Telling them bout my Cutting. Whats the worst than can happen? *mild SH trigger possibly*
 

Most of you know i live at my dads. Been here since January when sarah threw me out.

When i was living with her i could walk about with short sleeves and topless in the house. she was ok with it. Sure she hated me cutting but she knew the facts bout cutting and such.

Now im at my fathers and No one knows bout my SH. No one in RL cept for sarah knows. I have to wear long sleeves permanently. ITs getting hotter and my room is like an oven. The window is open 24/7. Its driving me mad.

Im thinkin bout tellin my father. I dont know if this is a good idea. Im not sure if i want to do this because i just am too bloody hot. Then again sometimes i want to rip off my top and show them and say "there, now do you see!".

The other thing and im ashamed to admit this but its true, is that i dont want them to know because i dont want them to try and stop me or keep watch on me. I fear if i told them then my long trips to the bathroom would not seem so ordinary and be viewed with suspicion. Im not ready to stop. I know im not. Im cutting regularly and fairly deep again.

Its pathetic. Im 36. Im worried bout what they would say.

Whats the worst than can happen?

Long story.........
 

......But I ended up having to tell my parents recently and you know how I have always felt about that....it was always the secret that was going to go to the grave with me....

Ok, I didnt choose to, I was put in a difficult situation and had to tell them.

They had offered to pay for us to go to the Ardeche in France this summer.....MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!..stifling hot, swimming..I tried the 'no thank you approach' which wasnt accepted.

Anyway, I was sitting with my Mum and it just came out....a bit brutally I have to say as by this time I was so uptight.
I said.....''you really want to know why I cant go to France Mum? You really want to know....I hurt myself and my thigh and arm are covered in scars.....the children arent aware and thats why we cant go, but thank you anyway''

There was a stunned silence and then she hugged me and was so understanding...neither of my parents have spoken about it since(been 2 weeks now)..But they said they knew something was up.

Maybe your Dad may suspect something anyway.......

Maybe this will be of some help to you.....I hope so.

My parents surprised me by their reaction. I had visions of it being much worse than it was. It is kind of a relief although I know if thery try to talk to me about it I will 'close up' again........but its done now

Much love Matthew
xx squidge and pokes xx

I never, ever planned to tell my parents, but last year while I was in Mexico, my mother announced that she knew and was fine with it. She told me that the pressure of keeping it secret caused more harm than the physical damage and I think she was right. It was awkward, but it had to happen, she has never tried to force me to stop, the worst she has done in that sense was tell me to hold ice cubes one night when I was in a state and she was 1000s of miles away. That was uncomfortable but she was just trying to protect me.

I am 100% glad that she knows because I started a fresh in Cuba with everyone there, they don't all know where my scars came from but they have all seen them and don't think it's weird. I got married there in December and my mum and dad came and I wouldn't have been able to wear a nice dress if I was still in hiding. There was no drama.

I hope you do decide to tell him, short sleeves are better for summer and he probably already notices something. Explain that you don't want is help in stopping. Good luck!

I'm not sure what to do hon, I didn't tell my parents about my cutting, my brother saw something and then my stupid school counsellor rang and told 'em. Anywho, I dunno what you should do honey!!! *huggles* But you're an adult. Stand your ground honey!!!!!

How do you think your dad would react?

Maybe you could give him some leaflets about self harm, or some info from the sites articles.

i know it may be a scary thing to do but i honestly think him knowing would be a benifit for you.You will have another source of support and advice instead of just RYL.

maybe show him RYL?

Im sorry that my advice isnt that great, i never told my parents about my self harm- they randomly found out and never spoke of it again and that was 3 year ago now.

remember if he does watch you, he is only doing it because he cares greatly about you.

*hugs*

take care
jane x

My Mum figured it out and sent me a cutting (forgive the pun!)from a newspaper about it to let me know she knew.
Was I surprised?? Bloody petrified!!
But then next time we saw each other she and I had a great chat about it, when I told her that it was my problem and I controlled it, it didn't control me.
Now she doesn't mind the scars too much, and i don't have a problem showing them. I don't live with them though.

What's the worst that could happen? He could demand you drink Dr Pepper!
Seriousy, Matt, the worst that could happen is that he'll say: I know. Or: I'm going to keep an eye on you a little closer from now on.

But, I wouldn't be too surprised if he tells you that he figured something was wrong.
I think you should tell him. Tell him why, how and what you want from him. If you want nothing from him about it, explain why. But don't forget he's your Dad, he cares about you, otherwise he wouldn't let you live in his house.

I think you should tell him.

Good luck!

Lozxx

I will talk to you about this later - I'm still not really in the right place to do so right now.

Matthew....
I think you already answered the question yourself.

Please don't think us parents are as dumb as people make us out to be.
I am sure about 90% of parents of people who cut know already.
Most of the time we just don't know what to say or how to approach it so we remain quiet.

Initally, yes, he will probably be freaked because he is at a loss as to what to say or do.
He may become alittle overprotective at first, thinking he can stop it.

But you too are an adult now and in time he will realise that you know what you are doing and that you know what to do.
Then when he knows, he will also know that you will be able to come to him if things get really bad and you need help with it.

It is worse for parents to know something is wrong but not what it really is (believe me all sorts of bad things go through our heads).

My thoughts.....
tell him I think you will be very suprised.

Hugs,
Linda

As for being worried about them watching you - you're there by yourself in the day 5 days a week. Even if they were timing how long you were in the bathroom for when they were there it's not like you're not going to ever be able to do it again. And I don't think they will be. Just buy some cow dung or something and leave it in there whenever you've been cutting.

Seriously though, you'll be okay. I think he'll be alright with it.

I agree I think that he will be ok with it.
I think that your worst fear is more likley that you are scared that if you tell him, he might want to help you. And accepting help is really hard.
But i do think that this is a postive step. It would be good for you to confide in sombody close to you.
At first he will be upset. And he will prob do the whole self blame and guilt thing. Then he will prob go quiet for a while. But in the end, hes your father, and he loves you uncondtionally. He may even hug you.
What he wont do is phone around looking for places to have you locked up in. Nor will he start throwing random objects at you.
*hugs*
Good luck ith it hunni! Let us know how you get on.

As many people have already said, most the time, their parents have already figured out something is up, and are probably just as afraid to somethnig as you are.
Ok the reaction will vary, but I am sure that they will try to understand, and if they dont, over time, they will learn more about it and accept it as being part of who you are, just like friends and partners have to.
t must be horrible having to stay covered up all the time at home, i have to at work, and its not nice, but I love going home at the end of the day and not having to worry about it anymore...
I think you should probably tell them, it is then one less thing weighing on your mind... but, it has to be your decsion...

kat x

all i can say is that this is a realllllly big decision to make, and i think it should be made based on your feelings about continuing to keep the secret or not based only on how telling them would affect your relationships. you know your parents best, so it is up to you to decide how they would handle it. i think you should only tell them if it wouldnt negatively affect how you all get along and stop you all being comfortable in your home together. being hot in summer is awful, but that isnt the best reason to base a decision on. make sure you decide for the right reasons.
good luck sweetie

ooo forgot to add, where all behind you all the way!!!
And you ca lways run up here an live in scouseland la.
And wear trakies an reebok bumper boats.:-p

i reckon he probably already knows. i mean my parents are the dumbest people when it comes to mental health stuff and even my mam guessed before she found out properly.

what i found helped was trying not to make a big deal out of it. i know that sounds stupid as it is a big deal but i mean play it down a little or make a few jokes to break the tension a little, then when he has his head around it a little more talk about it again..

hugses

Oh ****.....
I forgot my speech.

The one about writing a letter, I know it is somewhere on v2 (damn I wish now I saved it)

But, it is one Alex wrote to me and left it where I couldfind it when she wasn't there.
One that can explain things properly without the confortation.

Give him time to think and get questions ready without the anger or hurt or any other emotions face to face.
It is easier that way....just gives people time to think before they react.

Maybe someone can give you the link or something....
maybe Harley still knows where it is...or maybe I will stop being lazy and go look for it.

Thank you. I feel really stupid for asking. Feels like "i should know better".

I have real issues with this kinda thing.

If i did tell him do you think i should show him? I mean theres some pretty hefty scars and ..i dunno. Help. please :|

I wouldnt show him yet.
Ease into it.
See how he reacts to knowing first.
One step at a time. then take it from there.

The offer of telling him that I do it (seeing as he knows you have a mate called chelsea and stuffs) to see how he reacts to SH in general is always there.

Good luck.

I think you should just do what feels right.
I'm crap at advice and the way my parents found out was rather scary.
But maybe, oh I don't know.
I'm just useless today.

I would not show them.....
I would just say..."I prefer to not show you",if they ask (which I am sure they will).

I have been told that is the worst thing, seeing the look of hurt in someone's eyes when they see the scars.

Believe me.....they will think it is their fault for something they did or not realising sooner.

But I just think....as a person on the other side and a parent.....don't show them.

So perhaps its just best not to say anything then. Cus id have to keep covered up in that case and so i might as well stay as i am.

Thanks for all the support :P

Love
Matthew xxx

Matthew, I personally think one step at a time is best.
Allow him to come to terms with the fact that you harm first.....then guage his reaction as to how soon he sees the scars.

I must admit I still sweat it out in long sleeves rather than allowing my parents to see mine. I havent plucked up the courage to show yet.....even Tim still hasnt seen mine!

Much Love
xxxxxxxxxx

Well Matthew, I think you should do what ever makes you most comfortable. Forget about the heat for a bit (I fry in long pants all summer because I'm not comfortable telling anyone) and try and come up with another reason you might tell your dad. If you can come up with a good reason (or a few) then I say tell him. If you do tell him I would suggest maybe you let him get used to the idea a little before you show him.
Just do whatever you think is best for YOU. That's most important.
Good luck!
*hugs*
Alyssa

just take it one thing at a time hun. i'm pretty sure that your dad will find out eventually so maybe tell him gently before someone else does? it would be a bit uncomfortable for a bit but that wears off. and showing him as soon as he finds out would probably be a bad idea. it would be too much at once for him. its your decision though but you cant keep walking around in long sleaves when its hot. you'l boil!
take care and feel free to pm me *huggles*

soph.