Untitled Story
 

This is just a short story I wrote today. I haven't written anything in years so it probably isn't very good. If you want more let me know and I will do another chapter.



Chapter 1

I waited until I heard the door close behind her. I wanted to be alone. My mom had a tendency to open my bedroom door without knocking Thats how she caught me the last time. I couldn't take anymore chances. I quickly went back upstairs to my bedroom and closed the door for good measure. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was such a disgrace to my family and friends. Here I was, a 15 year old girl who seemed to have everything. A family who loved and cared for her, friends, good grades, a boyfriend...everything. Yet there was an empty feeling deep inside me that could not be filled no matter how hard I tried, it still lingered. I walked to my closet and opened the door, scanning the shelf quickly my eyes rested on my little brown box. I took out the box and opened it on my bed. It had all the supplies I needed, razors, tissue, disinfectant, I checked them off silently in my head. I rolled up my sleeve, my arm was full of fresh cuts from only yesterday and I was beginning to run out of room. I found a fresh patch of skin and pressed down instantly feeling a wave of relief. Just as I was beginning my fifth cut I heard the door bell.

"SH--! Okay don't panic," I said to myself. "Its probably just a salesman...." I tried reassuring myself.

The fresh cuts on my arm were starting to seep blood and I pressed one of the tissues against my arm hoping that the pressure would slow down the bleeding. I threw on my favorite white knitted sweater and headed downstairs. Upon opening the door I was greeted with a bouquet of beautiful tulips, hiding behind them was a familiar face.


"Justin! Wow, whats the occasion?" I was so surprised by the flowers I forgot about the pain in my arm.

"You're the occasion sweetie, I wanted to do something nice for you," Justin put the flowers in my hands and let himself into the house.

I was stunned for a moment, "let me put these in some water," I finally said. "They're so beautiful Justin, thank you. You really didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to baby. Besides, I couldn't wait until school on Monday to see you!"

I began filling a vase with some water and chopping the stems off the flowers. Justin came up and put his strong arms around my waist and began kissing my neck and then my cheek. I let myself sink into him and feel his warmth.

"Sarah," he said with a touch of concern in his voice, "you're bleeding."

It was then I remembered my arm. Looking down I could see the blood had seeped through my sleeve. What could I say? Justin didn't know about my cutting. We had been dating for 9 months now and I had been cutting myself since long before then. I wore long sleeves at all times. I never let him see me without my sweaters on, unless the light was off and even then I was careful. How could I have screwed up now? I wanted to slap myself. The vase began to overflow with water and I snapped back to reality. Turning off the tap I said, "oh, yeah...its nothing....just a little scrape."

"Let me see, it looks like its been bleeding pretty bad."

"No Justin, its fine!" I snapped. There was no reason for him to be suspicious and I hoped he'd drop the conversation.

"Sarah, let me see your arm. At least take off your sweater, the blood is going to ruin it. If its just a scrape lets go clean it and put a band-aid on it."

"Justin, just let it drop okay?"

"No, its not okay. Whats wrong with you? Its not a big deal, I don't understand why you won't let me take a look at it." He had turned me around to face him now and he had a serious look on his face. I knew being stubborn would only make him pursue the matter further but I didn't know what else to do.

"Okay fine I will go to the bathroom and clean it up. Happy now?" I began walking to the bathroom but I could hear him following close behind me. I shouldn't have been so stubborn I thought. I was going over a million different responses I could have had in the first place that would have helped avoid this whole situation. Why couldn't I have acted surprised and gone to the bathroom in the first place? Why did I have to make him so suspicious? Obviously now he's wondering why I won't show him my arm. "Could you please finish putting the flowers in the vase for me?" I asked him, hoping he'd leave me alone.

"Sure babe, just let me help you with that arm first."

"Its okay, I'll be fine. I really don't want those flowers to dry out. "

"They can wait 10 minutes babe, don't worry. Roll up your sleeve and lets take a look at your arm."

"Justin, please leave me alone. I can do this myself! I don't need you to take care of me!" I was getting really defensive now.

"Sarah, whats wrong with you? Why won't you show me your arm? I will make you if I have to, I don't want to have to, but I will." I didn't even respond. I just stood there looking at our reflections in the bathroom mirror. This was it. He was going to find out everything. He was going to find out and break up with me, or worse, break up with me and tell my parents what I had done to myself. All of a sudden I felt him grab my arm. I tried to pull away but he was holding me too tightly. I struggled but it was too late, he yanked up my sleeve.

omg that was really good hun!!
I hope you keep going with it. I can't wait to find out what happens!
Please, please, please keep writing!!!!

ZOMG!

More?

Brilliant :D x x

Thanks, I'm glad you guys like it. I was pretty worried about posting it. I've done another chapter.


Chapter 2


At first he didn't say a word. He just stood there looking at my arm in shock for what seemed like hours on end. In reality it was probably more like a few seconds. I too didn't say anything. Even the best of lies wasn't going to work this time. My arm was literally covered in cuts and scars, not to mention my five cuts from not more than 10 minutes ago that were still bleeding.

"Babe what happened?" there was panic in his voice. "Who is doing this to you?" he demanded. I just stood there in shock. I had nothing to say. I was numb.

"We need to stop the bleeding. I'm going to put some pressure on your arm okay babe?" He opened the closet and pulled out a towel. I wanted to tell him not to use a white one because my parents would see the blood but I couldn't find my voice. He was pressing the towel against my cuts now.

"Please tell me what happened Sarah. I need to know." He was starting to pressure me again. I still couldn't answer. I couldn't say anything. "Babe please! I need you to talk to me! Please!" He started turning on the sink now. He took off the towel and gently put my arm under the water. It stung a little and the pain brought me a little bit of relief. The cuts started to bleed again as the newly formed scabs were washed away. He placed the towel on my arm again when he felt my arm had been suficently cleaned.

With one arm around my shoulders and the other still applying pressure to my arm, he escorted me to the couch. I felt sick to my stomach and was relieved to be sitting down now. I knew in a minute the interagation would start. I still didn't have any answers for him.

"Sarah...." He stopped. He was holding my arm and looking over it very carefully. Looking at each scar, mark, and cut. I felt so ashamed. I had never wanted him to know. I was going to have to tell him. He looked so worried.

"I'm sorry," I said. It was all I could choke out before I burst into tears. He instantly held me close.

"Don't worry babe, its going to be alright. You tell me who is doing this to you. I'm going to make everything better." He still doesn't get it. He can't understand why anyone would do this to themselves. For a few seconds I tried to think of someone else I could pin this on. Of course that was just going to make everything worse. And besides, my parents would know the truth. My mom had caught me not much more than a year ago when I had first started. It wasn't as bad back then, just a few cuts every few weeks. I had promised I wouldn't do it again, said I had just been experimenting. I was more careful now. Or at least I thought I had been.

"Babe you're covered in cuts. Oh sweetheart, I can't believe this. I love you," He was crying now and I felt even worse. "Please let me help you, please tell me who did this to you!"

"It was me." I said it so softly I could barely hear my own words.

"What do you mean?" He asked through sobs. "What do you mean it was you?"

I didn't know how to answer. I was so scared now. I didn't know how he was going to react. "It was me. I cut myself. I did this to me."

Before I could even see the look on his face his arms were around me. "Why would you do this to yourself? I don't understand. I can't understand this Sarah."

I didn't answer.

"I love you. I love you so much. You know that don't you?" His voice sounded weak.

"I do know that. Of course I know that."

His grip around me released and he pulled back to look at me some more. His eyes had so much worry and concern in them. I felt so guilty. He didn't deserve this. He's only 17, he can't handle issues like this. Before I knew it he was pulling up my other sleeve. I didn't try to stop him. There was no point in hiding anything now.

My other arm was much the same as my first one. Covered in cuts and scars. Barely enough room to add anything more to it. More tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I'm going to get you some help babe. We need to talk to someone about this." His voice was getting stronger now.

"No! Please....please, I can stop! Please Justin. You can't tell anyone! They will send me away. Please!" I begged.

"Sarah, this is crazy. You need help. You are cut up like a piece of meat here. You're telling me you did this to yourself. You..."

"I will stop! I promise I will. Just give me a chance." My voice desperate.

"I want to know everything Sarah. I'm not going to keep your secret unless I know you're safe. I need to see what you cut yourself with."

I knew he wasn't fooling around. He was pulling himself together as best he could now. I didn't know how I was supposed to reveal all my pain to him. He surely didn't know what he was asking of me. But somehow I found myself leading him upstairs to my room. My razors would still be lying on the bed, my brown box half open filled with all my supplies. He was going to see it all now.

Wow. This is amazing babe :)

wow this is really good. :)

This is so good!
I love your style of writing!!
Please keep writing more.

*huggles*

Thats great hun please write more asap!!

Oooh wow this is amazing...more please

Please write more hun x

moreeeee :)


xx

please write more =]
its amazing

x

more???


please :)


xx

I really appreciate all the replies from everyone. It means a lot to me. Sorry I've taken so long to write more but heres the next chapter.

Chapter 3

I paused at the half open door, my hand shaking as I pushed it further open. I entered first, I felt an urge to grab my supplies off my bed, to push him back out of my room, to try and keep my secret safe, but it was too late for that.
I turned around to look at Justin. I don't think he had expected everything to be sitting out just waiting to be discovered. I remained silent. I didn't want to be the first to say something. I would wait for him to speak, to tell me that I was crazy and walk out the door. I watched his lips, waiting for them to part, for sound to come through them and hit my ear. He just looked though. His eyes staring hard at me, as if there was something more to see that would be revealed if he just looked at me long enough. I felt myself getting angry with him. Who was he to judge me? Who was he to decide he needed to help me?

"Babe...." he hugged me close. My anger subsided a little. "I just want you to be safe. I love you so much." His arms lowered and his hands found mine. "I don't know what to do." There was so much pain in his eyes. I wanted to tell him to just forget it ever happened even though I knew that wasn't possible.

"Justin, I'm sorry. I should have told you about this a long time ago. I just didn't know how." I waited for a response but he didn't even say anything. I moved to sit on my bed and he was quick behind me, still holding onto me. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just let me help you. I'm here for you now, I always will be."

"I don't need help. You're really over-reacting. Trust me. I can stop, and I will. I promise." I could see he was still concerned and anxious. I couldn't tell how convincing I was being.

"Babe I can't just trust that. You have hidden this from me for months. I don't even know how I didn't notice. I should have asked more questions, I should have wondered why you always wore long sleeves. I'm the one who should be sorry," he sighed. "And I am sorry. I'm sorry I can't trust you enough to stop hurting yourself. I'm sorry that in a moment I'm going to take away these razors whether you like it or not."

"Take them," I said with even a bit of enthusiasm in my voice. "I don't need them now. I'm never going to do this again!" I think at that moment, I believed every word that was coming out of my mouth. I watched as he packed up my things, preparing to take them with him when he left, and I honestly didn't care. It felt good to have let someone in and share something that I had never fully shared with anyone in the whole world before. He took my razors downstairs and I followed him. He was quieter than usual but he didn't seem upset. He put them in a plastic bag and I went back to cutting stems instead of my body.

The afternoon slipped by quickly with us watching old cartoons, eating lunch, and playing some xbox. I felt more relieved than ever before. I knew I was safe now. I couldn't cut if he had my razors. He would protect me from myself and it was the best feeling in the world. We said good-bye just as my dad was pulling in the driveway with my brother.

"Have fun at football?" I asked my brother as he pushed past me.

"Sure! I tackled this guy down," he laughed as he continued on with the story which I struggled to pay attention to. My thoughts were still on MY afternoon and on Justin.

"Hi Honey," my dad cheerfully said as he walked by me as well. "Wheres your mother?"

"She went out to Aunt Terri's house for the afternoon, she said she'd be home by dinner time," I said before crawling up to my room to wait in peace until dinner.

I didn't eat much at dinner and I didn't talk much either. I was surprised at how quickly my mood was diminishing. I was already feeling strong urges to cut myself again. I relaxed a little, remembering I didn't have my razors anymore. I tried to focus on other things, but it wasn't working. I went back up to my room and paced the floor. I finally called Justin, but his phone just continued to ring. It was only 8 o'clock, he had probably gone out with his family I thought, as no one else had picked up the phone. I thought about sneaking a knife up to my room but it was too risky. I wrote in my journal, talked about my day, and remembered how great I had felt for those few hours and how short lived they were.

When I woke up it was dark out. My journal was still out and my pen lying next to it. I must of fallen asleep while I was writing. I looked over at the clock on the wall. It was a little past two. I felt pressure in my bladder and realized I had to pee pretty badly. I got up and went downstairs to the bathroom. "Might as well stay up for a bit now," I said to myself. I scanned the T.V. for something good on, but as usual there was nothing on this late. I felt the urges come back to me as I became more awake. I couldn't hide from this feeling could I? No matter what it would find me and take over.

It was with that realization that I decided to do what I did next. This was no longer about needing to escape and release the pain that built up inside me day after day. This was about knowing I would wake up tomorrow and feel this pain. Knowing I would wake up a month from now and feel it. It wasn't going to go anywhere. I was trapped and I was desperate and I was downing close to a whole bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet.

I really like it hunni.
You have such a great talent!!
Can't wait to read more.

oooooooooooo im hooked

moreeeeee :D


xx

WOW!! x

wow this is an amzing story.
i love how you built up the tension in chapter 1.
you are really good at writing i can't wait for the next chapter.

More.

Please?

Thanks for all the replies :) I will write more at some point, hopefully soon.

wow, you're really talented.
this is great.
keep it up.

This is a really great piece.
I'm totally hooked.
keep writing. :)

oh my gosh.
this is amazing.
i love it.
= ]

*bump*


more ?? :)

I love it!! Please write more hun when u cn.

Can't wait for next bit when your able to write some more hun.
*hugs*

Amazing!!!! Write more if you can?

i really like this (:
mooooooore!
xx

more ??


please :)


x

Thanks for all the comments. I was so surprised when I came back here and people were still posting on it :)

I do plan on writing more. I've just been going through a somewhat tough time right now and don't have the motivation to do anything. The next chapter is in my head, I just have to write it down. I have spring break in 2 weeks, so if I will try to get it up by then if not before.

Thanks again for your comments, they are so much appreciated *hug*

this is soo good! hope you can write more soon cos i cant wait to read it!

more when your up to it hun?

*holds gently*

*Hugs* am really liking this. Hope you feel better soon

Came across this the other day and wanted to maybe try and continue it. Unfortunately I've been in a bad place for a long time and don't know how much or how well I can write. I'll probably post relatively small chapters at a time as its hard for me to sit and write for any length of time.

Chapter 4

I didn't pass out. In fact the whole thing was nothing like I had imagined. Dramatic. That had been the word I had always labelled suicide as. However the act of this overdose had not been dramatic, nor had the aftermath. My mom found me puking and crying in the bathroom around two in the morning and proceeded to take me to the emergency room when I told her what happened. She was quiet. She didn't seem mad, or even concerned about what I had just done. She acted as if this was just something that every mother and daughter go through.

I continued crying and shaking all the way to the emergency room. I was terrified. I was waiting for the men in white coats to come grab me and take me away.

"please have a seat" the nursing unit clerks voice brought me back to the present which I was slipping in and out of. I realized the past few seconds had consisted of my mother describing in detail what I had done nearly an hour ago. Yet there were no men in white coats coming out to grab me. I had imagined being raced into emergency, the doctors trying to pump my stomach and the struggle that would follow. But none of this happened. Have a seat I thought to myself, I just downed some pills, shouldn't they be doing something? Do I even want them to do something? My brain raced and my shaking worsened.

I thought about Justin and how he would take the news. I wondered if I would even have to tell him. After what he had just found out today he was already probably going to leave me, this would definitely push him over the edge.

I love this so far!

you're a really*good writer! love it!

Chapter 5

I barely touched the seat before the nurse came out.

"Sarah," she paused looking around the empty room, then her eyes resting on me. "Come this way please."

She looked about 40, with dark blonde hair and of average weight. She led me to a bed and motioned for me to get in which I did. She started to cover me with blankets and my shaking began to subside a little.

"So you took some pills dear?" She asked.

"yes," I replied monotone.

"how many?"

"--" I replied.

"have you ever done this before?"

I had. "No." I said without a slip.

"why did you do it?"

I didn't reply. I could tell by her tone she did not honestly care. These were just the questions she had to ask.

"whats that on your arm there? That scar there?"

"oh..uh, I burned it with hot wax by accident a while ago, left a scar..." who even cared anymore. The nurse looked at me, she didn't care to press any further about it obviously.

"The doctor will be in shortly," she said closing the curtain behind her. My mom was sitting in the room with me but still hadn't said anything. I didn't plan on talking and I guess neither did she.

The doctor did come in shortly. "You're lucky, we don't get many paitients in here at this time in the morning. So I see you took some pills, why did you do that?"

"I was anxious about my science test tomorrow. I just needed to calm down, I had a headache as well. It really didn't seem like as many as I took. I was distracted." The doctor remained silent. Finally I stopped trying to explain myself

"Okay," he said. "Well we're going to need you to drink this before you leave. Its just charcoal." he stated as if it was something everyone drank.

He motioned for my mom to come outside the curtain with him and left me and the cup filled with black liquid sand. I tried to sip it but it tasted terrible. It was thick and looked like tar. Even gulping it was difficult. I started crying again. This hadn't been what I wanted. I didn't want to be here trying to drink this charcoal so that my stomach wouldn't be damaged. I wanted to be dead, and I wasn't.

But in the end I finished the charcoal and my mom brought me home like nothing had happened. I went up to my room and slept on extra pillows as instructed by the doctor "can you sleep sitting up?" he had asked.

I was going to miss the first couple blocks of school tomorrow but attend the afternoon. Everything was going to go back to being what it was like despite the fact I had just been in the hospital an hour ago for overdosing.

But more concerning than that was Justins potential reaction to all of this. I had decided to be upfront with him from now on. I had to let him know about what I had done. I had to get my tools back, look what had happened without them.

I love this, just read the whole thing and want more already!

great updates!!! more please :)

Really good updates

Wow. This is really good. :)

more more more

(when your up to it of course!!) but MORE lol

Chapter 6

Waking up the next morning I felt dizzy and groggy. My mom had gone to work already and my dad was home that day. I didn't know what mom had told him.

"how are you feeling?" he asked, concerned.

"Alright I guess...." I let my words linger, not knowing what he knew. All of a sudden I ran to the bathroom, I made it to the toilet just in time. Everything I threw up was black. I wondered if that was supposed to happen, or if maybe I was supposed to have kept it down, honestly I didn't really care one way or the other. Later I found out my mom had told my dad I had gone to the hospital because of menstral cramps.

It was 11:45am by the time I managed to get myself to school. Justin found me immediately.

"Where have you been? I didn't see you here this morning."

"Oh...can we talk about it later?" I asked, too tired to get into now. The lunch bell had just rang too and the halls were beginning to get crowded.

"Well yeah...of course Sarah. Is something wrong?"

"No...its just, its private you know?" People were all around us now and I was not going to talk about this here.

"Okay, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I am." I sounded cold, I know I did, but I couldn't help it.

Lunch sped by with about as much excitement as sitting inside on a rainy day. I played my part with my friends, no one would guess anything was wrong. No one even really knew me. The bell rang and I made my way down the hall to my science class. The science class which I had a test in today that really I couldn't care any less about right now. People on my sides became blurred. There is something that changes the next day after trying to kill yourself. Something that feels very strange inside of you. Like you tried to escape but you're still here. You're still here.

Thanks for all the comments, they're very much appreciated :)

Good update :)

another great update:) cant wait to read what happens next!

This is good xx

Chapter 7



The bell rang as I finished up the dreadful test. Yet another thing for me to fail at, I thought. I had become this shell of a person who could do nothing right. There was nothing left in my soul to drive me anymore. At this instant I hated myself more than anything, I hated that I had not been able to die the night before. I was still here and I had everything to live for but I didn't want to live for anything.

The next thing I knew I was running, pushing my way through the crowded hallways. I needed air, I couldn't breathe. Justin called out to me as he saw me but I kept right on going. I couldn't stop until I reached the school parking lot. I breathed deeply, my head was spinning almost as much as I was spinning out of control.

"Sarah! Sarah..." I heard Justins distorted voice in the distance. It sounded slow and deep, not like his usual voice. I almost couldn't make out the words he was saying.

"What are you doing babe? Did you hear me calling you? Why were you running?" His questions kept pouring out but I had no answers. I felt his hands on my shoulders, I faced him but my eyes were staring through him. "Sarah, whats wrong? I can help you but you need to talk to me."

"I'm done," I said.

"What do you mean you're done?"

"I'm just done. I'm done with everything. I tried to kill myself last night Justin, and you know what? My only regret is that I didn't succeed. This is it, I don't care anymore."

I didn't know it then but that right there, those words, that was my breaking point. Thats where it all began.

Great! I was happy when I saw this update x