Is attention seeking always a bad thing ?
 

So I hate to think of myself as an attention seeker, but last week my therapist started talking about it and to begin with I felt a bit annoyed she thought I was attention seeking, but she went on to say everyone needs attention and the ones who don't seek it proably already have the right kind of attention they want..
Attention is by far not the only reason for my SI but it might be one of them...

Do you think SI in hope to get attention should be as insulted as it is ?

x Merry Christmass

There are different types of attention. If you are doing it as a cry for help and hoping that someone will recognise you need help and will then get you that help, it's not bad. If you are doing it to try to be 'cool' or to try and compete to be the 'most depressed' or some other way then that's a bad thing.

'Good' attention = looking for support and help to overcome depression or other struggles
'Bad' attention = doing something drastic/bad to get attention in an attempt to make up for a lack of attention elsewhere

I agree with The One Who.
I think that with people who SI there are people who do everything to hide it and then others who kind of show it off but i think both kinds of people want attention from it they want people to notice they are struggling, they just show it in a different way, but they both need and deserve help.
But i don't think of it as an attention seeking thing.
Its more of an asking for help thing.

Amy x

Hmm yeah asking for help is a good way of putting it.. I always hide it as best I can, but she still said I was seeking attention, that didn't make sense to me..

well thats stupid

people who are SI-ing for a cry for help hide it as well as they can

then when someone notices they try to help out the person who is self inflicting pain onto themselfs

so no your not attention seeking

just crying out for help by screaming it on your body

That's not necessarily true. Although most people will try to hide it, not all do. And not all who show it off are going "look at me, give me attention!" Most of my friends know that I do it, and some have seen the results of it. They know (or at least try to understand) why I do it and try to support me.

I think anyone who does it for any reason needs to be cared for. Even if doing it for attention by trying to be cool or most depressed you have to questions the motvies for doing so. Maybe they feel they are not getting enough love around them feeling lonely etc.

I think ultimately self harm is a very complex thing, it's often labelled with attention seeking because its very difficult to understand the complexities that underlie it. I think your therapist could have reworded the way she said things.

Your SI may be a tool in order to gain help for things you can't express verbally as they are too hard to entangle.

I think SH is a way of trying to get more attention to yourself because you need help, but you can't put it into words and ask for help outright. So people who hide it maybe still need the help and therefore the attention, they just haven't recognised yet that they need it.

Sometimes people who self harm are stigmitised or stereotyped in the media as emos or loners who shun other people and are all caught up in their 'internal struggles which they suffer alone blah blah etc' - they haven't seen that anyone who SHs needs support and love from other people. They certainly don't need to be pointed at and told they are doing it for attention (like bad attention as defined above).

Just my opinion, hope it makes sense.

I don't think SH as a way of seeking attention should be insulted at all. Some people aren't capable of asking for help or getting attention in a what's seen as 'healthier' way and just because they can't doesn't mean they should be berated for seeking attention in the only way they know how at the time.

i agree with what amy said, i would not think
of it is as attention seeking it is more asking for help.

I think "attention seaking" is just bad wording... your therapist is right, everyone does need attention, humans require human contact, etc...
I think the others are right "cry for help" is a better way of putting it.


and even if someone was SIing for attention... it's a fairly extreme method of getting it, which implies there must be an underlying issue anyway in my opinion...



I've never understood people who do this... especially those who do it to be "cool" or as it's the "in fad"... I often wonder if they realise how much they'll regret it in the future

surely anyone who would hurt themselves to be 'cool' needs some help? There are plenty of people who like to be cool and do whatever's 'in' (though that seems a bit insecure to me) but would still never go as far as hurting themselves

I never wanted attention from it. Not even someone to notice and say 'Are you okay? Are you struggling? etc. Though I keep getting classed as attention seeking, it's downright annoying when it was the last damn thing I wanted.

However, I don't really know what to say. All self harm is attention seeking (not always in a bad way).

Though, saying that, I never wanted any.
Hmm.

I think i wanted sumone to notice so i wouldnt have to tell them i was SIing kinda thing.

all i can tell you is i know sometimes when i cut i kinda want certain ppl to know or find out. but not so they can be all "aww poor thing her life sucks" its more like... i want them to help. i want someone to realize its serious and i cant keep doing it for the rest of my life. and to liek idk help me come up wirh better ways.

sadly i think i started it up again after 6 months without to get attention from ppl... moslt my best friend who ignored me all tehtime.. btu alkl it got me was wow your an idiot reactions..
and now i'm stuck back in eth cycle again...

but yea it can defs be a cry for help

wanting attention is not a bad thing its how you get the attention thats up for debate

Although even if someone is doing that for attention, it still means they have a problem, because who in their right mind would do that for attention?

My counsellor also raised the point that everyone attention seeks, it's human nature. We all need attention is come form. Just the phrase "attention seeking" sounds very negative. :/

Whenever I got called 'attention seeking' people always seemed to use the word 'manipulative' as well, so I think generally it's used in a negative way, though like xbeckyx says, we all need attention.

Then I just made sure people don't find out, but got accused of being dishonest/deceitful because I hid how I felt. Sometimes you can't win...

Mind you, I think there are very few good counsellors out there, I think most of them are trying to fix their own problems by 'helping' others, and when it doesn't work the way they want it to they get p***ed off.

When I first started cutting I tried my best to hide it. I started getting sloppy as I got worse and eventually got found out. I've never used it as a way to get attention. I know a friend of a friend who has, and when my friends first found out... they asumed it was for the same reason. So they got all hissy at me. When I finally explained (vaguely) some of the reasons they backed off. Personally, I don't think it's right to harm yourself for that reason. I have a friend who went full on "emo" and keeps refering to himself that way. He cuts himself only because he wants to fit into that group. To me they're classifed into the same group. I kinda think the emo is dumb. I'm not saying the person!! 'cause I have friends who were and are emo. My bestfriend was and stopped shortly after meeting him. Just the whole get up.

When I first started cutting (at about 13) I wanted people to find out. But not really for attention, it was more because I wanted someone to know and to care...I think that makes sense :ermm:.

~Nikki~

I under stand that ^^ I did the same thing too.

i dont think its always an attention thing... it can sometimes be but thats quite a generalisation.

those who are attention seeking get a very unfair time in my opinion. because to SI in the first place, you must have low self esteem, and if you have low self esteem you dont tend to acknowledge your needs. someone with low self esteem probably feels guilty and ashamed for being needy because they think they'r not worthy.

so since attention is a basic human need, a person with low self esteem will feel deep shame for seeking attention, and society looking down upon attention seeking just reinforces that shame.

if sum1 harms themselves for attention, then clearly they are struggling and they are not ok, and they need and deserve that attention, not judgement.

I think the words 'attention-seeking' has negative conotations for most people and because it's flung about as an insult a lot of the time, we tend to shy away from it and become defensive/upset if called an 'attention-seeker'. But I don't think it needs to be a bad thing and I don't necessarily think it needs to be an insult, obviously depending on the context it's said in. Like The One Who said, there's 'good' attention seeking and 'bad' attention seeking, and it depends on how you see yourself as to whether your SI is attention seeking in the first place, and if it is then whether it's 'good' or 'bad'.
For me most of my SI, if I'm brutally honest, was attention seeking, but I'm now beginning to allow myself to open up to the idea that it doesn't need to be a 'bad' thing. Yes, on rare occasions, it was for the wrong reasons, but on the vast majority it was a cry for help and I was seeking the attentions of someone who could help me and help the pain I was feeling.