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MammaMia 13-09-2010 11:11 PM

*hugs Laura* Thank you hun :) I just sorted out my folder (well little while ago), plus made my lunch for tomorrow (think I need to buy a new lunchbox, mine is missing), got my PJs on, packed my bag & about to brush my teeth. Then soon watching something before sleepy time!!! Good luck with stuff for grad school!! Sorry it's making you anxious though, but it's understandable...

SparkleKitten 13-09-2010 11:27 PM

So angry! My mum is so hypocritical. *sigh*

I guess I should be used to it but nooo. I just want some peace.

Scarletdreamer 13-09-2010 11:35 PM

*glomps Sarah & Laura*

*tiptoes off to hide in the warren, invisible* :'(

Kahlia1981 14-09-2010 12:08 AM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2488580)
Not everyone is struggling. But hugs for you Kahlia and everyone who wants one. Well suppose I am a tiny bit :/

*huggles Hels* - Sounds like you are going to have some fun with college. I'm glad you had a good first day. Sorry to make it seem like you are struggling if you aren't - I'd had to quickly read several pages of posts and get a glimpse of how everyone was doing in general. I'll try not to be so general in future. Hoping that the second day went/goes well and so does the rest of the time. There will be hard times ahead but what do we say??? It can't rain all the time!


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2488583)
*hugs kahlia* you okay hun?

Graduate school research is terrifying me and exciting me all at the same time. I have to go ask people for letters of recommendation soon though. I don't really know how to do that or who to ask. I never really got close enough with any of my professors for them to know me, and I never really needed extra help, so I didn't meet up with them outside of class. The idea of even asking makes me crazy anxious. Stupid social anxiety disorder.. i know this shouldnt even be that big of a deal.

*glomps* - I'm ... starting to improve in regards to my physical health and the chest infection. My mental health is still ... not crash hot. I'm sorry to hear that graduate school is giving you problems. Is there any way you can sort of take it away from yourself? Like think of the professors as numbers on a card. "I just need to ask number x if he/she will give me the letter of recommendation, if not than number y" and so on. I don't know ... just a weird idea. I guess it comes from the weird ideas I've had people try and give me when it comes to stage performances with musical instruments, speech and drama, singing, musicals and dance. *shrugs*

*cuddles Sarah*

*finds April with her April-invisibility-detector and gently cuddles her and offers tissues*

SparkleKitten 14-09-2010 12:09 AM

*glomps April*

So frustrated with everything today :( could do with a punchbag to vent my anger with. *hides away*

Edit *cuddles Kahlia* we posted around the same time I think :p

Kahlia1981 14-09-2010 12:16 AM

*cuddles Sarah* - Yeah, it happens alot here. lol

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 12:23 AM

I can't do this anymore. I can't hold on. I can't keep on being strong. Yet I don't want to slip back into SI, and can't really do ED behaviors without it "wrecking" Jarrod's life as well.

How I wish I could just die. Why is it that we wish this so much?

Kahlia1981 14-09-2010 01:53 AM

*gently cuddles April* - I don't know sweetpea. I wish I did. :-(

shadowedsoul 14-09-2010 02:07 AM

Cuddles all, lol it's totally not worth it. Lol it really isn't. so screw it I'm not even going to try anymore. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Detour. Derail 14-09-2010 04:01 AM

I managed to turn around a really **** day and made it productive.
I just couldnt find the energy to get out of bed and despite waking up at 12:30 in the afternoon...I lay in bed until 04:15....and then i got up and after moping around for an hour decided to try and clean the house.
So....when I started going I cleaned the kitchen, the living room, the hallway, did the pots, did my washing and started to clean my room before I burnt out and had to stop.
Im proud...and disappointed all at once

Kahlia1981 14-09-2010 06:05 AM

Just dropping in to give anyone who wants one a *cuddle*

Alex: I'm proud of you for managing to get that much cleaning done by the way hun, you must have really been able to motivate yourself. Please try not to beat yourself up about what you might not have done but to think of what you did do.

Jill: *cuddles you*

~Kaytee~ 14-09-2010 08:12 AM

*sends hugs to everyone* I'm so sorry I haven't been around.. really struggling ed wise.. got the ed people worried about me and *sigh* just all so overwhelming etc. I don't know. I'm just sorry I haven't been around <3

Kahlia1981 14-09-2010 09:46 AM

*hugs Katie* - Sorry to hear things haven't been great. Sending you my caring, warm thoughts. <3

Doikers 14-09-2010 10:01 AM

*Hugs The Ward*

I didn't sleep for over an hour last night , my mind kept thinking horrid things but I was so tired I must have fallen asleep between 9pm and 9.30pm . I seriously considered getting up and S.I.ing but I didn't .

Helen I hope your bus pass comes today and am happy you are enjoying induction week :)

Sorry for the lack of individuals , I just feel a bit numb and need coffee

~Kaytee~ 14-09-2010 12:35 PM

*hugs Kahlia* Thank you hun, how are you going tonight?

*hugs Mark* Glad you didn't get up to SI. *sends you a coffee* got any plans for the day? Look after yourself.

Gosh, don't even know what to say hey, cept I'm pretty scared about my next appointment on friday, I need to try not to lose weight before then coz I don't know what she will do if I have.. then again I'm tempted to just keep going just to see what will happen.. oh what a sick sick mind i have, stupid effing ed >.<

Doikers 14-09-2010 12:42 PM

*Hugs Kaytee* I have a ear accupucture appointment at 2pm and then I am going to talk to the volunteer buero lady , . The accupuncture is very relaxing and Kat , who does it , is very nice and so is Anne at the volunteer buero .

I'm sorry you are struggling with your ED , try not to lose weight just to see what happens , Friday is 3 and a half days away , I know that can seem like a long time but if you take it a little chunk at a time it might fly by .

xxjuliexx 14-09-2010 01:01 PM

-curls up small-no sleep nonono no want sleep

Doikers 14-09-2010 01:15 PM

*Waves too Owen* Why don't you want to sleep?

RYUU 14-09-2010 02:07 PM

Am home alone again feel unsafe the devil keeps telling me to kill myself and my husband didnt lock the pills away today

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 02:30 PM

I cannot do this anymore. Can't. Just can't.

Yet I have to. Go figure. I HAVE to keep on going or else... well, I don't know what would happen. The earth would cave in or something interesting like that. ;)

Jarrod & I just had an argument. Over how I'm not following my meal plan. WTF?! I've BEEN following it... but apparently he expects me to follow it without me complaining about it. Well, Mr Perfect, I CAN'T EAT THE SAME ****ING THING DAY AFTER DAY WITHOUT IT GETTING TIRESOME.


But he can (eat the same thing day after day without it getting tiresome) so of course he doesn't understand. But he doesn't seem to appreciate that we are different.

Oh and Mark, I dreamt that you and I were out to eat in London somewhere (some posh restaurant) and then my best friend's family came trooping on in to sit at the table behind us. Hahaha. It was an interesting dream. ;)

one_step_closer 14-09-2010 03:59 PM

*hugs everyone who wants them*

I didn't phone the crisis team last night, I just went to hide in my bed and stayed there until about 11am when I had to get up to see my OT. I can't deal with this "life" any more.

Doikers 14-09-2010 04:19 PM

*Hugs Ryuu*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs April* I'm sorry you fought with Jarrod :(
Why wasn't I invited to your dream dinner? hehe
I had weird dreams last night , not good weird either:S

MammaMia 14-09-2010 04:39 PM

No sign of the bus pass, boo!!


shadowedsoul 14-09-2010 04:42 PM

Cuddles all. Erm being thinking off walking away again, not sure tho my heads so messed up right now. curls up

Doikers 14-09-2010 04:47 PM

*Boo's with Helen* *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill*

misskitty112 14-09-2010 05:26 PM

*hugs everyone*
So... freakin'... tired.
So... much... work.

I'm going to a local sorority's interest meeting on Thursday. I'm trying to convince myself that just cause my ex sorority is so shallow doesn't mean they're all bad. We'll see how that goes.
Also, my roomie saw my SI after I showered last night... uh-oh...

Doikers 14-09-2010 05:32 PM

*Hugs Felicia* Hmm it sounds like you are rushed off of your feet :S
Have you spoken to your roomie about what she/he may have seen?
I've heard of sororitys on T.V. and generally heard of them but what are they , like a students club? I don't think we have them in the U.K. but I never went to Uni so I don't know really . Sorry.

FlyingNy 14-09-2010 05:48 PM

*Walks in, looks around then screams suddenly and begins to throw things around the ward, trashing everything in reach, still screaming and being careful to avoid people.*

one_step_closer 14-09-2010 05:58 PM

Lia, what's happening?

misskitty112 14-09-2010 06:11 PM

Mark, we haven't really spoken much about it. She knows what she saw, she knows I did it. There's not much more to say, other than me pleading for her not to tell the housing office.
I'm pretty sure there's some sororities in the UK... At least I thought Delta Zeta (my ex sorority) has some chapters there. Anyway, they're essentially a student group of girls. You pay lots of money to be in a national/international sorority (I paid almost $500 a semester for DZ). During your uni years, they do community service and have all sorts of parties and such.
I'm done with nationals though. DZ absolutely ruined me. Then they kicked me out... lovely girls, aren't they? But I'm trying local, cause I miss the sisterhood I had with a few of the DZ girls, who now won't talk to me... sooo...

Lia, what's going on, sweetie?

Doikers 14-09-2010 06:30 PM

Thanks for explaining soroities to me Felicia :)

Lia , are you okay? *Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 06:45 PM

*offers gentle hugs to Lia* What's going on, love?

Mark, how are you doing? *cuddles*

SparkleKitten 14-09-2010 06:51 PM

*cuddles all*

I feel so ill, my gallbladder is being awful with me today :(

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 07:07 PM

*cuddles Sarah* I'm sorry, sweetie. :( I'm sorry if you have already said, but have you gone to see a doctor about doing something about your gallbladder? :(

Doikers 14-09-2010 07:08 PM

I NEED to injure . I NEED to injure :S

Perhaps if I go grocery shopping it will distract me until the urges go ??? I don't know who I'm asking. sorry .

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 07:10 PM

Awh Mark, hon, you've got to quit telling yourself that you "NEED" to SI. You don't NEED to, you may feel like you do but you've gone days without... this shows that you CAN get by without SI'ing. I know you can do it, I know you have the strength, you've just got to trust that you do and fight for your life.

(Geez, now I'm sounding like Jarrod lecturing me, ahaha... :-S)

*cuddles* I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, it wasn't meant to be. :(

misskitty112 14-09-2010 07:18 PM

Mark, dear, you don't need to injure. I'm around if you'd like to talk.

My printer just had a tragic paper jam. I think I fixed it but it sounds funny now. It cannot quit. I have two chapters of Marketing work to print out for my test tomorrow. =(

SparkleKitten 14-09-2010 07:19 PM

*more cuddles for April and Mark*

Already seen a doctor, I'm awating the hospital contacting me with my specialist appointment.

And Mark, you don't need to, you're strong, you can beat it :)

*cuddles Felicia* Printers suck. Mine actually hates me, it never prints anything.

misskitty112 14-09-2010 07:32 PM

My printer is not fixed. It is ****ed and needs to be taken back.
Lovely, now my work will be late, cause my professor doesn't take emailed work and my uni's not letting us use on campus printers now cause too many people were wasting paper and ink printing out bullshit stuff.
I am going to cry.

Doikers 14-09-2010 07:52 PM

*Hugs April , Felicia and Sarah*

I am running a bath , distraction number 2 , then I am going to eat some ceral I think , thats number 3 then I'll come back here , Thankyou all for being so supportive and April it didn't sound harsh .

*Hands Felicia a Nice clean Hanky*

Doikers 14-09-2010 08:18 PM

Groceries - Done
Bath - Done
Cereal - Done
What can I do now ? Suggestions welcome please I'm quite triggered :S

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 08:31 PM

Hmmm... *thinks* You could write, update your r/v or your LJ if you like. Or... try to play WoW, do something mindless on it if you don't feel like leveling (not saying that leveling can't be mindless, but on your first time through it usually isn't mindless), like killing animals/skinning them/working on leatherworking. Just a thought. Ummm... *thinky thinky* You could... ummm... damn it, I am running out of ideas. Haha. Keep posting on here? :P I'll try to respond but I'm thinking about going on WoW in a bit myself... so I don't know how much longer I'll be on the 'net. Oh, and what about bed? isn't it around 8:30pm there?

*cuddles* I'm sorry that you & so many of us are having a rough time. :(

Doikers 14-09-2010 08:39 PM

Bed seems tempting , I'll go around 9 pm , I feel numb , thats the meds making it like that , It's so much better than full blown depression but it's still not nice and it's constant , not numb but nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumb , I hope that made sense ?

SoMuchMore 14-09-2010 08:42 PM

*hugs everyone*

Mark - maybe clean your flat? (i know that sounds like i'm saying it must be dirty, but I really am not.. Sometimes when i'm triggered I wash dishes or dust to keep distracted) or watch a very happy movie?

I am not in a very good place today. sorry for my lack of individuals.

*hugs april, lia helen, sarah felicia, kahlia, and everyone else *

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 08:46 PM

Bed is a good idea I think. Sleep is usually safe although I'm sorry that you had bad weird dreams last night. :( Maybe you'll be meeting me for a meal in YOUR dreams tonight. ;) Lol. That would totally be weird. (Oh and have you ever had/do you like buffalo wing pizza? because that's what we had in my dream last night... lulz...) Hmmm... yes, I think what you said makes sense. Hehe. *cuddles*

Got some carrots and Southwestern ranch dip today and I want moooore, so damn "hungry" (that isn't really hungry I don't think?)... no idea. I just want some more carrots and dip. At least it's pretty healthy... :) In moderation at least. My mum and I went grocery shopping and that was nice, although I was "in a mood" for awhile (giddy/giggly/hyper, I'm blaming it on the pancakes we made for breakfast, lol), and then later I realized that I have to monitor my moods more carefully than a non-bipolar person because even the littlest swing can mean something bad is "just around the corner." Blahhhh. :(

*cuddles all*

Scarletdreamer 14-09-2010 08:47 PM

Aw Laura, hon, what's up?? *big cuddles* If you want to talk, well, you know how to reach me. <3

Doikers 14-09-2010 08:54 PM

No I've never had buffalo wing pizza April , or it's vege alternative hehe , I've never even heard of it before :P It would be quite an occurence if we dined in my dreams tonight though :)

SoMuchMore 14-09-2010 08:57 PM

*cuddles april* thanks hun.

I don't really have time to go into details right now since i have to leave for class in a few minutes... plus maybe it should go into my r/v thread anyway since i feel like if i start typing about it it may just turn into a rant. I'll let u guys know if i update it later.

SparkleKitten 14-09-2010 08:59 PM

like to paint when I'm triggered or ill. Tonight I finally painted the clay cat I made in brown with ickle tiger stripes and pink ears. So I'm happy with that.

Hungry but my gallbladder won't let me eat. Grr.

*cuddles all*

one_step_closer 14-09-2010 09:02 PM

*group hug*

I'm waiting for the crisis team to phone me, at 9.30. I have no idea what i'm going to say to them.

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