Ugh my sister is being a dick. With the whole drinking thing she keeps being really mean and nasty to me, but even though I have the evidence she's been doing things she shouldn't I still can't say anything...

*Hugs Crimson Sometime we just hold it together without know how , Goodness knows I've been there :S You could let your tears out in private if you need to hun , crying is not something to be ashamed of , I almost started crying in My First ever keyworker meeting with my new keyworker today , but I held it together I haven't cried in a while it's there inside me but will it come out? nope . sorry wondered off the track , point is crying is healthy :)

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Kitty* How are you Hun?

*Hugs Heather* How are you also?

-hugs lia and mark- I'm alive. Crummy. Good to hear you are doing better lia. How are you mark?

-hugs sarah- sorry to hear about your sister :(

*Hugs everyone*
Sorry everyone's feeling so low this evening.
Lia, remember you can text me any time, day or night if you need to chat, I know I keep going on about it, but I really do care about you, and I worry because you don't share anything :(
And everyone else feel free to PM whenever, I promise I will try to reply ASAP.

Crying in front of other people just usually makes me angry... and I'd have felt like an asshole since I was in the car with M. *sigh* I dunno maybe being in that close of proximity made me feel worse because of how she was feeling *note to self -put up better shields regarding empathic absorption-*

*Hugs Nicole* How're you tonight?

*Hugs Crimson* I wish I could help , I really don't know what to say although it does seem pretty pointless of the jail to hold onto his belongings :S

-hugs crimson-

-hugs nicole- Sorry didn't mean to skip you. I saw your post but it didn't register with me until now.

Kitty , I'm sorry you are Crummy , whats up?

I don't know Mark. I have only been up for an hour and a half so far and nothing has gone horribly wrong. I feel extremely nauseous right now and I think my mom gave me her cold over the holidays. I have been having sinus problems and my throat has been so sore every night. I'm just really low for some reason. Tired of fighting I guess. Just tired of everything. Have to wait until Friday to take a test to find out if I am pregnant because technically I haven't missed my cycle yet...it's been fluctuating a lot lately so my husband wants me to give it that extra time. I just want to know now, though. It's driving me mad. That's 4 more days of waiting. -sighs-

Kitty , Hun , You would be waiting that extra 4 days even if you took the test now right? so could you take the test now and then again to confirm in 4 days time? I'm with you in the *Nothing bad happened but I feel ***** club . I just opened my eyes today and POW! I wanted to sleep until tomorrow to find out if it would be better . SO yeah I'm there too hun *Hugs*

-hugs mark- I'm sorry you are experiencing this too. It really sucks. And I only have one pregnancy test so if I took it now thats it...and it could give a false negative at this point if I am pregnant. And I dont have money to go buy another one, either.

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry you're all feeling so low.

Feel free to hate me, but I had a good day & I'm in a good mood. Going to bed again soon though. Slept from 11.30pm last night, but woke up at 1.30 & then again at 3.45 but couldn't get back to sleep til gone 5am. Didn't help that had bit of a nightmare. Meh. My parcel from my best friend finally arrived today, well they attempted to deliver & I picked it up :D

YEY Helen! *hugs* I for one am glad you are doing well , It gives me hope , plus I am happy for you , What interesting stuff did your Friend send you ?

-hugs helen- No need to hate you. It's good that you had a good day today.

Hey everyone this site might bring a smile to your face. It can keep you entertained for hours. Just look at the photos and you'll be busy for a while!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/im-not...m/212641675376

Oh . My. Days! Kitty I needed that to grin at :)

*sigh* I believe my husband thinks I'm kidding when I say if politics keep going the way it is in this country I'm saving to move out.

*hugs Mark* Thank you. I got 4 Christmas presents and 2 cards :)

-hugs Kitty- Thank you. I'm a 'fan' of that fb page. I love t :D

*Hugs everyone*

I'm really tired, but I'm scared to go to bed.

Why you scared Lia *cuddles*

Whay Scared of bed Lia Hun ?

Crimson, I don't blame you. I won't get into the whole politics thing here but if you want some more info feel free to PM me. I've done a lot of research and know what to do when it happens.

Mark, glad it helped. It helped me, too, so I thought I would share. -smiles-

Meet you in London, Kitty? :D

-hugs lia- Why you scared?

Haha Crimson I am all the way in washington state in the united states...london is pretty far from here! lol

I know I'm in Alaska right now... Figured London was as good a place as any to look into for my job field though lol

*offers a plushie to the silent but present Lia*

Because last night, as I tried to sleep, I felt like I was breaking. I couldn't sleep and it was like I was being torn apart right there and then. I wanted to scream, but obvioulsy it was 3am, that was out of the question. And I couldn't do anything. All I could do was lie there and feel the emotion. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I thought I was going to completely crack.

*Take plushie* Thanks Crimson :)

-hugs and squishes lia-

*Squishes Kitty back*

Ohhh Crimson if you're doing the UK come to south Wales , There are no jobs but I could show you around locally then we could all decamp for fish and chips guvnor :P Lets be specifically british and do that! I have to warn you though , you move here , you learn rugby Union rules :) It's not so hard I did it :P

*Hugs Lia Tons* I hate that emotion and it's like my most frequent one:( I understand what you feel , So umm If you want to talk Mark is here :)

*Curls up*

*squishes Nicole* you okay hun?

Trigger warning warning

rofl... after he thought for a bit and looked around... *cuddles all needing them*

and Mark of course I would at least stop over and visit!

-snuggles mark tight- I wish I could help. I'm sorry..

Oh I would love to meet you , Which I'm pretty sure is not likley but not impossible to happen Crimson :) we can hope yeah?:)

*Hugs Mark hard* Could you please just not go into the room? If it's your bedroom, sleep in the bath. It's rather comfy actually.

:) Lia I've never slept in my bath , I could but it's cold I'd need a blanket , which of course is in My room . I'm thinking if I just do it and get it done it won't pray on my mind , this is RIDICULOUS !! **** I'm a grown man why the hell won't it leave me alone!!?

But think how much better you'll feel about yourself if you wake up in the morning having resisted the urges rather than given into them. I'm fighting them too. Mood swings galore this evening. You're not alone.

*cuddles Mark and holds his hands* sometimes things just aren't that easy hun. Though if you have a jacket or sweater that isn't in the bedroom Lia's idea could work fine. and yeah we can hope :) and eventually i plan to make vacations a yearly thing or traveling the world after i retire... so even if i never move theres still possibilities :)

hugs mark and lia. thanks guys your comments were really nice and made me smile thanks.hugs
cuddles everbody

-scoots herself into a dark corner- Wow. I'm stupid.

Well I am surethis will dissapoint you all but I cut but I managed to keep it in control and I think This will hold me , I really hope so . I'm in no danger , medically from the cut unless it gets infected which a part of me wants , Freak that I am . But It's not deep and not bleeding so bad sorry guys :(

Please look after your wound(s), Mark. -hugs-

*Hugs Mark* It's alright Mark. Don't be sorry. You managed to keep it under control, that's something. You're not a freak, it's the depression that does this. We all suffer with something in here.

Atm, my friend (just about the only one who has an inkling of all of this) is trying to convince me to see a doctor.

*Hugs Jill* I'm glad we made you feel better :) How are you feeling now?

*Hugs Kitty* You're not stupid. What's the matter?

*Hugs Crimson so she doesn't feel left out* :)

Sorry I am so self involved

Thank goodness for music , Tori amos is keeping me from trying a VERY stupid idea out

*Squeezes his accupressure beads*