*hugs Helen and Katey*

Nobody has anything these days in some places. Nice. I don't blame you Alex, I'm not having a go at you. Even though it looks/makes me feel as if I am. I love you hunni *is held and hides under blanket*

(That ****....the one haunting my brain....not my friend.....needs to die off my mind if that makes sense >.<)

Hells - i did read your post earlier and saw that you have an awful lot going on right now - I'm sorry to say I got to the bit about you moving - not moving etc and it got to me a bit - and that's why i didn't respond on there - we are having to sell our house now that my dad has died as we can't afford to stay here - as much as I hate being home I love my house -and am so very sad that we having to get everything sorted so we can sell it - so I understood your feelings of moving - then you got used to the idea and now it's all changed again - mind boggling stuff.
Not sure how you are coping with the exams at all - I just couldn't when it was my exams - I remember one day the school phoned to ask why I wasn't in my exam - i was in the bath - i had got so churned up about them all I got all my days wrong - Big Mess!!
You must have so many feelings about your dad at the moment - and I am really sorry about that - I wish I had words of wisdom there.
No-one minds how many days you want to moan -we will still listen - I think they will all mind that I post too much - and I'm sorry if they do but it's what I need to do right now.
It's probably just shadows on the stairs playing tricks with you - and being so tired won't help - try not to worry about it.
Why can't I write short - to the point replies - I alwasy end up writing a book. Then I have to push the button that says 'Post quick reply" and it makes me laugh!!

*hugs Katch* it's ok hunni... we still love you. And reading this, actually made me smile. I noticed I was smiling and I was like :shocked:

Lol Katch M'dear...I do love you...you make me giggle :P

I agree fully on the moving house thing :blink:
We are moving in July....and packing and clearing out makes my anxiety worse :pinch:

I'm always here helen...and if im not here...im on the end of the phone :)

I swear..turning my phone off for the exams...its like losing a limb!

Your'e not upsetting people - but I know sometimes it's nice to just sit quietly and listen - if you need a helping hand back out of the corner just let us know xxx

It's so strange how our minds work -and I don't just mean ours in here I mean everyone's . I'd like to be able to analyse dreams.
The pidgeon so close though - anyone would panic at that - some of them are huge - I guess if we ever meet up it won't be at Trafalgar Square!!!

Oh god definatly not Trafalgar Square...I have enough trouble with Manchester :tongue2:
Some old woman shouted at me because I screamed and interupted her whilst she was "drinking her afternoon tea" so she came over to tell me off....despite the fact I was slumped against a wall, hyperventilating, sweating, shaking, and grasping my chest... :/

Thanks Katch for the reply, it really helps. Moving house is way too stressful and really sucks. We can't afford to stay here. Well we can at the moment because my dad is still paying for us to live here. But yeah one of the reasons why my mum wanted to move anyway because she felt bound to him if that makes sense? Like he still has some sort of control over her I guess. I know how you feel sweetie. I was/am so very very sad to be moving cus I love this house so much. Some nights I hate my room cus I know my rapist has been in here :mad: But I have to go back to how I loved it before...and remember that he CANT hurt me here. :thumbup: Hopefully when we paint it....it might help lol. Well that's if we take our house off the market. I don't want to move so hopefully nobody wants our house now :) Mum said if nobody's put an offer by the time our holiday comes (or was it just before?) then we're going off the market :hop: I wish you didn't have to go through this aswell sweetie *snuggles* It is mind boggling stuff...

Well thankfully the exam hasn't started yet. Starts in two weeks time..well it will on monday. So it starts on the 2nd June. Wish we could fast forward through that week, but I know time will draggggggggggggg during the exam! Wow I feel for you hun. Exams are a stressful time for everyone but it affects people more than others and in different ways...

I really do have so many feelings about my dad at the moment. It's driving me absloute bonkers and I want to see him. But at the same time I feel the need to push him away.

I hope no-one does mind how much I moan and I hope people do listen. Nah we don't mind that you post so much, it's what we want :)

I do think it is shadows on the stairs or something playing tricks with me and being so tired sure aint helping me. I don't feel so bad about it right now yay :-p

I like writing long posts/replies so don't mind hunni. LOL your last sentence made me giggle lots though!!!!

Firstly really happy to have made 3 people laugh - if I could do that every day then I'd be content.

Alexx - stupid old woman - don't you worry about a thing - it's not as if you can hold in your panic until there are no old lady tea drinkers around is it!!!


Hells - Thank you... xxx
Fully understand how your mum feels about your dad paying for the house - but maybe you could help her think of it as "he should still pay as his children still need a roof over their head" he may have left your mum but he should still provide for you.

Some nights I hate my room cus I know my rapist has been in here
Snap - and it makes me think I should want to move - but I love where this house is - it's on a field and I can't hear any cars - just Badgers and Foxes and the birds in the morning - at night I stand on the field and look at the stars and feel so alone but so peaceful. So many bad memories of the many things that happened to me here - but I realize they are with me where ever I go - they are not in the walls and the brickwork - they are in my heart.
It seemed like the end of the world when I messed up in my exams - but I was lucky as I had already got into uni with my performing arts audition - I know loads of people who messed up (not through not trying) that have done well regardless. I hope you do really well - but don't panic yourself too much - life does go on and you can do well -
Your dad has hurt you - but you need to try and remember it's your mum and him with the problems, you got hurt along the way - you should meet him for coffee and a chat - just a short visit and see how it goes and how you feel - right now you are in a limbo and I think you need to make a move -at least you will know if you want to see him again soon or have a break from him - it realy is OK to be angry with him - you feel deserted.

I listen to you ^_^
being your new aunty and all ;-)

Maybe you should turn a light on? Just to check so you know theres nothing there?
We are definately FOR SURE moving to Romiley in July...so I'll have no internet for god knows how long :/
and Ive had to start going through my room already...trying to convince my mum to let me pack my own stuff. I NEED to.
But hopefully you can keep your house and painting your room will help Hells :]
As for my exam advise? Its simply as lame as try and relax...take it one thing at a time and accept that you can only do your best.
thats what got me through Friday...I had 6 hours of exams....SIX!!! :blink:

how do you get these RYL aunties, sisters etc..

my mouse has just broken - it's been on the blink all night now it's stopped completely - and the touchpad thingy on this laptop has a mind of it's own and is going all over the place - I'm getting sea sick trying to read what I am writing as the page is going up and down. I'll try and find another one if not I'll have to say cheerio for now and I'll be back tomorrow 'You have been warned"!!!
Love you all, Huge hugs tonight, Katch xxx

Katch...your house sounds amazing...and I agree with the fact that the memories arent in the walls..."there are no haunted houses...only haunted people" but you can work through it and at the end of it (as clichéd as it sounds) you'll be a stronger person.

Helen..i know kind of how you feel about your dad...my dad left before I was born...denying I was his and he would never turn up when he said he would and I was so angry at him...I swore I never wanted to see him again...and that was ok...but he moved countries (to a non EU country) and now...even if I wanted to contact him...I dont think i could :/
I guess...the point of my story is that its ok to be angry at him hun...its ok to absolutly HATE him....but you have to think carefully about your decision...and make sure you wont regret it...but whatever you decide....you'll have loads of people behind you :)

You just say "will you adopt me?" or "do you want to be adopted?"
I'll adopt everyone and anyone (if you want to be^_^)

OH NOES!!! about your mouse :(
Hope you can get a new one soon!!!!
Take care hun
xxxxx

Ugh... I just had a chocolate binge and ate 3 BIG spoonfuls of Hershey's syrup...

sorry to creep out of the corner a little, think i need some company otherwise am going to do somehting stupid and its probs not a good idea seen as i'm babysitting my sister.:crying: :notsure:

Thanks Katch.

Your house being on a field reminds me of where I live. We have two sides of the road...as you do. My side has all the houses, and then oppsoite all our houses/flats are the woods & a masssssssive meadow (hence the reason our road name has the words it does...and the first word comes from the woods stroy lol or something).

Blah I was gonna write a reply to you properly....but I'm soooo tired >.< But feeling soooooooooooooooo awake :D I've got a huge health worry on my mind, just got to wait to make sure it's not a ****ing hormonal thing from the wonderful peroid (N)

Katch, I've only just read the post about your mouse, hope it'll be okay tomorrow. Stay safe xxx P.S Take it you're back on the ship? :D

Alex, thanks for your replies, both here and on msn. I'm glad I have you hun. I'm gonna miss you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much when you have no net :(

Awww *offers Katey a hug* I'm proud of you for being strong enough to realize that you need company.

no luck with the mouse - so got to go before I'm sick. Hells - hope you feel better in the morning. Katey-Lou - I haven't forgotten you and will look in on you tomorrow. Alex I'd love to be adopted. Amanda - sorry about your binge - but don't be to angry with yourself.
Hugs to everyone and hope to see you tomorrow. xxx

Quote[Katch, I've only just read the post about your mouse, hope it'll be okay tomorrow. Stay safe xxx P.S Take it you're back on the ship? :D]Quote

No I'm still at home - my Mum is in too bad a way for me to leave just yet - but I am cleared to go back when I can - probably mid june - worried about that though as I won't be able to access RYL - all internet goes through the ships satelite - really expensive and very very slow - not sure how I will cope without you all - it's been a lifeline finding you all - thank you