I've never tried either of them. I remember Brothers strawberry cider, that was like drinking syrup. I can only drink a few ciders, beer on the other hand... :0)

Do you and your sister get on? I really get on with my brother and he has helped me a lot but he's disapproving and when I was psychotic he wasn't buying anything that I was saying. He didn't even attempt to believe me, probably because I was coming away with preposterous *****.

I love him really. It's just been a stressful year.

Went through a phase of drinking Becks but I just can't stand it any more. Don't like wine, don't like spirits really... cider's about all I can stomach but it has to be the right kind! Fussy drinker. When drunk though I'll drink anything, hah.

Think cider will be on the shopping list tomorrow.

Yeah we do get on. We don't really talk or see each other very often and she lives miles away but we get on when we do.

You sound like me. I'm an alcoholic but even when I'm drunk I can't touch brandy. As soon as it hits my mouth I start wretching. :D

I love Becks but lately I've been drinking lots of Steinhäuser from Aldi. It's German lager and it's amazing - it's not as gassy as Becks and it's stronger.

I've had seasons of drinking almost every drink. I went through a bacardi and in-bru phase, cider, wine and now I just stick to beer. I didn't touch alcohol for 15 months until I was sectioned and then when I got out I didn't want to touch drugs so just drank beer and piled on weight because I wasn't working it off.

I'm only having a couple, I need to drive tomorrow.

Have you been watching any decent box sets or telly? I've been watching Girlfriends and Next of Kin on ITV but not a lot else.

Never had brandy, except in brandy cream at Christmas. I could drink that, lol.

Yeah, think I'm having the same problem with alcohol weight at the moment.

Er, nah I'm only catching odd episodes of things at the moment. Mostly Big Bang Theory... =P

I went to one slimming world class and discovered that it's not that difficult. I've weight in a week by not eating or drinking beer and now I'm back at work and doing things I'm burning off fat.

I'm not heavily overweight but when I went into the hospital X weight, when I came out I was about Y weight and now I'm Z weight. I put on weight on just by being on the depot and drinking beer constantly and not exercising.

LOL I might attempt to watch it again. I just remember my old flatmate watching Big Bang and Made in Chelsea. Her taste was awful. ;P

Made In Chelsea is strangely addictive! Used to watch it when it was new and saw a few episodes before Christmas. It's fascinating that people like them actually exist!

I'm rubbish at losing weight. Need the weather to improve and longer hours of light so I can start cycling again.

To be fair I'm cheating by using speed but it works. I'm being changed from my depot to aripiprazole on the 1st of February because I complained about weight gain and I'm no longer non-compliant.

Cycling is fun, get some lights and do it in the rain and pretend you're a kid again! I lost my bike, left it unchained and someone nicked it.

I couldn't believe Made in Chelsea, makes Geordie Shore look appealing. There was a celebrity Hunted with two guys from Made in Chelsea, the one whose family owns McVities. They had helicopters and speedboats and still got caught. :D

Ha, that's Jamie! He's been in it right from the start.

Can you imagine being that rich? I suppose their money gives them other worries, it's all really materialistic and based on what other people think of you.

I guess everyone has their share of problems in life, I wouldn't mind a shot of his, though.

They just take everything SO seriously. Like the way they talk about relationships and social events, that's pretty much what their lives consist of and it's all so intense!

I only saw bits and pieces but I'm getting intrigued. I might watch a full episode so I can really revel in my absolute disdain for them. :0)

Let's be honest, we'd be crap at living their lives. Could you imagine having to get dressed up and go out and show your face at parties most nights of the week? Takes a certain type for that.

By the way, I've found your ranting thread. Love it!!!

Obviously sorry you're suffering but just know you're not alone.

I would not survive in their shoes. I don't do dressing up and make up and hair and social stuff AT ALL.

Thanks, I think? What do you love about it? o.O

You'er living my life. All different periods of my life.

I've been the drunk with the messy flat. I've been the self-harmer and the loner. I've run away from home and I've been socially anxious all my life.

I don't want to patronise you but after reading about cinema etiquette - no one is really watching what we're doing when we're out in public, it's just we have heads that tell us everyone is judging us. They're not, people are too self-absorbed to notice what others are doing.

My eyebrows haven't been tweezed in about four months, possibly longer and I really need a haircut. I was crippled with PTSD and anxiety and couldn't leave the house last year, I just thought it was generalised anxiety. I ended up psychotic.

I guess we're all quite similar here - that's why we're here.

You know the Jimmy Eat World Song you say was going through your head? Well when I started to go insane I kept thinking about and listening to Matchbox 20 "I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell... I think I'm heading for a breakdown and I don't why... pretty soon they'll come to get me."

I was listening to that for a reason, I thought I was going crazy. I was ready to sign myself in, I really, really should have. I was not prepared for what happened to me.

Haven't listened to that song in years!

Is it something anyone can prepare for?

I have a psychiatrist and CPN and psychologist telling me this is common. I keep asking, "Common for whom?" I don't know anyone who's been sectioned before, not the way I was. It came totally out the blue.

I've been a member of this site for years, I'm called FreeAtLast because I haven't cut myself in over five years but the madness didn't go away, it just came out in another form. I'm glad I logged back in here, I didn't really know where else to go.

That's why this forum exists, to find people in similar situations, to know you're not alone and not abnormal.

I feel as though I should have done something to stop it from progressing. Everyone was worried about me and I was getting send to counsellors and doctors and no one was doing anything. By the time they came to take me away I was gone, I could have helped myself sooner.

But I wasn't suicidal, just mad. Totally mad.

If I'm honest I'm still in shock that it happened, no one else around me is because I lived a really crazy life and still kept my **** together. Always. I finished second year of uni with B's even though I had a valium habit, a coke habit, about five jobs, my mother was dying and my uncle was murdered and the case was going to trial.

I was supposed to be the one who kept it together and I just crumbled.

I think it's completely understandable to crumble in that situation! No one would be expected to be perfectly fine with all that going on.

In hindsight, are you more motivated to help yourself right now then?

Yeah, come Monday I'm getting sober. My CPN is coming at midday on Monday and I'll be starting aripiprazole and off my depot. I'm going to keep busy and not drink or take anything, I've done it before.

It's just getting the motivation to stop in the first place. I've tried NA, CA, abstinence programs, self-help, exercise - you name it, I've tried it. Everything except psychotherapy which I'm now going to be under-going. I'm willing to do anything to get back to normality.

I've never been this depressed before, even getting out of bed is a struggle some days.

Yeah I get that.

I'm glad you're determined. =)

Before the sectioning and the antipsychotics I was starting to get these awful thoughts. I knew there was something really wrong, I thought that I might be a paedophile or a danger to others or something. I was really going crazy so I'm in many ways better than I was but I just didn't realise the severity of it. I thought it would pass.

I'll stay stopped if you stay stopped. :0)

Not sure I'm at that stage yet. I've cut back since Christmas anyway... but eh.

Sorry for pressurising you. I was kidding. I'll stay stopped and then I'll be in a position to dish out tips. I'm really not good at answering posts, I don't know what to say to people.

I have Asperger's, I can only really relate other people's experiences to my own. You'll have noticed that, I'm really self-absorbed.

Being self-absorbed is kind of part of mental health stuff anyway, not in a nasty self obsessed kind of way, but sometimes we can end up being way too focused on ourselves. It's just part of it.

You'll know when there's something you can contribute to other posts. Everyone here comments based on similar experiences, that's the best kind of support.

I'll be honest, it's getting harder and harder to find something that hasn't happened to me at one point in life. I've been through it all, almost. Just not my mother dying, that was the final straw and it's not even happened yet.

Do you get on with your parents?

Yeah, but we're not a particularly close family. I don't talk to them about any life problems, etc. They knew stuff was happening in the past but didn't really get involved. We're a "don't talk about it, brush it under the carpet" kind of family!

I said I'd drink two beers. I'm on my fourth already and I need to drive tomorrow but I'm still wide awake.

Why do I do this to myself?

Dunno. Maybe you should stop now! What time do you have to drive tomorrow?

I don't have to drive until about 6pm so it'll be out my system by then. I'm hoping to be sleeping by 7am and up by midday.

I wouldn't say my family are like that at all!

6pm should be fine then, I was thinking you were going be driving in the morning.

Well my family brush everything under the carpet as well, is what I meant.

I can't even stomach any more, I'm forcing this last one down. I don't even feel drunk.

Feel sleepy at all?

Not really but the thoughts of getting up and ironing have left. I made my bed and showered and that's all I did since 4pm when I came home.

I had major ambitions of cleaning the house and being productive. Oh well. It can wait another day.

I made dinner and have sat on my bum since about 5pm so equally unproductive.

I'm going to go now though, attempt to get some sleep... I kinda want/need to achieve things tomorrow so need to be up a reasonable time.

It's been nice chatting!

Everyone's going to have a bit of a shock tomorrow at how many pages of random waffle that have appeared in this thread over night, lol.

LOL, I know. I'm going to delete my offending posts. I forget this is a public forum!

It was nice chatting with you, I hope you sleep well. Night night! :o)

Night night =)

You too. Take care. :)