New story: Laura
 

Chapter One
Like mother, Like Daughter

I laugh loudly as I watch John chase Louisa around the classroom, these two are the two best people i have in my life. johns my boyfriend, we've been together since we were fifteen, a whole year ago and Louisa is my best friend of three years. Once he's caught up to her and jumps on her back they walk over to be out of breath and sit next to me, John taking my hand in his and squeezing it tightly.
"Are you coming out tonight Lau?" asks Louisa, looking hopeful
'I cant' I reply 'I've got homework that has to be done' Louisas face drops
"I never get to spend time with you outside of school. Are your parents evil people or something? i've never met them'' she laughs and i laugh too
'no, theyre just strict with school and stuff, they want me to do well' john squeezes my hand even tighter, he's met them, he knows what their like. Ever since then, they banned him from coming round you dont have time for boys my dad said we want you here to do your chores said mum. They just dont want me to have a social life and have friends letalone have a boyfriend. I take a look at the clock and see i'm late, we always stay in school for an extra half an hour and sit up in our form room
'i better go' i say to them both, picking my bag up
"wait and ill walk you home" John says, smiling
'you really dont have to' i say back, putting my bag on my shoulder
"maybe not, but i want to" he says, standing up
'will you be ok on your own Lou?' i ask her and she nods
"im sure ill cope" she says and smiles then gives me a hug and waves bye as me and John walk out the room. He puts his arm around me and we start to walk down the stairs then make our way out of the school gates. Once we're of a good distance from the school John turns to me and brings up what he does every week
"you should talk to Lou babe, she worries about you" i sigh quietly
'John i know, i dont need to be told every week. you know i dont like keeping it from her' i stop at the side of the path and cross the road and walk hurridly round a corner and up a hill until i reach the road i live on, john walking next to me all the way
"why dont you tell her anyway? so what your parents are strict. i mean, mine are too but shes met my mum and dad, i'm sure they'll get on once they meet her" John says rushing up to the side to me
'oh right so ill just tell my friend who has a perfect life about how my parents treat me like crap?' i snap at him
"your boyfriend knows" he says calmly back
'thats different' i reply
"how? how is it different?" he stops and i carry on walking
'you know i cant stop walking, john, if your coming with me walk for goodness sake. and its different because your my boyfriend and i love you and i trust you' eventually, just as im about to walk around the corner i stop and I realise he hasn't started to walk again I turn and walk back up to him
"dont you trust her?" John asks, putting his hands around my waist
'of course i trust her' i say, looking right into his eyes 'you two are the only people i trust'
"so try talking to her"
'i cant. you know all of this. we go through it every friday. every single friday, when are you going to drop it?' i ask him seriously, looking past his head so i can stop the eye contact
"when you talk to her" he says, bringing his hand up to my face to direct my look back at him
'thats not going to happen babe, its just not please stop going on at me' i take a step away from him and take his hands in mine
"this is the part where you say you have to go before your late right?" he asks me and i smile
'afraid so' i lean in and kiss his lips softly
"ill call you tonight, okay?" he says, almost as a question and i nod
'on my mo..'
"on your mobile" he interrupts, knowing what im about to say "i love you baby" each time he says that, it sends butterflies around my stomach, even after a whole year
'i love you too' i kiss him again and then walk off backwards until i go round the corner and cant see him anymore, by this point i'm five minutes late coming home, i can only get away with the thirty-five minutes that i'm at school with Louisa and John because i made up a homework club that i said goes on for half an hour, so mum and dad gave me another five minutes to get home. A minute over, let alone 5 minutes over and there will be trouble. I run the rest of the way up my road and let myself in the front door where I hear the tv playing and where i hear my brother and sister (Craig, whos 5 and Kelly, whos 4) talking and playing.
"your late" my dad says as soon as i walk into the kitchen. I place my bag on the floor in the door way
'i know, sorry, my teacher had to explain something to us about a piece of our homework, i did rush back' i tell him, thinking as i go along *please dont get mad, please dont shout at me.*
"i could easily stop these homework clubs and tell you to be back earlier if you carry on being late young lady" dad says, looking angry
'im sorry' i say, standing in the doorway still
"if your mother was here you know how angry she would be Laura" he says and i nod "because shes not here i'll let you off, JUST this once and i really mean JUST this one" the word just said a bit louder than all the others "do you understand?" i nod
'one hundred percent, i wont let you down' i say to him
"go get changed then come and make Kelly and Craig their dinner, some of the lads are coming round tonight while your mothers at Janets, so anything the little ones want and also the lads, you'll see too wont you Laura?" he says as an instruction
'yes dad' i say, taking a step out of the kitchen door then running upstairs to get changed. while in my room i notice my draw isn't fully closed like i make sure it is, this means its been looked in again. *i have to find a better hiding place now. i wish they would keep out of my stuff.* After getting changed i quickly go to the toilet then run downstairs to see Craig and Kelly
'hi you two' i say as cheerfully as i can
"your home!" Kelly announces as she comes over to me and hugs me "I missed you"
'i missed you too sausage' i say to her, picking her up then I walk over to Craig and kiss him on the head
"err get off" he says as he wipes his head and Kelly laughs
'what do you two want for dinner? fish fingers, beans and chips or sausages, peas and mash?' i ask them, placing Kelly on the sofa
"FISHY FINGERS!" Kelly shouts "SAUSAGES BUT WITH BEANS" Craig says at almost the same time.
'i had a feeling this might happen. i tell you what shall i cook both fish fingers AND sausages? I'm not going to do this every day though, its just a one off' they both nod enthusiastically
"Laura will you do that? please. i dont want smelly fish" Craig says whiney
'For you two, anything' i say and walk out the room and back into the kitchen where my dad has a beer out and a cigarette. I hurridly move around him and get cooking the dinner, placing the fish fingers and sausages into the oven with the chips for Craig. Once i've done that i make myself a drink of squash and get some homework out trying not to let my dad see my mobile thats in my bag, its always on silence, especially when i'm at home. My older brother Chris got it for me when he moved out, or rather got chucked out, so he could ring me or i could contact him whenever i needed to but he only got it me on the promise that i would never let mum or dad see it or hear it because otherwise they would take it off me. I take my homework over to the kitchen table and place it out then sit down and start working on it
"what do you have today?" dad asks, walking over to me while taking a drag of his cigarrette and blowing the smoke in my direction
'just english, nothing much really but i'd rather get it done now rather then when all your friends come round seeing as i'll probably be running round all night after you lot' i say with a tone in my voice
"dont have that attitude with me Laura"
'Sorry i didnt mean it like that, i'm just tired' making up any excuse i can and smiling at him
"your really testing my patience today girl, first you come back late because you think you can get away with it because you know your mother wasnt here" *here comes the raised voice* "and now you disrespect me because I asked you to help me tonight while my friends are here" *im not disrespecting you* "you need to be more appreciative of me on days like this young lady otherwise i'll see to it that your mother is here every friday when you insist on being late" *i insist on it? its more trouble than its worth.* "now your ignoring me" he shouts and he bangs his hand on the table right next to me, making me jump
'i'm not.. sorry, i'm really not ignoring you. I was reading my book, dad' i say sheepishly. He leans in close to me and says steernly in my ear
"watch your back today girly otherwise there maybe trouble. Do you understand?" I nod at him and he walks off "good" *i hate this house. i hate it.* For the rest of the night I tiptoe around my father and his drunk, unruley friends. I make sure Kelly and Craig get to bed at the right time and I make sure they take their bath on time so I don't make him more angry. By the time mums home its ten o'clock, she's drunk like she is on every single friday night and is ordering me around telling me to get drinks, to get something to eat for Geoff, Dave and Simon, to stop the dog from barking, to tidy up. At eleven o'clock i decide its time for my bed time. *what shall I do tomorrow? Oh i know, look after the kids, tidy the house, make the food, do the shopping*. Yawning, i walk into the front room where all the adults are sat and Geoff taps me on the bum
"Your growing up fast aren't you pet" *i am not your pet*. I smile at him and my mum snaps
'Dont ignore our guests you selfish little girl' *little girl? im growing up right infront of you and going through all of this stuff and you dont even realise, your my mother and you dont care about anyone but yourself.*
"I take after my mother in many ways, dont I?" I say to her and she stands up and stares me right in the eyes
'What did you just say?' she shouts at me
"Paula, leave her" dad says, trying to stand between us
"You heard what I said mother. I'm so sick of this. Geoff, Dave, Simon, I'm sorry about this" I say, turning to walk out of the room. *At least i have the decency to apologise for my behaviour.*
'Say it again girly, I dare you to say it again' my mum says, raising her voice at me again, pushing my dad out the way which by this point he realises she's being serious
"You called me selfish" I say to her slowly, taking a step away to try get into the doorway of the front room but she pushes me against the wall "and I said I take after my mother" *wait for it. wait for it.* By this point, I'm tired and I'm exhausted from running around after them all night. She hits me hard around the face and spits 'bitch' in my face "I have alot of your traits dont I?" she slaps me again, harder this time "Your not fit to be a mother, you only care about one person, you dont care about those children upstairs, you dont care about me. You go out and get pissed and act like a slut because your not getting any here anymore, Am i right?" I shout at her, never taking my eyes off hers, enjoying watching the anger boiling in her face. She punches me hard in the face again then grabs my arm and I try to wriggle free but she's holding it so tightly that I can't, she pulls my sleeve up and shows Geoff, Dave and Simon my arm which is covered in scars, new and old. Silence takes over the room until mum starts laughing
'see your not so brave now are you?' she screams at me 'show your fathers friends your arms, go on, show them' my eyes start to fill up with tears and I gulp hard 'oh babies crying, dont like confrontation do you?' i stay quiet and try to stop my tears from falling, pulling my arm out of her grip hitting her around the face by accident and she punshes me again
"get out of my sight, go on, GET OUT!" crying I walk out of the front room door then turn and look at her
'I hate you, you know that? I hate your guts. And you' I shout looking at my dad whos stood behind my mum gobsmacked.
"GET OUT!" my mum says, taking another swing for me. I pick my school bag up from the kitchen and walk out the front door. The cold hits me as I walk out the door and I start crying but carry on walking. I go and sit outside my school and take my mobile out of my bag, I turn it on and dial Johns number. *please be awake, please be awake.* After a few rings John picks up
'Hey baby I didnt think you were going to ring' he says and i sniffle
"John i need somewhere to stay. Please, I need somewhere to stay" I say between sobs until i'm crying so hard I can hardly speak
'baby where are you? tell me where you are, whats happened?' he asks and he pauses but noticing I cant speak he sighs 'tell me where you are baby and i'll get my mum to come pick you up with me, try calm down for me' concern taking over his voice
"s.. schh.. schh" I try to say then I start crying again, almost hyperventalating, I listen as he runs to his mum and explains to her that i'm upset, that i'm outside school and i listen as they rush around
'baby we're on our way now ok? wait by the gate and we'll be there in five minutes'
"okay" i whisper down the phone and hang up. *Please hurry up John.* Sure enough, five minutes late a car pulls up infront of me and John steps out, followed by his mum, he runs up to me and puts his arms around me
'its okay now baby, i'm here, we're here, we'll help you but you gotta calm down, try real hard to calm down' he kisses my forehead over and over and brushes my hair with his hand. His mum comes over and takes me in her arms
'its okay now angel, come on home with us' Once i'm in her arms, I start to calm down.
"i'm so sorry" I whisper "i'm so so sorry" i say again
'shhh hey, dont be sorry, you haven't done anything, i always said we're here to help do you remember?' Trisha says and I nod 'there you go then, no apologies, come on angel, get in the car for me'. I sit in the car and John sits next to me, all of a sudden I feel safe, like nothing can hurt me.
"I love you baby" John says over and over. My heart melting and my eyes hurting from all the tears. this *is all my fault. i shouldn't of said that to her.*

I hope you'll appreciate the honesty i try and put forward here.
Now i did like it, it's a pretty good coming of age story. The child growing up and the parents not quite accepting it and the over protectiveness, all very nice. correct me if i'm wrong but i am sensing a hint of real life experience being drawn from there.
I've noticed some potential. there is a talent for writing there, it's small at the moment, a little underdevloped. But thats nothing a little practice won't help. I know this because i was writing in a similar way myelf just a few years ago.
just Read more of your favourite authors, Write wherever and whenver you have the chance and work on any idea you have. There is no such thing as a bad story only bad ways of telling them. But more importantly don't be afraid to Re-write. as your skill grows and devlops so will your work and every time it's re-written it will be better.
Do all that and you could be a great writer, if you wanted to.

Good part: the conversations, the talking between chracters was realistic, very true to life. like the small in-jokes that friends have and certain words and phrases that you would only use around the family. all these were good.
Bad part (but easily fixed by following above tips):everything just seemed...flat, is the best word that comes to mind. there is little to no description of the people or places they are in. it's an easy mistake for writers because you have the images in your head it's easy to forget others won't.
The chracters just come across as two-dimensional. No while the conversations are good, i'm talking about extra stuff. little thoughts and foibles that make a person who they are. the strengths and weaknesses that add complexity to the chracter and make them more human and relatable. and if you can't relate to a chracter you can't feel for them and can't get into their story. No again this is an easy mistake to make. Learning to add on those little habits that make a chracter more human is one of the hardest skills to learn but it is the most beneficial.
What do i kow you may think: I've been writing since i was 13, i'm 21 now. everything i've told you you could learn from doing a writing course or buying a book on writing advice like Stephen King's Memoirs of the craft. but i figured this stuff out for myself through many years of honing my skill.

What is the message of this rant? You are OK but you have the potential to be so much better if you want.

hey
thanks
yeah i havent got into much detail about the characters yet, i plan to over the next couple of chapters. Thank you for the reply :] i will take on board all youve said lol i wrote that first chapter last night when i couldnt sleep so its not brilliant :P i plan to go over it at some point and improve on it the best i can :]] thanks again xx

wow i liked this story alot
please add more to it so i can keep reading it

hey ill add to it either later, in a couple of hours if its done, or tomorrow when ive got more time to do it xx

cant wait to read more hunny.

hey sorry i havent posted more yet ive had a hectic few days, im not working tomorrow so ill try get it done then. xxx

this chapter isnt brilliant. or i dont feel as though its brilliant right now. but it connects the first and third chapter together. hopefully chapter 3 will be completed tonight if i have a chance. possible trigger for SI



Chapter Two
Abandoned.

I wake up with a start after having a nightmare to find myself lying on a sofa in a strange house. For a second, I'm lost and I’m not sure where I am, but then I remember, I'm at John’s. I turn to the clock on the wall and check what time it is, it’s four in the morning. Quietly, I find my bag out, put my shoes on and walk out of the door making sure to close it quietly. *I can’t believe I put them through that*. I take a look back at John’s parent’s large house with their two cars in the drive, expensive ones mind. He has it so easy, does John. His parents spoil him rotten and they never say no to anything he wants. He'll never fully understand what its like to live in the house where I live. The tatty rooms say it all, there’s no sign of my siblings being there, there’s no toys anywhere; I have to put them away every night. There are no toys in the bathroom to show a child bathes in there. There are just five tooth brushes on the sink, a sign that more than just my parents live there. The wall paper hangs off the walls in my bedroom, the only decent thing that’s in there are the photos of my friends on my wall; all taken at school may I add. The only time I'm happy is when I'm with John or with Louisa. No one else truly understands me. I have other friends, sure, but I'm never as happy with them as I am with John and Louisa. Even if she doesn’t know everything there is to know about me.
Quietly, I let myself into my home and tip toe upstairs, careful not to make a noise so my mother doesn’t wake up. I go into my room and crawl into bed, not bothering to change. I don’t sleep for the rest of the morning. I lay wide awake in my bed and keep my phone under my pillow in case things blow up when my mum realise I’m home. I've text Chris telling him what’s happened, I guess he should know that his mother basically beat one of his sisters up. It’s not the first time though, this is just the first time I answered back so the punishment, so to speak, was worse than what it has been before. She’s never kicked me out and she’s never told me to leave. She's threatened to do so, but never actually has. My mother will never understand the arts of parenthood. She will never be able to dig herself out of this self pitying hole she seems to have built for herself. She doesn’t care that her two youngest miss her and need her. She doesn’t care that her oldest daughter is acting the mother. She doesn’t care how much of a mess the house is. The only thing she cares about is getting her self all the designer clothes and make up. As long as she has her expensive clothes, make up, alcohol and some food to shove in her mouth, she'll be happy.
At seven in the morning I hear my dad get out of bed. He comes into my room and sees I'm awake. My dad has grasped the arts of parenthood, unlike my mother. He acts like a parent. He’s protective and he want’s me to do well. He's never beaten me or called me all those names. Sure, he's stern and tells me what to do, but what dad doesn’t? He likes things the way he has it, he likes that he has his dinner on the table ready for when he's home from work and he doesn’t really care who makes it. I don’t think he truly thought that this would be how his life would turn out. With his eldest daughter and wife at each other almost all the time, with his wife hitting his daughter, with his eldest son, who he's told many times how proud he is of him for making something of himself living away from home and seeing him once a month if he's lucky. I don’t think he fully realised that my mother was the controlling person she is and I'm not sure that if he had, he'd of got with her.
'Are you okay Laura?' he whispers to me and strokes my face. His brown hair messy like it hasn’t been brushed yet
"yeah" I whisper back
'I'm so sorry I didn’t stop her and I'm so sorry I snapped at you yesterday when you were doing your homework' he says staring into my eyes, with real regret showing on his face
"I know" I whisper and he kisses my head
'I'm just stressed, you know? Mum isn't well Lau, you know that, you know she missed her medication' he says then pauses 'you really didn't need to push her how you did'
"I was telling her the truth. She shouldn't of pushed ME like she did, dad" he nods in agreement then gets up
'I have to get ready for work, I’ve called Chris and I’ve arranged for him to come get you at nine so you don't stay here with your mum, your grandmothers going to come and get the little ones at about half eight. She just needs space right now okay?'
"Okay" I say and watch as he turns and goes to my door
'Dad?' I whisper and he turns 'it'll be okay wont it? She’s not going to stay angry at me forever is she?' I ask him and he smiles
"Right now I don’t know because I don’t know what’s going on in her mind, but she'll calm down. She’s just at a hard patch in her life at the moment, we've got to remember that. I'll look out for you, Laura, I wont let a repeat of last night happen but you have to co operate with me"
'I promise I will. I didn’t enjoy it either you know?' I say to him 'and dad?' I say and he stops walking again 'I didn’t mean what I said, I don’t hate you' I say to him and he smiles again
"I know you didn’t. I'll see you later okay? Try and get some sleep, I heard you come in early so try to sleep" he walks out of my room and closes the door quietly behind him. I sigh and take my phone from under my pillow and write a text to John;
Baby. I know it’s still early and I don’t know if you'll be up yet. I couldn’t stay there, I had to get back before my mum woke up. I'm going to my brothers for a couple of days. I'll ask him if you can come round ok? I’ll call you. Please tell your mum I said thanks for last night, I needed to get in from the cold for a few hours. Thanks okay? I love you so much xxxI double check the message then press send. I close my phone and then put it back under my pillow. For the next ten or so minutes I lie in bed *I can’t stay lying here for two hours* I think to myself then get up and turn my light on and decide to pack a bag to go to my brothers with. After getting my bag ready I take out my diary and a pen and write in it

9th July 2006
I’m really struggling today. Last night mum and I had a big bust up. I know she didn’t take her medication and I know she feels bad right now but that doesn’t mean she can take it out on me all the time. Dad came in my room earlier and said sorry for not stopping her. I guess I understand why he didn’t, because he couldn’t. She pulled my sleeve up and showed everyone my arm. They all saw. The room went quiet. I can’t believe she did that. How does she even know that I do that? Oh, she probably reads my diary and has found razors or something. Maybe SHES who keeps coming into here when I’m not in and goes through everything.
I ended up going to Johns and staying there for a few hour’s, I woke up at 4 and rushed home. I didn’t want her to wake up and me not be in. Dad’s sorted it so I go to Chris’ for a few days while she sorts herself out. I don’t know what’s going to happen about school on Monday, I can’t exactly go with my face like this. Both my eyes are swollen and black and my lip has a cut on it. That’s how hard she hit me and its funny because I didn’t feel it until today when I woke up. I guess I’ve got some resistance to being punched now she’s done it a few times. Not that it’s ever been this hard before. I can’t believe she did that.
And now I’m fighting really hard not to cut or do something silly. I just want to get away from this house and I don’t think Chris’ will be far enough. I want to get away for more than a few days…forever. I guess I’ll have to look into moving away sometime or if it comes to it, running away. I don’t think anyone would miss me anyway. The only thing that would suffer would be my school work. I’ve not got long left there anymore so I guess I should stick it out and finish it. Make dad happy. I haven’t even decided if I want to go to college and everyone has. Everyone that I know has decided what they want to do, most of them are going to college. They want to go to University too and I’m stuck trying to decide what to do still. I wish everything was handed to you on a plate so you didn’t have to make these decisions. Well its eight o’clock now and I should get the little ones out of bed and ready to go to Nan’s before the bitch wakes up. I don’t mean that. She’s not a bitch. And I need to try to understand what’s going on with her. But I’ve got enough going on with me. I wish she would try and listen to me instead of knowing about my cutting and never trying to talk to me about it and then shoving it in my face and showing everyone else too. I wish she would let me have a life. I know dad’s better than mum, but I wish he would let me have a life too.
I’m off now then.
I’ll update soon.

I tuck my book and pen away in my bag to take to my brothers with me then carefully go into Kelly and Craig’s room. Their room is beautifully decorated. There’s a curtain that separates each side of their room. Kelly’s is decorated really girly, baby pink walls, a pink bed spread, with her Barbie dolls and toys everywhere, neatly on shelves are the more expensive dolls that our Nan got her. China dolls. Ornaments.. Kelly loves her ornaments even at the age she is now. Then there’s Craig’s side of the room. It’s a lovely sky blue colour with a car painted on one wall. With his toys everywhere, a football bed spread and everything else a young boy could ask for. Each of them have the blondest of blonde hair and amazing eyes. Kelly’s hair has started to go a darker blonde but Craig’s has stayed like it. You would never know it, but mum’s hair is blonde, but it’s died brown. I have blonde hair like Kelly. Really bright blonde and each one of us seemed to have inherited our dads beautiful eyes. By the time half past eight comes Kelly and Craig are both ready and sat in the front room watching TV. I let Nan in and she touches my face which makes me wince and pull a way a little
“Your mother did this?” she asks me
‘it’s nothing Nan, I’m okay’ I tell her and walk into the front room
“you don’t look okay, it looks really sore” she says to me
‘really I’m okay. It is a little sore but it’ll be fine in a couple of days’
“how dare she do this to you Laura. This is a lot worse than it’s ever been, this isn’t normal, by no means normal Laura, she needs help” *your own mum can see it, why can’t you?*
‘I know Nan, but only she can get herself help’ I say to my Gran. Her make up immaculately done and her hair tidy and brushed and neatly placed in all the right places.
“that’s not true”
‘if anyone says anything to anyone else, they’ll take the little ones off us, that’s not going to happen okay? She’d never hurt them Nan’
“but she hurts you”
‘that’s not the point. I’m old enough to take care of myself’
“you wouldn’t know that looking at your face sweetheart” *she’s right. Again. She’s absolutely right, I can’t look after myself. I’m worse than my mum. I’m worse than she is with taking care of herself*
‘I know but I’m okay, if I’m ever not I know how to get in touch’ I say to her and smile
“here” she says, taking money out of her bag “give half to Christopher, your dad mentioned you were going there” She hands me £60
‘I can’t take that Nan’ I say to her and she puts it in my pocket
“I’m not going to take no as an answer, at least I know you have a little money. If you ever need anymore all you have to do is give me a ring” I smile at her then give her a hug
‘I wish she was more like you’ I say to her
“I do too” Nan says then looks at the little ones
“Come on then you two lets get going and let Laura get ready to see Christopher” She’s the only one that can get away with calling him Christopher. Kelly and Craig stand up and hug me and then follow Nan out of the door. I stand at the front door and wave bye to them as they drive off, they wave back until they can’t see me anymore and then Chris appears in his car. I smile as best I can and walk into the house, get my bag and go straight out again. There’s no point in him coming in now that Craig and Kelly have gone. I get in his car and sit in the front passenger seat
“she really did get angry didn’t she?” he asks me and I look at him
‘lets not talk about it. I’m fed up of talking about it’ Chris shrugs and reverses out of the drive ‘I want to ask a favour’ I tell him and he laughs
“of course he can come over just don’t tell the parents okay?” he knew exactly what I was going to say. I ring John and tell him to come over at twelve so I can get a little sleep. At least now I’m a bit more safe than what I have been the past couple of nights. Chris would never let any harm come to me or the other two. He’s settled down with his girlfriend who’s expecting their first baby. They are both so unbelievably excited about it, I’m going to be an aunt! I’m so proud of Chris and all he’s achieved ever since she kicked him out. He’s picked himself up and made a life for himself. I wish I could be more like him, more independent. More free.

i guess my second chapter didnt go down too well tthen.
ermmm.
ill stop writing now :)
x

i liked it :)
please write more...

dont stop writing its great.
ive not been on for the last few days so ive not had time to read, but i hae now and i love it.

I liked it too :)

It's really good..don't stop writing! x

hey ill update this soon
been a bit busy recently but whenever i can i will xxx

please write more, I'm interested.
But it's a little hard to read because of the layout. maybe indenting conversations, and putting space between paragraphs?
Good, interesting story. Poor Laura. Why does her mother resent her so much more than her siblings?

Don't stop writing, this is really interesting :thumbup:

More (:

It's really good, please write more.
xx

hey
ill try my best to get next chapter done tonight if not it will be done tomorrow as im not working! keep a look out xx

im wrting now xxx

hi im so sorry i have a few things going on and havent been getting much time to myself. i didnt manage to get it finished last night but ill have it on here by wednesday, as im working all day tomorrow. sorry again!! xxx

you dnt have to be sorry.
cant wait to read!!!!!!

that story is so beautifuly write ..... it made me cry ..... u have a amasing talent for writing .....
"hopes to read more soon" :) :D

hey!
sooo sorry its been a hectic week but i have tomorrow free and im starting the chapter properly now lol
sorry about the wait
xxxxxx

Please note: this chapter may cause triggers. Please take care while reading. Always stay safe xxx

Chapter Three
Hate and Love.

9th July 2007... Later on the same day.
I'm at Chris's now. Him and Lucy have gone to get some food and a couple of things for the babies room, not long to go now, 4 week! In 4 weeks i'm going to be an aunt! My brothers going to be a dad!!
I managed to get an hours sleep so i'm feeling a little better for that now, although i'm still in pain. John is coming around soon as Chris said he could, so that'll be nice to spend time with him without other people around. The little ones are at grannys house and as far as they know, nothings wrong. I'm not really sure what they thought of my face though. The door bells just gone, its probably John xx

I place my diary under my bag and answer the door where stood infront of me is my mum still in her pyjamas, drenched through from the rain, she hasn't even got any shoes on.

'what are you doing here?' i ask her with a thousand things going through my mind. She pushes past me and looks around the flat 'no one else is here its just you and me' i say to her and she goes and sits in the dining room. *please talk. please just talk. say something, anything* I go into the dining room and sit on a chair to the side of her
"we need to talk" she says to me "sit down" then she looks at me and realises I am sat down. Her hairs dripping from the rain, her leg jumping up and down. She looks back away from me and stares at the table "you answered back to me last night Laura. You know i'm you mom, you know you shouldn't do that. I'm better than you. I am. I'm better than you. I know you don't think I am, i know you think im a bad person, Laura, but i'm not. I'm not. I'm not a bad person, why do you think i'm a bad person?" she says her words quickly and it takes a second to register in my mind
'i don't think your a bad person' i say calmly to her and pass her a towel from the kitchen 'your not a bad person'
"dont lie to me" she snaps as she takes the towel from me "no NOT lie to me, you hear me?" i nod to her and she nods back "good. im glad"
'i didn't lie to you' thats the truth. I didn't lie to her. I don't think shes a bad person, i think shes a self obsessed person, but not a bad person,not really.
"why did you say those things" her voice sounds almost like a childs. quiet and whispered, almost unsure.
'because i was angry. you made me angry and you upset me' i try to explain to her and she laughs
"i upset you?" she asks
'yes, you upset me, mum' she laughs even louder this time 'whats so funny?' after a minute or so, she stops laughing and looks at me with evil in her eyes
"You made me say those things, missy. Don't you see that? don't you see its your fault i'm like this? The day you were born and it was all down hill from there. I told your father I wanted rid but no he didn't want to get rid so i had to go through all of that for you. I already had Christopher and that was enough, I didn't want you aswell" she looks me up and down and i get a knot in my throat almost as though i'm about to cry. I swollow hard and try to get rid of the feeling but it doesn't go *dont you dare do this to me* "because daddy loved you so much. daddy wanted you to be a daddys little girl and want to spend time with him and love him and so he could forget about me. It was all about you when you came. No one once looked at me and told me how well I did, because you were there and you were a little baby so people thought you were so innocent and beautiful and cute and a bundle of ****ing joy" her voice sounds as though shes disgusted with me. "i didn't have any friends left because of you, you took them all away. They all went away because of you, Laura. I don't even like the name Laura" *stop it. just shut up. oh god please dont cry. dont cry. wait until she's gone, Laura, just wait* "your dad never took another look at me. not unless he wanted something and look where that got me! with those two little sprogs, the spoilt little children. their as bad as you, do you know that Laura?" my stare is focused on the window to the right of me "OI, don't ignore me" I look around to her and I nod "it's all your fault. the reason i'm like this. you did this. you pushed me to this. you ruined my life and i hate you for that, you know that?" I nod again, just to shut her up "i hate you and i want you gone. I want you out of MY house and i want you out of MY life. Gone. your stuff is packed. I did it already. Pick it up within two days or its gone, its in the bin. All that **** I got you even though you didn't deserve it. I don't know why I bothered, you unappreciative little girl" I laugh at her last comment
'are you done?' i say to her and she laughs again
"i'll be done when i say i'm done" The door bell rings and I look at the door "leave it" she says to me and i stand up "i said leave it" I know where she's leading with this, i know what signs to look out for when shes becoming aggressive and this time, she's not going to get the better of me and hurt me, not like last night "sit down" she orders me and i walk out of the room and run to the front door, open it and there stood infront of me is John. My mother comes into the room and stares at John, who's looking her up and down too
"who called him?" she says and I look at him
'no one' i say to her and look at him 'will you wait outside for a bit, i just need to, do something' i say to him and he looks at me, then my mother and then me again. I hug him and sneak my phone into his pocket and whisper in his ear call chris and my dad, wait outside. Then i close the door and walk back into the flat and she pushes me into the kitchen
"I suppose you called him to come over to shag him now that me and your father aren't here, huh? you little.. i dont even know what you are"
'he came around because he cares about me and loves me and wanted to see if i'm okay. i'm not like some people i know' i say and lean on the work top
"what is that supposed to mean?" she looks a little puzzled
'does that matter?' i say and
"here we go again, underminding me, thinking your better than me, your not girly, you know that? your not better than me. Your not better than anyone. Your just a stupid little girl who lives in her own world and likes to feel sorry for herself. Obsessed with yourself, aren't you? Your living a life that shouldn't exsist, you know that? I didn't want you. I didn't want a thing like you, i mean look at you! Just look at you! your disgusting! why on earth he would want to come here and shag you, i'll never know. You dirty little... filth, thats what. Filth. And you say you take after me. I'm a much better person than you will ever be, i'm not a bad person, no matter what you think, i'm better than you. I hate you Laura, do you know that? I hate you right from here" she says as she taps hard on her chest "right from there. you were never meant to be here, then i wouldn't be this way. your fault girl, all your fault" then she goes quiet and walks off *what the hell are you doing now? * I wait where I am and listen as she goes into the bathroom, fiddles around and knocks a few things over and when she doesn't come back, I go in there. I stop for a second before going in there and take a deep breath, by this time i'm trying to hold it together, I have all her words spinning around my head, all those horrible things, all those heartless things, round and round.
I walk into the bathroom and pause for a second
i hate you
then i focus my eyes and see her lying there
your disgusting. your dirty. i hate you.
shes lying there, dead to the world in a puddle of blood
i hate you
then i scream and scream at the top of my lungs
i hate you
"MUMMMMMM" I rush over to her side and shake her a little
i hate you
"come on, wake up, wake up" i shake her more. Chris rushes in with my dad and John behind them
"I dont hate you, I love you. I love you. Your my mum, come on, wake up. I need you"
i hate you Laura, I wanted to get rid of you.
They stand at the door, frozen. John's face as white as a ghost, Dad staring down and Chris crying
"call an ambulance. call an ambulance" I say and I hear Lucy rushing around
"I dont hate you. your not a bad person. I love you. I love you no matter how much you hate me. I love you. Dont do this to me, dont do this. God please". After another five or so minutes John rushes off and doesn't come back and my dad comes to get me so the paramedics come into the bathroom and do their work on her
"i dont hate you" i say again "why dont you love me?" i ask "why mum? why? what did i do?"
'shhhh' my dad says to me, cradling me in his arms. By this point, i'm crying out and screaming without even realising. I'm sobbing so hard my eyes have already gone puffy. I'm shaking.
I hate you.
"but i dont hate you" I whisper as i fall to the ground and watch as they take my mum away. Lucy rushes to my side and holds me while Chris and my dad go off to hospital.
i hate you
"but i dont hate you"

these are great. i really like them. please write more.

hi i know i havent posted but i just read the first two chapters,
theyre amazing!!
i absolutely love it!
keep writing!!

lol i didnt go to the next page

might try and get next chapter done tonight, ill see how my night plans out
Xxx

didnt manage to get next chapter done obviously
but i will soon
xxx

=\ do i carry on writing?
xxx

I'm hooked.

Definately keep writing =] x

please write more

please keep writing :)
can't wait to read more.

carry on, its great.

hey ill try update again this weekend xxx

wow I just read them today there really good.
Can't wait for more.

omg these r amazing i loved reading them plz write more soon.....

incredible...i love it =) <3

ermm
sorry!
so much rubbish going on my end right now, i dont have much time to do alot.
i will write asap.
sorry!
xxx

im so sorry its taking me so long.
im out tomorrow but when i get back ill update with a new chapter, maybe two.
sorry its taking so long got so much crap happening here atm!
xxx

im so sorry to everyone that reads this
its been so hectic recently ive not had much time to myself
i will get another couple of chapters done this week sometime then try to do one chapter every week
again im so sorry
xxx

hey,
dont pressure yourself! something this good is totally worth the wait. whenever you get a chance to work on it , then take it. but dont worry about it.

be safe
xoxo,
laterz

tweetyluver07 is right honey, don't pressure yourself.
we are patient people :)
*sits down and waits happily*
take care hun xx

Look after yourself first, you are the most important thing and as has been said already we can wait =)

^^what she said

Okay, heres the next chapter. Sorry its taken me so long. And sorry its not all that long.. I'll try get another chapter done later tonight....



Chapter Four
Back to school.

I wake with a start as I play the events that unfolded over a week ago now. Its been the same dream every night ever since then. Waking with a start at exactly seven in the morning everyday but theres one difference today. I'm back at school. I get myself up, showered and dressed into my school uniform by seven-thirty and make my way downstairs and give my dad that look that i've been giving him every morning for the past week and a bit

'Your not putting it off any longer Laura, your going to school today' my dad says steernly.
"Can't I stay and look after the little ones again dad?" I ask him and he sighs loudly
'Laura, no, your going to school. You've not been in over a week and you have your exams soon, you need to be there' dad explains to me as i feel my eyes filling up with tears 'if we hear anything from the hospital, i'll let you know, okay?' I nod and pick up my bag and walk out, only saying bye to the little ones.
I'm ten minutes late by the time I've walked to school, I stopped by Chris's house to see if he was in, but there was no answer. Either they actually weren't in or dad told them not to answer the door if they thought it was me, so school is my last option. I guess my dad's right, I do need to be in here to be able to take my exams soon, but i'm sure they understand, I mean who's mum tries to kill themselves? None of my friends mum have tried that any time soon, no one's mum at school has, infact. I'm sure they don't expect me there, I could turn around and go and sit in a park, but seeing as I'm here, I might aswell see how it goes, right?
I walk into the form room and everyone goes quiet and looks at me, including John who looks more suprised than everyone else put together that i'm back

'Sorry i'm late miss, I.. um' I shrug my shoulders then sit down, next to John
"It's okay Laura. We're just going through the timetable for the exams. Its nice to have you back with us" Miss Bower says to me and smiles then carries on talking to the rest of the class "Right then, I've given you all your time tables now. Exams start in two weeks, understand? two weeks! That means you have to work extra hard and try not to have any time at all of, okay class?" All the class mumble at the same time then turn and talk in their groups. I can feel John's eyes staring into the back of my head as I focus on my timetable *if your going to talk, talk*

"how are you Laura?" he asks me
'just fine thanks, how about you?' I say to him sarcastically, looking up at him now
"I was on.."
'only asking how i was, yeah I know' I snap at him before he can finish what hes saying
"Sorry.." he says to me sheepishly
'Sorry for what exactly? Sorry for not getting in touch for over a week now or sorry for asking how i am?' he looks at me almost shocked and I laugh 'thought as much' I stand up and grab my bag and walk out the class room, my form teacher following behind me

"Laura wait" She shouts out to me as she follows quickly down the corridor. I stop and turn to face her trying to stop myself from bursting out in tears "Laura, I know about your mum, I'm so sorry"
'who cares hey? it doesn't matter does it? just as long as i'm here for these stupid exams what does it matter?' I wrip up the sheet of paper that has my timetables on it and the bell rings for class
"This isn't like you, please come back to my class, i've got a free period now we could talk" Slowly the corridors fill up with pupils and I see John and Lousia coming up behind our teacher
'I don't want to talk... to any of you, okay? John, I never want to see you again and Louisa? I'm sorry for not telling you anything that was happening at home, I'm sorry that I've been such a **** friend to you, but I'm not going to stop here and listen to people talking about me all day and i'm not going to watch people sneering at me. I don't want to take my stupid exams, forget it' I throw the torn up paper in the air then run down the corridor and out of the school, in tears now.

After walking for ten minutes I come to the park and sit on the slide. I've never seen the park so empty, theres no one here, just me. It kind of shows how i feel right now in my life. I'm sat watching things go by, these cars and some people walking in the street, each one of them staring at me and shaking their heads. *keep shaking your heads at me, keep on shaking them*. I sit crying to myself for what must be at least thirty minutes when I see a figure walking up to me from the gates of the park; It's Miss Bower.

"I can go if you want me to" she says quietly and I shake my head "John told me where I might be able to find you" She hands me a hanky and sits by me on the other slide thats next to me
'thanks' i say to her as i wipe my eyes with the cloth
"do you want to talk about whats happened?" she asks me and i shrug my shoulders "I know how you feel Laura" I laugh at her saying this
'how could you possibly understand how i'm feeling?' I say to her
"my mum killed herself when I was sixteen years old" I look at her and she nods at me
'my mums not dead' i say to her and she smiles slightly
"isn't that a good thing?" i shrug my shoulders and start crying again
'sorry..' i say to her as I cover my face with my hands
"you have nothing to be sorry for" she says to me "lets go sit on that bench over there" I stand up and follow her to the bench thats to the side of the park. We sit in silence for almost ten minutes when she starts talking again
"She did it when I was at school one day, my dad found her. They had to come and get me from my lesson, as soon as I saw my Grandma there, I knew something was wrong"
'I wish i didn't see it' i say quietly
"that must of been horrible for you Laura, i'm so sorry" Miss Bower sits and listens to me talking about my mum and everything she said to me for about half an hour. With me crying on and off, i'm sure it was almost impossible to understand but she still sat there and listened, nodding every now and then and muttering a slight mmmm. It feels good to sit and talk to someone, I haven't had the chance to do that since it happened. No ones wanted to sit and listen to me. No ones wanted to help me.
"John has been talking to me about you every day, he really cares for you, you know?" I nod
'he just left and never got back in touch with me, not once' i say, crying again
"he wasn't sure if you would want him to, so i told him to give you some space" Miss Bower explains to me, it fits really
'i'll never forgive myself for letting him see that' I say to her and she hugs me; its suprising what a simple hug can do.
"he never once mentioned anything that he saw, he just said that he doesn't want you to be alone and hes scared your going to hurt yourself again" *hurt myself? he knows? she knows?*
'how does .. he know?' I ask her
"he saw a couple of weeks ago and he confided in me"
'i bet you think i'm just a messed up teenager don't you?' I say to her and shakes her head
"not at all, you've been through alot" she checks her watch then looks at me "are you ready to come back to school? I can always phone your dad once we're there to come and get you" I nod at her and stand up "i came in my car, so we'll drive there"
'Miss?' I say as i'm about to get into the car
"Yeah?" she replies
'Thank you for this, it helped' she smiles at me and opens the car then sits down
"If you ever need to talk you know where to find me okay?" she asks me and I nod. She drives us back to school then rings my dad as soon as we get there. I sit in the staff room which only has my Maths teacher in there whos concentrating on her book thats in front of her. After about five minutes Miss Bower comes into the staff room with a cup of hot chocolate and puts it on the table infront of me
"I thought you might like a drink" She says to me with a smile on her face
'Thanks' I say as I sip at it
"your dad said he'll be here as soon as he can, he's taking your brother and sister to your Grandma's then he's coming here, I said we can sort through a plan to make sure you don't fall to far behind in your lessons" I nod and carry on drinking my hot chocolate. We sit in silence until my dad gets there when as soon as he sees me, he rushes up to me and hugs me tightly.

'I'm so sorry Laura' he says to me and i wrap my arms around him.

I hope i didn't put people off reading it by taking so long to put another chapter up! so sorry about that guys!

I'm going to do one chapter a week
that way, i can deal with things that are happening at the moment and make sure that its spell checked etc (i didnt with the last chapter so if theres any mistakes, thats why!)

Again sorry that it took so long to put another one up
hope people still like this!!
Mixed
xxx

yey! <3 it :)
xx

i love this!<3
x0x

im glad people still like it :)xxx

i hope you keep on writing this story , cause i love it.
it has so much meaning , and your doing a great job :)
x0x