*hugs all round*

Grrr! My God I hate Vista! So much software doesn't work with it so having to download and install XP. I prefer XP but still it is such a hassle and I'm having to do it over a couple of days otherwise I'll exceed the pitiful download limit the providers have set us.
I was hoping to have a proper nights sleep but can't seem to settle. I guess it's just not meant to be tonight...
Feeling sensitive atm, wanting to hide away from everything. Not looking forward to tomorrow, got to talk a lot with people. Don't feel up to it.

*huddles in a corner with my teddy and a supply of chocolate and custard*

*hugs Carole* I hate talking with loads of people sometimes too, especially when I feel rough. I hope it doesn't go too badly. *kicks computer for you*

*pokes head out from behind my teddy*
Thanks for the hug :) and also for kicking the computer. I've nearly thrown it out of my window, and I'm on the 10th floor. That's how crappy and frustrating it is!
*retreats again*

awww....I hate technology. Spent half an hour earlier transferring stuff from our fridge because it wasn't working. Turns out I had switched it off at the mains this morning instead of switching on the kettle. hmmmm....maybe I will leave it all alone lol

Lol yea, I think that is the best thing to do. It is common knowledge that computers and other modern technologies would function perfectly fine if humans had nothing to do with them.

*Curls up into a ball and tries not to throw up*

*hugs Emma*
what's wrong hun? x

I was stupid and took too much of something :crying: Not enough to be really dangerous don't worry, but yeah. *thanks Carole for hug and curls back up*

*wraps Emma up in a warm duvet and watches over her to ensure she rests*

Thanks hun, I think I will actually go to bed now. Thanks for letting me be all pitiful and whine *hugs* n'night x

Goodnight hun *hugs back* you weren't whining at all. I'm here (as is everyone else) whenever you want to chat xx

there are 1800 people doing my papers....so they don't really care too much about individuals. i dont do a little bit at a time cos i cant make myself do ANY of it.....i was supposed to get my life together this year. i'm so pathetic.

Emma and Carole i hope you guys had a good night
Chloe you are not a failure! you can totally get everything together and catch up and put everything to riights this year. it's only march! we can support you and there are some lapdesks in the Denial Tent so you can be safe and focus and get everything done!
Alexx and Helen and Nathan and Kit how are you now?
eep my second therapy appt is in 3 hours
i keep bursting into laughter for no reason on the inside
it is making it really hard to get any work done
i must be nervous? that or psychotic....
yeah i spent all of last night laying awake wanting to sleep. i maybe got 4 hours though - not too bad and i dont feel tired at all.
*stands in Denial Tent waiting and hoping that the magicalness will somehow make me feel sane*

*yawn*
I'm tired.
I doubled my dose of meds last night...coz I felt panicked and couldnt sleep (its not dangerous...but my doctor is an idiot and kept me on a ridiculously low dosage even though it doesnt help) and good god did it knock me out?!
I was still drowsy this morning so i came home early fromo college and ive just woken up...after sleeping fpr nearly four and a half hours...and im still abit drowsy and tired :(
plus my arm is really starting to itch...
I found out today that the reason my doctor cant see me til the 25th is coz hes on holiday!(thanks for telling me i could pop in anytime between then and now...liar..)
and i have counselling tomorrow...
and im gonna get shouted at..coz she told me its 'safer to cut up not across' ?! but i thought that was rubbish...and now shes gonna say i misused her trust.....
GAH!!

im sick of feeling like crap ><
I cant do this :crying:

lol @ "safer to cut up not across"

aww honey i am sorry your doc is away for so long
but the 25th is only about a week away!
good luck at your appt
i hope you were able to get some rest

gah my appt is in less than 2 hours
i am so freaking out
i am so freaking out
i want to take these meds i have but they wont kick in in time i waited too long :(
but that is probably a good thing? it doesn't feel like a good thing.... no but it's a good thing because at that first appt i was drugged up out of my mind just so i would show up and talk and i really don't want him to think i am always like that lol

*breathes*
it will be fine it will be fine i will tell myself i am in the Denial Tent and all safe

*big hugs*
it'll be fine sweetie...
I'll send my doggie to go with you
she'll look after you :]

ewww some guy online just called me a fat emo b**** coz i said i wasnt in the mood to talk:'[

i can barely move
*curls up*

*hugs everyone who needs it*

Alexx *hugs* ignore that guy, he sounds like a complete **** *offers you a blanket to curl up under*

Good luck with your appointment Callie- I think you are really brave for everything you are doing at the moment. Please let us know how it goes *Hugs*

Your aren't pathetic effervescence, you are just struggling- don't be too hard on yourself *hugs*

*Curls up rocking, trying to stop eyes moving so erratically and the horrible sick, shaky feeling* :(

I'm sick and tired of today :(

More bad news, my friend Mel whose dog was sick, he died this morning *sobs*

I've lost my favourite gloves, left them on the train >.<

My friend is still loosing her baby I think.

THIS WORLD SUCKS!

I have counselling tomorrow and scared about it.

Meeeeeeeeeh, *rolls up in a ball and cries*

Emma, thanks for your pm, hope you don't mind me not replying....

*cries*

My mum is going to call Customer Services today about my phone, maybe there is hope.

I saw Jess today, and had a really good chat with her, love it! Also saw Neil again and yeah...they both said not to get too upset about my friend's baby as there's nothing I can do =[

oh god :/
I caught the cut on my arm...the deep bit...and now im bleeding again...
and i was watching something on TV....and im very triggered right now :|

uhhhhhh...

I HATE THIS ><

*hugs anyone who needs it*

How are you doing now Alexx? *offers bandage for caught cut on arm and kicks TV*

*offers sweets to Helen* You doing any better hun?

Ally- I can see you are online, haven't seen you around today, you alright sweetie? *offers hugs*

*Shouts for Callie....C A AAAA LLLLIIIIIEEEEE??* How was therapy today?

I cant do this :|
I have to give up now.

*walks in and sits down curling in a ball*

I just want to be held for awhile is that ok? i just really need a hug..

*hugs everyone*

Well I went to sleep even earlier last night- 11.30pm!!!!! I was woken up at 8.50 mind you (10 mins too early) haha, I feel so proud, yet so tired :(

I don't feel any better at all, and it's been 8 days since I was gonna do it, can't wait for next few days...more self descruction, but big style!

Im such an idiot :/
I overslept and missed my counselling session...AGAIN...
but she's fully booked and cant see me til next week :[
i dont want to talk to any of the other counsellors...

*hugs Alexx* Argh im so sorry hun..

*hugs Alexx and Helen and Emma and Kit*
Alexx honey how are you now? how is the arm? hun i really think you need to go to the docs and have it looked it - be brave. next week set like two alarms!!
glad to hear you got some sleep Helen, be safe sweetie
Kit how are you? *gives you big hugs*
*hugs Emma* thanks hun the appt was okay, not great and not awful but i am glad i went and i agreed to give the support group thing a try (ack)
how are you doing honey?

Chloe and Jeremy and Alyssa and Carole, what's up with you guys? how's it going?

Hiiiiiiiiiiii.

Wow I've been confessing big time today. Obviously saw my counsellor who went to ring my gp, to book an appointment for me to see the male bastard >.< But luckily the earliest appointment she could get for me was with a female today at 5pm. It was werid, but ack I have a referral, will deffo go this time, annnnd then she did some test and I came out as midly depressed (hmm when I do some, it comes out as moderate/severe but all are different?) and moderate anxiety (not suprised tbh).

WOW, but before that appointment, I told another person at college about last week and stuff, really helped. But yeah you should have seen her face when she said don't do it again and about how much pain it causes. Really snapped me out of it....but now I'm like what do I want to do? Be alive and get happy? Or be dead and miss out on good things?

I'm still bit suidicial, but least it isn't so strong I guess?

*sneaks in...*
*whispers*
guys...im scared...
I think...i created something...someone...in my head...she wont leave me alone...
i dunno what to do...
im just gonna sit...in that dark corner ok?
forget im even there...

dont even know where to be
hate psych wards
even scared of this one after the other day...but i know i'm falling apart

*squishes Alex*

I'm feeling dreadful cus of my chest and stuffs.

But I'm going to get an early night, got a lonnnnnnng day tomorrrow :P

Alexx honey be calm and ignore her!
and please call your doc or somebody
don't keep it all inside and hidden - that makes it worse
how are you now?

Becci honey i know that the hosps are scary and rightly so after your recent experience but you are really smart and if you don't feel safe right now please ring your doc or go to a+e
things are always easier and safer if you go willingly and maybe if you call your doc's office they can suggest something other than where you just were
i hope you are okay and safe hon

Helen i am sorry you feel sick
that's no good
get some nice restful sleep!

*hugs everyone*

I'm sorry, I have no energy to offer advice but been thinking of you all.

*crawls up in a ball and hopes to black out and wake up in a different time/world/something*

*hugs anybody who needs some*

Hi everyone. Hope you're all doing okay *hands out homemade chocolate chip cookies*
xx

*walks in*

I haeven't got time to post really, but just thought you should know my friend has now entirely lost her baby :(

I won't be back til 9 tonight, I'm out :D

I'm sorry to hear that helen...i hope everything goes alrite with ur friend xx

In the mean time...have fun there :) tc of urself!

aww Zowie ty for the cookies!! i love cookies yummmm
Emma, been thinking about you hun. i really hope you are okay
Helen i am so sorry to hear about your friend. she is lucky to have you thinking about her and lucky to have you for a friend. *hugs*
Jeremy i hope you're doing well
Alexx how are you today?
*hugs everybody and anybody who is here*

by the way i leave for vacation tomorrow and i don't want to go so i am actually going to stay in the Denial Tent i have decided

where are you going?

This girl in my head...is a bitch....

I tried to attack someone today :/
I cant get rid of her...

She's there now...
Please make her go away...
I dont wanna get locked up forever

oh alexx, thats awful. at least, if she's there now, you're still managing to post this? that must mean there are times you can handle her influence over you. it must be so scary, dont really know wat else to say though, is there anything else your psych can do to try and find out why she is there? *hugs*

I almost went to a real psych ward today but lied to the assessors that I was 'fine' but I'm kind of wishing I had gone now.

*joins everyone else with their duvets and cuddles up with her hot water bottle and favourite teady bear, crying and wishing everything would get better some day soon*

*hugs everyone*

Thanks guys, I'm really upset obviously for her and stuff. =[

I sometimes wonder if anything i do is enough. sucks to feel like a waste of space.

why are you feeling like a waste of space, Katharine? *hugs* im sure you're not!! come sit with us in the tent i stole from my dad :p everyone is safe in here

Katharine and hearstoppedbeating - come and rest and relax in our magical Virtual Psych Ward campsite with the fabulous Denial Tent! it has magic mosquito netting that protects us from the badness and keeps us safe
i refuse to leave even for my vacation i am going on tomorrow
Chloe i am going to spain.... bought stupid tickets on a stupid impulse and i dont want to go
i hate vacations i dont know why i always do this
its just no fun going away and being in a weird place when you feel so unsafe and unstable, you know?
*hugs Helen and Alexx*
Alexx honey you have to ignore her. have you called your doc and told them about her? they can help you sweetie
i should really start packing now but i think i will hide out in the Denial Tent for a while first, maybe venture out and roast some marshmallows in a bit

I cant ignore her....
She reminds me how worthless i am.
Sometimes she makes me do god awful things ><
My doctor is away at the moment (cheers for telling me Dr.Owen...)
I think...maybe it'll be safer if I go in a psych ward><
away from people.
Away from the general public.
Away from everything.

I saw my counsellor today...in passing...she thought i looked happy...I was holding back tears.
I want a proper psych :/
I always get stuck with pisspoor counsellors....
no one thinks theres anything wrong with me.
Why dont they believe me?!
Whats the point?!
*curls up under a duvet and cries*

i think you are right Alexx honey about hosp and that is very brave of you
there is still a point! there is always a point because the morons dont listen but the smart people do and we believe you and the good docs believe you and it is the help from the good people that you have to fight for

*hugs everyone who needs them*

Alexx, you deserve proper help. If you are being made to do things by someone else and hurting this badly then maybe hospital is not a bad idea. Whatever you decide, we will be here for you- you know that x

Callie- Please TRY and have fun on holiday! Hopefully you will find yourself able to enjoy it. When are you back?

*wonders where her promised PM from Helen is*

Anyone seen Ally today? Is she alright? xx

don't know where Alyssa is :( hope she is okay
thinking of you my RYL twin

i leave tomorrow for spain and come back april 6th - which is an eon away
eep
am trying to look forward to this
havent packed at all due to a severe case of denial

*hugs to all*
Emma hope you are well hun - don't forget to look after yourself
Helen how are things? *thinking of you*
Alexx i send you a huge supply of virtual support and *snuggles*
Chloe you are awesome and i am taking a travel-sized version of the Denial Tent with me :) seriously, i am *hugs you tight*

*sniffles*
keep the Virtual Campfire warm for me.....
*passes out smores for all*
I DONT WANT TO GO AWAY I WANT TO STAY HERE IN THE DENIAL TENT WITH ALL OF YOU :'(