thankyou, i dont know what to do. i dont know when my mums due back and even wen she does get back i cant tell her how i'm feeling, i'll wait till she goes bed more than likely then dissapear. i just wanna run and hide away from everything.

I'm..confused why Katch would be on a ship...but I'll gladly adopt you :D
We can sort it out via PM if you want when you fix your mouse?

And as for YOU Helen :P
I'm trying to save credit/save MONEY for credit...so hopefully I'll still have my phone...but we are moving in the HOLIDAYS so I wont even have the college computers :blink: *breaks down*

Katey...we are all here for you if you need the company. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling? *cuddles*

Hey Amanda....I'm sorry about your binge...but try not to worry about it too much...(as silly as that sounds) Take care of yourself xxxxxxxx

I know how that feels. I am here for you if you need to talk.

BTW...I forgot to mention....Katch...if the internet is so expensive on the ship...would it be better to get peoples phone numbers?
you are MORE THAN welcome to have mine if you want....
even if you want it NOW you are still welcome :)

i dont know how am feeling my heads just a mess theres so much going on inside of it. my moods really really low, and my thoughts well yeah theyr not too good, if i dissapear there'll b no1 around who knows me so therfore they cant stop me doing anything. i dont want to face anything anymore. i dont want to feel like this any longer. i cant do it i've tried and tried again and its got me nowhere. it never does

*cuddles* I understand... I feel like that today too

Hun...I know its hard...it is really hard...but you have to try keep fighting because one day you WILL beat this...and you'll be glad that you kept fighting...I know what its like to try and to not get anywhere...and its the worst feeling in the world...im sure many other people in here know what its like too...but if you can focus on something worthwhile...something worth fighting for...
how about your sister? or your family? or a best friend? Surely they are worth trying for.
you deserve SO SOOOO much better than this and if i could take it away and make it better for you then believe me I would...im here if you need to talk...
xxxx

thankyou *cuddles back*


i wish i could fight for someone else but i cant, i've hurt them all o much, my sister doesnt care me and my mum well yeah thats another story. i've upset my friends so much its not fair on them to keep getting hurt. if i'm not here then they wont get hurt any more they wont have to worry about me doing anything, or if wen i see them thats the last time theyll see me. i've not been glad, i used tot hink i was after i came round or i endd up in hospital or i'd fought another day was like yeah ok did that but it wares of after a while and unforutnatly its worn thin and theres nothing there.

i'm sorry i'm just rambling

:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

They might worry about you...but it shows they care! I'm sure it would upset them so much if you died!!
The fact that they are still around shows they care about you...and they will be proud of you for continuing to fight this!
You can do it hun.
I have faith in you.

it will i kno yeah it will upset them but i feel dead inside already so whats the point in fighting

Hun there was a point when i felt exactly the same...."Im already dead so why bother?" but there is ALWAYS a point....the fact that you're still here shows there is a point.
Theres gonna be a day...in the near or far future when you think "i'm glad im here..." and it might only be a day...or half a day..or an hour... but you need to hold on to that and use it to help you get through the dark times ok?
Please...i know its hard but trust me...

Yay!!! It makes me so happy that there is another Pagan on RYL :D
I just read your reply to "Pagan" by Steel Maiden Alexx :)

when i was last on the 'real psych ward' in March i had my uni nterview and yeah i got in. i wouldnt have been here if they didnt admit me to the ward, i was threatened to get sectioned and would have happend because been sectioned before. i went on a huge high from it, but it didnt fill n e thing i still felt crap just they saw the side of me that yeah wanted to go to uni and do the course. so many people decided that i was ok because now i was at uni. yeah wen i got in yes i was shocked and happy that i got in. i thought i could keep hold of that but its not there anymore so much has come up and theres nothing there

ahehe :P I was all confused for a moment then :P
but now i understand ^_^

It kinda sucks though...because of this massive depression bout...I feel very new to it again...its like when I took it up for the first time...but hopefully...when I start practicing again I will get back into it pretty quickly and start to feel better :D
Ive even pulled down all my books and things to a middle self in my wardrobe to encourage me to use them more so i can get back into it quicker :D

Is there nothing else sweety?:( nothing at all?
How about looking through old photos to find good times?
Surely there must be something :( but I know what its like when the depression kinda engulfs you and it feels like there is NOTHING good in your life what-so-ever...
I wish i could help you and give you something more Katey :(

Don't feel bad... I am relatively new to it myself... I was raised in a Christian home, but introduced to it in high school, but since I still lived with my very Christian parents, I had to kinda put my interest in the Craft on the back burner, and it wasn't until I married my husband (in May of last year) and moved out of my parent's house that I was free to explore.
So... we can be new together!!!! :tongue2:
If you want, I can PM you some good websites.

i cant find anything, i dont have that many photos that would bring good memories, mainly because in most photos from me being younger have my 'step-dad' in them whos currently serving a prison sentence for, well yeah not being a very good stepdad. and hes sort of caused bit of whats going on. only time i remebr is wen my grandma was alive and she died wen i was 7(i'm now 20) thats wen things atsrted to fall aprt. i dont have mnay photos of then either.

i cant find n e thing to fight for, my mums due back soon :(

Cool :D
I always love finding out how other people came across the Craft.
Personally...I was never raised in a religious home...and I felt kind of lost...but I always had strong views and beliefs...which didnt seem to fit other religions...apart from one day...whilst on the net...I came across Paganism and it seemed SO natural to me :D But it was then my nana started being "overly religious" and trying to put me and it down...which hurt alot...but I found solice in Paganism and never let her make me give it up...I've now been pagan for about 4 years?...even though at times I've practiced less frequentlly than I'd like to..

I'd like it if you PM'ed me some sites :) and if I come across any good ones I'll let you know too :)
xxx

I'm sure she'd hate to see you so upset though. She must have loved you so so much hun and that in itself is a good thing to hold on to?
You might not agree with this...but I believe and think that she's with you all the time...even now...and you can still fight this for her.
Maybe....one good idea might be to start a journal...and write about GOOD things in it...like if you go out and have a good hour or so...write about it...or take a photo...and keep it all in a diary. then when you feel down...you can remind yourself of the good times...it might be easier than just trying to think of good things of the top of your head.
Do you think that would help you hun?
xx

Or...another variation would be a memory box? I have one of these...and its just full of little bits...letters...and things from days/nights out...photos of friends and one of my grandad...and its nice to look through it when i feel sad...

i loved her so much and i kno she loved me shes the only person i know i can say ii lovd her, i've never properly grieved for her, io kno shes with me i believe that but the way i'm feeling i can 'be with her' if that makes sense.

i have a journal i've kept diaries for years. but its hard to see or write n e thing wen i'm like this. all that sid of me shuts of theres nothing. i'm just low and nothings getting in. my mums home now so i have to come of here before she has a go at me which wont help. i dont knwo what i'm doing now though.

Keep fighting hun....your grandma wouldnt want you to die...she'd want you to fight this and to win and to live a great life.
You have my number if you need to talk ok?
Take Care
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alexx - You have a PM ;)

:D yaysssss hehe

ohhh. Last night and this afternoon...I was dancing in the rain. It felt sooooo amazing....even if i did get a little bit cold afterwards....but i love the feel of rain on my skin ^_^ <3

Hey there Chloe and Susan...I can see you both ^_^
How are you?

I feel so unhelpful today. The lack of sleep is finally totally catching up. I finally napped this afternoon, now I don't want to do anything! I just want to put on my sleep shirt and eat supper in front of the tv and watch some of the shows that my husband has recorded that I haven't had a chance to watch in a week.

Katey, I don't have any wise words, but...*gives you a hug*

Could y'all please pm me with some of the sites about paganism? I'm interested in it. My Christian husband calls me a druid because I find my peace with my higher power when i'm out in natural places. He accepts it too.

Sure :) I'll forward you the email that Bound By Thoughts sent me and if I find anymore useful bits....I'll send them to you too :)

Bozo our cat walked in to tell me it is dinner time. So I'm back now. For him one 3-ounce can of mystery turkey bits in gravy. While I was there I put water on to boil for a pot of mac n cheese, the kind in the box with the foil packet of cheese sauce. I hate to cook! I was burned out on it years ago. Stinkin "Cinderella" memories. My mother was in shock when I got married, she was losing her handmaid and servant.

I've been eating junk for a week. I've been wound up for a week helping a friend. I am totally happy to be of help! But now I'm waiting for news about her surgery and the energy of being vigilant and helpful all week has just gone away.

My husband has agreed to watch tv with me in a bit. I'll pin pieces of the shirts in place and watch, then sew while he zooms through commercial breaks. It is the best I can do.

I really want to get my new purple sun-shirt put together before my hubby and I leave on holiday next Saturday May 24. It is just so easy to put on a sun shirt, then I don't have to worry about putting on sunscreen. I don't even use lotion on my hands. I'm fortunate enough that I don't need it. I'm a nut about clean hands because I don't want to get oils and dirt on the fabrics i'm working with. Anyway, we're planning guess what a road trip, through Arizona to New Mexico, tracing part of old Route 66 and looking for some of the ghost towns in New Mexico that we missed back at Christmas because of our car problems.

I know none of this compares to what you all are going through. One of these years I'll learn to take care of myself before I burn out and wipe out. Maybe.

Sorry I don't have much to offer. Hugs all around.

hey.
im not doing v well.
my brain isnt working today

Chloe I'm sorry you arent doing too good today :(
I wish I could help you...but you are doing so well fighting this. Please keep going! I'm so proud of you *hugs*

Susan...I'm sure you'll manage to finish the sun shirt in time! and I hope you have a great road trip...it sounds amazing. Icould love to travel down Route 66 ^_^

Sorry I've not had much to offer you guys...but I really need some sleep right now...I'm kinda achey but my shoulders hurt...I got sunburnt :(
I will talk to you all tomorrow. Take Care of yourselves
xxxxxxxxxxx

*is feeling ignored*
And being childish as I am complaining but am WAY too exhausted to comment on everyones posts. Please just remember I love you all. Katey, Carole, Helen, Amanda, Cloe, it sounds like you all are having a rough time of it and I'm so sorry. *snuggles you all and brings out a box of pillows and fluffy blankets and stuffed toys to share* things that can help just about anything... Or at least let you hide from it for a bit.

*collects her blanket, stuffed lamb, and pillow and curls up in the corner to catch some sleep*

Oh, hey, and I want an RYL Auntie. Someone want to be my Auntie?

I'll be you Aunty if you want

*pounces on Katch and hugs her* yay! I's got an Auntie :-) Thanks!
*yawn* I've got to go to bed my goodness *yawn*

Take care everyone

'sup? y'all? I missed this place. I'm gonna get comfy and hang around a while.

Welcome in Ileana *squishes u*

Hey hey peeps.

*huggles for everyone*

I just told my dad that I didn't want to do anything today (meaning with him)....I just can't handle seeing him today being like this :(

Besides I have work to do this afternoon...which I probs won't do until tonight which will be a bad move >.<

*squishes helen*

Hope ur okies there :-)

I'm not okay, but thanks *squishes you back* :P

decides to join in the squishing. hugs to everone xxx

Hi Hells, Susan and Emma - how are you all today?

Good morning all. Well, it is morning here.

I got exactly one piece pinned into place on each shirt, while watching three hours of Modern Marvels.

When I was leaving the study to go to the front room, I accidentally tripped over a box of books to go back to the used-book store. My outermost toe on my left foot is major sore. I have a four inch long bruise on my left arm from falling into the doorway. I'm right handed so i guess it is good that it is my left arm. When I showed my bruise to my husband this morning he told me that I really had howled last night.

Yes I did measure the bruise. Yes, I am that obsessive. If I haven't mentioned it before, I insisted on having a tape measure graphic on my business cards for my sewing business.

The sunrise was beautiful but we're in for another 100f/38c day so it is time to close up and set the air conditioner soon. I so do not want to work today. That said, pass the pepsi and I'm off to get ready. I think the best thing I can do for my foot is to carefully put on the sock then secure it in my athletic shoe.

*Joins in the communal hug* *closes the study window, grabs pepsi and yogurt to head for the bedroom*

Ouch - poor toe - hope it's not broken or anything - I always scream really loud when I stub my toe.
Hope you get your work done - then you can rest and play and think about your holls - cool.
It's been really cold here all day but the sun has just come out - but late it's 3.40pm - oh well - better late than never.

Did I scare everyone away????

Sorry Katch. I'm working today so I'll be in and out. My husband thinks the toe isn't broken. I'm worried about my 17 year old friend. I can live with it if her family decides that they don't want her to talk to me. I just wish they would let me know if she survived the infection in her foot and leg.
Got some stuff for a sailboat cut out. I don't know what the pieces are, just that I'm to copy them. Many pieces of twill tape and velcro, so it will be time consuming but not difficult. My brain is at its best in the morning, so even though I may not sew the stuff until tomorrow, I have the math and geometry thinking done. I'm slightly dyslexic with numbers.

Ally, Chloe, how're you?

Nope, Katch, weekends are just like this sometimes (though y'all were really busy yesterday:blink:. I myself am going to head home in about an hour (3 1/2 hrs all to myself, me and the music and (unfortunately) my thoughts:blink:

Take care all

Alyssa, That's Ok I was just looking - try and concentrate on the music rather than your thoughts and relax a bit - your Aunty wants you to be happy and safe xxx

Blondiebear - I am sorry you are so worried about your frined - I really hope she is OK and that someone lets you know soon. As for the sewing talk - I can't even sew a button on straight so I think you are amazing... xxx

*peeps in and hides behind the door*

I've been here nearly a month now but this thread scares me slightly, what with it beind so big. Just thought I'd pop in and say hello and offer some hugs and sweeties to anyone that might want them.

you don't need to be scared - most people tend to pop in have a quick chat go and look around and pop back again. You can say what you want and we all chat to each other - it does get a bit difficult someitmes to keep up with whats going on for everyone - as byt the time you have replied to a post - there have been a few more - anyway welcome and thanks for the hugs and sweets

*Sob* I'm not in hospital anymore, so I must be okay now.