wards resident puppy. He's always there if we need unconditional love and a bashing by a waggy tail. :D

April, I don't remember the last time I said "I love you" to myself either. It's not something I do. Maybe because I don't love myself.

*hugs Laura* Thanks, I'll try to reach out to someone IRL if it gets worse. I'm hoping you feel/felt a little better after the concert. I hope the thoughts aren't overwhelming you.

*hugs Callie* Right now I feel incredibly depressed and heading towards psychotic. I'm not sure why. Some of the depression is stemming from my last session with my tdoc when he opened the locked door ... I think that is where everything is coming from.

*hugs everyone then goes and finds Puppy SinClair and gives him a cuddle*

*hugs Callie* Yeh, I've also heard that tongue piercings can crack teeth (:-/) so that's probably why I wouldn't get it but I think it looks cool. Heh. I definitely wouldn't get a belly button piercing though, because first off, a stranger would have to look at my stomach (which is currently bloated due to water retention :( ... sucky), and well, I guess that's my main reason. Of course, I also don't wear clothing that would show it, so I don't see the point. Piercings on the face can be seen no matter what clothes you are wearing (unless huge hats, sunglasses, and bulky scarves, lol)... so I see more point in those for me, anyway.

My husband is a kind of genius and it does border on annoying at times, lol. He has Asperger's (mild form of autism) and is quite intelligent, as is his entire family... he calls me very intelligent too but I sure don't see it!! I was talking with my friend and he said that since I am a musician, I am smart. A stupid person couldn't learn three instruments. I don't know what to think about that... I love to put myself down at any time, and I definitely don't feel very smart. :(

*hugs Kahlia* Are you on any meds for the psychoses? Just wondering... I know that a lot of people are biased against meds, etc... but they can help. I heard voices from I-don't-know-when until 2006 when I started Geodon. Now I'm going off Geodon and onto Abilify. I've got bipolar II and that's supposed to help with mood, and I actually think it is, which is good. But anyway, tangent, lol. My bad. Umm... please do reach out IRL if things get really bad, 'kay? Like, even if they get a little bit worse... reach out. It sounds like you're in a really bad place right now and need that support... but I am so glad that you are posting more in here and opening up a little more. *more hugs*

So yesterday morning I talked with my NP, and she told me to go off my Geodon cold turkey... so last night I had an AWFUL headache and now even though it's 5am my husband is going to get Excedrin (mixture of Tylenol [acetominophen], aspirin, and caffeine), extra strength Tylenol, and a few other things at Walmart (which is open 24/7). I am also a little wobbly on my feet from the med drop... which really sucks. I hate having side effects/withdrawal effects from medications, especially as this is finals week coming up!!! I will need all of my focus for that. ARGH!!!

*cuddles Puppy SinClair with Kahlia*

*hugs everyone some more, because hugs are soothing*

*hugs April* - Yeah I'm on Seroquel XR for the psychosis but my levels aren't quite right yet.

*hugs everyone*

Well, I hope that the Seroquel gets to a good level soonish. Being psychotic isn't fun at all. I've had my times... ugh. Nightmarish!! *big hugs*

I feel like crrrap, and I don't know why. Well, I do, it's because I got up so early, and the med changes. And I texted my therapist ("T") but she told me that she had to go and wouldn't be available for an hour. I mean, it was for a family member that was dying and it was her turn to take care of him, but STILL, even though it was a good reason, it sucked. :( I felt so alone because I didn't want to interrupt my husband... then I started crying and ended up interrupting him anyway. So I feel really dumb. I hate - HATE - crying and rarely ever do. It didn't even make me feel that much better, and I couldn't really even talk about how I was feeling other than "I hate my life" and "I am so sick of uni," both of which things he already knew. I didn't want to say anything else for fear that he would get angry with me or hurt... and he apologized since he felt bad about making me feel like I couldn't talk with him.

Oh shizbang, I have so much homework to do and feel so overwhelmed... I don't want to do any of it and I'm so scared that I'm going to get incompletes this term if I won't get stuff done on time. SO SCARED!!!! *cries*

I am such a loser... :(

you are not a loser, April
i don't talk to losers ;-P just kidding lol
but nothing you have said so far makes you a loser at least not to me
so at the very least you are not a loser to me
you have a husband and a family who cares about you so i doubt you are losers to them either
hope your head feels better
*hugs Kahlia*
i am sorry you are feeling psychotic. would it be a good idea to call your med person? it sounds like you might need your med or dose changed asap. you said you would reach out to somebody irl if you got worse but i think you should now because if you feel bad, that's already worse enough i think! you don't deserve to be going around feeling bad and like you are disappearing! you are clearly too awesome for that. look at you, you knew poor Puppy SinClair was still around all alone and in your awesomeness you saved him from neglect and abandonment! go you! you aren't going to disappear because the Denial Tent magic keeps everybody safe who is inside of it no matter what.
Laura, how was the concert!?! hope you had fun

*hugs callie, april, and kahlia*
The concert was really good. I love shinedown with every fiber of my being lol. This was the 5th time i've seen them in 4 years lol.
The thoughts really havent gone away... which sucks... but I'm still trying to ignore them. Although it maybe harder not to SI when I have semester finals all week so i need to concentrate on them and not on stupid things that come into my head.

Hope everyone is doing alright.

*hugs everyone*

I've only got a short amount of time before I crash for the night so sorry but no individual replies. Big hugs going out to all of you.

I saw my GP today and mentioned the headaches that I've frequently been having to him. He checked my blood pressure and said it was okay and gave me a script for panadeine forte. I've already used 4 and I still have a headache.

I had a scary moment today. I got home from my bike ride to the docs and happened to look at my covering on the belly piercing. . . The top had come off, but luckily the dressing meant that it couldn't go anywhere. I had to take my sweaty hands and put the top back on the piercing. It hasn't moved or loosened since then but I was terrified that I'd lose the jewellery and the piercing.

Anyway, must dash as I'm falling asleep whilst typing.

*hugs everyone who wants a hug, feeds Puppy SinClair and then retires to her corner*

Good morning. :)

*hugs Callie* Thanks for the support and kind words... it means a lot. I feel like a loser a lot of the time - it's just frustrating to feel this way. I wish I were a superhero - my friends have called me "Superhero April" time and time again, lol, but I wish I really were one. I definitely don't feel like one... :( But anyway, how are you doing? You don't post a lot about yourself; you're just very supportive of other people, which is great... but I'm sure that none of us would mind you posting more about yourself. :)

*hugs Kahlia* Sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now... I'm glad that you got some meds for your headaches. I've been having a lot lately too and have been popping Excedrin a lot... the caffeine in it makes me really anxious though, so I have been taking more Klonopin (clonazepam) than I have been prescribed, although my NP doesn't seem to be concerned as we will be increasing my dosage soon. I already take 3mg/day - been SO anxious!! - and I think we're increasing it to 4-5mg. I have friends that are worried about that though, as they say it's addictive (which I know) and that in their experiences, 1-2mg is the most that patients are given. What do you guys think?

And sorry, Kahlia, I kind of sabotaged posting to you by turning it into a tangent about me. :( I'm awful with that kind of thing. :(

*hugs everyone*

*group huggles everyone in ward*

Hello!! Hello to the regulars, hello to the lingerers and hello to the newbies!! Well I do believe I last went out to the smoking shelter in september and then I did a little escape from the ward....my therapist tempted me over the back wall with lots of glorious promises.....

Anyhoo things have been good but are now on the slippery slope back down and so I thought I'd come somehwere where I can be safe as I don't want to mess up all the good work that I've done.

Hmm, so since I left, I've now become vegan and given up smoking. I've made it 5months SI free but I'm still struggling with bulimia, though no where near as bad as I have been in the past.

Anyhoo, you were never far from my thoughts and I just wanted to say hi to you all and wishing you all better days. xxxxxx

Congrats, Hayley, for getting on the road to recovery!! :) I know that sounds cliché and everything, but it's pretty awesome that you're doing better than you were. *big hugs*

My husband stayed home from work today because I was doing so poorly yesterday. My T called and we rescheduled my session with her, for 8:30am later this week. :-O I don't know if I can get up that early, lol... well, I know I can as I have been getting up EXTREMELY early (I slept in today until 6:30 and that's the latest I've slept in weeks or even months!!). It's just I hope I'm awake enough to drive at that time. Ugh.

I am swamped in uni stuff and need some help with NO PROCRASTINATING, haha. Hubby is being kind and gentle with me today as I feel extremely fragile... :(

*pats Puppy SinClair and takes him for his walkies because OMG when was the last time anybody walked him we can't have Puppy Accidents in the Psych Ward ew?!?!*

Hayley way to go giving up smoking!!!!! i have been off and on smoking for a few years now and i was months free but last week i gave in for some reason and i smoked my last one two days ago and right now i want to gnaw my arm off for a smoke. 5 months is amazing! for me with food it is so much easier when i only have safe foods around to tempt me. i dont know how much control you have over what's kept in the house but maybe doing a sweep and getting rid of all the unsafe food?

Kahlia i hope the belly jewelrey is still okay! make sure you clean it with alcohol or something since you had to screw it back on. since you just got it, if it falls off again, i would go to the piercer and have them see about putting a replacement in because you don't want to have gotten a defective one.

Laura i'm glad the concert was fun. i hope finals go okay and maybe you can do something to make sure that the thoughts don't interfere with studying, like have you ever done a journal? when you study you could take one with you and every time a bad thought comes up just grab the journal and write it down and then it is safely out on paper for you to come back to when you can and you can keep studying in peace? i don't know if that will actually work or be remotely helpful sorry lol

April there are lots of kinds of superheros. all you need is a power so figure out what your power is. You could be the Superhero Puppy SinClair Walker! or the Superhero April of the Amazing People who are Wives and Friends and Students and whatever they are just Amazing Superhero people. Your hubby sounds adorable btw. you must be a special person too if somebody as special as him married you.
and you are really sweet and yeah i suck at the talking about me, especially when i feel like a crazy mess and i am a crazy mess right now.