*hugs Emma*
Sweetie, I wish I knew what to say... But there is no 'proper' way to harm hun. Gosh, your such a wonderful gal luv, please take care*snuggles*

Yeah my room mate had her meeting and I guess it went well. I am not as worried about mine now... I think if I explain what's up and am just honest it will be ok...

Now if only I felt better :-( I feel awful and my arm hurts where I cut (can you say 'duh':confused:)...

*sits in her corner, arms wrapped around her knees and stares vacantly at the floor*

yay i am so glad that your kitty meetings at school are going to be okay alyssa twin girl
i am like so so relieved for you seriously

emma i hope you are okay and that your trip to the walk in center was okay and that you are taking care of yourself
that was brave to go

Hunni, i send you bug hugs and courage
i think you need to make that call and be brave and that you need help right now
as for being locked up, i dont know
hosp is usally not a random or sudden thing, esp not if you are noncompliant
i wouldnt worry too much
when people say that hosp is for when you are an immediate risk to yourself or others, they don't mean SI
people don't get locked up just for SI or just for drugs or drinking
and it isnt something that happens out of the blue
so please don't worry about that and please call
you deserve help

SQUIGGLES
Liz i am so glad that you are going to join the Denial Tent Camp! i think more people should
it is imbued with magical stretchy powers after all, so we might as well use them and stretch it to the max to let lots of people in
and you are more than welcome to like not just pop in now and then but to live there forever and ever because in case you didnt know i live there and i am never leaving ever ever
*whispers*
the real world is too scary right now
*scurries into a corner with a blanket*

Alexx i hope you are doing well
how is school and all of that?

Chloe and Carole and Jeremy and Helen and the rest of the world hello and hugs and all of that

ps i made smores at the campfire if you want them
pps after all the fuss i made about getting a therapist i have sort of decided to stop going but i have only missed one appt on purpose so far and thanks to some good advice i have realised this is maybe not a good thing (yes for some reason my brain is so weird that it took me a whole like thinking moment and conversation thing to realise this) so i think that some time soon i have to call my therapist guy and tell him this and that we will have to reschedule our appts because i purposely said i could do extra work on all the days that i made therapy appts..... oopsies

Oopsies callie! lol.. at least you are going to reschedule tho.

Ally, i hate the time difference too. wat is the latest with your cat? have they decided anything?

alexx, how are you? stupid broken laptops...

hunni, im sure everything will be ok and your dr will just be glad you are gtting help, it shows you can be in control of your SI, and that means there wouldn;t be any reason to take your baby away from you.

jeremy, i see u there :) how are you?

i have a week off next week thank god. i am so tired. i wish i was going home, but im not. the people here drive me crazy (ok so even more crazy than i already am) they are so annoying and selfish and noisy and IMMATURE. argh.

and i have a chemistry exam and a psychology exam soon and i'm scared :(

emma, did you go to the walk in centre? are you ok?

I AM ALL OVER THE FREAKING MAP!!!
Not so much 'Good' I don't ever make it there... But I'm feeling suicidal one minute, laughing at my cat another minute, and cutting up my arm a minute later! WHAT IN F**KS SAKE IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! I SWEAR I'm probably just an attention seeker:indifferent:

I hate me:crying:...

*hugs Cloe*
Good to see you hun, hope you are doing at least tolerably well.

No kitty news yet... They need to talk to me first. My meeting is at 1:30 tomorrow... 9:30 for all y'all in England... Not sure for all y'all Aussies :pinch: that's a time difference I don't have figured out yet.

Anyway, take care all.

*leaves hugs for everyone before curling up in her corner with her blanket, pillow, and stuffed lamb to go to sleep*

*hugs Emma, Ally, Alexx, Chloe, Callie, Jeremy, Helen and anyone else I may have missed*

Emma, I know that it's far from ideal but at least you have the stitches now. Sorry for not having any fantastic advice :( take care of yourself though sweetie x

Ally, the fact that you are genuinely having problems with your mood that you cannot control and have said that you are probably an attention seeker all go to show that you are not! You are a lovely person and I hope things go well for you in the meeting about your kitty cat :)

Chloe, I hope the week off gives you some time to recharge your batteries :)

Callie, I hope that the therapist works out ok. May I ask why you didn't want to go?
(I think you mentioned it here but things have been hectic for me and I have yet to catch up :pinch:)

Hunni, I'm sure they won't lock you up for your thoughts. They can only really lock you up if you are an immediate danger to yourself or other people around you. As long as you pose no real, immediate danger to anyone then you won't be locked up.

Alexx, I hope you are doing ok. Why were you being shouted at?

---------------------------------------

My ****ing mother is doing my nut in!
She's been such a bitch lately and of course its perfectly fine.
Of course she has a reason. Of course it isnt her fault. Of course no one else is allowed to be a bit tense or stressed. Of course the whole of last week is just erased by this last monday and tuesday!

Dont know why I bother coming home. She obviously didnt listen when I was talking with her and then has the nerve to tell me that I never talk about university! She had the nerve to tell me I don't talk with her at all - what did she base this on?! This monday and tuesday. It can't have been last week because I wouldn't shut up for days last week. She's been snapping at everyone and everything and yet I'm the one that is difficult to talk to?!?!

And apparently it's perfectly fine for her to be stricter with me because of my past. Because I ran away a few times, SI'd (she doesn't know I still do occasionally) etc etc all those years ago it means that its ok for her to freak out when Im out now and to give my brother leniancy that was denied me

The thing that got to me the most was the fact that she was moaning that Grandma talks a lot about Grandad and that it just makes mum miss him more. I'm sorry but they were married for 50 years, they were dating before that, they have children and grandchildren. She lives in their house. She has to deal with post that comes for him. She is surrounded by his things all day. How does mum think Grandma feels? Mum isn't surrounded by all those reminders - yes we all have some photos and memories but its different to living in that house, being faced with his clothes/music/comb etc.

I'm sorry for the long post :blush:

meh is how i feel atm :-(

sorry, really unsocial and unmotivated to do anything except just sleep my day away...doh....

*hugs Jeremy*
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling like this
*hands over a warm hot water bottle to keep you warm and a pillow*

Thx's carole *hugs back and brings u some coffee*

I sees Ally viewing the thread *hugs you tight* You can do this hon. We're still holding each other. Hope the meeting went okay today or it will if it hasn't taken place yet.

I cba to update on me seriously. I'm all ready to cry and I just can't. I'm all alone again in a classroom. I'm thinking about those DAMM windows again. NO HELEN. NOOOOOO! I hate having appointments with my tutor about my attendance...she was kind about it and I don't deserve that =\

*thinks only 16 mins til I finally get another word with Jane and how well I've done over my appointment making lately*

*hugs everyone* How are you doing now Jeremy?

I feel crappy. I had a complete ****ing melt down at work today. I snapped at my manager, like my line manager's manager and then burst into tears in front of a customer and got taken upstairs by Wendy (my line manager who's lovely and I talk to a lot as have known her for 3+ years) who sat me down and called her manager in. They sat with me whilst I cried for about 45 minutes and wouldn't let me leave the room until I calmed down. I just wanted to go cut. She said if I don't agree to seeing a counsellor through work during the summer then they won't allow me to work there during the holidays anymore :(. It was so embarrassing! Oh and turns out my managers manager organizes groups for people with addictions and all the managers know about my self harm because Wendy felt it appropriate to tell them when they discussed why I was wearing long sleeves. Now they all think I am a ****ing nut case. Great. Excuse me whilst I go hide under my duvet for the next 20 years.

stop shouting! I need quiet, lots of quiet, to be alone, peaceful and quiet. I want to go there today. I need to go to this place, not alone cos might not come back but I need to go just to see. But if he knows why, why I need to go there before I go back to uni he will know i faked it and everything is not ok. Will lose his friendship. Cant lose his friendship but cant not do this. Stop shouting, making me edgy, stop. Its just writing.

I am going out. Need to go to this place. Two hours drive each way but not too important. Will buy pro plus and lots of coffee. Too tired but need this place. Need to know if I could, need to know how it feels to be *that* close. Too much of a temptation.

*continues hugging Helen*
Goodness Helen are you trying to make me cry in the middle of the uni computer lab lol 'cause that reminder almost made me lose it.

*hugs Emma, Jeremy, Cloe, Callie, Carole, and anyone I've missed *very sorry about that**

Jeremy, you doing better? You've been sleeping a lot lately hun.

Emma, please be careful hun... I don't have anything more for you than that but... Please :crying:

Carole, I wish I had something for you but I don't... I am so very sorry you're having such a time of it with your mom *snuggles*

*retreats to her corner and sobs*

G*d if only I could cry like that in real life and not just on the net:crying:
I am not doing well at all... I feel awful, absolutly awful. And it's not even really about the cat thing any more (which I believe will turn out better than I had thought origionally). Last night one of my supervisors again hounded me about my cutting (an wearing some fingerless gloves right now as I have 40 still healing *minor* cuts from when I learned my cat had been discovered). She does this often. And I know it's because she's worried... but it doesn't help. Confessed about it (kind of) on another site...

Here it is: "For heaven sake, please, JUST STOP!!! Don't you know it makes things WORSE?! Don't fuss, don't care, don't bother! Don't worry about me, don't try and take care of me or figure me out! I cut, yes. I've ODd several times (not that you know that). I've wished to die, seen myself slitting my wrists. I know how many pills I need and the best way to do it. So you have every reason TO worry. But don't. If it happens it happens. There will be no stopping it. It will be a well thought out decision. But you won't be able to stop it. And fussing over me, coddeling me... It just makes things worse. So please, stop. You just push me closer..."


*continues to cry in her corner*
I just want it all to stop:crying:

Sorry about the long post :-(

And I can't f**king find any place online to get better tools!! Damn search engine filters:crying:

...this one's probably gonna get deleted huh..?

*sigh*
*wanders in and throws herself on the floor. Doesn't move*

Can't wait till after work tonight... Gonna drink myself blind

*sobs in her corner*
No one here no one here no one here no one here no one here
*rocks a bit*
All alone all alone all alone all alone all alone all alone
:crying:
Five hours, five hours till I can get drunk:crying: a long time... And it's not going to be enough... All I really want to do is die

Allaloneallalonleallaloneallaloneallaloneallalonen ooneherenooneherenooneherenooneherenoonehere

*Hugs Alyssa*
You're not alone, were here to support you. You're a great friend and we care about you.
I'm sorry your Supervisor is hounding you, it doesn't help I know.
Come and join us in the denial tent. There coffee, cakes and anything else you fancy on offer.
*Stokes Fire*
Liz

Emma, where are you? Where did you need to go hun? Did it help? Are you ok?

Ally it's great that the cat situation will turn out better than you thought. :) Yes, you cut. Yes, you OD. It's ok to admit it and it's ok to be struggling. We are all struggling here, we all know how you feel *hugs*

Alexx, how are you?

Hi Liz, haven't seen you around for a while, hows things? *comes and sits next to you and has some carrot cake with lots of cream cheese icing*

My friend was supposed to come and visit me yesterday, but she didn't. She says she's trying to get wednesday off work so she can come. I don't know if she will tho. I wouldn't either - it's 6 hours each way on the bus :s

A whole week all alone, no lectures or anything to make me move from this room.

**** I am so sad and pathetic. I have no friends.