I have pm'd you Helen *hugs*

*tiptoes over to Rowie to see if she is asleep and pull blanket over her* Stay strong hun, you are such a wonderful asset to RYL.

Callie...have I ever told you you rock?? If not- you rock! But what is a smore?? xx

I got a phone call today from the Caludon center which is my nearest psych center offering me an appointment for this Wednesday afternoon. I got told two weeks ago that there was an 11 week wait but that my mental health co-ordinator was going to try and get me moved up the list which I guess she has and that's good. But I feel quite scared and unprepared. I haven't had a proper psych assessment thing for about 4 years!

*hugs everyone in need, and anyone else that just feels like a hug*
Good camp this...
I found out I've got a late fee for last months rent... but I wasn't late!!! And (being the irresponsible idiot that I am) because I don't have the reciept threres nothing I can do about it!
AND I called and made another counseling appointment for this week (I'm not really schedualed till Friday), tomorrow at 10... and I'm regreting it. I wanted to know what happened last Friday when he basically freaked out about my last two ODs... because he was fine during the session and then later in the afternoon I got those 'I think it'd be a good idea for you to throw out the Tylenol' and stuff... And it just made me feel like a freak or something... And I didn't figure I could wait till thise Friday... And since he reminded me a few times during last weeks session and then again in his last email Friday evening that I could come in for an 'extra appointment during the week' I figured what the hell... and now I don't want to go... I don't want to talk about really... well, kind of, and the whole 'extra appointment during the week' makes me feel like such a freak...
Sorry, ranting
Callie, what call did you make? *hugs you and tries to help you be brave*
Emma, sweetie, no worries... I know it's sooner than you thought but maybe that's a good thing. You've got a bit of time to prepare yourself *hugs and snuggles*
Rowie love, I'm sorry you're feeling lousy :( Take care sweetie
*snuggles back up in her tent corner with her blanket and stuffed lamb*
...man, I suck...

*waves hello to Emma and Helen*
aww thanks for that Emma! :)
you're sweet
a smore is one of the best parts of camping! (apart from the hiding-from-the-world bit of course)
first you make a campfire, and then you stick a marshmallow on a stick and toast it, and then you stick it in between two pieces of graham cracker with a slice of chocolate in between and the toasty marshmallow melts the chocolate and it is very yummy and then you eat it :) and that is a smore!
do you call them something else in the UK, or are you all horribly deprived of smores?

*makes a bunch of smores, and passes them round, and saves one for Rowie for later*

You aren't a freak Ally and you certainly don't suck. You are amazing! I am so proud of you for calling to make another appointment especially with your reservations about it. You should be proud of yourself. I think despite you not agreeing with what your counsellor says he (she?) is just trying to help in the way they think is best. But if you are not comfortable with what they suggest then tell them- you are supposed to work together after all (sorry- just realised that sounds quite patronising...it isn't meant to :P) Hope you are ok x

mmmm that sounds good but unfortunately I think we may be horribly deprived of them in the UK...or maybe I just haven't heard of them cos not been camping :)

Have the scary phone people rung you back yet hun? x

gah why do i keep missing people's posts?

*hugs Emma*
that is so great honey! it is scary but i swear i am finding out that the scary things are the things that are the best for us and that we need to do the most. snatch that appt honey! it will be good for you, and honestly assessments proly havent changed that much in 4 years! just lots of endless and annoying questions. you can do it, and then you can come on here and tell us about it and come back and hide in the Denial Tent (goodness knows i will still be there)

*passes Alyssa a smore and sits next to her*
okay miss RYL twin: good for you for making that appt!!! you will go and talk and it will be good. talking is always good, and obviouly the two of you have something to talk about if after your last appt and emails you seemed to be on two completely different pages. an extra appt does not make you a freak! it is a good sign, because it means that your therapy is actually getting somewhere and you have something to talk about! it will be good :) take advantage of it!! (i am still waiting :( nasty therapy people not calling me back, the bastards!)

oh that's too bad Emma!
you should totally make lots of smores and give them to everybody you know! they are fabulous!!
*gives Emma tons of smores*
sniff no the scary therapy people arent calling me
and i left very nice messages and tried to not sound scared at all!
the problem is i have crappy insurance and nobody accepts it
*cries and wishes she still had nice insurance and hadn't quit her old job (that was a such dumb move in retrospect)*

*cries*
I cant do this
I'm really feeling down
I cant self harm till after my gig , I promised so many people
I feel I need to though
*cries more and hides further in denial tent*

sorry for that ...*big big hugs to everyone who needs them*
xx

*holds small black flower (I think you may be another Emma but not sure...sorry!) whilst you cry* Don't give up sweetie. I believe in you and the people you promised obviously do and care about you a great deal too. Don't apologise for being upset *more hugs*

What gig are you going to? x

Yup I be Emm.
Its my 2nd to last assesment for college, final major project , counts for like half my overall grade, some stupid reason I made this promise because I dont want to feel too self concious on stage.
I dunno what to die *cries more* and I have so much work to do before it..I'm not ready :-(
xx

*waves hello to Emma and hugs Emm*
aww sweetie, you made the promise for yourself because it's what you want. stay strong! the stupid cycle makes us think that harming lets us feel better and is good for something, but it isn't and afterward all we feel is worse, with the same problems, and yet one more wound to hide.

i've pretty much taken up permanent residence in the camp so you can hang out in the Denial Tent as long as you like; we even have smores!
*feels proud*

just grab a blanket and take a seat and relax and take your time doing your work. you can do it! we'll cheer you on and sing some campfire songs so you have something to listen to whilst you work :)

*hugs Emm* Work sucks...my life would be much easier if someone would give me a reputable degree from a good uni with no/very little work involved!

So is the assessment tonight (sorry didn't quite understand)? All you can do is try and prepare yourself as much as possible. Self harm may make things seem a bit better temporarily but as I'm sure you know, it won't solve the problem or make it disappear x

Thank you *hugs to everyone in the denial tent*
The assesment/gig is Next monday night, though I have 3 written assignments in preperation which I'm pretty much confused by and I dont understand. However Im so behind, If I dont hand them in tomorrow I'm gonna be in a lotta trouble i think.
Gah! *screams, grabs blanket though, campsite songs would be loverly*
you guys are so lovely

xx

SMORESSSSSSSSSSSSSS WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bringing this tent in has got to be one of the BEST things I have ever done :D
i STILL havent had a parcel i am waiting for from my boyfriend in england. which he sent aaaaaages ago for my birthday, which was on the 1st. grr. grrrrrrr.
I Am Not Happy.
I had an awful day yesterday, so much **** happened and i was sick, so hopefully today will be a good day. Ha. What are the chances of that?? I have to go and be in a pschology experiment this morning (oh the irony) and have lectures till 7. Argh. iwanttocutiwanttocutiwanttocutiwanttocut

o and the talk of marshmellows and fires has brought to mind the song "chesnuts roasting on an open fire" *sings the 1st line over and over cos its all i can remember*

*jumps around singing too*
chestnuts roasting on an open fire
JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE
yay i remembered the second line, Chloe! but that's all i know, so we can just sing the first two lines!
i hope participating in the experiment goes okay. i've done those! can be fun, and also a little scary sometimes, but it's nice to know you are helping research! (i did one where i had to wear this vest for 2 days that monitored my heartrate and breathing, was very annoying)

*sets out little lapdesks for Emm, Helen, Chloe and Emma*
now you all can get your homework and reading done and you don't have to leave the Denial Tent!
Helen, when you are in that class, just remember that you are actually in the camp with us and per Denial Tent Law, everything is safe and lovely and non-stressy and non-triggery
and Emma and Emm and Chloe, you can work away and catch up and i will make lots of smores and tea and stuff

*flits about campsite putting more wood on the campfire*


have i mentioned that i love virtual camping?

Thank You!
assignments not so scary in denial tent, *tries best to get on with work*
oo yes I love virtual camping too, all the fun none of the rain
did i mentain its torrential downpour outside my house?! I just went out for cigarette and nearly drowned!
*feels more secure in the safeness of the denial tent...will pretend I'm here when Im at college too...and when I see the psycotherapist tomorrow*
*huge lovely warm camping hugs*
xx

I've decided that only rich folks can afford to go nuts... I certainly can't afford it... I'd love to be able to just give in and go completly nuts for a while but I can't afford the time off from work or anything like that...

*hugs everyone*

Sorry Callie, sounds like you're getting the run-around my dear RYL twin. I wish I had some advice for you.

*hugs Emm*
Uni is a bear especially when you're trying to finish and you're just not feeling up to par. I'm trying to finish this spring and it's been an uphill battle. Good luck hun

*offers Emm some freshly baked muffins and the offers them around the tent*

effervescence, I'm sorry things haven't been going as you'd like. I hope your parcel comes soon...

Emma and Callie, thanks. I'm going tomorrow but I'm not looking forward to it... I was alright until he emailed me telling me I should throw out the Tylenol and all that... I guess he didn't handle it as well as I had thought... The fact that he thinks throwing it out makes me feel like... Oh I don't know, like someone that is mentally ill and needs to be taken care of lol :crying: which I suppose is what I am but I hate it... I'm such a hypocrit. I'm a psychology major for crying out loud! I want to become a counselor! I see nothing wrong, have no bad opinion of others who are mentally ill in one way or another but I can't seem to extend the same acceptance and understanding to myself...

Sorry, another rant.

*takes a s'more and passes around some tea*

*starts poking campfire with a stick and watches the sparks and embers float around*
weeeeee

oooh, sparks. one of the questions in my post-experiment personality test was "does watching an open fire inspire you"?
Chesnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping on your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.
- yay for google! that's all your getting for now

A better song just came up on my ipod (which is on shuffle and occasionly plays things ive forgotten about):

"Don't worry, be happy"
yay for Bob Marley

still no ****ing parcel

Thank yoooooou :hop:

GRR IT'S GETTING WORSE :crying:

*in a clever ruse to distract herself from her overwhelming anxiety and the fact that she still hasn't found another real job, is wasting her time on stupid temp jobs that are really boring, and hasn't at all gotten any closer to choosing a grad program to apply to, callie continues to prod the campfire with a stick and sing the opening lines to "chestnuts roasting" and "don't worry be happy"*

WHY THE HELL WON'T ANY FVCKING THERAPISTS CALL ME BACK

i am sorry you don't have your package yet Chloe
i should warn you that i accummulate an astonishing amount of bad luck (i am cursed in case you didn't know) so i fear that it is your association with me that has caused your birthday package to have disappeared into limbo

miss Alyssa, your appt will be good and i bet you will be less nervous about what your therapist thought once you talk about it - won't it be worse wondering what he is thinking than actually talking about it and knowing for sure?

Emm good luck with the psychotherapist tomorrow! haha maybe you can tell him that you really live in a Denial Tent and see what he says!! teehee
no really it will be great and remember that if you are nervous, we are all here in the camp cheering for you

what's getting worse, Helen luv?

*sleeps on the couch her the lobby. wakes up yawns and walks to black flower and eats some popcorn*

*welcomes Hailee Marie with a plate of smores and tea and stuff*
HI welcome to the Official RYL Virtual Campsite!!!
we have a camp with a campfire and a tent and everything!!!!
the tent is the Denial Tent where we can come and hide from our problems, it's lovely
stay as long as you like

SEEING AS THE THERAPIST FINALLY CALLED ME BACK AND ALSO SAID THAT HE WAS NOT EXPERIENCED WITH SI (EXCEPT FOR THE DBT PROGRAM THAT DOESNT ACCEPT MY INSURANCE THE BASTARDS), LIKE EVERY OTHER EFFING THERAPIST I HAVE CALLED, I WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE LEAVING THE CAMP EVER

*walks in*
*breaks down in a heap on the floor*
*cries*
Can I stay here for a bit please?
Everything is going wrong :pinch:

I'll stay in the corner out of your way and everything...:crying:

hey Alexx
welcome to the camp, stay as long as you like
or forever
i'm staying forever and would love company
*opens flap in Denial Tent and passes Alexx a blanket*

*continues singing DONT WORRY BE HAPPY while sniffling and poking the ground with a stick because the campfire went out and i don't want to move anymore*

I'll stay with you all night if you need hun..i dont seem to sleep anymore!

*hugs Alexx and welcomes her to the denial tent*
*hugs callie, and Halie Marie (hands out more popcorn)*
*tucks helen into bed* (it will be ok)
*hugs her and lies down in blanket next to helen*
*humms dont worry be happy*

I think I might take up permanent residence here! its a nice environment
lots of loverly people about xx

awww yesh the Virtual Camp is a loverly environment
*pokes in Denial Tent and waves to Emm and Helen*
*offers Halie Marie and Alexx sticks to roast marshmallows*
*decides to make another campfire*

chestnuts roasting on an open fire
lalalalaalaa
oooh i shall roast chestnuts!!!
WHO WANTS TO ROAST CHESTNUTS!?!?

Ooo Me For Roast Chestnuts!!
I got some hot chocolate too..who wants some?
*waves back at Callie*

*restarts the fire so Callie has something to poke at, hands Alexx a stuffed lamb -my stuffed toy of choice- and a box of tissues, pours herself some tea and wraps up more securely in her blanket*
Alex you won't be in the way, we take everyone :-).
Callie, I am SO sorry sweetie *hugs* who gives a flying f**k whether or not they've got 'experience' with SI? I mean, sure it would be nice but for heaven sake do some Journal research for crying out loud!! Besides, how in the world do you get experience with something like that if you don't bother to treat someone with that issue?!
*that was what I like to call RYL Twin righteous anger, lol*
*drops a kiss on Helens cheek* I hope you manage some good quality rest luv.

I've never roasted chestnuts... What do they taste like?

*accepts some popcorn from Emm, some cocoa from Callie (mmm popcorn and cocoa), drops another kiss on Helens cheek as she sleeps, and settles back in her corner for the night*

*waves hello to ally*

How r u today?

****, crap, ****, bollocks, wank!!!

GRAPHIC SI TRIG POSS:















I have gone out, got pretty drunk although for once seems right leverl of drunk- contentish drunk. BUT have accidentally smacked wrist- got home and a cut which should have steri stripped/possibly had stitched and was infected has exploded pretty much- like double width, sore, orangey yellow crap leaked everywhere and smells. SO i know it is infected but instead of thinking oh I should get it checked out (which I will on wednesday don't worry) I am thinking how it ****s up cutting on that wrist till it's healed. Damn thats ****ed up.

weee yay more campfire!
*sits with Alyssa and roasts chestnuts with Emm*
*waves hello to Jeremy*

haha thanks missy RYL twin
i am just as baffled as you
am really beginning to think i am cursed and am wondering if it is me not them lol
how was your appt? seriously enjoy this therapy while you have it because apparently therapists actually dont want to practice therapy as much as you would think.....

aww Emma honey
drink some water right now
go tomorrow

that is your mission and you are choosing to accept it
and then you can sit at the Virtual Campfire and rest in the Denial Tent

*waves back*
Hi Jeremy :-) I'm alright I guess... Term break is coming up and I'm anxious about that... And I have an extra counseling session tomorrow (in addition to my regular session on Friday) in which I plan to talk about last Fridays session (and the emails from my counselor that followed) when I confessed about my last two ODs... Wow... That was a dump, sorry about that :-D

So,Jeremy, how are you?

Aww Emma, I'm sorry sweetie. Glad to hear you are going to get that cut looked at *nice, safe cuddles*

Callie, much love to you miss ryl twin. Appointment is tomorrow, I'll check back in afterward and let you know how it goes.

*hugs all that need it and then settles back in her corner for the night*

*waves hello to Callie and ally*

I could be better tbh, oh well i'll survive somehow

It's ok Ally..look after urself there xxx

*pokes at the fire a bit then stares blankly into it*

Can't sleep. It's 02:15 in the morning, I've got a counseling session in just under 8 hours and I don't feel even close to sleep... Made some hot cocoa with warm milk instead od water... Hoping that'll help some...
*sigh*
In the mean time I've pulled out the Greys Anatomy lol

Thanks guys :]

I got lots of sleep but feel like I can't wake grrr.

Plus I have a stuipd sore throat again =[

Don't want to go to college, first lesson will be **** and then the second lesson, will be possibly worse- my enabler (helper) aint even going to be helping me all week. Arrrrgh. I'll be fine, I know, but still =[

*hugs Helen*
You can do it sweetie... One small step at a time and before you know it you'll be done for the day.
*wanders back to her corner to give sleep a try again*

Thank you :)

But I really don't want to go, oh well =[

argh it's night-time again. why is everything so much harder at night?
only plus i can think of is getting hair cut tomorrow but im being a model (so dont hav to pay) so not sure what she'll do....might look awful :s

hey helen,
u can do it, i woke up this moring knowing uni wld be bad today but i got through it. jst remember, baby steps, u can do it :)

Thanks guys :]

Better go and have a shower...

I suck... I had a cut that wasn't healing like I wanted it to... So I figured it open it up again and try and stitch it myself... But the needles too big and not sharp enough... And I should probably go get it stitched... But my last experience wasn't a good one :crying:

*curls up in her corner because she's an idiot and because she can't sleep*

*hugs you Ally* Go and get it seen to sweetheart and please don't stitch it yourself cos it could be really nasty if you do. Just imagine you are in the denial tent if anyone if mean to you at A+E. xx

And I hope you don't Helen. You are too special for something like that to happen :) I hope college isn't as bad as you think it will be. Thinking of you! xx

Helen hunni, please take care
*snuggles*

Emma, thanks... I go to the uni health center and they know me there... Makes things worse... And then they make me see my counselor before I leave *roll eyes here*... I'm so stupid