children at meets...
 

hello,
something that has just been discussed on a meet thread, a member of ryl is not allowed to bring her child...
right fair dos i'm not arguing over that. but it aint really that fair when babies turn up to meets and a 7 year old who can't really cause much trouble can't...

thinking either let all children i dunno under age of 8 who's parents are members of ryl and cannot get babysitters.

or totally ban children this includes babies to meets.

I think once we even had a none member to a maternity meet and it got overlooked...

just seems to me mods want to twist the rules on different meets.

Thats not fair. Little children are a hassle and shouldn't be at a ryl meet in my opinion. Babies are different.

i wouldt say babies are - no child should go to a meet, its really not fair on othere members.

You cant do anything at a meet if people have just turned up with a baby without saying beforehand cept let them stay or send them away. But because this menber has obv said beforehand that she was going to bring her kid, she had been told no.

But what exactly do you do at meets that you 'couldn't' do because of a child? I know manc meets which are the only ones I have ever been to there has been nothing.
And not all children are a hassle...

babies and children are completely different.
you hold babies or sit them in buggys or whatever children run about and are much more ... harder to control?
you cant really look at them the same.

Why choose 8 as the age for when children are deemed mature enough to attend?

I'd say anyone under 13 (which is general for most teenage forums) shouldn't be allowed to attend, including babies.
Those between 13 - 18 should be accompanied with either a friend or fellow ryler to and from the meet (like from the train station to wherever and then back to the train station)
Those above 18 have no restrictions.

I think that is both fair and safest.

It depends.
If it's a maternity meet then fair enough - the point is that mothers/fathers are meeting up.
For general meets, I don't know.
Like, a child attending a london meet would be a bit out of place, but a smaller meet or something then I dunno? But obviously you need consistent rules.

Maternity meets are just that - maternity meets, it's for RYL mothers to meet up and socialise. They can't very well leave the babies/children at home - it Is a maternity meet after all!

As for other meets - as far as i'm aware i've not known of children turning up.

Ok, I personally think that babies/children are fine to attend either maternity meets or vets meets(if appropriate-where its been agreed by other members going,which i think has happened before?!) but I dont think at other meets its at all suitable. Its not fair to assume that other members are going to be fine with a child being there.
Im not saying all seven year olds are trouble (i work with 7 olds so i know this) but there is a chance that they could throw a tantrum/misbehave and why should other members have to be around that if they dont want to be? At least at a maternity meet its pretty set that kids are going to be there. I dont know at how many meets babies have attended that werent maternity meets so I cant really comment on it.

I pretty much agree with Liv above. At maternity meets it'll be a given that kids and/or babies will be there, at Vets meets it should be discussed on the thread and get everyone's approval of children being there, and at all other meets no kids or babies should go.

I personally would not want to be around a baby or a young child.

Can I just say that if someone put on a thread that they were going to bring their children and everybody said they were fine with it, but I wasn't, I'd feel really bad and probably not say that I was uncomfortable with children being there.

I love kids and I'd probably enjoy a meet more with a little 'un to fuss over, but I'm sure that other people would be in the same situation as above.

I STRONGLY agree with griddlebone and The One Who^

I like kids, and tbh, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if there was a kid at a meet, but I also wouldn't want anyone feeling uncomfortable. I dunno, I guess what I'm trying to say is that, like people have said, it should be discussed by those attending the meet, and is maybe more appropriate at a vets meet.

If I went to a meet and someone turned up with their baby, without giving previous notice I'd be seriously bummed out. And try and put their baby in the bin. If they turned up with a 7 year old I'd probably leave, wtf is a kid doing at an RYL meet?
I ****ing hate kids. I can barely stand half the 13 year olds on here.

If it's a maternity meet then whatever, the point is babies.

But otherwise, no, kids shouldn't be at meets, it's for RYLers and if you can't get a sitter then don't go. Simple as.

Surly a child would be bored at a meet?
A baby would be a different story as they dont get bored they just sleep.

Or cry their face off.

no offence
but if i turned up to a meet and there was a child there...isn't it natural for them to be inquisitive and ask questions.. so if they saw a scar or w/e... could be..uncomfortablle?

babies. i have nothing wrong with s'long as they ask to bring them if it's not maternity/vets ect

I've not been to a meet before so can't really compare a normal meet to one where kids turn up but I've read people's posts and just thought I'd say a wee something.
I look after children for a living. Babies aren't always easy, they don't always sleep and they aren't always happy to just lie in a pram. At least with a 7 year old mummy can tell them to shut up, stay quiet and sit still. So to say yes to babies but no to kids just doesn't cut it. Where do you draw the line with babies then...do you say under 6 months is fine for instance? But then if someone says well my baby's just over 6 months so can she not just come..... just where do you draw the line? You don't. You either have children or you don't.

6 months isn't an appropriate age to not go to a maternity meet, IMO.

18 months as suggested above is the best option.

It's not maternity meets that are being discussed. It's normal meets.

i hate kids, and i deff wouldnt go to a meet with any kind of kid there. It isnt fair on the members and it isnt fair on the kid either.

The whole point is to go and have fun, not help babysit and entertain a kid.

I think this idea is beyond inappropiate.

Ok if someone was to appear at a meet that I attended with a child/baby or whatever then I would have to walk away as soon as I saw them cos I do actually have a huge hatred/fear of them and just will never probably feel comfortable in their presence. If I did have to sit with a kid at a meet I would probably end up killing it by the end. I really have issues with it.

Maternity meets are fine cos like obviously I wouldnt go or anything but for normal meets I dont think its appropiate for children to attend in any case unless it was discussed with the other members wanting to go first and everyones opinions aired. Although in saying that it might scare people off if they did know a child was going to be present so I really am unsure.

Sorry if Ive waffled or annoyed people, tis only my opinion and dont quite know why I posted really cos I know its unlikely to ever happen but yeah... :-)

Can i just point out - it's very very very unlikely anyone on here would take there child to a normal meet.
Other than a number of Vets on the mummy board, not many other members have children anyway - so this issue really wouldn't be a problem.
And even if someone did have a child, it's unlikely they'd want to take them to a normal meet because they'd want to be going for themselves to meet there friends and relax/socialise.

So, other than the maternity meets, i can't really see the problem or issue here ?

Because the issue was raised when someone asked if they could bring their child to a normal meet.
People were asked for their opinions on this and whether it should be permitted or not.

Yeah and we've discussed that and the discussion moved onto Maternity Meets, which is a relevant turn of conversation, so if you could please stop telling people we're not supposed to be talking about maternity meets, please.

Simple: Maternity meets yes obv. At other meets no. Its not fair on other members. As much as i love kids i dont think it would be appropriate. I think the rule should stick to the member rules. So if its no under 15 members its no under 15 ANYONE. Rules are ther for a reason they have to be consistent, with the exception of maternity for obv reasons.

Its a shame if you have a kid and cant make it but its unfair on other members.

It was because you'd obviously misundestood what I had previously said when I said about having a limit of 6months for instance because you came back with a comment about how that was inappropriate for a maternity meet when I hadn't even mentioned maternity meets.
That's all.
And the second comment I made about the initial discussion being normal meets was because someone said that they couldn't see the issue or problem when children are allowed to go to maternity meets anyway. They clearly didn't know that the issue about a child going to a normal meet was raised because someone had asked if their child could go and were told yes and then told no. Someone posted this topic and asked for opinions on taking kids to normal meets.

And at no point did I say we're "not supposed to be talking about maternity meets" I simply stated that the issue was raised with regard to normal meets.

Why not use quotes then?

I did. Go check if you'd like to.

I love you guys/girls. REALLY made my day! :-D

I love children. Worked with them for many years, but unless i went to a maternity meet - i would not like a child there, simply because i would like to get to know everyone at the meet, relax, socialise, without having a child interrupting. Children need attention, it's unlikely a child would be entertained the whole time - which means the mother/father's attention wouldn't be ON the meet, but on the child they bring.

Many younger members here have younger brothers/sisters/siblings, so going to a meet for them would probably be a nice break away for a few hours - i'm sure they wouldn't appreciate it either.

But, i do feel that if someone has asked about bringing a child to a meet - atleast they had the consideration to do so, rather than just turning up with the child.

I work with kids, I love kids, but Im the same....if Im at a meet, I wouldnt be happy with children be there. I want to be able to get away from children for a while!I also want to have the freedom to smoke and swear and anything else I have the freedom to do without worrying about what affect its having on the child.
I think its good that it was made apparent that the child might be coming to the meet but I dont think its a good idea and I think this thread is good to clear up any confusion on the matter.

Yep. Espesh smoking thing. I'd go mental without a fag :P

I've never been from to a meet, so I don't know for sure, but I'd expect that an RYL meet probably isn't an appropriate place for a child, apart from it making other members uncomfortable. I do think babies are different in that they're not going to understand what's going on at the meet, but an older child is going to be able to notice scars, take in any conversation related to SI (not to mention everything that's not specific to RYL that wouldn't be appropriate for children), notice people smoking, etc. Social gatherings of teens/adults without children present tend not to be appropriate for children to start with, and add to that what RYL is about, and for it to be an appropriate place for a child who's old enough to understand much language or wonder about the injury associated with a scar, I think it would limit members' behavior/conversation a lot. With babies who aren't going to understand what's going on though, I think it's mainly down to the parent having to look after the baby with whatever happens at the meet, which would probably limit how what the parent could do (unless they get lucky and the kid sleeps the whole time), but I don't see it causing much problem for other people at the meet provided the parent is responsible about it and doesn't try to make everyone else accommodate their baby.

I do think though that bringing kids to meets is a bit different than members under 15 attending the meets (which a few people mentioned) in that the child would have a parent there whereas a younger RYL member would be attending the meet alone. I don't think the purpose of that rule is to say that RYL meets aren't appropriate for people under 15, but rather to address safety issues with younger people meeting people off the internet (and the liability for RYL associated with facilitating that). I think that if it ever came up that there was an RYL member under 15 whose parent was also an RYL member (who was active on the site, and not just here to keep an eye on their kid) and the parent and kid wanted to attend a meet together that might raise the possibility of making an exception to that rule, since then the younger member would be attending with a parent without having a non-member at the meet, but somehow I don't think that will every actually be an issue, and apart from a situation like that, having younger members attend meets is a safety/liability issue, not just a matter of protecting older members from "annoying kids."

Fair enough we've not been to meets for a couple of years, but unless it was specifically a 'maternity meet', we wouldn't be bringing our son along. There are plenty of reasons, from topic of conversation to things like smoking etc. Also, to be quite honest, i'd be uncomfortable taking our son along unless we knew everyone who was going. A 'normal' meet isn't an appropriate place for a child.

If we want to meet up with friends who happen to be RYLers, we'd organise it privately, rather than impose on a meet.

I've never been to a meet and am probably unlikely to ever attend one but hypothetically I wouldn't mind at all if someone brought their child along. I love kids and am perfectly capable of behaving appropriately whether I want to or not.

However, I would never bring my own son to a meet. I wouldn't want to impose on other people and it would be unfair to expect other members to not smoke/watch their language/stick to 'safe' topics of conversation. It's not fair on other members who want to relax and no one should be in a situation where they feel uncomfortable.

It is hard to get babysitters sometimes and I think some people would quite like their RYL friends to meet their children but I guess something else could be arranged for that situation rather than bringing their child to a general meet

Personally, I love kids, but I don't think bringing them to meets would be a appropriate. I usually go to meets to get away from things at home for a few hours, considering I have a younger sister.

i think that if everyone on the meet is fine with it then it shouldnt matter so maybe ask everyone whos going on the meet what they think and then if they say ok then the kids can go but if not the they dont go.

^but then some members may feel like they cant say no for fear of upsetting the person/going against a majority.

In theory that's the best idea but it won't work. I know that if I was planning on going to a meet and someone then asked if their child could come and everybody else was saying yes, I just wouldn't feel comfortable saying no. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to say no...it wouldn't matter how much against the idea I was, there would just be no way that I was going to be the one to say I had a problem with it.
I would either make up an excuse to say all of a sudden I couldn't go or I would go but not enjoy it. And that's just not a position that is fair to put other members into.x

I just dont think its fair on members for kids to be ther. It wouldnt be as relaxing, as lovely as kids are, and its not fair on members who arent comfortable with kids. Especially people going for the first time who are nervous and dont want to be the one too say 'actually no i wouldnt be comfortable' when say 5 people say its okay. And then who do you listen to? the one that said no or the rest?

It would just be so much simpler if it was no under 15s with the exception of maternity meets. It would be strange a kid going when some members are deemed to young!

No, it's been organised. Obviously, the mods have the final say. That's quite rude tbh.

But nevermind.
If it's maternity meet then fair enough.

Completely agree.

Ali xox

Just wondering about the 15 years old bit. So since im 15 would i be able to go to one of the meets?
*just askin :)*

Yeah, you have to be 15 to go to a meet (:

It's in the rules and guidlines for the meets.

Out of interest why is the age 15? I mean what was the logic in making it 15 instead of 14 or 16?

i wouldn't bring my children to a meet, having been to a meet, i have seen for myself it is not an appropriate place for children. if you wanna meet up with your children, then arrange something privatly. or get a sitter. i think i would be very miffed if i went to a meet and there were kids there, cos i would have gone with the chance of having a break from the kids, and wouldn't want to have to be using my 'grown up time' being around someone elses kids.