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Dramatic 30-10-2008 09:49 AM

Emma - i didn't mean what i said in a shitty way hun, well, i did, but certainly not aimed towards you, it was aimed at myself/my GP.

Meh. I have an assessment with Denise - my CPN's manager, she's coming to see me to sort out what "went wrong" between Gemma & I (my CPN) as she just didn't bother turning up for appointments/wouldn't return my GP's calls, etc.
I know i'll freeze up. I am SO exhausted today i don't know what i'm going to say. And if my GP DID contact Denise yesterday as he knew i was seeing her today, to talk to me today about my dissociating..then, i have no idea what to say.

And, my mother/father are blitzing the house for Denise, i'm like, wtf, she's not royalty. Jesus. >.<

Kahlia *snuggles* Sorry i've not got anything to say but i'm thinking of you ok?

Hugs to everyone else who needs them.

shadowedseraph 30-10-2008 10:56 AM

*snuggles Kahlia and Laura* sorry times are so tough for you both, i'm sorry that i dont have the words to support you properly, but i am here if you want a hug.

That goes for everyone else too!

MammaMia 30-10-2008 12:04 PM

*offers cuddles to all*

Emma *cuddles tight* I'm sorry yesterday was tough but look today's another new day :] So hopefully nobody else will mention the whole ex boyfriend things. Stuipd idoits trying to remind you, surely some people must know about it...hope you're ok darling and we'll be here for you next Wednesday if you need us *cuddles some more*

Hana *cuddles lots and lots* Here if you need me darling and PLEASE talk to me? Sorry I wasn't really online last night- couldn't stay awake heh. All I remember is signing on msn, posting a couple things here, somewhere else maybe and facebook and then deciding I had to fall asleep!!

Betty *offers cuddles* we're here if you need us xx

Jem *cuddles tight* You always have me ok? & the two emma's ;)

Kahlia, I don't know what to say other than sorry voices are trying to hurt you and that you still haven't got a bed *hugs tight*

Laura, *cuddles tight lots* Hope today goes okay sweetheart and I'm really sorry that nobody called you back yesterday :( xxxx

Zowie, hope you got the situation with the said stalker sorted hun *cuddles lots*

Becca, hope you're ok sweetie *cuddles*

*hugs anyone else I've forgotten*

I keep having werid/bad dreams. How fun? :crying: They're playing on my fears..I'm sure of it...well some of them? :pinch: But I've had about 12 hours sleep for a nice change tehehe xx

shadowedseraph 30-10-2008 02:42 PM

*hugs Helen* im ok, but my mums just been signed off with depression and im well worried about her

Ileana 30-10-2008 03:47 PM

1ofmany, I too have wished to be squashed by a bus sometimes but honestly, I would have missed a lot of good things if that wish would have been granted.
...and I just saved my ass with such grace and style. I did not study last night or at any time for that matter and yet I had to do an oral presentation on a historical figure and writer and, well...I got into class some ten minutes late 'cause I was reading everything I had to say in front and it all stuck because the dude's life was super interesting and I agreed with his ideals and political views so I stood out front and though I was looking at the floor so as not to get nervous or distracted, I actually did a good job and I didn't leave out any information! Yay!

...except I forgot to bring something visual to show around but I was forgiven for this.

MammaMia 30-10-2008 04:28 PM

*hugs Becca* Sorry to hear that hunni

I was going out tonight and decided I'm too much of a bad mood to be out, I'll just ruin it for everyone else and I'll end up snapping at someone (keep doing that)....

shadowedseraph 30-10-2008 05:04 PM

*hugs Helen* yeah i have days like that too, are you sure the company wont do you good?

MammaMia 30-10-2008 05:08 PM

Maybe it would but can't be btohered anymore. Besides I'm feeling stuipdly dizzy again and I feel like everyone expects me to be happy happy happy all the time (not the people I'm gonna be with)....and I feel like bursting into tears.

Dramatic 30-10-2008 07:00 PM

No one expects you to be "happy happy happy" all the time Hells, you just think people think that's how they want you to be.
It's physically/emotionally/mentally impossible to be happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
It's not practical.

Have you gone back to your GP's yet? How's counselling going?

MammaMia 30-10-2008 07:20 PM

I know it's impossible, but some people give me the impression that want me to be happy as much as its possible, obviously we all have our bad days. In other words some people want me to stop being so upset/down/low/suidical so much. It's like well sorry for having a few **** months after the other. *rolls eyes*

No I haven't. He's not there this week. Counselling...well I see her next week, we have lots to dicussed. Only had one appointment with her so far lol. Should have had my 2nd appointment wiht her last week, but couldn't make it obviously.

Dramatic 30-10-2008 07:29 PM

How comes you couldn't make it? It's possible you've explained but i've not remembered, heh.
Will you be seeing your GP next week?

It's possible your friends/family/whoever are trying to keep you distracted/cheer you up, as they obviously don't enjoy seeing someone they care about feeling down.
I think you expect you to be happy, because you psychologically believe that's what others expect from you, so you put on a smile and act as if everything is ok.

Things will imrpove drastically when you start to see your GP/Counsellor regularly, so you can talk more, etc.

MammaMia 30-10-2008 07:52 PM

I couldn't make it because of my DSA assessment. Well I could have made the effort to go afterwards I suposse. But from where we were, it's the most difficult uni to reach via public transport. Besides I was with my mum and she offered to come into Solihull with me, after we'd been shopping in Birmingham to help me carry my parcel etc home (which was heavy).

You could be right there, nobody obviously enjoys seeing someone they care about feeling down etc, well most people don't. I should be happy though, thats what I honestly believe...I mean it's not "normal" to be this unhappy so much....

Maybe it will. I don't know if I 100% agree?

Dramatic 30-10-2008 08:00 PM

To get better you need to embrace the help given.
It's the same with anyone who is feeling low. It's the same with me. If you don't embrace what is there, you won't get better. If you didn't want to get better, you wouldn't even be going to counselling.
It's worked before. There's no reason to think it won't work again.
You just need to be patient.

MammaMia 30-10-2008 08:03 PM

I know counselling will work once it's gotten going =)

Dramatic 30-10-2008 08:41 PM

I'm so sick of peoples sh*t.
It seems unless i'm someone's constant leaning post of support, i'm completely disregarded and ignored.
This is exactly why i usually get on with older people.
Because they actually DISCUSS sh*t with you without expecting you to bow to there every need.

I'm not going to suck up to everyone who is feeling sh*tty. We all feel sh*tty, that's why we're here! But for god sake, i surely deserve more respect than being completely bloody ignored because i'm simply NOT strong enough to go through hours of support for someone every single night.

F*ck it.
I really need to avoid chat for a while.

My head hurts.
My eyes hurt.
My heart hurts.

I feel used and abused.
I'm so very glad i didn't make a promise today to wait for 3 weeks for this CPA meeting.
Probably won't go ahead anyway.
F*ck it.

MammaMia 30-10-2008 09:48 PM


Some people are so ****ing horrible.
Whats the point of being horrible?

Dramatic 30-10-2008 10:15 PM

I have no idea.
I'd like to know the answer myself.
Answers on a postcode please.

Kahlia1981 30-10-2008 10:26 PM

Wow, I think I'd like the answer as to why some people are horrible myself ... if anyone has one.

*hugs everyone who has hugged me, and then hugs everyone else*

[sorry I'm not mentioning by name but my memory is crap this morning]

I went up to A&E last night and sat for an hour or so waiting for Intake & Assessment. My mother came in with me and actually came into the meeting with me. I was straight out honest with them and they allowed me to vent a whole heap of *****. One of them was actually quite helpful .... the other one just told me that I needed to arrange counselling through the CAT team or go back and see the goldfish (my supposed case manager). I got the whole "you shouldn't just have stopped your medication ... the side effects and withdrawal effects can be worse than being off the medication altogether". I told that nurse that I could see that, but I couldn't keep taking 30+ tablets a day either and still cope with having the hallucinations and severe fluctuations in mood.

I see my pdoc for an emergency appointment today. I have to ring the office shortly to confirm the change of time as they have managed to bring it forwards. I think a friend is going to come with me to it.

Whoa. I'm so sorry for ranting and venting all of that.

*hugs to all*

MammaMia 30-10-2008 10:43 PM

I would liek to know the answer too.
Had so much nasty stuff said to me tonight :(

*hugs Laura & Kahlia lots*

BoundNoMore 30-10-2008 11:10 PM


Dramatic 30-10-2008 11:25 PM

Whats wrong Bound By Thoughts? *massive hugs*

Hells - what's been said to you hun?

Kahlia - *massive squishes* Rant/Vent away hunny, we're all listening. Please take care of yourself.

MammaMia 30-10-2008 11:51 PM

*cuddles Manda* Whats up hun?

Laura, ah just stuipd stuff and then things like I need plastic surgery if I want to get thru life =\

Ileana 31-10-2008 12:55 AM

I'm in need of cuddles and love but have no one to provide them for me. How very sad.

Ileana 31-10-2008 01:02 AM

I feel the compulsion to start rocking back and forth but I'm containing it...for some reason.
I need a hug.

MammaMia 31-10-2008 02:16 AM

*showers you in cuddles*

Dramatic 31-10-2008 03:38 AM

Er. I hope you know that's a load of rubbish Wifey. You're beautiful. Stuff them.

*Hugs and love to Bound by Thoughts & Ileana*

Jesusbeans i had one hell of a night in chat.
Splitting migraine now, so i'll be suffering for the concentration ALL DAY tomorrow.
If you don't see me around it's probably because i've been banned from RYL. >.<

Love you all. xx

Ileana 31-10-2008 03:45 AM

eep, thanx.

zowie 31-10-2008 09:19 AM

Hi everyone. Didn't go as I planned when I went to meet creepy-stalker-guy. I told him nothing was gonna happen betwen us and we could be friends if he likes. Then a bit later on he told me he was autistic. Then, just as we were leaving, he asked me on a date.
I get it now. He's autistic, so he can't understand that I don't like him. I'm not sure, I don't know much about autism. Does anyone here?

Doing okay today. Got a halloween party tonight and am hoping to dress up as Mrs Lovett XD One problem though, my corset no longer fits me since I became fat so I'm missing a vital part of the costume :(

*Leaves hugs for everyone*

Dramatic 31-10-2008 09:25 AM

You're quite welcome hun.

I am insanely hyper this morning for no particular reason.
First time in MONTHS. Although hyperness usually wears off after a few hours and exhaustion kicks in. D'oh.

I love my GP and his quirkyness, and the fact we can crack really unfunny jokes but we still laugh hysterically.

Downside - my heart problems have come back from my meds (Imipramine) so it means cutting down AGAIN to 5, although with the CPA meeting happening within the next 3 weeks it means i may be moving to an anti-psychotic instead, so i guess reducing it now will cause less problems then.
I have an infection in one of my wounds. Joyeous.
So he's put me on antibiotics, which will also clear up the current sinus infection i'm suffering with. MORE JOY.

Er. Did i mention that there's a strong possibility i may actually have a proper diagnosis of whats wrong with me?
That would be a personality disorder.
mmmm. Scary indeed.
I think my GP even admitted he was weirded out by how spot on my symptoms were to it, neither of us had thought of this diagnosis before, but i shall wait patiently for my psychiatric assessment to "make sure" it is a PD.

That's about it.

I'm so cold i think certain body parts are going to fall off. >.< aha.

love to all

MammaMia 31-10-2008 11:40 AM


Originally Posted by Dramatic (Post 1185986)
Er. I hope you know that's a load of rubbish Wifey. You're beautiful. Stuff them.

Oh I do, I stuipdly let it affect me last night :confused: Love you wifey <3

How you feeling this morning? Hows the migraine? xxx

shadowedseraph 31-10-2008 11:46 AM

*hugs Laura, Hugs zowie, Hugs Helen* i'm so apathetic at the moment and the shakes arent being cleared up by the meds at the moment :(

Dramatic 31-10-2008 12:33 PM

Still there, it's behind my eyes.

Alone in the house. Blade. Med's.
Goodtimez. <3
Toodle Pip.

MammaMia 31-10-2008 05:26 PM

*hugs Becca & Laura*

Ah I'm a happy person- but how long shall this one last???

Oh & does anyone fancy doing 1,500 word essay for me please? :)

Detour. Derail 31-10-2008 06:20 PM

*scribbles a fantastic A*** (thats triple A*;]) essay for Hells

And cheers for the pic hun ;]

Take care of yourselves guys

MammaMia 31-10-2008 06:35 PM

Thanks Alex, oh how I wish that was a real essay :(

Tehehe you're very welcoem I drank it to you :)

Love you xx

just-another-gurl 01-11-2008 12:10 AM

*wanders in n wonders if its 2 late 2 b checkin in*

MammaMia 01-11-2008 12:34 AM

*curls up into a tiny ball and rocks*

Dramatic 01-11-2008 12:43 AM

If anyone wishes to stay in contact, please PM me and i will give out my personal contact information.

Take care all of you, please stay safe. I'll be thinking of you all.

All my love
Laura x

Scabette 01-11-2008 01:36 AM

I want to really f*ck myself up right now. I'm hiding here and hoping it'll pass.

just-another-gurl 01-11-2008 01:50 AM

*offers everyone a massive hug n cries softly until the urge passes *

Jetforce 01-11-2008 08:58 AM

*appears from the middle of no where and offers hugs to anybody who needs them*

Do, look after urself ppl... :-) hope things get better for u Scabette and just-another-gurl xxxx

Um..me? *hides and doesn't talk about himself*

pixie*lyssie 01-11-2008 11:35 AM

*admits self to ward...
sits in corner rocking self...
just make it stop??*

lyssie xx

Jetforce 01-11-2008 12:02 PM

*cuddles lyssie*

Wat's up?

BoundNoMore 01-11-2008 12:14 PM

*snuggles up with her stuffed penguin, mumble, pillow, and blanket and tries to sleep*

zowie 01-11-2008 04:06 PM

/Is hungover


MammaMia 01-11-2008 04:26 PM

/Is way way way cold even though she has two jumpers, thick socks and stuff on :(

just-another-gurl 01-11-2008 05:36 PM

*prays silently that someone will come and take this pain away*

lozza 01-11-2008 07:11 PM

*runs in and hides under bed, curls up tight in a ball and rocks*

Please someone just make it stop.

just-another-gurl 01-11-2008 07:21 PM

*cuddles lozza* xxx

Detour. Derail 01-11-2008 10:28 PM

yuck ><
*throws self in heap*

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