My best friend may have to cancel me visiting and/or her coming to my 21st. ****ing great. JUST ****ING GREAT :'( I've been so looking forward to both & been helping me going. Hopefully it'll work out and I'll have wasted tears. Beginning to feel like she can't have any fun being moaned at. ARGHHHHH >_> **** this.

*Hugs Helen* I hope it all works out for you. You never know, like you said, you may have wasted your tears :)

Really hope so :( She made me a promise not to cancel. I couldn't bear it if either got cancelled, let alone both. I know I'm probably seem like I'm over-reacting :'(

*Hugs Helen* I hope you can meet up with your bestie hun :)

I don't think you are Helen. I know how it is to be let down, especially when they promised not to. It makes you feel as if you're not really worth it, like they don't care about you, as if they wouldn't miss you. I probably over react, but I'm insecure like that.

*hugs kahlia* im so sorry to hear about your back. I hope they can do something to help. Always here if you need to talk.

*hugs helen* i hope she doesn't cancel on you. It doesn't seem like you are overreacting hun. Its really upsetting when you think you won't be able to see someone you love.

*hugs mark* I'm sorry your mind was/is being mean to you today. Its pretty awful when your mind won't be quiet about things.

*hugs lia* how's you today?

*hugs lindsay* it will be worth it to stick around. maybe try not to think so much in the future but enjoy how you are feeling in the moment? That might sound like silly advice, but it works for me sometimes.

*hugs felicia* hope counseling goes well. Happy early birthday, why the :-/ face afterward?

Its snowing so much here.. i'm supposed to drive back to uni but i'm not so sure about the roads.. i really need to leave :-(

*Hugs Laura* How are you ? Drive safely hun :)

*Hugs Laura* I'll swap. I could do with a freak snow storm in the night if it means I don't have to take this exam. I know the stuff, but my head's all over the place and it seems to be all I can do not to start yelling at the paper mid test, let alone pass it.

Oh My Days! A teacher in Wales has been sacked for taking his class sledging of all things! Health and safety gone overboard? I think so. Sorry I just saw the headline.

*cuddles Ward* I feel funny today, told my fiance all about how my inner voice keeps telling me all the things that could go wrong like car crashes or food poisoning or falling on ice or breaking bones and things like that whenever I do something... Its like my voice that reads all my thoughts out to me and reads text to me but I don't control it. I just thought it was normal worry but apparently not. :(

How are you all?

*Hugs Sarah* I think like that too (Although I don't hear a voice) But its like if there is no music I get my thoughts read out , I'm sorry you are enduring the same thing :S

*hugs all three of you* I've been chatting to my best friend. I really think neither are going to happen :'( Or at the least, I don't think she'll be coming to my 21st. Depends if things improve enough in time for them. I'm just offering my support to her as always because I care more about her than anything else in my world. More than my ****ing self. I'll get over the pain of it not happening, if it doesn't.....

Lia - I don't think I'm worth it. However I can thankfully say, my best friend hasn't made me feel like that tonight. I know she cares about me so so so so much, even when I'm on a real low about myself. Well I still say sometimes that she doesn't. But deep down, she's the only person I'll always believes cares about me. That & my family? I know that she would miss me if I were to stop being best friends or to kill myself. She's drilled that one into me and all.

Gosh I need to stop crying don't I? Nothing's decided right now. Other than she just needs time & patience. Neither of us are very good at being patient for things to improve.

Wow today sucks. Woke up really ****ing early (no joke...like 7:00 am early...I was up before the sun...in my world, that is NOT normal!). Went to school by 8:30 to have an appointment with my counselor about getting paperwork for financial aid. Had to go to financial aid. Then I was told that the paperwork I got from the counselor would do, but I would have to wait another couple of weeks for a decision to be made. Which totally contradicts what someone in the office told me last week about it being reviewed yesterday or today. I freaked out. I was like "What the **** am I supposed to do about my classes? And books? And rent? And my bills?" The chick was all like "Oh well you can take out an emergency loan through us but you have to have a co signer." I was like "I don't have a co signer." She was like "No parent, good friend . . .?" I was like "I just said, I DON'T HAVE A ****ING CO SIGNER!" So then she referred me to the office of the dean of students. So I go there and they were able to get me a loan (without a co signer), but it was only for $500. That's enough to pay our rent and our minimum payment on our phone bill, and maybe a book? I don't know. We had to put gas in our car, too. So I'm still wondering how I am going to get through 2 weeks without books. I'm so pissed off right now. That is my money that I was awarded and they are sitting on it. The financial aid chick said "Well the lady that is processing them has a lot to do so it will take her a couple of weeks." What the ****. Ugh!!!

-hugs everyone- How is everyone today?

*hugs Kitty*

Sorry, I'm crying too much to try write a useful response.

*Hugs Kitty, Helen and Mark*

-hugs helen and offers her tissues and teddys-

-hugs lia- how you be?

*Hugs Helen* Could you work on your Birthday playlist to take your mind off things , I remember you were quite excited about it last year.

*Hugs Kitty* I reallyreally hope this gets sorted out for you , and soon .

*Hugs Lia* I may have missed a post buty how are you?

We saw an advert for art therapy today, has anyone in the ward tried it? I can't find any more information on it and I don't want to make a gp appointment just to ask about it because I feel like I'm wasting time but there's so little information about it on the net. I know I'd need to see a doctor for a refferal but I don't want to waste time if it'd be useless or if there's none in the area :/

I need to get married , How the hell am I supposed to with all my scars? The one woman I'm interested in I swear wants only to be a friend so it's like hey "general chatter" now I'll take off my jacket and freak you out ****! sorry

*hugs Lia* How are you & stop avoiding the question ;)

Thanks Kitty -hugs back and takes tissues & teddy*

*hugs Mark* Thanks for suggestion, would probably cry if I did. But it's been updated recently. I was very excited, still am, just not right this minute lol..