Too damn nervous and anxious to try and sort out my enrolment for next year...
I can't seem to bring myself to knock on the door
:crying:
Why am I such a wimp?
:crying:

*just taking a blanky to go cuddle in the corner*

*tucks a fluffy snuggley blanket around razey02*

hmm I really don't want to do this today, don't think I can
handle another crap day at work. I feel sick just thinking
about it. Just want to curl up under my bedcovers and
stay there. Got some really stupid thoughts running
through my mind. Getting diffcult not to act on them.

*curls up small* i ate way way to much today :crying:

*hugs Julie, Razey,KitKat, April, Hayley, Nicole ,Oliver ,Laura , Crimson , Kahlia, Heather,Hannah,Taz, Kat,Helen and anyone else I missed (Sorry)*

I JUST managed to crawl out of bed at gone 11am , SO Lazy , I feel so low , I really want to cut but I don't know where or how badly , and I know I shoulden't . I wish I wasn't so low I take my meds , so many meds and yet I still get S.I. and Sui thoughts, I coulden't tell my SW how badly I cut after my medical because he had a med student with him yesterday hmmm. I'm just pathetic , I don't deserve anything nice , I don't know how to feel happy , it just doesn't "happen" for me , I feel like I'm doomed to be depressed for good .

I read you R/V thread April *Extra hug*

*Hugs Julie*

I've gotta pop out to the shop now if I want milk later , I don't wanna leave the flat. I just wanna crawl up unfer my blanket again .

*Leaves a selection box of hugs on the ward table for people to help themselves too*

*huggles marky*

Congratulations on the new job Hannah! * New job Hug*

So the post arrived today and a busyed myself upstairs so I woulden't have to face it , I worked up the nerve to go down and collect it and all I had was a letter from E-on , Heart sank , but I opened it and it's a bill for £45,55 , and it says it's my final gas bill , Can this be sorted out for real? , After all these months of being hassled and threatened ? I hope so :) Mind you I haven't had an apology or anything but thats just a peev of mine ,I 'm not gonna get into a whole big thing about an apology , if it's over I'm glad it's over

*cuddles Mark* I hope it is finally sorted. Seems things are picking up a bit in all our lives lately compared to the past few months. I hope everything stays sorted out for all of us.

*runs through the ward hugging everyone*
*forces self to finish bowl of cereal and runs down to the front desk*
I'll hop back in after I get back up here to my desk.

*Spots a Helen and Hugs*

*Hugs Crimson*

Getting so slow in here lately... How is everyone today?

M and J n L are gonna be gone by the end of the weekend if all goes as planned :) now I just need to relearn how to cook for half the people I have been cooking for to save my fridge from a horrific amount of leftovers.

I am so tired today... I spent the last few days finishing off G's school with her so she got done on time (my fault for procrastinating the whole school year) and she finished her last class last night at midnight. Then I had to take a bath since I was covered in oil pastels, tempra paint and water color paints (not to mention the different kinds of paper and glue)... art was her last class obviously.so I didn't get to bed till 1ish after I set up my stuff for today to bring to work and writing the rent check. Then up at 620 to get ready and drop off the rent then to work. Might nap later but maybe not. If I don't nap maybe I'll be able to go to bed at a "reasonable" time. *shrugs n goes off to file stuff*

OOh I bet you are looking forward to a quieter household Cromson:) I hope you sleep well an re-learn your cooking for a lesser amount of people , I bet you're pleased to have a less hectic place to live soon :)

Where IS everyone?? :-/

Well, I found out today that the girl from my work that lives down the road from us (who also has the exact same anniversary!!) is selling a cello for maximum $500!!!!! I am so stoked... she told me that it has my name on it, I got to see it today and tune it, it's so beautiful........... I've wanted a cello for soo long and I've bugged and bothered Jarrod about it for forever... so she's going to research it to see how much it's worth now, and if she sells it for more than $500 I can pay her back in piano lessons (since I teach piano/violin/viola). EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! *bounces ecstatically* I am SO EXCITED. This is perfect. :D

Sorry for the SQUEE there... lol... it's just that this is better than what I could've hoped for. Ever. :D

*cuddles everyone then bounces off into a corner, mumbling, "Cello, cello, I might get a cello!!"*

Phew. I'm on at last. bit of catching up to do, so some of theses responses might seem a bit late, but it's all since I was last on..... here goes.


Mark: Can I have some of your ability to sleep? I'm so tired but i just can't switch off *huggles* I hope your body manages to sort itself out soon. no experience of medication i'm afraid, so I can't answer that one. *cuddles* just because I wish i could do more *cuddles again* glad the energy bill thing seems to be sorted out.


Jill: You can be clingy all you want *cuddles gently* i'm sorry i'm not here for you more. I wish there were better things I could say to help, but please try not to cut. cuddle not cut *cuddles gently more*


Kahlia: Finding life is a series of hoops to jump through right now, with the police, GP, the CPN, the crisis team twice, and child services, Im just about sick of explaining my life history to people. I just hope something comes of all this, because i'm so drained. I will tell Rosie later, I'm sure she'll be thrilled. *cuddles you because you are cold*


april: *cuddles* I feel like i can't be there all the time for everybody too, and it feels ****. *cuddles tight* something would be good, i think. Sorry I missed your birthday *special cuddles*. I'm glad you had a good time, your ring sounds great, i'm gonna look that passage up in a sec :) and don't worry about wearing mens sizes, I do too sometimes, and I had to have my engagement ring resized up four times in 3 years.


Helen: I can't remember fully, but I think the recommendations for that kind of situation is to assume use of other protection for a week I think. I can check if you want. *cuddles* cuddle not cut. my new motto, made it a week so far :) Sleep tight. - You're intitled to a whingefest, don't apologise. Sounds like you had a rough time *hugs* I hope your back/legs/feet have recovered!


heather: I'll tell rosie!

Ileana *cuddles* sorry hun I don't know your name, but I'm Kat *waves hello*


Jackie: *cuddles* Hi, I'm kat

Lindsay: A princes trust course? wow. I read about those somewhere, and was thinnking about it but can't remember anything about it now.


Amy: Hi, How are you?


Crimson: I'm really glad to read your happy message about moving, i'll be praying for you that it all goes well. *hugs*


J.Greens: Sorry, can't help, don't quite know what you're asking, I can't focus. But seeing your Dr isn't 'bothering' them love.


JK: *cuddles* I hope things improve for you soon, well done on having a shot at individual replies in your state!


Laura: *hugs* I end up doing that too, especially if there is someone about who I can't get too absorbed in writing on RYL infront of.


Julie: *cuddles* I feel like hiding in a box to eat too, but only because I want to binge and shouldn't.


Hayley: *huggles* Great progress hun, so proud of you


Kathryn: *waves back*Hi sweetie. DBT? sorry brainfry so can't figure that one.


okay page 1366...I can't absorb any more, so sorry guys that's it for individual replies. Love you all!
If I missed you. Sorry, and lots of love and safe cuddles, but I need to breathe and eat now.

Defintely looking forward to the quiet. J and L were out last night and it was so quiet and peaceful. M only bothered Gen about going to bed (while she was doing her work) once instead of the other 2 days she was up late where I had to argue with both M and J to leave her (and I) alone so she could get finished. It was so nice to be able to just say something once and not have to argue and waste time for a half hour... lol

*Bounces around with April* That is awesome! I love cellos :)
I have no idea where everyone is though... well except Hayley... and me of course...

Thats ace News About the cello April!! *Bounces* I've been here / WoW this evening , So low been napping all day away , Harmed once but not seriously , what is serious though is all the thoughts are telling me S.I. / Sui things that I don't know how to cope with , I actually feel like I need to cry (un-macho) but I can't , I hate myself , sorry

I spot a Crimson and a Kat *Huggles*

*huggles mark back*