Are you not able to speak to your counsellor and get a later appointment, or another appointment on another day?
It would be worth while to see if you can keep the appointment Hells, as it will help you in the long run.

The DSA may not even take 2 hours, they often give a rough guide to give you time either way so you can plan things around it (much like most appointments with application forms etc).

Atleast you're seeing your GP next week again so you won't be going completely without help if you do cancel your counselling appointment.

Hug
x

I know it'd be worthwhile to keep it. I can't see her any earlier than that (she has a 12pm appointment on tues I think but I wont be back) and then she's all booked up on Weds. I know this cus of taking a mate to book an appointment today.

I wasn't even given that rough guide, it was someone from uni...but yeah.

Indeed, I've been doing a little better, today's just knocked me a bit.

So alone.
So unloved.
I'll never meet another person to share my life with.
No, i really know that, i'm really not just saying it.
Spending another christmas alone is enough to want to top myself,
although, hopefully i won't be here by then.
And if i am, i can top myself, so i don't have to go through it, and go through another **** year.

Bah.
I miss him, and i shouldn't.
I'm ignored wherever i go.
Just another spare part people use when they want some comfort,
then i'm thrown to one side like a bad penny.

You don't know just how lonely i really am.
And i deserve it.

*offers cuddles to Laura*

Hope they help somehow xxxx

*hugs everyone*

I slept last night. Woot!

*hugs everyone again*

Yaaaay sleep!!!

Suidice thoughts running around my head.
So many ways.
In one morning.
But I don't want to hurt people.
I don't to let everyone down.
People need me.
****ing hell I hate this so much.

hurrah for sleep

*hugs Dramatice* i'm sorry you feel so down

*Curls up into a ball*
This feeling isn't good.
I..don't know how to deal with this.
I just know it isn't good.
If this continues i know i won't be here for much longer.

Sorry.
Thanks.

*hugs Laura*

*hugs everyone else*

I'm really stressed .... I have no accommodation in Brisbane if I go down there ... and my flight is booked. I don't think I can get anything back on it immediately and I'm not sure whether I should go or not.

*goes outside and starts screaming*

*hugs kahlia*

*Hugs Kahlia*
We can be stressed together.
Rest assured if i lived in Brisbane i'd let you stay with me.
Not that that helps, considering i'm the other side of the world. heh.

Thanks for the hugs girls. xx

*hugs Becca and Laura back*

I think I'm going to start cutting again .... I don't know whether I want to or not. I mean I do, but I know that I'll be letting my friends down which I don't want to do. I think I'm going to have to take a couple of sleeping pills or I'm going to be awake all night. Or of course I'm going to start attacking myself. I've made it to 53 days SI free but right now I'm ready to just throw it out and cut. Cutting would be so damn easy and would make me feel a bit better.

Someone please hit me over the head with something ....

*hugs everyone then hides under the bed crying*

Going clubbing tonight. Gonna get drunk and act silly. x

*drags Kahlia out for a hug* you dont need to start cutting you do need to sleep!

*hugs Becca, Kahila & Laura*

Haha.
Just woken up and so therefore I've had like nearly 12 hours sleep.
I feel dizzy and even MORE tired.
Plus my mum asked me to do something, which involved going going to my 6th form college and it had to be TODAY!!
Guess I'll have to call college up and see if they can sort it for me for Monday.
Or I'm screwed :(
Bet I'm going to get yelled at :]

*hugs Becca and Helen*

With the aid of some sleeping pills I managed to stay SI free for the night. I got about 5.5 hours sleep. Which for me is brilliant. Sleep is one of those skills that I forget how to do regularly.

Helen - wow, approximately 12 hours sleep ? I think you must be sleeping for me. LOL. You obviously really needed it. I hope that you do feel a bit better for it. *hugs*

Becca - Thankyou. I also needed to get what was in my head out into the ether (so to speak) because doing things like that for me can help me to work out what is going on, and therefore to prevent the SI from happening ... not always though. *hugs*

Zowie - hmmmm. I hope that you enjoy your night out. I'll offer you some quick hugs in the hope that it's a pleasant evening/night. *hugs*

Laura - Thankyou for the hugs. I hope you aren't feeling quite so stressed right now. Seriously, thanks for the support. *hugs*

Thankyou everyone for putting up with me and my rants.

*hugs everyone who wants or needs hugs*

I think i did sleep for you :) But yay on that amount of sleep for you :]

YAY for staying si free hun

love ya *huggles*

xxxx

*hugs you back*

I'd quite like to get some sleep for myself if that's okay with you. :p I'm having a really ****ed up day. I've decided that I'm going to stay in Townsville. For the time being anyway. We started looking at 3 bedroom accommodation but we aren't eligible for a rental bond loan. So for a little while I can only afford to move in with one of my friends. We start looking for two bedroom accommodation on Wednesday when he gets back from Brisbane. Hopefully we should be able to stay on top of things that way and not have any of us going through debtors hell. From my point of view that also means that I'll be able to move back into town which means that seeing Nicole won't be as expensive ... and won't take as long. Currently it takes me 30 minutes to drive to where she is living.

I think Nicole hates me. :( Well at the moment anyway. I know that she really wants to move in with me and our other friend immediately. I'm really scared that she feels like we are deserting her. Something that neither of us wants to do.

I've made it through another 24 hours without cutting. I did manage to cut my thumb accidentally .... it really didn't help. I started wanting to cut 3 times as bad. Meh.

*hugs everyone*

I hope you are all having better or at least a little less stressful days that I've had today.

*more hugs for everyone*

Kahlia - have you explained to Nicole what's going on?
She won't hate you sweetie.
It seems things are planning out a bit better than yesterday atleast.
Just hang in there hun. *big hugs* I hope you manage to get some sleep.

---

I have chronic period pains and they just REALLY aren't funny anymore. It's the last thing i need right now with my emotions going haywire anyway.

It doesn't help that a prescription i put in about 5 weeks ago never got signed by a doctor, or so i THOUGHT. My father went to Tesco's pharmacy to pick up my mother's prescription, which he did, but he was also given one for me (he works at Tesco's so they know me/mum/dad).
The problem is..that there's 100 prescription painkillers in there.
And they're the brand name ones i OD'd on back in May 2007 - and i had an anaphalactic shock (throat swelling/hands & arms swelling up/unable to breathe).
My eyes just shone in amazement.

My mother snatched them off me and said "I haven't got the time to be running back and fourth from hospital" - er, don't worry about me wanting to OD on them then..just worry about the money you'd have to pay out on petrol *rolls eyes*.

She said *SHE* was looking after them, as i only got 50 of these painkillers on Thursday from my GP. (He's limiting me to 50 rather than giving me 100 due to my OD/Suicide Tendancies).
The problem is when i OD'd 4 weeks ago, even though i OD'd on these..they weren't the brand name ones, so although the main ingredients were the same, there's ingredients in the brand them ones are slightly different - and my body reacts differently.
All i know is, if i just took 10-20 more of these tablets i wouldn't be here, because i was told back then just how "lucky i was to be here", and how "If i'd taken 10-20 more" they'd have a major "Fight to keep me here".

Gah. **** it.

The thing is, i know exactly where my mother hides them.

Erk.
Not good.

And, my mother/father just recieved a bill from a debt company for an Electricity bill for over £400.
The problem is, we aren't with this Electricity Company anymore, and haven't been since we moved from our last house.
We had problems with this company when we moved here, they told us to pay up so much money - which we did NOT owe - it eventually got sorted out.
However, they're now claiming they've been trying to track us down for 3 years!
What waffle!

The downfall is we need evidence to prove we don't owe anything, and as it's been so long we haven't got any previous bills from our old house. Why would we keep them?
Erk.

Which means my mother/father are in a major HISSY fit, phoning all these companies trying to figure out what to do.
We've already got money problems coming out of our ears. This is the last thing we need.

*SIGH*
It's just ME who gets the brunt of the anger.

The urge to cut is getting ridiculous.
And the fact wherever i go on here, chat, forums, i feel completely ignored.
Except for here, but i feel unable to open up so publicly at the moment for some unknown reason.

And i have no ****ing cigarettes, which is making me majorly grumpy, because i smoke 20 a day.
*Bangs head viciously on wall*

God damnit.
Sorry for whinging.
I'll shut up now and go sit in the corner in silence.

Laura can you accept hugs sweetheart ?? *hugs you if you can accept them* If I could I'd hand you some cigarettes too .... I'm also out :( I'm sorry that you feel ignored on most forums in RYL and chat too. I just want to let you know that I'm here and reading, and I do care. x - safe hugs - x

Oh, and we have explained to Nicole what is going on and been straight out with the reasons. I'm just really worried that I've upset her. :(

*sits next to you in the corner and offers silent support*