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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 09:14 PM

Oh, crap I'm sorry. Well that's my big feet nice and deeply in it. I'm so sorry about that. So it's just you and your stepmum. You know, no one deserves to be abused. I would tell you to tell someone, or something, but I know I couldn't. I know how you feel though and I know I never could.

Do you have any support?

You don't deserve it though, and don't believe it's your fault. I know how easy it is to feel that way.


Louise 28-06-2010 09:18 PM

i am in the middle of getting a new councillor, please don't worry about asking me it means a lot that someone listening to me

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 09:28 PM

I'm glad you're getting support and I will always listen. How do you feel right now? Do you ever get along with your stepmum? Do you have any other family?

Doikers 28-06-2010 09:50 PM

Possible trigger warning

My cut has stopped bleeding I Think , I feel so sad I want to cry but can't *Sigh*

Sorry I'm really struggling with feeling low latley and I cut and it made me numb but now the lowness is coming back again I CAN'T STAND IT , so soon , I don't even get to go to bed without feel low and I can't cut like THAT everyday .

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 10:04 PM

*Hugs Mark* What's the matter? Do you know what made you feel so low?

Take care of your cuts, clean them so they don't get infected. Do you have plasters and things?


I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 10:11 PM

I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.

PoisonedApple 28-06-2010 10:11 PM

*sits and huggles Mark*

wildly insane 28-06-2010 10:11 PM

*hugs Mark* I have a true story you might like. A friend of mine was telling me that her sister never had a boyfriend until she was 30 and then one day she met a guy in a queue in a shop and he asked her out and now they're husband and wife. When I heard it, it just gave me back a little bit of hope. Anyway sorry to hear you are so low, glad you managed to order your meds, please look after yourself.

*hugs Lia* lovely poem, hope you are ok.

*hugs Louise* sorry to hear your stepmom is mean to you. We're here to support you if you want to talk.

*hugs Crimson* is there vegetarian jello? did you have a good day as a child? Sounds like an awesome idea

*hugs Kat* that is a lot of pages, welcome back, how are you?

*hugs Laura* I never make much sense either, I kinda like it that way :P how are you doing?

*hugs April* hope you get to get those cello bits :) I still haven't managed to start playing my violin again but I will. Good luck with the last few days of your internship, you can do it, keep that chin up.

*hugs Nicole* how did therapy go?

*hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear you're triggered by your neighbour. I don't know if this will help and sorry if it doesn't, but just think she's that thin, counting calories, weight etcetera and she's still unhappy so what's the point. Size doesn't make us it's what's inside that counts and you are a lovely, kind, thoughtful, beautiful person.

Hugs to everyone else hiding in the warren, take care of yourselves.

I'm okay, tired, headache, the gym always gives me a headache it's always too hot in there :P

wildly insane 28-06-2010 10:12 PM

*cuddles Lia* what's up sweetie, why are you sorry?

Doikers 28-06-2010 10:14 PM

*hugs Lia* I have dressing yes , It's pretty tightly bound with presurre to stop the bleeding so I am gonna sleep in that and clean it and redress it tommorow morning ,.

I Have Deppression Lia and honestly I am going throuh a patch of feeling Low just because my mind thinks it's a good idea to torment me . , The old question , How do you escape yourself , at least I got 2 maybe 3 hours releif from this cut .

How are you doing Lia? , you are helping a lot of people tonight .
EDIT:-Why are you sorry Lia , whats up?

Doikers 28-06-2010 10:16 PM

*Hugs Hannah*

*Huggles Crimson* I like that story , but thats not going to happen to me , I am in love , I'm just not sure it's requited , plus I have no relationship experience which makes me hate myself

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 10:21 PM

Good, good I'm glad, I need to help people. I need something to keep me here, to make me worth something.

Nothing, nothing, it's OK don't worry about me I'm fine.

Do you have any support Mark? Anyone you can go to besides this site? Remember why you've held on. What keeps you here? Why do you get up in the morning? Think of the answers then concentrate on that and don't let go.

I know why I got up in the morning but it's all gone now. Gone away.

PoisonedApple 28-06-2010 10:23 PM


*hugs Crimson* is there vegetarian jello? did you have a good day as a child? Sounds like an awesome idea
*hugs Hannah back*
In convenient add water and stick in the fridge form? no. I did find a few recipes and vegan "gelatin"s to use with a ggole search. Maybe you can look up a recipe and see what "gelatin" brands are available in your area. Hain seems like a popular brand but the people that recommended that one were mostly in the US.
As for how the day has gone it's only 12:20 so just after noon. I've gotten a good bit done today though and haven't been being too hard on myself today so all in all so far so good me thinks. *nods* Though I think singing to myself, playing with my jello and playing in my chair is making people think I'm weirder than they usually think I am lol. *shrugs* oh well. they can bugger off for all I care.

wildly insane 28-06-2010 10:42 PM

Crimson, I totally agree with you, am very glad your day is going okay.

Mark, I think you'd be surprised at how many people our age out there have little or no relationship experience, I certainly was, you're not the only one by any means so please try not to hate yourself about it, honestly, as to requited, well we never know what's round the next corner, do we?

Doikers 28-06-2010 10:50 PM

I don't know what I got up for this morning Lia :S

I took the dressing off thinking the bleeding had stopped but NOPE, FINALLY got it under control , I hope its stopped by the morning.
I've had about all I can take of today , it seems almost everyday I say that and go to bed .It sucks being lonely hmmmmmm
Goodnight everyone , stay safe and If anyone needs to talk PM me or e-mail me as ever

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 10:57 PM

Someone, someone, someone.

PoisonedApple 28-06-2010 11:05 PM

*looks confused*
someone someone someone what? what happened?

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 11:17 PM

Someone here. It hurts, it hurts. I didn't mean to.

katnovia 28-06-2010 11:21 PM

I can't remember who asked...but I'm okay I think, had my first half glass of wine in several months...so everything is a bit numb.

PoisonedApple 28-06-2010 11:25 PM

*cuddles Lia*

shadowedsoul 28-06-2010 11:29 PM

hi just me names Jill, my mum is starting to get on my nerves, why can she give it up. okay I had a small break down, she just keeps going and going. Just want to run and hide, damn it.
The hosiptal my mum said I needed to go to was a psych hospital, I can even tell you how much that scares me. So not happeing.

I'mJustMe 28-06-2010 11:52 PM

Hey Jill. Your mum just cares for you. I know being in a hospital scares you, but she's just trying to do whatever she can. Why is it such a scary idea?

I'm never trusting another living soul as long as I live. Everyone who I've let in has let me down. I gave it one last chance. One person swore they wouldn't, and for once, I believed them. I trusted them. More fool me. I'll continue to post here, but only to support others. Never to get it myself. I have to do this alone. I'm never letting anyone in. Not ever. My heart can't take it anymore. Sorry.

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 12:05 AM

I can't do this. I'm done.

shadowedsoul 29-06-2010 12:44 AM

Huggles lia, not sure if that's your name? Are you okay? Don't do anything stuiped.
why that idea scares me, hmm I'm shy very queit kind of keep myself. I spend all my time in my bedroom watching tv or DVDs. I find it very hard to express my feeling I hate letting people in. sorry sounds stuiped shutting up.

Scarletdreamer 29-06-2010 12:45 AM

Lia, sweetie, what happened? Please don't give up, please don't give in... things WILL get better. I'm very worried about you...

PoisonedApple 29-06-2010 12:46 AM

I'm sorry you were let down Lia *hugs* Don't know what else to say right now that could help. Sorry.

I hate when I get really anxious at work. It's really hard to work when you're all shaky or half of your face is that tingly numbed feeling. The main down side to working in the prosecutor's office and having front desk know how. 3 situations needing diffused in less than an hour today (this is not common by any means, just today's been a day...) and the last one was an angry guy with several assault and weapon charges. His case wasn't with our office and he simply would not take us sending his paperwork to the correct office as an answer even though we couldn't do anything. In the end we sent an attorney out to talk to him and even though the attorney has military hand to hand training we still watched him to be sure nothing happened. I prefer my cozy little office in the back where no one bugs me and I don't have to try to talk any one down from angry and psychotic to normal conversation. *hides in the back of my office to be left alone*

Kahlia1981 29-06-2010 12:52 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2375795)
kahlia, love, don't give in to the ed urges... they are stupid anyway. that's what i keep trying to tell myself, at least. :-/ it doesn't always work but sometimes it does. i'm sure you're not as huge as you think you are but i understand the feeling of gaining weight/size because of meds. :( it's an icky feeling, that's for sure. and having a tiny neighbor talk about weight/bmi/calories/etc... kudos to you for putting up with it as well as you have. *cuddles*

april: thanks. i've actually lost a substantial amount of weight that risperdal made me put on. it took away my ability to feel full and increased my appetite at the same time. it took about 5 years being off the drug - and other drugs chemically similar to it - before i could start to lose weight. and that's all biological fact not emotional suspicion. but because i was tiny before the bastard docs put me on it it is so hard. but i am trying not to give in to the urges.


Originally Posted by I'mJustMe (Post 2375599)
*Hugs Kahlia.* It's OK, try to calm down. You're not huge, try not to judge yourself on other people. We all do it and I know how hard it is not to, but you're you, not the person sitting next to you,not the woman on the 345 bus, not the guy walking down the street. I hope you can continue to resist those urges, you're worth it and you deserve to get better.

lia(?) - sorry can't remember your name: thanks. i'm trying to remember that.


Originally Posted by wildly insane (Post 2376061)
*hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear you're triggered by your neighbour. I don't know if this will help and sorry if it doesn't, but just think she's that thin, counting calories, weight etcetera and she's still unhappy so what's the point. Size doesn't make us it's what's inside that counts and you are a lovely, kind, thoughtful, beautiful person.

hannah: thank you so much. i guess it's just hard with this neighbour because she's continually on the same track. she's like a broken record. her size, the operations, the kids ... everythings a drama, and when i'm not mentally well - like at the moment - it's so easy for me to get triggered.

sorry that at the moment i can't be of support to you all. i'm hanging on to this world by my fingertips. my ed, si and suicide urges are all strong and my mood is low and it's hard just to do my adl (activities of daily living) tasks. it would be so much easier to just let go.

MammaMia 29-06-2010 12:55 AM

Should just die.
What we all want after all.

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 12:55 AM

Guys, you didn't let me down. It's not you.

Jill, I know what you mean. I can't let people in either. As I said, I took a chance and trusted someone and it exploded in my face. Never again. The wall's back and it's stronger than ever. I was stupid to believe that lie again.

It doesn't sound stupid, I know exactly how you feel. The hospital would mean letting everyone know you weren't coping, it would be admitting weakness and leaving yourself vunerable.


I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 12:57 AM

MammaMia, what's the matter?

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 01:00 AM

Why's there not a mood on this thing for 'dead inside'?

PoisonedApple 29-06-2010 01:02 AM

Good question Lia. I think there should be one named 'other' too.

SoMuchMore 29-06-2010 02:06 AM

*hugs helen* it is not what everyone wants. PM me if you want hun.

*hugs lia* don't give up on talking to people. i'm sorry you were let down.

*hugs crimson* I'm sorry you got so anxious at work today.

*hugs kahlia* Its ok that you are not supporting at the moment, we understand that. Please keep trying to hang in there.

*hugs jill* you're not stupid. I have a hard time letting people in too. A lot of the time I would rather be alone b/c I get so anxious around people.. it really sucks.

I spy april!

*hugs mark* sorry that you are feeling so low still. I wish there was something i could do to help.

My PM box is always open to anyone.

Sorry I suck at advice if there was any to give right now.

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 02:29 AM

I can't sleep. Mental breakdown does that to a person.

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 02:40 AM

Not sure it's a good idea I remain awake. It's been one thing after another today, if I don't just go to sleep and get this day over with, I'll probably be decapitated by a passing axe muderer or something.

SoMuchMore 29-06-2010 02:44 AM

*hugs lia* sorry that you are having trouble sleeping and that you've had such a bad day. Feel free to vent in here if you want. I'll be around to listen.

shadowedsoul 29-06-2010 03:11 AM

Hugs lia. Hmm can't sleep either it's 2am and I'm wide awake. Got way to much stuff running through my head. Getting worked up and worried about work no idea why, just don't want to go in tomorrow. Ugh!!! I'm pathetic wish I wasn't here I'm keeping going for all the wrong reasons. sorry.

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 03:15 AM

It's OK. I can't talk. I only made that promise to myself a couple of hours ago. It would be a little pathetic to break it so soon. Thanks anyway :)

Hey Jill, it's 2am here as well. Actually, it's 2.15, but same difference. You're not pathetic, and wrong or not, they're still reasons to keep going. Unless it's like, 'I stay alive to continue my viscious killing spree' then I might be worried.

shadowedsoul 29-06-2010 03:26 AM

Thanks lia, just wish I could belive that.I don't anymore.

Kahlia1981 29-06-2010 05:13 AM

*hugs everyone*

left the house before and anxiety went through the roof. now dealing with it through the help of a xanax. something i didn't want to do. but what choice do i have. was panicking when i knew i had to leave. crying before i got to the bottom of the stairwell. in full floods of tears before i had reached the main road. and when i got back .... it all hit. then couldn't even sit outside for a smoke - and that was 5/10 minutes after taking the xanax. i don't deserve to live

SoMuchMore 29-06-2010 07:54 AM

*cuddles kahlia* anxiety is so awful. I'm sorry that it was so bad today. You most definitely deserve to live though. Anxiety is not your fault, you can't control it.

Doikers 29-06-2010 10:57 AM

Up at 9am for me thats early . Tuesday , I have to record what I do and how happy that makes me in a % for my nurse on a Tuesday. I'm up early fo an appointment . Feel Numb , and not good numb, there are 2 types of numb 1) Stops me feeling low and anxious and 2) makes me more low , amplifies bad feelings , make sense? Well I have number 2 right now :(

Anyhoo enough whinging from me

Kahlia , Anxiety is horrid but you totally deserve to live don't tell yourself otherwise *Hugs*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Jill ( Shadowededsoul)*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs eveyone I missed* Sorry I missed you :S

Doikers 29-06-2010 11:27 AM

An Acoustic cove of a Keane song , Listened too it and thought I'd share...

Louise 29-06-2010 11:53 AM

hugs everyone, Listened to the song it is lovely

shadowedsoul 29-06-2010 11:58 AM

hmm okay I know I'm taking the easy way out and not going to work, but I can physically get myself out of bed I just feel drained and very panicky and I don't know why, just that I'm it isn't helped by mum screaming at me saying there is noithing wrong. sorry being a wimp and I should get up and just go.

MammaMia 29-06-2010 12:24 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'mJustMe 29-06-2010 02:26 PM

Anxiety is not your fault,you do deserve to live. All of us here struggle with something and it doesn't make any of us any less of a person.

Jill, don't apoligse, you have as much right to be here as anyone else. Sometimes the easy way out is all we can face, and if you're not ready to go back to work yet then that's just fine. It's your life and your mind, you do what you're comfortable with. Try not to pay attention to you mum, although I know it's not that easy. I think she just finds it hard and doesn't know what to do, how to react. When my mum found out about my self harm, I told her it was a one off and she asked me to make a better job of it the next time so she had one less mouth to feed. It's just how parents react sometimes when they don't know what else to do. Although, my mum genuinly doesn't love me, but still.

shadowedsoul 29-06-2010 03:13 PM

thanks Hun, just wish I could stop thinking these things, that I just want to kill myself, stop crying and go back to being sort of happy. This isn't how it's suppost to be, I can breath being sad all the time.what happened to that happy 6 year old that was always smiling, I want that Jill back.

Doikers 29-06-2010 03:34 PM

*Squishes Jill*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Louise* I'm glad you like the song

shadowedsoul 29-06-2010 05:09 PM

Squishes mark back, how's you Hun?

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