cuddles to you Helen,
I hope that Katch will be back in the morning, so the nuts are California Almonds and maybe some walnuts cause they used to be grown here. Chomp crunch.

My vision is swimming and i'm looking forward to going home tomorrow. My husband went back and opened things up.

G'night all.

Katch is back for a bit ths orning - thank you Blondiebear, glad you can go home tomorrow.
Hells - sorry to hear you had nightmare - wish I had been here for you - it's annoying coz i was awake but just couldn't be on line.
I can't stay long this morning but i hope to be back tonight and will look out for you all

Thanks guys *cuddles*

Hey guys hope you are both feeling better.
Nightmares are horrible, big hugs helen

I'm having to see my mum and i cannot seem to get along with her so i'm going to mentally be in here i think!

*hugs for everyone* xxxxxx

*hugs Jo*

:) It's gonna be ok and stay here in the awesome tent....maybe we could magically move it to outside....as it's gorgeous weather =]

Hmm, we're in a psych ward... Are we allowed to move it outside? Lol

You seem to be in a better mood Helen *snuggles* I hope that's right

*yawn* I'm SO tired... Supposedly this Wellbutrin is supposed to give me more energy but it hasn't :-( and I'm SO flat:pinch: I hate it... Maybe if thoughts of suicide would go away... But I think now they may have become a habit... How weird is that..?
*hands around tea tray with tea, coffee, cocoa, biscuits, and cake. Retreats to her corner with the blanket mom made and her stuffed lamb and just... Sits*

I wanna move it outside LOL!

I'm feeling ok, I dont feel bouncy as I have been...but I'm not entirely down either....*sighs*

I'm scared.
Tonight's the night Beth has been planning for. I'm supposed to OD tonight, I've been saving my meds because she told me too and tonight's the night.

*safe snuggles*
Zowie, have you told someone there about what Beth has been planing? Please do sweetie, please stay safe...

Please Please Please Please Please Please don't od Zowie, don't let Beth do this, please xxxx

Come talk to us instead or whatever you have to do.....just dont OD!

The crisis team visited and I didn't tell them. I told them I wasn't taking my meds, but they just suggested I give them to my dad and put him in charge. I don't want to.
I don't know if I want to OD, but I think I have to.

Please don't do this Zowie. Maybe ring them and tell them this? None of us want you to come to any harm :(

Pasted from my thread:
I'm a big believer in things happening in 3 and it happens a lot for me- good and bad....

So yeah, I'm convinced someone I know is going to die soon :( Only because in the past 5 or so days, two of my friends have had people die and it feels like it's my turn......I hope I'm wrong....but I can't shake off this feeling. I often dream and visions of people so close to me dying and at times it taunts me....but this time it feels like it's really going to happen. ****.

*dances* I finished my story in the creative threaaaadddddd XD

Well Done Alex =D

Zowie hunni, give your meds to your dad luv. You don't HAVE to OD, please. Stay safe.

Klavier, you're not useless. We all struggle hun.

Helen, I've heard that too but that doesn't make it true and that doesn't mean it's someone you love. Please don't dwell on it, it won't help you*snuggles*

I can only try not to I suposse Ally *snuggles*

*Squishes every 1 in the psych ward and offers them some crisps*

HIIIIIIII JEREMY!
*squishes and waves*
you ok?

Hi everyone - want to say something to you all about how you are doing but first I need to share this.
I just got a PM from the husband 'Mummyof3' she sent me a pm early this morning saying she had OD'd and cut bad- he hadn't been able to wake her and came down to find a bottle of vodka and med packets. He wrote to say thanks for trying to help but she's really ill and has been rushed to hospital. He didn't know she used this site - I told him that it's a good site and a place where we feel safer to share with people who understand and that it wouldn't have been against him that she did it. I said if he had any questions to feel free to ask - and to please let me know how she is doing.
Should I have said anything else - I feel really bad - I know I did my best in talking to her but she had already taken it all - being newish to the site this is my first experience of this and I feel I have let her down. I am trying to tell myself that ultimatly we are all repsosible for our own actions but it's hard.

honestly sweetheart, you did everything you could have done and im sure she is really greatful for that. there wasnt much else you could have done but you were there when she reached out to you for help and that is wonderful. Im sorry you feel like you let her down but honestly you didnt.
You haven't been here very long but its clear to see that you are a wonderful person and care deeply about people. Please dont beat yourself up about it.
Take care of yourself and we are always here for you.
PM me if you need to talk more one-to-one....but if not then i'll be in and out all night :)
*hugs you tight*
xxxxx

*feels guilty for doing a very similar thing to Alex && Emma*

Guess who can't stop thinking about that night? How I should have let Emma get me help. I was letting her. But because of my mum, I chickened out, she would have understood though. (My mum that is) But instead I risked far too much. Gwad I feel ***** tonight :(

I'm not glad you feel ***** tonight. We all risk a bit too much sometimes but at the time are so low and unhappy that we don't stop to think of the effect it has on everyone around - or maybe we do but we think we are releiving them of their burden - i wish I could just dissapear - but more than that sometimes I wish I had never been in the first place that way I couldn't hurt anymore and I wouldn't be able to cause hurt or let anyone down.
Loads of hugs to you all.

Thanks Hun

*hugs you so so much Katch* You're a very special person hun and I'm glad you're around here :D Your words have really helped me hunnie and I hope we can help you too. The first exprience of knowing someone has taken an OD and you can't do much.....is awful. I know. Once my friend had been taking of suidice and regularly does (poor pet) and she said she'd text me the next day if she was still alive and I told her that if she did die from killing herself that night (well she attempted) that I wouldn't blame her and it was ok for her to do. But she promised she wouldnt leave me. The next day, my battery ran out pretty early and I was at college. So I spent the entire day feeling really worried, I felt ill from it and was a tiny bit. On the way home I was convinced she was dead.....but needless to saya few hours later she signed on and apolgised for not texting and told me she was ok. It's hard I know, but somehow you get used to dealing with it....well if you have a load of people over time talkin to u about what they done....which u may do from here, but it gets easier to cope with :) (Sorry for rambling and talking complete ****)

We are home, I have laundry going, bedding first cause I don't want those hours to make me sick. Cat is jumpy, i'm off for a nap soon. We are getting the car unloaded in bits and pieces. I always overpack. Yet last night all I had to read were romance novels, I left the only thing my husband could stand down in the car.

Katch, you did exactly what you could and should have. I get a lot of my stuff from AA. One thing we say is that we carry the message, we don't deliver it. Meaning we make the information and resources available but we can't make anyone take action. You carried the message and you did a good job of that.

If you would, if you hear, please let us know how Mummyof3 is doing? Or even ask her husband to update her thread in the wide world of vets support?

Helen don't be sillyyyy *rushes in and hugs you tight*

Thanks guys - you are the best - I so wish I had known sites like this existed years ago. I think her husband will let me knwo and I will put a post in when I hear anything.

*hugs you more and more*

Awwwww well be glad you have us now :D We'll always try our best to help people. Normally overall us vets and in here do cope well. But unfortnately we all seem to be struggling at the moment. -hugs- So some people cant support so good, but people are tryig their best =D

Right I'm gonna grab a shower cus my hair needs to be clean for work tomorrow.

Oh Katch*hugs you tight* sweetie it's always so scary when you're in such a situation. It sounds like you did everything you could and that's all that can be asked hunni. You did well. Please keep us updated on Mummyof3, and take care of yourself sweetie, this sort of thing can be very difficult.

Amanda, you're welcome. If you'd like to talk there's always someone to respond and we all care (though some are not in a position to support all that much).

Helen hun, you're not the only one that has put friends in similar situations. It is something that sometimes goes along with this struggle we are all in. It because we love you that we worry. *snuggles*

*sits in her corner and stares blankly at the floor*
I don't know what's going on, if I'm feeling better or just blank or what. Highly unmotivated... Very aware of my wrists (never a good thing because that means I'm thinking of cutting them)... Exhausted, restless... I just don't know any more... Damn.

I agree.....I've (unfortunately) done it so please try not to worry. we love you so so so much *hugs

Hey Amanda...I'm Alexx :]

Thanks Ally & Alex. I love you both you sweethearts *squezes*

Ally, can yo try and distract thoughts about self harm hun? Maybe make a promise with me? That we both don't cut tonight or whatever? Love you hunnie xxx

No worries Helen I don't have it in me to cut or do much of anything for that matter. A good thing too because what I mean by 'cut my wrists' is CUT my wrists:pinch:
*sigh*
Love you all.

I'm glad you can't do anything hun *snuggles* Please stay safe Ally sweetie *snuggles more*

I feel completly hopeless. I think?

*snuggles Helen* I know how you feel hun :-(

I got myself in trouble with the credit card people :-(. I think I can get caught up when I get my tax refund but that won't be until Monday at the earliest :-(
:crying:IsuckIsuckIsuckIsuckIsuckIsuckIsuckIsuckIs uckIsuck:crying:

arghhhhhhhhhhh i'm ill and feel horrible but have to start studying, 2 exams this week :S

take care everyone.

Ally you do not suck. If you are sincere and helpful with the credit card people and give them a change to give you a bit of time, they will. They'd rather give you a bit of extra time than have you walk away from your debt. Sorry, don't mean to be a downer. They will work with you if you are sincere about paying them.

Chloe, good luck on your exams.

I got a nap. It just reminded me of how tired I am. I think I may put on my sleepshirt and go watch TV with Philip and eat some dinner and fall asleep on the sofa. I have to remember that it is okay to sleep.

Thanks Susan-mom. I'm going to try and get a hold of them and see what I can do. I don't want to walk away from my debt. I want to get it taken care of and hopefully, one of these days have it paid off. I hope they'll be ok with waiting till I get my refund. I am glad you got to go home today and that you got a nap*hugs*

I cut. On my other wrist. But I didn't go too deep. Almost though. I better not cut there again or I'll end up like last time and I don't think they'll agree to not locking me up again. I'm gonna have to tell my doctor he can't see this one when I go in to see him about my meds. Don't want him to freak out on me. *sigh* I almost felt like crying while I was doing it... Weird to almost feel like crying but...*shrug* ugh hurts like a b**ch.

Take care all

I'm so so atm..not feeling the best...but it will get better
Thx's for asking alexx *squishes back at u*
How r u doing? u keep well? I hope so xx

I hope ur keeping well there ally...*squishes u too* lol

Oh yeah..good luck chloe!!! I hope u manage to do well in ur exams...*jem thinks ur smart so yeah u'll blitz it* :)

*runs in, hugs everyone, sits down *

hi krissy. how are you?

thanks susan and jem. i think i am screwed tho cos 1st exams on tues and i cant really study cos im too worried about my cousin.

ally, im glad it wasnt toooo deep. did anything trigger u hun? please try to stay safe. maybe next time u want to, go and give your cat a big cuddle? im sure he wont mind :)

I am so tired but every time i try to sleep i feel panicky or a nurse knocks on my door aghhh

I'm sorry so many are feeling crappy, hope everyones feeling a bit better
big hugs xxxxxxxxx

sorry you can't sleep - wish I could help. Have you told them your having problems sleeping maybe than could help you.
Sorry you are stuck in there -but I really hope they are helping you at least a bit. Thinking of you and singing you a lullabye to make you sleepy.

I have sleeping meds but still don't sleep great, just had some painkillers for my head so hope when they kick in i might be able to nap, thanks for the lullabye :)
they are helping a bit, staff are mostly really nice and i do feel safer here

How are you?

I'm Ok, lots going on in my mind - worried about a few people - such as Kija and mummyof3 - it's difficult hearing things but not being able to contact people - makes you feel a bit useless. it's so hot today - hope it's cool where you are.

It was really hot and sunny earlier and now we are having a big thunder storm! At least its not as sticky now

I know what you mean but being around to listen and chat to people means so much so please don't feel useless. for me it helps me not to feel so alone. x

Heya everyone :)

How ya all doing today? I can't believe how hot it is again, im starting to hate this weather.

On wednesday the 14th may i am running in the race for lifeit starts at 7pm and i don't know when it will end but im really looking forward to as i'm doing it with my sister, and were both doing it for my uncle who sadly passed away with cancer :( so wish me luck lol i think i'll need it! xxx

Wow good luck that is so cool! My sister is doing it in june and i think its such a great thing to do. I'm sorry about your uncle though, this is such a positive way to remember him.
I'll be cheering you on from manchester xxxx

Woop for races for life :D

I'm worried about Kija too!

The marine layer is back, yeuch. I don't know if the sun will come out at all today. It doesn't look like it.

I've downgraded my 'I am currently' from dizzy (from exhaustion) to merely tired because I'm finally relaxing now that we are home and the fumigation is done.

Tonight we are taking KFC to my in laws for dinner. It may sound humble, especially for a Mothers Day dinner but since my father in law is senile and in a wheelchair it will do and at least she doesn't have to cook it herself.