Update- saw my psychiatrist. If anyone is following.
 

I posted this a week or so ago, about possibly being referred to the cassel.

I saw my psychiatrist today and he has said he thinks I should be referred to the cassel too.

One of my keyworkers has started to find out about the funding, but she thinks we might have to really fight for it because it's really, really expensive.

The plan is for me really to "prove" I am dedicated to recovery by seeing my CMHT once a week and not cancelling (which I have been doing more often than not, and cancelled on my psychiatrist four times in a row).

And because if I go to the cassel I will need to use the trains twice a week, we are going to start working on reducing my anxiety on the train. Going one stop, then two, then on my own, then all the way to London etc.

My psychiatrist was a little bit annoyed I'd got my GP to change my meds, but he had to understand that I couldn't physically see him until my meds had been sorted and so someone had to do it. The only way I saw my psych this morning was because I'd taken 5mg of diazepam. Otherwise I would have been too anxious even to speak.

I'm coming off the mirtazapine and propranolol and adding olanzapine to the trazodone.

Everything is changing and it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I know I can't stay like this.

awww hugs good luck with the train stuff . its scary having problems with public transport , i really hope you get to go to this cassel place . good luck chicken keep us posted

good luck hun, keep strong
xxx

I feel so overwhelmed. I want to die to end this. I can't fight.

God. I just want to feel better. Is that too much to ask?

It's such a lot all at once. There's so much that scares you.

But, there is hope.
I would never travel on the tube or into Central London for the past several years. But now I go once a week to an art gallery and a general mosey around.

How about having a Befriender?

Hm. I've never thought about that before, a befriender.

Sounds interesting. It would initially increase my anxiety, but maybe it could help.

I'll think about it, thanks.

You're welcome.

I had one through Mind for a while. It wasn't perfect, but it did help.
I've also done befriending, and with the right person it can really work.

Hugs. Good luck with the Cassel, it may help.

Thanks Steel.

Good luck with the funding, it can be hard work but i just got mine through so can be done! Sounds like something that could really help and the funding always takes a while s you'll have time to get used to the idea x

I had a meeting at my CMHT this morning with my key workers and it went really well.

We've got an action plan to tackle my anxiety. If I go to the cassel I will need to use public transport twice a week, and so as of next week we are starting to use the train. I will be going one stop and back. Then the following week two stops etc.

After that we will use buses. Then drive into different towns.

Eventually I will be going up to London and back on the train.

I was told that there is a waiting list for the cassel, it will be six months ish until I get an assessment.

I feel really positive. I was feeling really overwhelmed last night, but I talked about it with my key workers and we are taking things really slowly.

your team sound amazing.

gradual exposure to public transport really works. i didn't used to be able to go one stop on a bus/train, got hysterical just thinking about it, but now i happily go on high-speed intercities on my own. it's pretty scary when you first start but keep on at it!

xxx

also, keep us updated about The Cassel. i really hope you're able to go.

Glad the metting went well.
Good luck with the public transport stuff I know that it can be really hard
Take care
xx

Thanks :)

Wow you have a good team. I wish you the best of luck.

It does sound like you have a great team! I'm glad they are doing things slowly for you.
It would be overwhelming thinking of hospital for that long. But maybe think this way, this may be the last time you need hospital again! Everyday you are there, you will be one step closer to being 'well' and feeling safer.
I think it is going to be a great opportunity for you. I hope the funding and all works out! *fingers crossed for you*
Pls let us know what you hear ok?
thinking of you
romp

Hey i know im late on this thread so my apologies but i just wanted to add to it and say good luck too.

Both with the Cassel and also with the getting around stuff with the train and the buses etc.

im sorry youve been struggling and feeling so bad but as you say small steps at a time and working at things slowly and eventually youll get there!

And then you'll be able to go all over the country!! Think of how much you will have achieved.

i think your brave and amazing and i think its great you are willing to take these steps and also work with the anxiety and stuff that you are finding very difficult.

i think that this really does show great commitment and im glad you have your team to help you and please also remember we are always here to support you too.

Best of luck with that assessment too when it comes around!

How are you doing now?

Please try and take care of yourself as best as you can and best wishes for now. x

I hope you get the funding to go to the Cassel. And good luck with the trains and stuff *hugs*

Thanks everyone. Romp- I will keep everyone updated :)

So Monday is "the day". I'll be getting on a train, haha!

I'm feeling really positive.

Good luck.

im glad your feeling positive! Good luck, i really hope things go well for you xxx

I am quite apprehensive now.

The train journey tomorrow will probably be five minutes max, and I will be carrying my diazepam in my bag (but not taking any unless I have a full blown panic attack) to reassure me.

I'm trying to tell myself there is nothing scary about trains. A year ago I was on them all the time with no problems.

*deep breaths*

Sweetie i think you are really brave :)
Try not to think about it too much.
Let us know how it goes.
Bet you'll do ace.

Amy x

Thanks :)

Good luck.

I have a fear of lifs, especially small ones with no roof escape. When I have to travel in one, I breathe slowly and deeply and occupy my mind with good thoughts. Sometimes I count to myself and close my eyes. Perhaps you could do the same on the train?

I hope it will work out for you.

I got on the train :hop:

I wasnt anxious at all!

I went one stop with my keyworker. I posted something in the post office, then we had a drink in a cafe, and got the train back again.

I feel ****ing fantastic!

Baby steps :)

Hun that's fantastic to hear! You really brightened up my day, I'm so happy for you. Well done!!

I am thinking of you, I hope today goes okay. I hope the cassel becomes possible, I agree you may have a big fight on your hand, but if you need it, keep fighting and dont let anyone stop you reaching for help.

*huggles*

xxx

Well done!!!!!

Well done!!! That's absolutely fantastic! x

well done sweetie!
thats fantastic!
so proud of you
*cuddles*
xx

Thanks everyone :)

Thats brilliant well done! x

Aww that really made me smile, go you :)

x

me too!
and well done!
xxx

Thats a huge step...well done!!
You should be proud of yourself xx

Wow, thats amazing - well done you!!! xxx

Well done hun, that's great! :-)

Oh that is just awesome!!!!!
YAY you!
I'm so happy it went so well. That made me smile too :o)
thinkin of you
romp

Thanks :)

Yippee! I'm so glad for you!

Well done, you did really well! you should be sooo proud :-)

I ordered a rail card today, a young persons one.

Now I HAVE to keep getting the train to get the most out of the £24 it cost!

My keyworker has the "brochure" (she likes calling it that because it sounds like I'm going on holiday!) for the cassel, I should get it soon.

Next psych appointment 4th March.

the railcard is great!

i hope the brochure looks nice, i've no doubt it will. i remember when people came to do the new Main House one and there was a Barry Manilow LP that we'd left in the window :D xxx

Hey sorry i know im late replying to your updates - been one of those weeks!

But i wanted to say a massive well done too.Getting on the train and going a stop and doing all of that was ace!

You should be really, really proud and im so glad it went so well.

Also glad to hear your keyworker has the brochure for the Cassel.i hope that you get to go there if you think that it will help you and also that your not doing too badly right now.

And go you for getting the rail card too!.

Keep up the good work.

It was great to read this.

I've read through the cassel patients handbook.

The place itself looks lovely and the bedrooms are huge!

It's just, one of the rules is no smoking and that's kind of freaking me out. I need to be able to smoke when I'm stressed or anxious and trying to quit as well as trying not to self harm or discharge myself will be too much.

Well done for getting this far.
Treat the no smoking rule as another step towards recovery.