*Boo's with Helen* *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill*

*hugs everyone*
So... freakin'... tired.
So... much... work.

I'm going to a local sorority's interest meeting on Thursday. I'm trying to convince myself that just cause my ex sorority is so shallow doesn't mean they're all bad. We'll see how that goes.
Also, my roomie saw my SI after I showered last night... uh-oh...

*Hugs Felicia* Hmm it sounds like you are rushed off of your feet :S
Have you spoken to your roomie about what she/he may have seen?
I've heard of sororitys on T.V. and generally heard of them but what are they , like a students club? I don't think we have them in the U.K. but I never went to Uni so I don't know really . Sorry.

*Walks in, looks around then screams suddenly and begins to throw things around the ward, trashing everything in reach, still screaming and being careful to avoid people.*

Lia, what's happening?

Mark, we haven't really spoken much about it. She knows what she saw, she knows I did it. There's not much more to say, other than me pleading for her not to tell the housing office.
I'm pretty sure there's some sororities in the UK... At least I thought Delta Zeta (my ex sorority) has some chapters there. Anyway, they're essentially a student group of girls. You pay lots of money to be in a national/international sorority (I paid almost $500 a semester for DZ). During your uni years, they do community service and have all sorts of parties and such.
I'm done with nationals though. DZ absolutely ruined me. Then they kicked me out... lovely girls, aren't they? But I'm trying local, cause I miss the sisterhood I had with a few of the DZ girls, who now won't talk to me... sooo...

Lia, what's going on, sweetie?

Thanks for explaining soroities to me Felicia :)

Lia , are you okay? *Hugs*

*offers gentle hugs to Lia* What's going on, love?

Mark, how are you doing? *cuddles*

*cuddles all*

I feel so ill, my gallbladder is being awful with me today :(

*cuddles Sarah* I'm sorry, sweetie. :( I'm sorry if you have already said, but have you gone to see a doctor about doing something about your gallbladder? :(

I NEED to injure . I NEED to injure :S

Perhaps if I go grocery shopping it will distract me until the urges go ??? I don't know who I'm asking. sorry .

Awh Mark, hon, you've got to quit telling yourself that you "NEED" to SI. You don't NEED to, you may feel like you do but you've gone days without... this shows that you CAN get by without SI'ing. I know you can do it, I know you have the strength, you've just got to trust that you do and fight for your life.

(Geez, now I'm sounding like Jarrod lecturing me, ahaha... :-S)

*cuddles* I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, it wasn't meant to be. :(

Mark, dear, you don't need to injure. I'm around if you'd like to talk.

My printer just had a tragic paper jam. I think I fixed it but it sounds funny now. It cannot quit. I have two chapters of Marketing work to print out for my test tomorrow. =(

*more cuddles for April and Mark*

Already seen a doctor, I'm awating the hospital contacting me with my specialist appointment.

And Mark, you don't need to, you're strong, you can beat it :)

*cuddles Felicia* Printers suck. Mine actually hates me, it never prints anything.

My printer is not fixed. It is ****ed and needs to be taken back.
Lovely, now my work will be late, cause my professor doesn't take emailed work and my uni's not letting us use on campus printers now cause too many people were wasting paper and ink printing out bullshit stuff.
I am going to cry.

*Hugs April , Felicia and Sarah*

I am running a bath , distraction number 2 , then I am going to eat some ceral I think , thats number 3 then I'll come back here , Thankyou all for being so supportive and April it didn't sound harsh .

*Hands Felicia a Nice clean Hanky*

Groceries - Done
Bath - Done
Cereal - Done
What can I do now ? Suggestions welcome please I'm quite triggered :S

Hmmm... *thinks* You could write, update your r/v or your LJ if you like. Or... try to play WoW, do something mindless on it if you don't feel like leveling (not saying that leveling can't be mindless, but on your first time through it usually isn't mindless), like killing animals/skinning them/working on leatherworking. Just a thought. Ummm... *thinky thinky* You could... ummm... damn it, I am running out of ideas. Haha. Keep posting on here? :P I'll try to respond but I'm thinking about going on WoW in a bit myself... so I don't know how much longer I'll be on the 'net. Oh, and what about bed? isn't it around 8:30pm there?

*cuddles* I'm sorry that you & so many of us are having a rough time. :(

Bed seems tempting , I'll go around 9 pm , I feel numb , thats the meds making it like that , It's so much better than full blown depression but it's still not nice and it's constant , not numb but nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumb , I hope that made sense ?

*hugs everyone*

Mark - maybe clean your flat? (i know that sounds like i'm saying it must be dirty, but I really am not.. Sometimes when i'm triggered I wash dishes or dust to keep distracted) or watch a very happy movie?

I am not in a very good place today. sorry for my lack of individuals.

*hugs april, lia helen, sarah felicia, kahlia, and everyone else *

Bed is a good idea I think. Sleep is usually safe although I'm sorry that you had bad weird dreams last night. :( Maybe you'll be meeting me for a meal in YOUR dreams tonight. ;) Lol. That would totally be weird. (Oh and have you ever had/do you like buffalo wing pizza? because that's what we had in my dream last night... lulz...) Hmmm... yes, I think what you said makes sense. Hehe. *cuddles*

Got some carrots and Southwestern ranch dip today and I want moooore, so damn "hungry" (that isn't really hungry I don't think?)... no idea. I just want some more carrots and dip. At least it's pretty healthy... :) In moderation at least. My mum and I went grocery shopping and that was nice, although I was "in a mood" for awhile (giddy/giggly/hyper, I'm blaming it on the pancakes we made for breakfast, lol), and then later I realized that I have to monitor my moods more carefully than a non-bipolar person because even the littlest swing can mean something bad is "just around the corner." Blahhhh. :(

*cuddles all*

Aw Laura, hon, what's up?? *big cuddles* If you want to talk, well, you know how to reach me. <3

No I've never had buffalo wing pizza April , or it's vege alternative hehe , I've never even heard of it before :P It would be quite an occurence if we dined in my dreams tonight though :)

*cuddles april* thanks hun.

I don't really have time to go into details right now since i have to leave for class in a few minutes... plus maybe it should go into my r/v thread anyway since i feel like if i start typing about it it may just turn into a rant. I'll let u guys know if i update it later.

like to paint when I'm triggered or ill. Tonight I finally painted the clay cat I made in brown with ickle tiger stripes and pink ears. So I'm happy with that.

Hungry but my gallbladder won't let me eat. Grr.

*cuddles all*

*group hug*

I'm waiting for the crisis team to phone me, at 9.30. I have no idea what i'm going to say to them.

*glomps Lia, Mark, Sarah, and Crimson* (I spy all of you!! <3)

Hmm Mark... they do have vege chicken out there (and it is REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!) so I suppose buffalo wing pizza could be made vegetarian. Mmmm. That is making me hungry. :P Try thinking about pizza before bed and maybe I'll pop up in your dreams. ;) Heehee. :P

Sarah, I'm sorry that you can't eat. :( That sucks especially if you want to be able to eat. *cuddles*

Laura, fair enough. :) Take care of yourself though, hon. Please? Or at least, try your very hardest... we're here for you if you need us. <3 *huggles*

*glomps April* Yeah I'm starving but not sure I should risk it. All I've kept down today are my meds and a cookie. Great.

*hugs Lindsay* hope it goes okay for you today, I could never do that, I hate phone conversations

*cuddles Laura* hope your class goes well and you feel better soon

*hugs Mark* I want pizza more now, darn :p

*hugs Felicia* Hope you get it sorted out without too many problems.


Edit - I've just been struck with a really awful mood, I feel terrible :(

Awww, Owen, I'm sorry you don't like the yelling. I hope it stops soon.

*hugs everyone*
On a random side note, I wanna pop up in someone's RYL dream. That would be EPIC!

*curls up and cries*

(Yes I edited this post)

*cuddles Owen* I hope it stops soon

*hugs Felicia* My dreams are strange, scary places to be, keep out, unless you're going to chase all the nasties away, then you're welcome in there

*cuddles Helen* I hope you're okay hun, people suck sometimes don't they... *sigh*


Edit - So I found out my fiance's first academic conference I might not be able to go to because of my family. I'll never have one due to my inability to research basic projects, not sure if its because I fail or if its because I'm so depressed its a challenge even getting out of bed in a morning... *sighs*

I can't say they suck (esp if they read this to check up on me, which is fine, glad they care...) because to me they don't.

*cuddles Sarah*

Awws, I do hope you're okay, I'm sure they care hun *cuddles*

Sorry Owen, should have read first

*cuddles Sarah* Thanks. I'm going to go bed, have to be up early for last time this week for college. Was planning to sleep about 2 hours ago nearly. Oh well.

Owen, hope you're okay x

*sneaks in to play with puppy sinclaire and hides*

*offers everyone cuddles - and waves to Owen*

Got a psychiatrist appointment in a few hours then got to deal with social security. Meh.

doctors appt in 5 and a half hours, so I can't be bothered to sleep, I feel its going to be an all nighter

im... eh.
wanna do bad stuffs *whine*

*hugs heather* please don't do anything bad
you wanna talk?

just urgey for no reason and its ridiculously frustrating... and i hate how i get told off for drawing on arm with sharpie when it actually helps and just grr.

how're you oliver?

*offers Oliver cuddles* - Hoping the doctors appointment went/goes well and you aren't too tired.

*gently cuddles Heather* - Sorry to hear you are urgy and feeling like you need to do bad stuff. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself sweetness?

Feeling very tired now after going to the hospital to see my psychiatrist and then dealing with social security. Would love (<3) to crash . . .

Sneaks in and hides. Damn it

*Hugs Sarah*

*Waves to Owen*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Feliica*

*Hugs April*

I have my 3rd volunteer shift at the cyber cafe in an hour and a half , Anxious , I'm probably going to have to take a Diaz ,which is what they're for.

Erm how the hell did it reach this point. Damn it stuiped messed up head and thoughts.

*hugs everyone except Owen*

The crisis team didn't help last night. I didn't even get to tell them that I am feeling like overdosing because they steered the conversation towards SI and then said that they had to go because the other phone was ringing. They did tell me to phone NHS 24 who might have been able to refer me to the home crisis resolution and treatment team (the proper crisis team) but I just went to my bed.

*huggles everyone then curls up in a corner and goes to sleep*

Sorry I've not really been around, *hugs everyone*