Okay Mark, I really hope they help, let us know how it goes when you can?

Dammit they are all busy! :(
I'll try again in 5

Best thing to do is stay on the line, it'll get your call through quicker, although it means waiting til someone is free. But that's my opinion anyway *cuddles* Sorry they were all busy though x

I'v been struggling a bit lately, get quite low and fed up. Really want to do something dangerous, but havent been able to, hopely i can soon. I'v had depression for a long time now and the doctor said to me a while back did i want to reduce my meds and eventually come off them but i said no as i think i would really struggle without them and it could make me become very unsafe. I'v been trying to get a job for ages to. Sorry for the whinging.

You're not whining Ian. You're just talking about how you're feeling. I can really empathise on the trying to get a job. I've been out of work since January when my temporary contract out ran out with John Lewis & will be working with them again for a few weeks. Being really low & fed up really sucks. Please try not to do anything dangerous Ian. So many people care about you from here. I know I certainly do. I know we haven't talked an awful lot in last couple years, but even I can tell you have come a long way since we first met in chat :) Have you spoken to anyone professional about wanting to do something dangerous? *offers hugs*

*Hugs Ian* Please PLEASE talk to someone about doing something dangerous , we don't know each other a lot but I'd Hate anything to happen to you .

*Hugs Helen*

I just talked to a very helpful man (Was hoping it was a woman) on the helpline , they are going to send me leaflets on Bereavment and Depression , He was nice .

Night all

Glad someone took your call & helped Mark. Hope you sleep well xxx

I think I've just repeated a past mistake. My cousin was replying on my statuses and offered me the chance to talk. I tried to tell her over facebook chat but it didn't work, as it said she was offline, so sent a message and haven't had a reply. I sent my sister a similar message a few days ago and never got a reply. Anxiously awaiting a reply. It's hard because one of the things I mentioned, I know she's been through herself :S I'm so stupid. I need to stop opening to people. Need to shut down. Oh **** :(

Thanks Helen. I havent told anyone proffessional about how im feeling. I was discharged from the proffessionals quite sometime ago. I was bullied very badly when i was younger and tried to take my life and that lead to me going to the doctors etc etc. It was from there that i was diagnosed with depression.

I'v never worked before, i was going to get a part time job back in 2009 when i was at college but i was struggling at that particular time and decided it would be best not to get a part time job. I have times where i struggle and then after a while i feel better but for the last few days i havent been myself, iv felt better after a while on some occassions but then i sink back into depression again.

Do you think seeing someone professional, even if it's just your doctor would help with how you're feeling? Particularly as you want to do something dangerous.

I think you made the right decision not working when you were really struggling. I really hope you can find something soon. It's really tough right now, damm the recession!! But I recommend not giving up. Have you thought about doing volunteering??

I'm not sure. I did look into volunteering once but then changed my mind. I'm sure il be fine, probably just having a difficult time like i usually do at at times. Dont want people worrying.

Well you don't have to do it everyday and they'd understand if you explain your depression & you may not always be able to help?

I'm so stupid i really am. The other night i kept thinking about stairs, im not sure if im allowed to say what i wanted to do but im sure you can guess.

You're not stupid Ian. You're really not. Please try to distract yourself. Throwing yourself down the stairs is unlikely to kill you but could leave you seriously damaged :(

I'm sorry im just unbelievably pathetic, il go im just taking up space and il be fine.

Ian, you're not unbelievably pathetic. Nor are you taking up space. We're here for you if you want to talk & even when you don't xxx

ian your not stupid at all, please don't go. is there someone you can call or stuff you can do to distract you, please stay safe

*Lays down* *Takes deep breath* need to calm down.

felicia- the pillow pet is so cute ^.^

<3

hope everyone who had to deal with thanksgiving had a good day <3

*hugs ian* you are not pathetic or just taking up space. we all really care. Please try to stay safe.. we are here for you.

*hugs heather* sorry i missed your IM on fb... ive been working all day on papers and wasnt on for very long. Hope your thanksgiving was alright... its a hard day, my family's big get together is tomorrow :-/

*hugs helen* i hope you get a reply soon... i hate the anxiety that can come with sending messages and not getting a response.

*hugs oliver* you doing okay today? I hope you are staying safe.

*hugs mark* i'm glad that the man was helpful on the phone. hope you are sleeping well and staying safe.

*hugs everyone else*

Its really late i know.. struggling a lot at the moment tho. Just kinda want to die... don't worry.. i wont do anything.. im at home so i cant anyway. *sigh* let me disappear please.

*Hugs Laura* I love you, dear. I'm just a PM away if you need me.

Just finished watching New Moon (again). Tonight, it hit a nerve with me. I cannot stop crying. I think I'm going to bed soon. I also think I'm going to make a youtube video tomorrow, just to babble. If I feel capable of talking. I don't know. I'm so... low anymore, just lonely, and low, and incapable of living semi normally. I burst into tears a million times today at mom's, a million more once I got home, I considered calling my ex to see if he'd take me back... not because I love him or he loves me, but because the minute I make him mad, he has the capability to kill me. What the hell is wrong with me anymore?