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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kittyenna 22-10-2012 10:01 AM

Cant cope anymore :( want it to stop. Am so stupid, just get in the way for everyone. The urges are getting hard to fight. Can't do it anymore *hides*

risenfromperdition 22-10-2012 10:49 PM

katie not bad.
katie nice nice.

*curls up neer katie*
me dus b sleepi. :(

sapphire hearts 24-10-2012 12:41 AM

*cuddles heather* thanx huni
hope u ok
love u :)
so scared now
he coming for me

Kittyenna 27-10-2012 12:38 PM

*curls up* too much can't cope anymore, too many eyes watching

hellokittymad 27-10-2012 12:41 PM

*sits in box* bad

risenfromperdition 28-10-2012 12:54 AM

yous no bad. yous gud.

sapphire hearts 29-10-2012 12:32 AM

I'm at home for a week while the flat's being renovated - don't think I'll make it. Home 30 minutes before brother stormed in and caused an argument with our dad, who then barked at me. I don't think I'll make it - I've been home four hours and I already want to cut myself.

YodaBearInterrupted 02-11-2012 03:16 PM

*hugs all in here*

Sucks right now... I am in a bad place :(

sapphire hearts 02-11-2012 10:44 PM

*hugs Matt* you wanna talk about it sweetie? x

YodaBearInterrupted 03-11-2012 07:58 AM

Its just a conglomerate of things Katie - as i write this at nearly 4 AM XD. I am overwhelmed with emotional and mental pain... i am bending over backwards to help people with stuff and i admit i tell them I expect nothing back in return... and i dont anyway. its not like i am going to anyway since i am just so nice and giving like that. its like you see the cliff ahead and know you should stop and put on the brakes, but you dont and keep on going straight ahead... i have escaped SH but its in the rear view mirror gaining strength and catching up to me quickly... i am being taken advantage of and run over at work by fellow coworkers and no matter what i do i cant please everyone -- i am with the office staff and the politics each side plays is ridiculous -- and i try to play the role of Switzerland -- but its to no avail. My grandparents dont listen to my ideas for how to better run the school (its a private therapeutic day school for ED/LD kids from DC who come to our school for special ed and have IEPs and such)... i basically have no one outside my RYL family ( i consider all of you on here my family lol) to talk to about this stuff because in the past I have been shut down, not listened to, or almost forced to be eval'd because i was in a really really bad place last year... sorry for the rambling... kind of crying as i write this... 26 and crying... yeah what a great guy i am.

sapphire hearts 03-11-2012 11:42 AM

*hugs tight* there's no shame in crying hun - everyone does it, even if they don't admit it. You are a great guy sweetie :)

I'm sorry things have been so rough lately. I'm being a hypocrite, but is there any way you could tell people gently that you have to spend more time taking care of yourself and less time doing things for other people? You are never going to be able to please everyone darling, and expecting yourself to is just setting yourself up for failure. You're expecting yourself to be perfect - maybe so you can blame yourself some more when you fail? I don't know. But it's not healthy for you.

Do you see a counsellor or anyone IRL that you could talk to? I'm always here if you want to PM me or chat, but I know that online support can only go so far at times. RYL feels like family to me too; I guess a lot of us feel like that because our actual families aren't supportive.

Love and massive hugs sweetie - I know it's bad now but you can get through this. I'm always here hun :) xxx

YodaBearInterrupted 06-11-2012 06:07 AM

Its really hard to do that... i feel bad when I cant help others with things and i will take it to heart to do better the next time so that i can help him/her instead of myself. I believe that i dont deserve the help and accolades that people tell me or give me.

I blame myself for the silliest things if I can find a way that it was/could have been my fault. I never understood why... i just do. Its painful yes, but i accept full blame even if its not my fault... i try to be good enough for everyone and when that fails, it must be my fault somehow or someway.

I used to see a psych in the past -- over a year ago. I broke it off with him because we began to struggle and fight over how i was doing and the relegation of control. My greatest fear, which i am sure many on here share, is having to be hospitalized. I have narrowly avoided it twice and i doubt luck would be on my side if it came up a 3rd time.

Its like a vicious circle that I can escape for sometime... but right now i can't... it feels like its getting worse everyday and I am losing control.

The last meeting i had with the psych was over this basically when we fought over how much control i had, if i was a SH risk and stuff like that which led to him raising the potential of HP for a few days so i could "relax and regroup" with a better system in place to help me and I refused and shouted at him... which pretty much ended our session lol. I was recommended for day hospitalization a few years back when I was at college, but my parents refused to allow me to do it thinking i would be better off at home and didnt want that following me in life -- plus the psych wanted to add stipulations if i did go (cause he recognized i was a big escape risk lol as well as i could hide stuff pretty well) -- i was pretty bad off for a few days then.... it sucked -- that was the one time i nearly lost it in the office (on campus) cause he said brb and he was gone for 20 mins and he told me i just fell short of being involuntarily HP'd because i was not an imminent risk. Sucks now VA law has changed to "substantial likelihood" so i am kinda screwed now lol...

YodaBearInterrupted 07-11-2012 07:14 PM

*hides in the magic fort*

Its getting really bad again :(

sapphire hearts 08-11-2012 03:32 PM

*joins Matt in fort and offers safe hugs*
I know the feeling hun. What specifically is getting worse? xx

YodaBearInterrupted 09-11-2012 03:49 PM

Too much drama and backstabbing at work... I am trying to remain neutral and not pick sides but its becoming so difficult to do that. I am basically at wits end and struggling mightily to keep my emotional well-being in check. I am already a lil psychotic, but I know where the boundaries lie - as in when I need to take a walk or leave work for a lil while aka lunch. Put family stuff and friend stuf on top and its a volatile mixture that I am desperately trying to keep control of. I haven't SH'd at all yet, thanks to some remarkable patience I have and Halo 4 lol... but I can't hold on much longer like this without something going wrong or bad happening

Louise 09-11-2012 06:15 PM

hugs everyone

xxjuliexx 11-11-2012 12:46 AM

anyone about

YodaBearInterrupted 11-11-2012 05:06 PM

*hugs Julie* hope that's okay

What's up?

risenfromperdition 12-11-2012 12:29 AM


YodaBearInterrupted 12-11-2012 01:05 AM

What's wrong risen? *hugs*

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