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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:03 AM

*holds Jill* (sorry, forgot your name!! :o) Have you tried any calming coping techniques? Breathing exercises, yoga, listening to quiet music, journaling? because those might help... and so might being active (about the anger). Try beating up a pillow. Rip up a phonebook. Take a piece of paper and scribble on it until the pen rips through the paper. Just take care not to hurt yourself in any way... because you are worth so, so much more than that. *wraps you in a fleece blanket and holds you some more*

*gently hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry that we can't do anything much... but keep us all updated on how you are doing, okay? even if it's a long post. I'm sure that no one will mind!! :) It's good to hear from you anytime. :)

I'm really doing rubbish right now... want to purge so badly. Had meat lover's pizza for supper as I wanted something that had a lot of protein on it and also wanted pizza, but I think my mind isn't okay with it. The eating disordered part of my mind, at least. I hate that I can't purge. I'm so angry!! at my husband, for keeping me from doing so, and at myself, for not "letting" myself purge. :(

I know it's wrong, but I just wish that my ED would take me... I don't want to commit suicide by OD'ing or whatever, I just want to die... I know that no death is really that easy or pain-free, but... oh, I don't know!! *cries*

Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:04 AM

*hugs Helen* What's going on, hun, that's making you feel like cutting?

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:04 AM

Thanks for all the support about me and my friend guys. It's much appericated. Today's gotten worse to be honest. I'll be fine

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:05 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2062389)
*hugs Helen* What's going on, hun, that's making you feel like cutting?

I got really triggered. Still am. Just so much ****ing **** in my life all the ****ing time. I'm trying to cope and I cant..

Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:06 AM

It doesn't sound like you're fine... it sounds like you're struggling. If you want to talk, we're here. :) I apologize if that sounded pushy... that wasn't the intended idea at all... :(

Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:07 AM

I understand... not 100% - since, as I told another member, I'm not you - but I do understand. My ED got triggered at supper... and I'm a cutter as well, so I well understand SI urges. Stay strong... and I hope that you will have a break from all of the stuff that's going on with you atm. *gentle hugs* If you want to talk about what all is going on now, you can PM me or another person, or post here... talking might help.

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:17 AM

I don't know where to begin with all my ****. I'm about to lose my job :( It was only a tempoary contract as it was a christmas temp job, but I want to stay sooooo much. I'm hoping to be asked to saty but I doube it.

My mental health is really giving me **** right now :'(

I miss my baby so much and I'm trying to help my friend (who lost hers) but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I know it takes time and you don't want to talk and stuff.

One of my best friends is going into hospital tomorrow for an operation and I don't want her in there yet again :( We probably won't talk much over next few days =( I was going to go up ther to be with her and look after her daughter but we had an argument and she kinda threw my offerback in my face and got her cousin to look after her baby.

Soooo much **** and I dont know how or where to begin explain and these irges are making it really difficult to do anything.

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:17 AM


Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:22 AM

Sorry for what, sweetie? *holds you gently* There's no reason to be sorry. You have a lot of stuff going on right now... it must be **** to be pretty sure you're going to lose your job especially if you like it, and having the offer of taking care of your friend's daughter being thrown back in your face - ouch. Arguments with ANYONE are difficult to deal with, especially close friends.

I wish I could help more... never had a child, never lost one, so I can't say I totally understand that. I don't really understand the grieving process, actually, so I would make a rubbish grief counselor. (I've lost both sets of grandparents and a close second cousin, yet I haven't grieved for them... I feel so numb and cold when I think about them all...)

Is there anyone around IRL that you can talk with about your urges? In the meantime, try to distract yourself. I'm sure you know ways to do that... do some calming things as well. Have a cup of tea. Do something to help your body relax.

*more hugs*

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:25 AM

Sorry for whining and taking up space that someone else could use. I'm a worthless piece of **** anyway. Should just go curl up and die rally.

I'll just have to find another full time job now I'm out of education somehow. I'm going to miss some of the people there.

Arguments suck. End of. Lol.

Griving processes affect everyone, you'll cry eventually honey *squish* and process it in your own ways.

Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:29 AM

*squishes back*

You're not whinging. You're simply talking about what's bothering you - and that is important to get out, partially just for the catharsis of telling someone, and partially so we can help support you better.

Yeh, I agree about arguments. Lol.

Is it difficult finding jobs where you live?

I hope I grieve sometime... I mean, it's been YEARS since my first set of grandparents died... and been almost a year and two years since my grandad and grandma (respectively) died... and only a month since that close cousin of mine died... shouldn't I be feeling something by now?!

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:32 AM

Grieve comes out in different ways. I should know >.< I feel like I've never really grvied for my granddad (he died when I was 1) and my aunty (she died when I was 7). So I know. Plus when I thought a friend had commited suicide (turned out to eb a massibe lie) I didnt 'grieve' for over a week...

It is hard to find jobs, espically with this stuipd recession.

Scarletdreamer 30-12-2009 01:34 AM

*huggles Kiera and Helen*

Gonna go to bed now. Am really tired... plus, I want a little "me" time before I go to sleep, so will probably read. Love you all... hang in there and keep fighting.

MammaMia 30-12-2009 01:35 AM

Night night sweetheart

Absynnthe 30-12-2009 01:46 AM

*squishes everyone*

Sending all my love to everybody. :)

*hands out teddies*

[Awakening] 30-12-2009 03:15 AM

*hides in the corner under a nice dark blanket* I'm not feeling too good. very triggered but not sure why. i cant think of anything else. I was weak but it wasn't quite enough. i don't know. i just don't know

risenfromperdition 30-12-2009 04:44 AM

*stares at wall*

had dinner ridiculously late... break rules. should punish =\

and dad made me feel wicked guilty for screwing my aunt out of money cuz of grades [she cosigned for loan]... but liek... i really did try this semester i just =\ and then he said i didnt care b/c i hadnt apologised to her or called her when i was doing bad during the semester... uhm because i hate confrontation/it woulda getted back to my parents even if she said it wouldnt/she doesnt get it >< meh =[

and then hes only letting me use computer at night til 11.... it wont help sleep earlier... just means hafta deal with thoughts and urges and cant type out... and meh. and hafta take a shower every morning/wake up at 9... dont like showers in day time and dont liek be up so early when gots nuffing to do... meh =[

*cries in corner and clings to teddy*

SoMuchMore 30-12-2009 05:36 AM

*gently hugs helen* You are not **** and please don't be sorry about posting. Things sound really rough for you right now. It's okay to vent/talk about it if u want to. I lost my job a few weeks ago, it sucked... and the funny thing is, i wasn't even getting paid and i was laid off :-O (apparently, they didnt need people to stay on next semester at the lab i was working at).

*hugs april* i know that it doesnt feel like it, but its good that you can't purge. Sorry that your ED is so triggered right now. You've never been to party *throws a mini one right here so you can say you have- passes around drinks and blasts music*

*cuddles kiera*

*offers blankets and pillows to both scarlett whore and horseridinbbe* Hang in there.

The party was cancelled so i obviously didn't go. Just watched a movie to distract myself. I'm not sure it worked, actually i think it just made me annoyed at my sister who asked 3000 questions about it. Anyway, i'm stupid.. I sometimes feel like a broken record on here... sorry if my posts are just annoying. I should shut up.

Kahlia1981 30-12-2009 09:31 AM

*hugs everyone*

*gently cuddles Helen* - I wish I had some words for you darl. Just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you some warm thoughts ... Not to help you get through everything but just to get through each day.

April - sometimes grief takes an awful long time to come out. I must confess that I haven't grieved for my step-grandad because I have not accepted that he is dead. He passed away about 10 years ago but to me he is not dead. When I go to my grandmothers place I know that he won't be there, but my brain just tells me that he's somewhere else.

*hugs Kiera gently* - Sorry I have no words at the moment hun. Just wanted you to know that I read and am thinking of you.

*hugs Franz* - Thanks for the teddy. :D

*gently cuddles Jocelyn* - Sorry to hear that you've been so triggered. How are you feeling now?

*hugs Heather* - Sorry about the situation with you aunt, the loan and your dad making you feel guilty. Sending warm wishes your way.

*hugs Laura* - Your posts are not annoying darl. Don't shut up please, keep letting yourself release what you need to release. This is a safe place, and that is what it is here for.

I opened up to my housemate this afternoon for the first time about what has really been going on with me. He advanced that idea that my ED might have returned without my knowing it - due to the regular and consistent vomitting. He told me to get a new GP. I think though that I'll give my GP one more chance because I'm not 100% sure what got through to him. Like I'm pretty sure that I didn't tell him I was vomitting my meds - not because I didn't want to but because I wasn't able to communicate properly. I spoke to a pharmacist about what was going on today and was talking about trying to get an antiemetic ... they said that at the present point in time they didn't think I'd be able to keep any of the available antiemetics down long enough for them to work. :( Meh. I've had an okay day today. Am going to try some dinner in a little bit. Just going to take things easy. I am going to write my grandmother a letter though ... I've been meaning to do that since my birthday (September).

*curls up in a corner clutching a teddy bear and tries to go to sleep*

[Awakening] 30-12-2009 10:33 AM

*hugs Heather* sorry hon, that sounds awful (I'll be praying for u sweets)

Kahlia, that makes sense. Its good that u've thought about changing your gp if u cant get through to him this second time - are u going to book an appointment? *gently squishes you*

*echos Kahlia* Laura you are not annoying, you are not stupid and you should not shut up sweetie. Maybe its a good thing that the party was cancelled, it's not a good idea to drink when you're feeling triggered, i know from recent experience. I'm sorry watching the film with your sis didn't help :( *offers cuddles*

April - *sending you big snuggly cuddles and lots of love* how are you feeling sweetie? sorry i'm way too tired to try to catch up but i hope u didn't have too bad a time last night x x x

I'm feeling quite sore this morning. I'd been distracting myself for a week and i don't think my mind could last any longer. I've got a plan, one of the good ones, going to keep a record of when i feel triggered so that instead distractions i can concentrate on keeping safe during those periods or avoiding situations. I don't know but it's worth a try huh?

I went to the pub last night to see some old school friends and it seemed to turn into a bit of a school reunion as we kept seeing people. It wasn't great. I'd taken the mrs and it should have been just quiet drinks with nearest and dearest and instead i ended up coming out to a load of people i don't really mind if i never see again! Hmph, I felt really bad for my girlfriend, i would have hated that if i was her. We didn't stay too long though so that was ok

How is everyone today? *serves tea and toast and reminds people to sign up for cottage pie! :P *

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