Thanks Monarkh

I'll join you when the party is over haha!

****ing glad 2008 is almost here =P

i wanted to read all the posts, but i couldn't make it....*signs myself in* boy do i need this place

Checking in again, it's been a while cuz my internet access is ****ed. I need this place too. Hope you're ok dance.

I'm like...suicidal right now. Funny.
I'm not doing anything, just that eternal rest is calling me to her arms again. Nothing to worry about.

I'm sorry. I'm scared again. So so so scared.

Hide under the blanket!
*brings flashlight*
I wish I could make you feel better. It should be a happy new year.

*hids with you*

I was doing okay.
Then I started feeling crap.
Then I started getting scared.
Now I'm bawling my eyes out over a 12 year old.
She's not worth it and I'm better than her.
God.
I knew her for what 5 months?
I did nothing but comfort her.
She helped me too.
Then, she turns around and tells me she's not gonna be online.
So I emailed her one night when I was missing her and she replied.
Then I forgot because of Christmas & New Year.
So i emailed her today.
And she doesn't want to be friends anymore.
She "wants to be with her friends of her own age, this is the year I want to get better and I can't solve your problems."
I NEVER ASKED HER TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS.
Her 12year old friends won't understand.
I didn't understand self harm, overdoses, suidices etc at that age.
****ing hell, I help her and this is how she repays me?
I am sick of people walking out on me and making me say goodbye.
It's hard enough trying to get over my parents split, even though I still see my dad regularly.
This really hurts.
Everythig hurts me.
I want to cut the hell out of me today.
I can't.
I have a party in 4 days.
I'm scared about that too.
:(

*stops rocking* I need a book... *grabs a book from the book case then returns to the couch and starts reading it*

*Grabs another book and pounds the heck out of the bad vibes*
Oh, my girls. I'm sorry you're sad.
Come here *hugs*.

I'm checking out. Sure it won't be long till I'm back.

Aw we will miss you till you get back... *walks to her room and sits in the dark with her big fat book*

Do you have to check out :(

*hides*

Okay I'm back. Might as well just stay in here.
*clears a spot and meditates*

Oh and hi again, Miss Dance. I missed you :).
Look, I brought you all New Year gifts...but since we are in a ward, they have to be safe. So, here are... *reaches in bag with a flourish*... pink rubber tiaras!!
I hope you boys like tiaras.

*goes back to meditating and tries to keep mind off things*

i'm sorry about everything you're going through dance....*hugs you* *sits next to you and looks around feeling awkward*

*runs out and puts on tiara* How do I look? Don't lie!

Hahaha! Beeeeeautiful!

Thanks guys, means a lot.
Ugh not impressed.
Started today with barely any sleep to feeling rough to feeling awake to feeling awesome to now feeling really badly triggered & angry.
I HATE PEROIDS
(I think we all do).
Mine sodding kills and she battered me up mainly thru play fighting.
*hides until she's found*

Ugh. Periods.
*hands you a heating pad*

Thanks :]

My tummy is feeling better again so let's hope the pain will sod off.

I feel like **** and not just because of the peroid =P

I surry lovie

by the way bella you looked very cute in the tiara!

You did indeed :]

Ugh I give in, I can't fight anymore, what's the point in trying to recover?

Duh. The point is that some day you are definitely going to look back and say "wow, I'm really glad I quit SI, because now I am a strong person"
I really doubt that if you keep trying, things will turn out badly. I think you're pretty cool...you've shown us that! Just keep being strong and push through this...don't give in to those voices telling you you can't do it!!! I can't yell it loud enough!!!!
Are you deaf yet?
GOOD!!!!!!!!

:)

xoxoxox

Take care, sweetie. Hope that tough love wasn't too harsh.

I've known you a few days & I already love ya haha.

I was already deaf thanks :]

I keep slipping and it's not fair, makes me want it back. God my head is screwed up.

Why am I gone back to being very bad at sleeping :(

You're in England! Oh my goodness, get to bed.
Hm...I guess that means I'm in England too, since we're in the same ward. Or maybe you're in California. Anyway, this is too much for my small brain to handle. So lets just say cyberspace.
I'm sorry you can't sleep well...seems like you're worrying about a lot of things. For me it helps if I concentrate all of my thoughts and energies towards certain parts of my body: my breathing, then my arms and legs, fingertips, toes, etc. Feeling warmth, heaviness, etc. Usually, by the time I've gone through a few of them, I'm very relaxed and find it easier to sleep. I hope something like that works for you!
All I can really offer, though, is a warm hug, a lavender scented eye pillow *hands it to you* and best wishes for sweet dreams.

:)

I don't want to sleep =O

(I'll regret it later, will probs fall asleep within an hour and then fall asleep after I wake up perhaps)

Oh Carole hunnie, I wish I properly woke up at 11am when I first woke. I feel bad now. I hope you're okay *huggles*

Me, I have a banging headache. That's what I get for sleeping in til 4.30pm >.<

carole what's causing you to feel this way? *gives dance a hug* i feel so awful....*groans* i'd rather feel depressed than this...

*wakes up in an angry fog*
Sorry I missed all the excitement.
I really hope you are all a little better now. *hugs everyone individually*
My wrist hurts.
*curls up in corner and continues to be confused*

I'm from New Jersey. Sigh. I miss the east coast.
Hope you're enjoying it! :)

I have AWESOME news oh yesssssssssss.

I got another uni offer & it's from a place I desperatly want to get into, infact my desire for it is awesomely strong!!!

IM NOT REAL
I want to hurt myself so much just to feel something. The Statue is here but I think this is all a dream.
I can't remember the last time I washed.
I think I'm really unwell. I think I need to talk to somebody, but I can't let them take me to hospital. If I phone someone they'll take me to hospital.
AHhahaha, Im being the crazy person in our ward today arent I?
I love you guys, take care of yourselves

Haha.
I should be awesome.
The pain of my parents split keeps coming back.
I thought I was accepting it now.
God, I want to move on.
But I still want what I can't have.
This is going to take ages?

I hope everyone is okay. :(
I'm feeling triggered and finding things really hard.
Today has been the worst in ages. :(

*hugs everyone lots*

I am happy.
Just feels so fake you know?
I wish I could sleep :crying:

*lies flat out on the floor*
I feel like all the walls and air and energies are pressing in on me but I can't die yet. It's torture. I think it's time that someone came and clubbed me in the head.

*huggles you lots*

:)

*walks in looking worse for wear* sorry about the torn clothes i just cant be bothered to get changed *sits in corner and cries silently siniging to himself* but anyway i am back again....

*sits with carole* do you want to talk about it hun

well i am here if you need to talk just about any old stuff and i am sure recetionists arnt meant to do that hun *hugs for you*

*hugs back* Thanks hun.
But, enough about my craziness :P

How are you holding up?

i am surviving i think just with the help of music and stuff i am getting by (i think) arapt from my clothing and my head being a little bit all over the place i am fine lol i dont know how i am really my head is all over the place

*hugs*
Sorry to hear that. At least we can hide in here for a while

yeah true well i left a couple of months ago i just felt out of place so i hid but i feel better now so i am ack i just dont feel to secure in my head

*hugs you both*
I'm sorry you're sad. Steve I think you're a hottie, even if you have torn clothes :p. Carole, if you want to cry I have a shoulder.
I completely freaked out last night but now I'm off the floor if anyone wants to talk.

Arrrrrrgh.
At the rate I'm going, I won't be going to the party.
I realllllllllllly want to go :(

why won't you be going to the party dance? carole you need to tell someone about your thoughts....*hugs you* i still feel like crap! ughhhh.....hope everyone is doing ok....oh and nj is ok...*shrugs*

Stressing.
Honestly.
It's silly to stress so much over a party.

why has therapy made you worse?

*hugs Carole back*

Ah ha, not stressed about it anymore yay :)
It's like in 30 mins, but wont be there at that time.
That'd be pretty sad :\