Reaper, glad you're trying to keep busy. Well done. I'm sorry that you want to cut though. :( *gentle hugs if okay*

Kahlia, sweetie, so sorry that you had that nightmare. :( I hate that type of thing... it really sucks. I hope that you can calm yourself down - maybe a cup of tea or milk or something would help? Warm drinks usually soothe me, I don't know why. As does talking with people so well done posting on here. :) *gentle cuddles* Things will be okay. You've just got to believe that. Sorry if what I say is dense, sometimes I just can't come up with the words...

Nightmares suck Kahlia *cuddles you tight* Try remember you're safe though.

*cuddles everyone else*

*Hugs Kahlia* Nightmares are horrible . Don't let the Noises outside get to you , They are made probabley by wind in plants and cats and cars going by.

*Hugs Reaper* I know how it is to feel numb. Try not to S.I. .

I am triggered too , Hmmm I was laying on my bed semi napping but before I "Slept" I was picking out places to harm on my arm . I'm going to try not to though , but ick it's hard .:(

*Cries!*

*hugs April* It's okay, it just really freaked me out. It happened at like 21:00 and I wrote that post at 02:14 when I'd managed to calm down. I wrote about it in my thread <link in my sig>. I'd had a cup of tea to calm down and tried to go back to sleep and got up to have a smoke and so forth .... I'm going to PM you if that's okay??

*huggles Hels* Yeah, I'm trying to remember that. Thank you.

*hugs Mark* The noises were people walking past downstairs - leaving the flat below us and walking past on the street. But they were really noisy as it was otherwise so quiet. I guess that was what freaked me out. Thanks.

*offers hugs to Alyssa or some tissues* I have to confess I love your name, and your nickname of "Lyssie" because Alyssa is the name of my youngest niece and I call her Lyssie. Sorry, side-tracked myself. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?

*huggles Healther because she spies her*

*cuddles everyone who wants :)*
dinner out tonight :/ *sigh*

*offers kahlia safe hug and shares one of my 50 teddies :P*

What's wrong, Lyssie?

I need to be unwell so that someone can take care of me. I need the controlled illness that comes from overdosing. How did I survive before I knew the care and safety of hospital? Sometimes I wish I had never taken that first trip down to A&E, then i'd still be blissfully unaware that there are people out there who care. But actually, most of my trips to A&E have shown that some people don't seem to care and most of them don't understand me and my problems. I want to be close to death and be brought back to life, truly brought back to life, where I can feel the wonders of being alive like I used to. I did used to, right? I was happy as a child. I'm sure. Even though Mum was often drunk and her and Dad were arguing a lot.

Sometimes I want to be properly insane so that I don't care how I feel.

*Hugs Lyssie if okay*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you are feel so low . Please try not to get close to death as you put it , something could go terribly wrong :( We all care about you here :)

*kicks self for missing JK, then hugs everyone else* how are you all today? im very tired, had a bit of a bad night last night, and now i REALLY wanna know whats going on next door.

*hugs Heather* - Thanks for the offer of a Teddie. I know how hard it can be to part with one. I had hundreds before I had a "cull" where they went to nieces, friends of family and so forth and now I only have a few stuffed animals with special memories like my Nessie (a Loch Ness Monster from my trip to Scotland) and so forth.

*hugs Lindsay* - Honey, I can understand the feeling of needing to be cared for but ODing isn't the way to go about it. Mark is right, something could go terribly wrong and we do all care about you here. From my experience A&E staff treat psych patients or recurring OD patients like total *****. I'm sorry that you are feeling so low but please try to keep yourself safe. Also, if this comes across as patronising or abusive or something I'm really sorry that's not what I'm intending to do, I'm just concerned about you.

*huggles Mark* - How are you doing hun?

Well it's about 04:30 in the morning and as you might have guessed I didn't manage to get back to sleep since the flashback nightmare last night. Oh well. I did manage to get another chapter read in my Management textbook and have had my Whose Line Is It Anyway? videos playing so it's been at least bareable but definitely not pleasant.

*sigh* So over it all.

*Hugs Nicole* Why ? do you think something interesting is happening next door? :)

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm really sorry that nightmare ruined your nights sleep , I too have had a "cull" of stuffed toys , at my flat I have Ratty(A rat) that I've had since as long as I can remember and an ape , all they rest are in my parents loft , but I just got my first neice this year so maybe she will get some.


I feel ..... no thats a lie I DON'T feel anything maybe a little sad *Wells up* Sheesh . I harmed , I am doing it daily and keeping a log for my nurse , I'm banking on finding an inpatient programme , I Can't take it much longer. Sorry. I'll be 30 in November , I CANNOT be a 30 year old cutter alongside all my other problems.

*hugs mark* well my neighbour is a drug addict and violent and slightly mental, and there has been a police man stood outside hers for about an hour now trying to get in :/

Ohh Nicole stay out of the way! , sorry I don't want that to sound patronising I just don't want any harm to you and it sounds like your neighbour is unpredictable.

i am staying out of the way, i just really wanna know whats happening lol, the police have dissapeard now, think theyve given up, shes probably dead.

*hugs Kahlia, Mark, and Nicole* Sorry, I have no words.

I've just been cutting. I can't stand much more of this. I NEED to at least overdose on something that I know is safe to make me feel 'out of it' for a while but I don't know if I physically can because I find it so difficult to swallow those meds.

*hugs lindsay* you dont NEED to overdose hun, although i understad that feeling? have you not got anyone IRL that you can talk to right now? please try and stay safe x

*Hugs Lindsay*Please be VERY VERY careful . Could you maybe make yourself a cup of tea , hot choc , anything like that , relaxing drinks , maybe have a bubbly bath and take yourself off to bed for an early night . Sleep might help you feel better tomorrow , I hope these are not crap suggestions

I should probably save the overdose for when I have a whole day to fully appreciate it. I'll try to stay distracted tonight and phone the crisis team if I can't.

Do phone them if you feel you have to. ODs are so, so dangerous *hugs*