Why did you decide to recover?
 

I haven't cut for about 2 weeks or something like that (not counting) but whenever I try to think why I'm recovering I don't seem to have a reason. I still get urges, but I think I just sort of realised that I didn't need to cut to try nad fix my life. In the end I think I just drifted in recovery.

What are other people's reasons?

Its great that you think that way.
I've pretty much stopped, but only decided too once my boyfriend did it to himself to show me how it feels.
Kind of shocked me into stopping...
I vary rarely feel triggered now....
So yeah, boyfriend reasons =]

Because I want to wear bikinis and shorts and t-shirts when I go on holiday in August. Basically. I'm just kinda worried about what happens when the holiday's over. *scratches head*.

It's great that you want to recover, keep going!

Well done for trying to recover - people don't always need a clear cut reason.


Strangely enough, I don't consider myself in recovery - I've treated the past 8 months as a phase where I'm trying to alleviate suspicion and get more oppurtunities. I have no plans to stay clean after I get out of this place and go to uni.

I can't see a reason for being in recovery. And I certainly can't find anything that works in the way that SH does for me.

Well, I recovered for a few different reasons:


Tired of hiding cuts, burns, and blood stains
Roommates and family were all really pissed at me
Rapidly declining health
Really sick of always wanting to die
Felt trapped by needing to cut even though i no longer wanted to
Realized I was going to die sooner rather than later if I didn't change
Got fired from job for SI
Got evicted from apartment for SI
Really really tired of getting locked up in hospitals


So yeah recovering has been a really positive thing for me.

~mark

I decided to recover because i kinda lost the sight of Why i harmed....

Also i started to scare myself....nt fun

basically i've heard so many bad stories about self harm and plus i want to work with children when i'm older so its just like. Self harm or work with kids? Work with kids won and not done anything in 3 months

Good job on your two weeks!

For me, one day I just got tired of dealing with it, tired fo cutting, tired of purging, tired of being sad all the time, and just fed up, I just decided I couldn't take it anymore, and since that day, I have had many urges and a few slip-ups but I have never let myself fall back down that path. I realized for awhile cutting and purging was what was keeping me alive, but that after awhile, it was what was keeping me from LIVING. That was my experience...
xx
Nicole

yay =]
emma you're doing really well
*hug* =]

i stopped basically because my mum found out..and i just couldnt deal with what i was doing to her anymore...
yeah..sorry i know that reason won'e help you but..yeah..

I stopped because I didn't care anymore. I couldn't get the energy to do anything, much less cut. I'd still get urges, but I couldn't get up to do anything about them.

Seven months later and I still get urges, but I haven't cut. Most of my scars have faded. It's like I'm getting a second chance... But I don't care about it.

I have decided to recover because if I was still depressed I would have killed myself sooner or later and what's the point in that. I know it's hard but you have GOT to put your rational cap on and think realistically. I did it for myself.

i did it for my daughter and my partner

You've got to make the decision at some point. And I've got a job and a home and planning my future going on now, I just had to grow up and get on with it.

Something like that pretty much. It was becoming too much effort to hurt myself,attempt to tidy up after myself, clean MYSELF up, stop the bleeding,then the next day I'd normally either have to go to hospital, or a walk in centre, and really, I have much better things to do with my time now. I never sat there and went "I'm not going to hurt myself ever,EVER again" I just, kinda stopped...

I suppose, going to uni showed me that it's not something I need to do to validate myself as "real", people knocking on my door or phoning me, or shouting at my window does that now.

it didnt feel worth it anymore.I wanted to hurtmyself straight afterwards again.it wasnt helping.i hated hiding the cuts and now i dont need to.when something goes wrong i know i can get through it without going straight for the blade

i didn' decide to recover, my work did that 4 me,
if i was still lef harming then i would have no job to go bk to.
that sounds really bd

I was a new manager and I was working hard. I had been struggling with cutting for many years but I never saw it was the problem that it was. I believed that I was in control and that I was using it as a way to control the pain. One day I got really upset and I ran to the back freezer to scream. I let out a loud scream and at the same time cut at my arm. i don't remember if I went in there to cut. It was like it was so automatic tha tI didn't even think about it any more. The cut was bad, worse then I had ever done before. I had to get one of my employees to help me wrap my arm. I was humiliated I had to explain what I had done because there was no explination to be had. I had always found a way to excuse my cuts up until that point but in that moment I realized that I was living a lie. I wasn't in control at all cutting was. That is when I decided I needed to try to get better. I can't grow as an adult if I am controlled my cutting. So that is my reason.

I just got sick of what it did to me, I wasn't hiding the cuts and burns as well, and I just got tired of lying. It became more hassle than it was worth. I want to prove to myself that I'm strong enough to beat my SI, and I'm going to do it. Because I don't know if I can get let down again.

i couldnt be bothered cutting any more and it didnt do anything for me so i just stopped. now i'm almost 10months free..

soph.

I'm kidding myself saying I'm ever gonna recover. Hospital made me promise to let my mom know every time I cut (aint happening) so I just said I wouldn't, which they said wasn't realistic heh. I have no intention of stopping, just gonna do a better job of hiding it. Started other forms of sh that aren't too visible. I doubt I'll ever recover, cuz being forced to (or being forced to say I have) doesn't work.

I wanted to recover, before I pushed everyone I loved so far away that I couldn't reach them anymore...

honestly. The reason I stopped is because I'm going on holiday with my dad next week. And I wanted the scars to have faded as much as possible by so he wouldn't see. As we will be going to the beach and stuff (if the weather improves) and so I didn't wanna risk it.

xx

I stopped a major episode about seven years ago now. A lot of things had happened that gradually made me determined to destroy myself and everything I had. I'd pretty much managed to alienate everyone that knew or cared about me, and someone came back for me. SO, basically, a girl. Really I stopped because I couldn't stand how much it hurt her.

She showed me that there was still some hope. We've been together now for seven years, through thick and thin so far. I haven't been perfect, I still have the odd "episode" and if I was been totally honest I would say that the urges and the depression has never really subsided.

But I have a reason to look forward, some hope to cling on to. Getting married next year, and I'm looking forward to spending my life with her.

Hey, that story's made me kind of sad in a happy way if you get what I mean? (probably not)
I'm really happy for you getting married, congratulations.


I think quite a few of the replies have involved some of my reasons too, like I think that part of the reason was that I couldn't be bothered partly; with the actual act of cutting, then cleaning up and having to walk round in agony the next few days because my jeans rubbed (I cut my thighs quite a bit).

Zombie. I can see where you're coming from- when I was forced to stop I just did it in secret and made even worse cuts than before and I didn't really think I'd ever stop then, but my psychologist told my parents to leave me alone about it, and then I was able to start recovering because it was for me, and I was proving to myself that I could do this, and there was a lot less pressure too. *hugs* I hope things get better for you some day.

Wow, where do I start... I'm 26 now and started when I was 12. So, I've done the hospital thing and the quitting thing many times before. This time I know it's real I guess because it's for different reasons and I can feel it deep down inside of me. I'm concentrating on having a future this time around, a life, ya know? A real life. And I'm actually excited about it. For the first time in my life, I feel hope when I look forward and it's because there's no si holding me hostage...

Hi. First of all well done .ghost. for going for two weeks without doing anything :D that's great!
I realised I needed to stop after I failed to end it all. I haven't done anything since although I have the strongest of urges at this point in time which is driving me mad. Nevermind.
Well done again, I hope you read this post
Smiley
x x x

I really don't know why I stopped cutting... I guess mainly because I wanted everyone to get off my back so I started using drugs and drinking... I quit that after I nearly died....

I wanted to stop for so long, and i tried so hard, but everytime i tried something just seemed to shatter inside me and i gave in, then i met my boyfriend, and he just gave me a boost.
confidence, is why i stopped, because someone actually made me feel pretty again.

hey
 

Yea, I stopped for my boyfriend, my best friend, a really close friend of mine. I got tired of letting people down.

I've become sick of the damage I've done to my body. Well, I guess I wouldn't mind, but I feel like I HAVE to cover up now. Especially around my parents. (But that's partly because of trust issues with my parents too. If I didn't have thoes I wouldn't mind.)
It doesn't help anymore, it makes me feel worse. I found I was cutting deeper and I just couldn't carry on like that.
Another reason, however odd this one may seem, is that I want to able to enjoy pain, blood and body modification in a non-destructive, non-addictive way. In a more spiritual way, perhaps.
The first time I seriously tried to stop SHing, I learned to stop dissasociating, which has helped.
Finally, if I can beat this then it proves I'm NOT a failure, and that I CAN get better as a person.

its not ive stopped, but with holiday coming up i didnt want more scars over my body.
i know the weather has been crap here and i could cove up but no on holiday its going to be so hot and i didnt want to upset my mum.

Because I'm gonna be working with children so I think I shouldn't cut cos if the bosses knew I don't think they'd be too impressed. also so as not to worry my family and cos I wear short sleeves in the gym.

I guess my reasons for trying to stop now are down to the fact that I know I can't keep doing this all my life because I know its just now going to be practical in the long term. It has already been difficult enough with my sister who is 8. She asked me what had happened to my arm one day when I was trying on my prom dress and my mum told her I had scraped it off a wall. It has also been a real hassle for me at work. I went months were I was solidly wearing a sweatband at work to cover my scars because I knew people would judge me and stuff. I was just very lucky my boss was so understanding and allowed me to wear a sweatband.
Nic.
xxx

I don't really know why I stopped. I split with my bf and the whole idea of it seemed to go away. I guess I was just ready to get on with life and not keep relapsing and feeling bad about myself
Jess

I have been a cutter for 11 years and i wanted my life back..... I wanted to be free from this monster who is not really me. But i had to go all the way first..... I lost control of my cutting and caused a huge amount of damage to myself up until the point where i just got too scared to cut because it was so bad...... Then i thought that maybe, just maybe, i should think about quitting before i acciedently killed myself..... I have been cut free for almost 2 months now with only 3 slip ups......

shame

~nemisis

Same.

Because I couldn't stand the constant insults and then worries from a specific person who I used to call my friend.

Plus I didn't want to get addicted to it or my scratching to be replaced by cutting.

I think I stopped cos i reaslied how it wasnt fair on either myself or those round about me who actually cared and I knew if I did it once more then it still wouldnt be enough so I had to stop it going further and plus I promised myself I needed to stop so I could start talkin to sophie (feel_the_release) again when she contacted me cos the last thing i needed was to drag her down again.

I did it becuase I was actually suspended from a job for a week, in order to get the cuts to heal. I also found a strength in my religion.

Started when I was 10 and stopped at about 14. I guess I found other, less phsyical,ways that did the job better.

It sounds harsh, but I decided that I was fine with feeling depressed, I was fine with feeling sucidal and all that. But I felt like a coward for cutting, and it made me feel weak. So I stopped. Just like that. I just woke up and thought "Im such a prat, this is stupid." and stopped. It doesn't mean I dont still feel bad, it just means that there's no signs on the outside. I like it that way.

After my half-hearted suicide attempt in April and then being in the hospital, my family found out all about what I had been doing (although my parents already knew that I had done it before). I saw how much the suicide attempt and everything else they found out hurt them, and I just became disgusted with anything self-harm related. If I ever hurt myself again, I would feel so guilty for letting my family down, even if they never found out. So that has been enough to keep me in recovery for the last 4 months.

i realised i didn't want it controlling my life anymore.
also, my friend who killed himself last january - i realised he wouldn't want me 'living' like this and it'd hurt him if he saw how bad i'd got.

I'm thinking about recovering. I know that if I decide to recover, it needs to be for me and no-one else. Other people can leave you, or change, so I need to find my own reason for recovery and never lose sight of that.

At the moment I'm fed up of being controlled by it, being a slave to this. I'll never get the job I want if I'm still an active self harmer either.

I realised my friends were sick of trying to save me. My best friend said that she didn't feel that she could talk to me anymore in fear I would hurt myself if she said the wrong thing.

Also I was getting closer and closer to suicide that I had to recover or I would do it and hurt my family and friends in the process.

Recovering is alot more fun =) makes you feel alot better.

That's the same for me, I tried stopping for other people, it didn't work.
I'm still looking for a reason...

Hope you get the job you're after.