Fucking idiot
 

Everything was too much. My head wouldn't stop shouting at me and pictures were flashing and I couldn't cope with it so I gave in and took a large overdose on Thursday. Friday, the ward staff found out and I spent 20 hours on an antidote drip. I have never been in hospital for an OD before.

The whole time I have been in hospital my psych told me if I self harmed then he would discharge me without meds or community help. I didn't cut, I self harmed another way but only minorly until Thursday. Today in ward round he discharged me because of the OD. I know it was my fault, my decision, screw up, whatever but now I am home alone with no meds or anything. My uni co-ordinator Sarah negotiated me having a CPN and I will still see her since technically she is part of the uni but I am not allowed to keep my current CPN because my case is too 'complex'. I feel like I am being punished. I tried, I really did but now they have given up and I don't know what to do.

I have NONE of my medication and no support apart from the crisis team and my CPN whenever that gets sorted. I just feel so horribly alone :crying:

You got kicked out of the hospital because you OD'd cause you feel so bad. That sounds ineffecient and ineffective. That is intolerable!

No answers sweetie, but always *hugs*

Oh Emma, hun. To me that sounds utterly ridiculous to discharge someone with no meds or support. Re meds, I read on your other thread that you have switched to Venlafaxine, perhaps you could get an appt at your gp as it can be quite horrible going through withdrawal even when tapered and also your gp can put you on your other meds also and provide support in the meantime. Your gp should also complain on your behalf. Keep posting.
*hugs*

This is so ridiculous ooh it makes me so angry inside! How dare they do that to someone in need, how dare they! I am literally sitting here boiling because of it :mad:

As no reason said, go to your GP and get them to support a complaint! Sounds like the person who discharged you is incompetent at their job, and needs a thorough talking to just in case they do it to others as well! I ended up ODing Saturday night and being held on a psych ward, yet they didn't pull all of my help. Instead they get someone to call me every evening to check I'm ok, and my appointments with the psychiatrist have been doubled to two times a week instead of one.

They should be offering you more help not less. I'm so sorry to hear about this, if there's anyway any of us can help just say!

I have calmed down a bit since writing that. The reason I was discharged because of the OD was because I had broken one of the 'rules' my psych set when I was admitted i.e no self harm. I don't understand the meds thing either but since the original post I made an emergency appointment with my GP and have also contacted PALS to make a complaint and get the meds thing looked into, someone is calling me back tomorrow. I saw my GP about an hour ago and he has given me meds until Friday and contacted the crisis team.

Glad to hear that Emma. Please keep posting. I haven't got much to offer right now but I am thinking of you.
*hugs*

Really glad about your last post and your being referred to the crisis team- because it's appalling to discharge you with no support. (although sadly not unheard of.) Sounds like your GP is ok, and it's good you've got more meds because the last thing you need is withdrawl symptoms, and I know I got them if I skipped doses of Venlafaxine.

That's so ridiculous but sadly something not unheard of. I was in a similar situation once after self harming on the ward. I'm glad you got your meds sorted out. How do you feel to be back at home? Did being in there help at all?hope you can settle back at home and keep safe xxx

Oh Emma, I am glad to hear you've calmed down a bit and you deff seem to be being proactive and all that good stuff... I'm very proud of you.
Now if you'll just let me know where I have to go to kick this guys ass I'll buy a plane ticket and be on my way :mad:. I can't believe any of it... the rules he made seem totally stupid and unreasonable and no meds?!?! Yeah, how's that gonna help.

*massive hugs and much love*

Love you SO muchly Emma

Glad to hear the ball is rolling or so to speak, I'm less angry now that I've had time to cool down and now that you've made the second post.

I just hope something comes out of all this, and your complaint is dealt with properly :-)

Well done on doing all this.

You're pysch is a dick.

I love you.

Talk to you soon!

Sorry to waste space again.

Feel so **** and alone. Everyone leaves, everyone. People like me until they dig a bit deeper and discover the truth, then they all leave.

Worthless, not worthy of the time to talk. Everyone knows it. This is why I am alone and why that fact will never change. ****ing loser.

You aren't wasting space at all. I wish I had something useful or inspirational to say but I don't. You are NOT worthless. You are NOT a loser. Please make sure you call your gp or the crisis team if things are still this bad.
*hugs*

Oh stop it Em. You are none of those things you said! NONE! Soemone like that wouldn't have pm'd me becasue they cared. But you did! You are a wonderful person, you're just not well right now! I'm so worried about you!

YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!!!!

Don't make me bite you!

Losers are the ones who don't reach out, to help for for help.

You are awesome. Even if I don't know what to do, you have a hand up asking for help.

*loving hugs*

Just sending you my love and warm wishes sweetheart. Wishing big hugs could take away all the pain and suffering. *hugs you tightly* Lots of love.
Kahlia

Wish I could say or do something hun to make all this go away for you, but I can't, or I would have done it already. Like people said hun, losers are the people who don't ask for the help they need, and hun, you're screaming for it. You really are a wonderful person sweetheart, you really are. And, sweetheart, you are in NO way worthless. NO way hun.

Love you.
You know where I am if you want to talk sweetheart, ok?

xx

Dear Emma

I hope the meds help. That they refill your prescription on Friday.

Your not worthless or a loser your just going through a very very tough time at the moment.

Your not alone you have all of us here, trying to support you honey.
Your are in my thoughts

Love Jade xxx

How you doing today Emma?

Emma, Emma, Emma *hugs tight*
You're not a loser. We all love you and think you're lovely... and that's the truth. I for one am very proud of the way you are handling all this, taking the bull by the horns as it were and fighting for what you need.
*sigh* I really don't have much for you but I did want to tell you I love you muchly.
*massive cuddles* Take care luv

Ally

Oh Emma, im so sorry. I had such hopes that you would finally get some help. Sadly i have heard of others being dropped like this. When i harmed in hopsital they didnt let me go, they sectioned me.
I hope your doc can get something sorted for you!!
We're all here to help anyway we can. Please PM if you need/want ok?
Love ya
romp

*hugs*

That just sounds really stupid to me, to discharge someone like that, without any meds or support. Even if you signed a contract, it doesn't matter. They should've tried to help you even more if you needed to OD/ self harm that badly.

Take care,
Amy

Cut, think at least one of them needs stitching. Not sorry, just annoyed that the cuts are not worse. Damn it. Wounds should be worse. Can't even harm properly. I fail even at this.

Get it checked. YOu promised me you'd look after yourself. If you think it needs stitches you need to get it checked!!!!!! Grrrrrrrr

Please get it checked? think of it as being a physical thing in your efforts to heal?

hugs

Emma, please get it checked. You feeling any better?
*hugs*

I am going to get it checked out. Not feeling great tbh. Going to take a bit extra seroquel (just the equivalent of my PRN in hospital).

Sorry to hear that Emma. Glad you are going to get it checked. Hope the meds help. I have found that my Quetiapine (Seroquel) has really helped me reduce my self harm.
*hugs*

Em, let us know you are ok hun. Still thinking of you.
*hugs*

I love you sweetheart. I'm glad you're gettin git checked out!!!! *cuddles lots*

Thanks jess for your roundabout way of telling me she is getting it seen too.

Emma, you are so strong and amazing, can't wait to hear from you.

Take care!

Love Carrie
xxx

Got them stitched up. Have a meeting with my CPN and crisis team tomorrow am. I don't know what is wrong with me, it's like my brain threw itself into self destruct mode before I went into hospital and now there is no way to stop it. I don't even feel especially low at this exact moment but my brain is going mental making thoughts and pictures appear of how to harm myself. Some of them minor, some of them deadly. I don't know how long this can go on for to be honest. I need some way to control my head.

Em, so glad to hear from you! :-)

I understand the images, I see things quite frequently. You can beat this. You were on your way to being a little more stable with the new meds in hospital weren't you?

Keep posting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I'm glad you got it sorted honey. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have words right now, might reply again later.
But I will listen, and I care. You can PM me anytime xxx

I know things are so difficult for you right now..I too have the images and thoughts, I know how hard it is to deal with.
Thinking of you
sending you hugs and love xx

*sends emma some love and support*

Hang in there!!!

xx

What am I doing? I can't deal with my head. Crisis team called ambulance and had to have treatment Friday. Bought more pills today...finally got up and first thing I did was race to the shops before they shut to buy them. Cutting is no longer enough. I can't control the 'other me' in my brain.

*hugs* plz stay safe emma :-(

I HATE THEM! I ****ING HATE THEM.

Crisis team just said they are giving me 15 minutes to get rid of the tablets and calling me back because that is what I have to do before they will talk to me. I CANT DO IT. I am sat crying my eyes out. I just cam't do it That means they won't speak to me. I cant cope with my head. I just cant do it.

*hugs*

Called back and she admitted she didn't know what to do. She said she will call me back later. Great.

I hope they call you back and that you get the help you need and deserve
Thinking of you xx

Did you get rid of the tablets?
I wish they were more help to you honey, I hope that whoever phones you back gives you some support. I understand about the images/thoughts, I know when you get in that headspace it can seem impossible to ignore. For me the AP helped, are you still on the seroquel?
Hope you can stay safe xxx

flush 'em. YOU need to control this. You really do. And you CAN!!!!!!!!! You're strong enough for this emma. YOu are. I KNOW you are. *cuddles you tightly* I wish theyd section you >.<

Quick Update: Emma has been sectioned by the police

I really hope she's ok there :-(

I'm glad they sectioned her.


Emma, i love you.

Jem, if you can, please give her a loving hug from me?

Where are you from? That sounds like a ****ed up system.

I had an OD, and after spending close to a month in the hospital waiting for my liver levels to go down, they forced me to go to the psych ward because of what I had done, not forced me away. Involunary hospitalization is a bitch, not hospitalizing when you want it is probably just as bad.

Ended up in hospital for the whole of 8 hours. Got seen by doctors etc at hospital about 3.30am and was discharged at 11.30am by the same doctor who discharged me last time. Asked to see someone different and got told it has to be put in writing through 'the proper channels'. Oh well, tried right?