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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Accidentally Abstract 08-01-2009 02:11 PM

I'm fine. Ish. Just stressing & scared. I just need to get this packing up done, shower, get ready & go. It'll be fine. I just need to do it. & I can't.
& someone told me to go to the hospital & get into an emergency safe ward last night. *cries*

zowie 08-01-2009 03:39 PM

*Hugs Abstract* (Name? sorry, haven't been reading the posts much lately)

Dad says I drink too much but I swear my sister drinks pretty much the same ammount. He's just pissed off because I go to the pub rather than drinking tramp killer cider in someones bedroom.
Why??

Pomegranate 08-01-2009 05:33 PM

Kat- could you maybe wean yourself off it? Like take half a tablet instead of a whole one for a week or so etc? Maybe then the sudden removal of them wouldnt be such a problem and you might get some sleep. Just an idea. Hope you feel better soon.

Zowie- I don't know why your Dad said that, maybe he is more concerned about your drinking because of your MI? Alcohol does tend to aggravate them. Does he know how much your sister drinks?

Lucy *sending you lots of strength and encouragement*. You can do it. Try breaking the task into lots of tiny little pieces. i.e packing jumpers, then jeans, then skirts etc etc. Maybe that may make it less daunting? I don't know if it will help but it helps me sometimes. Why did your friend think you needed the hospital? Do you agree?

Pomegranate 08-01-2009 05:35 PM

Sorry Nicole, didn't mean to hit reply before I replied to you! Maybe the CATT team coming to see you is a good thing if it means you get some extra support. Phones can suck at the best of times but I hope you are able to find the strength to answer them if it means getting that extra help. I am glad someone has noticed you have been struggling.

Pomegranate 08-01-2009 05:35 PM

*waves at Amanda* Are you ok?

Silverbirch 08-01-2009 06:03 PM

*creeps into the psych ward and takes a bean bag. Cries.*
I just cut for the first time in a month. I don't feel safe at all, it feels like now I've started I may as well do more and more and more...

Sorry, ignore all that.

PurpleSmurf 08-01-2009 06:27 PM

Pom Yeah my Family is insane im Counting down the days until i can say OUT OUT all of you Just Get The H*ll Out..... Its My apartment they are staying with me for a bit....

Ravyn: I have Friendship bear and Goodnight Bear ;-) i love my carebears its actually one habit that followed me from childhood...

Mouse- I have never named my bear its just friendship bear i dont mind if you join me its a free world :-) take care of yourself

*gives everyone a hug and some stickers and lollypops..*

Pomegranate 08-01-2009 07:46 PM

hey Silverbirch (sorry I don't know your name!)- Congratulations on going a month without cutting, thats really good and you should be really proud of yourself. I am sorry you felt you needed to harm but you do not have to let this cause you to relapse. I know it is hard but this could just be a slip if you don't give up fighting. Please try and stay safe *hugs*

Pomegranate 08-01-2009 08:18 PM

Why do the simplest things like showering seem so ridiculously hard sometimes? Can I have some hugs please? I feel like complete crap. My friend wants me to go out tonight but I just don't know if I can face it. I got told that when we least feel upto doing something then that is when it is most important that we do it. I am going to try but I don't know what the result will be :(

Silverbirch 08-01-2009 08:29 PM

Hey pomegranite, I'm Gracey. Thanks for the encouragement, I'm hoping this is just a slip up and I can get on with recovery. I'm having a hard time with uni work right now and that's my biggest trigger.

You may certainly have all the hugs you want! *holds gently* Hmn, I know what you mean about going out sometimes being the last thing you want. Do you mean going "out out" as my friends call it, like out a bar/club? Good luck and I hope you have a good evening, I'd recommend going and staying for as long as you feel comfortable. I've very rarely regretted going out but I've often regretted staying in.

BoundNoMore 08-01-2009 08:34 PM

*cries*
I think I need to be in a real psych ward.
And just the fact that I am saying that scares me to death!!!
I just don't feel like I can do this anymore...

Kahlia1981 08-01-2009 08:47 PM

*disengages herself from the corner*

Hi all. Sorry I'm not up to doing individual replies. Just wanted to offer you all some hugs.

*leaves hugs for everyone who wants/needs/can accept them*

Damnation. 08-01-2009 09:33 PM

*Sneaks in and curls up*

'Scuse the lack of replying to anyone right now, but I has no concentration x_o

Mary Anne 08-01-2009 10:10 PM

Hi all,

checking-in, feeling so so, think I am too tired to think straight

*hugs Danya, Katrica, Kahlia, BooundNoMore, Gracey, Pomegranate* (sorry can't always remember names)

Had a quiet day (system was down at work for half the day so didn;t have to do much!
Not been sleeping well so stupidly tired.

*hugs anyone who wants/needs one*

*Curls up on a couch and goes to sleep*

Damnation. 09-01-2009 01:45 AM

Kat: *Hugs back* LMAO, that too!

*Hugs Mary Anne* Going to sleep sounds like a fine idea to me. I'm knackered x_o

Accidentally Abstract 09-01-2009 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1342977)
*Hugs Abstract* (Name? sorry, haven't been reading the posts much lately)

I'm Lucy *shakes hand*.
& yours?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pomegranate (Post 1343138)
Lucy *sending you lots of strength and encouragement*. You can do it. Try breaking the task into lots of tiny little pieces. i.e packing jumpers, then jeans, then skirts etc etc. Maybe that may make it less daunting? I don't know if it will help but it helps me sometimes. Why did your friend think you needed the hospital? Do you agree?

Thank you. I somehow managed to get it all done in the space of about 5 minutes flat because I suddenly got into a bit of a manic-esque mood. Weird, lol.
I told the person about me buggering off to Oxford & about how the other day I wanted to kill myself, but like, I'm not that bad now. I just.. I just get really down sometimes. & yeah. Just do weird, off the wall things. It's okay though. I said I'll talk to my GP tomorrow morning, which I will.
I just wanted to make everything stop. & I figured that that was through suicide, but she said I should pause instead of stop & take myself into a ward. I didn't like that. >.< Scary. I'm not mad. I'm not that unstable. I'm fine.

ravynsoul 09-01-2009 02:56 AM

*hugs all*

sorry for not bigger replies.. i'm exhausted.. just wanted to let everyone know i've read all there posts here and am thinking of you all.. take care.

*leaves more hugs and cuddles*

Accidentally Abstract 09-01-2009 03:00 AM

*hugs back* xxx

Damnation. 09-01-2009 03:13 AM

dflgkjsrgkljrkldj Who the ****ing hell thinks it's smart to pass a link around with SEVERE pictures of SI, if it makes you sick?! Okay, so the guy didn't know that I SI until I told him NOT TO ****ING DO THAT but...Christ >__<;;

Accidentally Abstract 09-01-2009 03:38 AM

^ *sends cuddles* =[

Damnation. 09-01-2009 03:39 AM

Thanks *hugs back*

Pomegranate 09-01-2009 04:34 AM

I feel really pooey :( *curls up in corner*

Damnation. 09-01-2009 05:10 AM

You and me both, Emma *hugs*

Pomegranate 09-01-2009 05:40 AM

My best friends, other friend has been bitching about me on facebook. I know it is stupid but I am supposed to spend the whole weekend with him. I don't want to. Before this I couldn't see how to get through a weekend without serious harm, hell I can't even see how I will find the energy to drive to Nottingham. Now, I just don't see the point in even trying. He clearly doesn't want me there, but my best friend doesn't get MI and will just tell me to ignore him and come anyway. I just want to spend the weekend in bed and hopefully stop breathing or something. I have just had enough. Anyone ever get to the point where even harming seems like too much of an effort? :(

Damnation. 09-01-2009 05:41 AM

>___< *Hugs Emma tightly* Sorry, I don't really know what to say

mouse in darkness 09-01-2009 05:54 AM

Emma I can understand that. I have been there befor, it is not fun.*hugs*

Sorry for the lack of replies I am off in another world. Sorry again.

*Hugs and hot chocolate with marshmellows in it*

Pomegranate 09-01-2009 07:23 AM

Oh God. I have forgotten how to harm...again. The one thing I cared about and had left. Run out of room on my 'favourite' spot. I need to harm properly, but it is not 'pinging' as it should. I suck, I can't even harm properly. I don't know what to do. :crying:

Snuffles 09-01-2009 09:45 AM

*panicing*

Holy crap... just got told the house is going back on the market... omg omg omg omg. Looks like we're going to have to look for another place. We have no money though. This is just ****. We can't afford to live anywhere else. I hate this. And knowing my luck it's going to interfere with uni... I'm going to look into changing one subject into off campus so that means it's one less day going into uni. So with all the inspections (that we will have to do) and all the time cleaning and blah all that **** it won't interrupt me going into uni. As for THEIR inspections.. great.. will have to figure out a plan coz if I'm home studying I'm going to be kicked out of there so people can come and look... ohhhh... panic attack.... dammnn.

zowie 09-01-2009 11:59 AM

Hello Lucy *waves* I'm Arwen xx

zowie 09-01-2009 12:01 PM

*Hugs Emma and katie*

ravynsoul 09-01-2009 12:36 PM

*hugs everyone*

Pomegranate 09-01-2009 07:27 PM

I saw my uni mental health co-ordinator this afternoon and was honest about how I have been feeling. She made me an appointment with the doctor there and then for 6.50pm, so 25 mins time. I don't want to go, he won't believe me, it won't help. I don't want to be back on meds. But she made me promise and offered to go with me. I said I would be fine, now I'm not so sure I can do it :(

~Grace~ 09-01-2009 07:33 PM

good luck with the doctors appointment....will be thinking of you.
much love and hugs xx

Pomegranate 09-01-2009 09:42 PM

Thanks Rowie *hugs back*. Got prescribed Sertraline (sp?). Great.

713 09-01-2009 10:02 PM

Hi,
wanted to check in if possible. Whereīs the lorazepame and my bed?

Damnation. 09-01-2009 10:12 PM

*Hugs all* Sorry, don't really know much of what to say, other than to Katie: I know how you feel

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Long rant is long
Okay, so as I've mentioned once or twice before in here, my housemate and me are being evicted. We were given three weeks by the courts to find somewhere else to live and GTFO, and those three weeks elapsed without us finding anywhere. Hell, we weren't even offered anywhere to look at! So, the landlord would have to go back to the courts and get a warrant in order to get us to leave.

That warrant came through the post today. We have until the 27th to **** off, and if not, bailiffs'll come round and make us. We have nowhere else to go. When we were first told we were going to be thrown out, my housemate looked at a load of housing associations, and kept speaking to a guy called Lee, who's been helping us with accomodation.

We got to see one place. In all this time, since about Oct/Nov-ish, we've been shown ONE ****ING PLACE to look at. And guess what? It was too. ****ing. Expensive. The rent was at an already reduced price, and wouldn't be lowered further. My housemate was tempted to go for it anyway, but after consulting my grandparents and father for advice (an idea that sounds odd to me, for some reason), decided against it. 'Cause, y'know, the same thing'll happen all over a-****ing-gain.

So at this rate, we're going to be thrown out with nowhere to go. Katrica told me that her mother said they can't just leave us on the streets, they have to provide emergency accomodation, such as a B&B. When I mentioned this to my housemate, oh no, that's not a viable choice, we can't do that. Apparently we wouldn't be able to take the dog with us, so she downright refuses, won't be seperated. I can appreciate that, but wtf, what other ****ing option is there?

My father has said that I can stay with him and his girlfriend if needs be, but I'm reluctant. I like the fact that I no longer live with either of my parents, and to move back in with my dad would feel like taking a step backwards. That, and plus what about my housemate? I don't think he'd be able to home her and the dog, as well.

Not to mention the fact - how would I get there? How would I be able to travel from Lancashire to Suffolk? I don't travel well, unless I'm accompanied by someone.

And also:
  • My housemate wouldn't be able to go with me, 'cause she can't leave the dog for the day
  • My dad wouldn't be able to come and fetch me, as he has a demanding job. His girlfriend has a job plus is doing a college course
  • The easiest way to get from Lancs to Suffolk would be to fly. I don't have an up-to-date passport. That costs money to sort out, if I'm right. Even if it doesn't, plane tickets do. If we can't even afford Ģ25 for rent for a ****ing house, then we can't ****ing afford plane tickets!
  • My paternal grandparents probably wouldn't be able to help much either.
  • The less said about my mum's side of the family, the better (I nearly started a family feud =D they don't like me any more)
  • There was probably another point, but in a brilliant display of excellence and intelligence, I've forgotten it
So I am not in a good way. Horrible thoughts and urges have returned, and really, it's getting to the stage where I just don't see the point in living any more. I keep thinking about suicide, keep having mental images of it.

I've always said that I wouldn't ever deliberately take my own life, but now...I'm not so sure. Seriously, what is the point? I'm gonna be stuck on the ****ing streets, if I'm not careful, I don't see anything good lying up ahead. I'm tired of being falsely optimistic, reassuring other people by saying 'oh, I'm sure something'll come up', because I'm NOT sure. So mm. I had more to say, but again, I've forgotten it. I don't want to take my life, but I can feel my resolve, the ole 'omgdunworryIcouldneverdoit' breaking. And I'm still too cowardly to go to the docs =B.

TL;DR: I fail

Mary Anne 09-01-2009 10:42 PM

Hi all,

*hugs Emma* hope you are okay and that the meds make you feel a little better, you won't be on them forever, they are just there to help you just now.

*hugs Snuffles* hope you get everything sorted out

Hi 713 *offers hugs*

*offers hugs to everyone*

Soooo tired today, I had to keeping stopping work and going for a walk outside to wake up, hopefully I will sleep well tonight (all week I have gone to bed but despite being tired I have been unable to sleep but I am hoping exhaustion will kick in tonight)

Taking all my wedding photos to my mum's tomorrow so I don't look at them and get upset (or do something silly like destroy them, I know I really don;t want to do that but rage might take over).

*curls up and sleeps*

Damnation. 09-01-2009 10:43 PM

x_o *Hugs Mary Anne*

713 09-01-2009 11:06 PM

@poisonous cyanide
sorry, I donīt want to invade your privacy or anything, but I just looked at your facebook pic, aand, is it possible that we both went to college together? a college which usually has lots of german exchange students hanging around, being really rude and talking german all the time...?

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:08 PM

My college did have a load of German students when I attended, yeah. Colne College?

713 09-01-2009 11:09 PM

oh and thanks for the hugs mary anne. donīt know where the stars are on my stupid keyboard, but hugs back.

713 09-01-2009 11:10 PM

Yep. You probably donīt know me...aehh maybe you do, I think I had english literature classes with you.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:11 PM

You poor sod, lol. I'm just tryna remember who else was in English classes with me now, other than the two I used to bug every lesson ._.

713 09-01-2009 11:20 PM

I wasnīt there for long. I only started after half term in year 13 and left quite soon afterwards again. But I left after you left anyway.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:22 PM

Ahh, I see. Probably for the best, the place was awful x_o. And heh, I guess that means you were one of the lucky people who got to hear all the charming rumours about my leaving then <__<;;

713 09-01-2009 11:26 PM

Have you got any idea who I am? Not that anybody I went to college with would remember me, but itīs wort a try...donīt even know you...
Which place was awful? College or English classes? ;-)
Oh yes, I heard the rumours. Were they true?

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:28 PM

I'm not too sure, to be entirely honest, sorry. I don't really remember a lot of the past few years. And I meant the Colne itself was awful.

Nope, the rumours weren't true in the slightest. Granted, most people'd say that even if they were, but what was being passed around in the Colne was a load of ****. I left 'cause I couldn't live with my mum, my health was deteriorating, and if I stayed, I would've had a breakdown at the very least. Soyeah D:

713 09-01-2009 11:39 PM

Completely agree with you about the Colne. Gosh, I hate this place. There is a chance I wouldnīt even be on this type of forum if I hadnīt gone to school there.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:40 PM

Yeah? How'd you discover RYL then? o.o

And as for the Colne, thank **** neither of us is stuck there any more <__<;;. Lol, I don't think I'd be welcome back in Essex if I tried, so is best to just leave it, I say

713 09-01-2009 11:45 PM

I got here through a link from The Studentroom. do you know any other good english forums? the german one are mostly small ones all over the place.


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