Sex as a form of SI? *SI/rape triggering*
 

just curious if anyone else uses or has used sex as a form of SI. I dont just mean BDSM but also simluated rape etc in fact there are many ways... even just allowing yourself to be "used" could be considered a form of SH...

I have done and do from time to time...

just curious as to how common/unusual this is as its something that doesnt get talked about too often...

Yes.
Used to do it more often than I do now.

Yes used to when my man was in a "bad mood" and had a session... it hurt worse ...but would rather that to a punch from him in the face. I guess I have been a good wife because neither has happened for some time now.

Rain

^ermm I wasnt looking for support... just curious... maybe it should? not sure...

yes ive had... wel bad experiences

and i now use sex to reinforce the feelings created by such experiences

im worthless and the fact that certain people only see pussy when they look at me reinforces that

i turn off during sex and could be anywhere

No its not a support topic. Its open debate and should stay here.

yeah...

its one of the things i do that is most harmful actually. long story...

i havent done in ages though *beams*

Yeah I have done this too, glad i am not the only one

i've moved this to support not because it needs support but because of the triggering content. vets general is more for topics that are fun and lighthearted and non triggering.

yus just an explanation. take care all

xxx

no worries x

Sorry alchy, I meant because of some of the replies. Not because you needed support.

I am a little saddened that a subject like this cant be left on the general part of the site. The general section is for debate also and am i to assume that anythign Sh related or remotely triggery should not be debated unless it is in support where it is far far less likely to get replies?

We are, mostly responsible adults who can make choices as to what we do and dont read. Some get triggered by jokes on general and others by seemigly innocent topics. I know the description clearly states NON TRIGGERING, i helped to write it, but i think we need to discuss the guidelines as to what is classed as too triggery to be excluded from the general board.

Perhaps a new warnign is required. *Triggering poll* *Triggering Debate*?

Perhaps there should be a guideline as to what is acceptable for a response on such a subject? How to begin the topic and things to omit when asking for opinions?

I want to add that im not shooting you down Sam either. If i was id do it via PM. I just think that this has opened up an area that needs discussion and guidance.

Perhaps if triggering debate crops up the mods could post on it to remind people to keep replies as minimally triggering as possible?

Vets General has been missing debate for a very long time. Its full of silliness and a few questions but personally i was really pleased to see a post like this go up.

Matthew

I said 'probably have sunconciously'... as i know now looking back that i have but in the moments i didnt realise my motives (an was in denial of alot of things)

i do not disagree with almost all you said here. as the rules are currently this thread belongs here not in general but i do realise that maybe support is not the best place for it. but i dont want to hijack this thread so you fancy making a new one in vets general and we can discuss it more there?

the problem with it being moved is now its died a death as its not "serious enough"?!?

I'll re-open the discussion, its something I am interested in, because I swear blind I was the only one...

What I wonder is, is it more likely that women would use sex as a form of SI, more than Men? (I know statisically(?) women are more likely to SH anyway) & is that purely because women can use sex easier than men (emotionally), in everyday normal life? or is it because men (generalising here, don't get the hump) are more willing to play out the role of an abuser, or more "able" to either see or to pyhiscally hurt their partner during sex?
I ask purely because I once tried to get my partner to punch me in the face, not because it was kinky, but because I NEEDED it. She couldn't do it though & I thought I'd open up the conversation again.

DE

I have in the past allowed myself to be, and i cant say it any other way, to be ****ed by guys i have had no attraction to, to guys i know i have no future withh, who i know are going to **** me and make their excuses, because it hurts. it makes me feel more guilty then you could ever possibly imagine, it makes me hate myself so much more and it destroys a bit more faith in humanity. after i would do it, i was a mess. a real ****ing mess. and i couldnt hate myself more, which led to punishment.

i dont really like talking about it too much because i feel deeply ashamed of it. there are very few people that i have been with, and its been good. i think only two that i have been with, and every thing felt so right, that i didnt feel guilty or dirty or scared. very very special people indeed.

i am now um-ing and ah-ing whether or not i should post this reply, heh.

eh, its all past tense now. i dont do that to myself any more.

I guess in a way... it's a good thing I've not had a serious relationships because I don't want to lose my virginty in that kind of way... and I know that more than once, if I had indeed already lost it, I would have put myself in that kind of situations.
Maybe I will in the future. Meh, I hope not...

yes....i have.
i have purposely done it....knowing full well i was choosing to abuse myself.
i havent done it in years now.
but i think alot of the reason i punished myself sexually is because i thought that was what i was good for and nothing else.
since then i have learned differently.
xx

no. never.
but then i thought of years past when i would have sex with a partner when i really diodnt want to , but anted ot make him happy. It wasnt painful, dangerous or such...so i dont think it really counts...so i voted "no"

romp

^^^ I agree completely. It does NOT belong in general..it IS/could be triggering....and vets general is NOT for trig posts. Simple as.
I'm sorry, but im mostly sticking to general right now as i cant really take these kinds of posts, yet i do like alchy a great deal and wanted to see what was up with her
Sorry, But i believe you are TOTALLY right Sam in moving this, i for one thank you.

Alchy, this is NOT an attack on you..i hope i havent hurt you, i never meant to do that, or make you feel badly...i certainly hope i havent..but i had to have my say too.
I'm glad you brought this up..look at how many do adn thought they were alone??!! You've given them something special!

romp

*thinks*

no worries romp... i dont want to trig anyone and if this is the place for it to be so be it.

becci - my motto is "love life and laughter" in fact I have a tattoo across my low back that i designed myself to symbolise that. would just like to be able to do all three a little more and a little better.

Yes.

A lot.

I have considered it but never done it. I think if I was to do it, it would take me to a place in my head I wouldn't be able t leave when the session has finished.

I don't think that at the time I knew what I was doing when I did it. But looking back I know that I did. There was one day (& no one knows this to this day!) I left a session with my counsellor, so low that on the way to...I can't remember where now) I deliberately... actually i don't know how to finish that sentence, but it involved a homeless dude, my skin & a can of special brew or something... anyway, my point is that you don't always know that your behaviour is caused by a need to hurt/punish whatever yourself until you look back.

This is something I used to do a fair amount of the time... and as well as fulfilling some SI need it also often meant I would have massive crying inducing orgasms (sorry if TMI) which really messed up my mind but always felt like some kind of emotional release.

the worst thing I did was a combination of SH and something a bit more complicated mentally... I willingly slept (several times) with the guy who raped me...

when i was living a double life - the one that hurt and the one that was happy, never better - i did all i could to hurt myself in everyway.

i lied to my friends, i wanted them to hate me as much as i hated myself.
i had one night stands with strangers knowing it would trigger memories of abuse and rape. also having been brought up to believe that sex is something for married couples, i was using it as a way to push yet more friends away.
some people on here who i considered friends would lie to me to hurt me, pick my most sensitive areas and encourage me.

luckily my real friends pulled me out of it. even when i'd lied and messed them all about, they stuck by me and forgave me. i've realised who my true friends are.
mand x

i know that feeling....

to be able to do just oe would be a gift to me right now

sorry, a little off topic...
and yes...is my answer to the question

Bit more complicated than that, but basically, yes.

If you want to talk (& not just about putting things in hide boxes!) then you know where to find me.
x

i think i hvae subconciously, more to do with lettinbg myself be "used" for sex and feeling **** about it afterwards. when i split with my ex i did have a number of one night stands. i stopped caring really.