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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 18-09-2010 05:51 PM

Erm yeah and no, just possibly done somthing really stuiped.but what the hell, need to find someday to get numb as possible so I don't end up doing something equally stuiped.Sorry if this makes no sence

Doikers 18-09-2010 07:44 PM

I want to injure , well THAT part of me does , my sensible head says "no we musn't do that" but is just being drowned out by Urge after Urge . I don't know where to turn , I can't find anyone online , maybe all I need is some reasurrance , maybe I need a smack around the head for thinking the way I do . :S sorry

SoMuchMore 18-09-2010 07:50 PM

*hugs Mark* Injuring is not worth it. You know that. I know that you can beat these urges Mark. You've done it before and I know you can do it again. I'm around if you want to talk/vent. I'm sorry you're having so many urges today. I know how rough that can be.

Doikers 18-09-2010 08:02 PM

*Hugs Laura* I injured :S Those urges are gone , for the moment , I feel guilty for giving in to them *Sigh* Tomorrows a brand new day right ?

How are you Laura?

SoMuchMore 18-09-2010 08:11 PM

*hugs mark tight* You are right. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm sorry you injured but don't beat yourself up about it too much.

I'm... eh... i dont know. I don't feel like being productive at all and I really need to be... but i keep working and working all the time and now i just feel like being lazy.. bad... Plus I keep thinking about other things... Won't go into it because it might be triggering but yeah... i don't know.

Doikers 18-09-2010 08:24 PM

*Hugs Laura back* You could over-work yourself Laura , it's good to take some time out for yourself . I'm sorry you are having triggering thoughts too :S

I just want to sleep , I guess I feel bad about packing in the day before 9pm so I'll try to hold on until then.

SoMuchMore 18-09-2010 08:30 PM

yea i know i could over-work myself but i feel like i should be able to handle all of this... other people do.

Hope that when you go to bed sleep comes easily. Sometimes sleep is for the best, I don't think you need to feel bad about it.

Doikers 18-09-2010 08:39 PM

Night (An eeriely quiet) ward .
Thanks for our little chat Laura I needed it :)

Catch you all tomorrow.

one_step_closer 18-09-2010 08:40 PM

*hugs everyone*

SoMuchMore 18-09-2010 08:41 PM

No problem Mark. Sleep well *hugs*

*hugs Lindsay* how are you?

shadowedsoul 18-09-2010 09:15 PM

cuddles all, curls up under blanket in the corner

FlyingNy 18-09-2010 09:30 PM

Hey all.

How are you Lindsey and Jill?

Hey Laura and Mark, I hope you're both feeling better. I'm sorry you injured Mark, but try not to beat yourself up too much about it.

xx

shadowedsoul 18-09-2010 09:53 PM

erm not bad, hows you lia?

Kahlia1981 18-09-2010 09:57 PM

*huggles/waves at all*

FlyingNy 18-09-2010 10:00 PM

I'm not too bad. Now. I was a bit **** last night though. I had a massive row with Sam and came close to kicking her out of my head. I know she's not even real, but I'm so angry with her by now. Angry and betrayed. Urgh, how come people are never who you think they are? And how nuts do I sound now? Arguing with fictional people inside my head...

risenfromperdition 18-09-2010 10:39 PM

*sits in corner of ward*
who wants to have dinner for me so i dont hafta >.>
and mum noticed my shoulders cuz she made me try on soem sleeveless top at the mall, but thankfully i convinced her they're just red cuz i took a hot shower earlier o_O
*sigh*
wonder what woulda happened if was honest... prolly get told was blaming them so isnt worth ittt

hope you guys is kay
*hugs mark*

risenfromperdition 18-09-2010 10:39 PM

you dont sound nuts lia <3

shadowedsoul 18-09-2010 11:26 PM

aaaaaaaargh!!!!!!! im really pissed off right now. screw everthing im past caring.

risenfromperdition 18-09-2010 11:46 PM

:/ wats up hun?

FlyingNy 18-09-2010 11:59 PM

*Hugs Jill* What's the matter?

Hey Heather. I hope you're alright. And thanks for not agreeing that I am nuts :) I am though, but never mind.

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 12:03 AM

.hahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahhahahahahahahahahh aahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahah. fu*k i dont care. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 12:26 AM

Erm...are you alright Jill?

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 12:35 AM

erm i really cant do this. hahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha damn it thats so funny. hahahahahahhaha.

Scarletdreamer 19-09-2010 02:13 AM

I. Am. ****ing. Sick. Of. This.

WTB (WoW slang for "Want to Buy"): replacement set of parents.

My parents just aren't being there for me. I need some wisdom from someone who's had a lot of years under his/her belt. And I can't turn to my parents. I just need support from someone like that. I don't know to whom I can turn. I have no one in my life that could act as "replacement parents." I don't have any grandparents left anymore... they all died years ago. I'm scared I'm going to be turning to imaginary people soon for wisdom. Which may be a good thing, in a way, because it means that I have that wisdom that I need within me...

I mean, example of BAD PARENTING (which most of you probably don't need, but whatever): was talking to my dad on the phone. He asked me how my Saturday (today) had been. I told him that it was bad until 4pm (which is when I was to go on a walk with a close friend, one of my few). He didn't even ASK WHY it was bad. He just accepted that it was and moved on. WHY DIDN'T HE ASK?!?!? :'( I realize that this is probably small in terms of what some of you go through every day... and I know that my parents are "good people," as the phrase goes... they... just aren't being what I need. :'(

I don't know. I am hurting in so many ways right now, I can't even begin to describe. I've been a veritable FOUNTAIN of tears this weekend so far... spent so much time crying that my eyes feel dry & swollen. Then Jarrod walked out of the room last night when I kept on saying that my life sucks, because, well, I don't want to get into a religious debate on here (PLZ DO NOT NEED THAT), but because it felt to him like blasphemy. Anywho... dunno if any of that made sense... sorry for blabbering on about myself again. :'(

KUDOS TO YOU if you got through that post... :-S

risenfromperdition 19-09-2010 03:02 AM

*squishes tight* wish i had some amazing wisdom to bestow, but just know i'm ALWAYS here <3

SoMuchMore 19-09-2010 07:38 AM

*cuddles april* I'm sorry that your parents were being like that and that jared is not very supportive. Wish I could do more but I am around if you need to vent.

*hugs lia, jill, and heather*

I don't want to be here anymore. Can I please give up?

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 09:26 AM

Cuddles all, erm last night was so crazy, may have done somthing stuiped once again. hey what's new there. It all seamed to fall apart last night. Curls up in corner under a blanket hopping now one see her.

Doikers 19-09-2010 11:00 AM

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs everyone else on the ward*

I finally crawled out of bed (almost literally) a little while ago. Why is it SO hard to get up? Depression and meds I know :S argg!! Maybe I'm just lazy :(

Kahlia1981 19-09-2010 11:26 AM

I don't know if I even exist anymore .... I think I may not. My birthday is next Sunday and I had to chase my mother to see if we were doing anything (just as a note my sisters birthday is the day after so we usually get together for one celebration for both birthdays and nothing had even been mentioned nor planned until I mentioned it .... and I suggested making it compatible with my sisters schedule as she's the hardest of the two of us to suit and then there's been nothing since!!).

Maybe I'm just invisible .... or maybe I'm a figment of someone's imagination. Or maybe just a crash-test dummy torture device to see how much a human mind can stand being ignored.

I don't know. Is it even worth it. Is any of it worth it. Maybe it's just time to give in

Doikers 19-09-2010 11:34 AM

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you are being ignored :( You are most definatley not invisible . Please don't give in , that last sentance has worried me quite a bit , you are worth tons and don't deserve to be treated like this *Squishes*


I have to go out to pay my water bill now , *sigh* I don't really want to leave the flat I'm mentally drained despite not being up long .

xxjuliexx 19-09-2010 11:52 AM

*curls up and grumbles frowning*

Doikers 19-09-2010 12:25 PM

Whats up Julie? *Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 19-09-2010 12:49 PM

G'morning all... *cuddles*

Thanks for the support, Heather & Laura. Thing is, Jarrod IS being supportive, but not in the ways that my parents could be if they only OPENED THEIR EYES and saw what's going on with their daughter. Or thought to ask the right questions. I had a good ol' bawlfest last night about it. :( So when I went to bed my eyes felt swollen and dry. Ugh.

Kahlia, hon, you're not invisible here, I promise. *hugs gently* You're gonna be okay... things will get better. Remember, it can't rain all the time. I'm sorry that you feel invisible & ignored though... that has got to bite. :( <3

Jill... what's up, sweetie? what "something stupid"? :( *cuddles*

What's up, Julie, love? *cuddles*

Mark, how are you doing today? <3 *cuddles*

And for everyone whom I didn't mention... *CUDDLES!!!* :P

xxjuliexx 19-09-2010 12:50 PM

:notsure: just stuff *yawns and rubs my lower back*

xxjuliexx 19-09-2010 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2496006)
I had a good ol' bawlfest last night about it. :( So when I went to bed my eyes felt swollen and dry. Ugh.

thats how my eyes feel

Doikers 19-09-2010 12:55 PM

I'm drained still April *Hugs* I don't know what to do with myself , I've got to figure out what to eat for dinner and even that seems like a chore , probably end having pasta , that takes the least efforst to cook . LAZY!. I just wan't to sleep:S A wheel just came off my chair , now I'm balancing on 4 wheels . Nuts .

What kind of stuff Julie?

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 02:54 PM

cuddles all. april its noithing to worry about, all is good.

frenchhorn 19-09-2010 03:28 PM

afternoon/morning/evening all

I had a brilliant day yesterday, except the homophobic attack, me and my friend got at about 5.30am while walking to the coach station.
But London was awesome, it was my first ever protest march and can't wait for my next, also especially getting to see and hear Richard Dawkins and Peter Tatchell speak was so amazing.

*cuddles you all*
will do replies when my friend has gone home

one_step_closer 19-09-2010 03:29 PM

Today I have no idea what to say, but I wanted to post and leave hugs. *hugs*

Doikers 19-09-2010 03:42 PM

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Oliver* I'm glad you had such a cool time , shame about the Homophobes though :S

*Hugs Lindsay*

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 04:27 PM

*Hugs all*

April, I know how you feel. No one IRL has any idea. They see a cheerful, sarcastic girl with a good sense of humour and a laid back approach. These are the things that no one knows.

I've been a self harmer on and off for three years.

I feel ucomfortable typing this with the door open, so shall go and shut it.

I'm still a harmer.

I carry a bottle of 82 pills with me and blade at all times, just in case.

Someone told me I was the happiest person they had ever met and I almost cried.

I tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago.

I cry when no one's watching.

I take comfort in the people that live inside my head, even though I know they aren't real.

There's only one person who has ever made me feel like I'm good enough.

I feel so worthless I often want to die just to be free from myself.

I am good for nothing.

I push people out but sometimes wish they'd push back.

I believe in God because sometimes my faith is all I have.

I laugh so I won't cry.

I have a past that I can't talk about.

I feel so pathetic for letting it get to me so.

I'm scared of the ice queen becoming me.

If I told anyone all of that, they would laugh in my face. They'd think I was joking. They have no idea. Here though, I feel safe admitting 'me'. That's who I am, the person above. The one I keep hidden. But I'm also the one I display to the rest of the world. I'm the happy person- sometimes.

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 04:35 PM

big bear hugs lia, wish i could do more. cuddle everbody else.
im so scared right now, please make monday go away please. curls up in a tight ball and trys to stop shaking. =[

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 04:40 PM

*Hugs Jill* What's going on Monday?

Doikers 19-09-2010 04:48 PM

*Hugs Lia* You're NOT worthless Lia , far from it.
I too carry a blade with me in my wallet "just in Case"
What really worries me is that you attempted to kill yourself recently , Have you talked to anyone IRL ? A Dr or nurse? Maybe even phone the Samaritans they will always talk to you .
Here if you need :)

Scarletdreamer 19-09-2010 04:54 PM

Lia, sweetie, I'm concerned for you. I wish that you would've come on here to talk with us or called someone instead of attempting... we're here for you, love. Always. I think that people think I am a happy person as well, so I know how you feel. Heh. Things will be okay... I just don't know how long that they will take to GET to being okay. But you will successfully make it through this - you've got to believe that, and I've got to believe that, because you're a likeable person and I/we would HATE to have something happen to you. :( I know it seems selfish of us at times to want you to keep living when all you want to do is die (at times at least)... but, well, maybe you'll be able to see it from our point of view someday. *hugs gently* I will continue to be concerned about you though... :-S Wish that I could be there for you whenever you needed to talk (whether or not you realize it :P), like a genie in a bottle. Hehe. :)

Mark, how are you doing now? Still feeling kind of blah and ick? *cuddles*

Jill, what's Monday?? Worried about you, too... *hugs*

Jarrod and I had a nice morning and for a little while I was feeling able to take on the world... now, though, it's more like... I don't know, really tired and meh. :( *sigh*

*hides in the warren where no one can find her* :-S

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 04:54 PM

No I haven't, and dw about it, it was a rubbish attempt. I only took about 4 pills before I gave myself a kick up the arse.

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 04:56 PM

Oh and April, I hope you feel better soon *hugs* same goes for you, we're here for you if you want to talk and feel free to click on the PM button.

Doikers 19-09-2010 05:00 PM

*Hugs April* I spent from 1pm to 4.20pm ish in bed only getting up to change the CD . I feel low and numb :(

*Hugs Lia* Please come on here or reach out in any other way you can think of if you feel like you are going to attempt again Lia , like April said we would all be SO upset were anything to happen to you :S

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 05:15 PM

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry you're feeling low. You can talk to us if you feel it would help or if you get any urges. Please try to resist if you do.

Thanks guys. I know I can trust you lot on here, it's just that if everyone has their own problems, I don't want to burden them with mine too.

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 05:24 PM

erm monday is when i find out the conquese of my stuiped mistake. im so scared as i think its going to be really bad. why im i such a screw up? and why do i keep doing this to myself. im so close to the edge, hanging on by my fingertips. =[


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