Training bad kissers (don't read if kissing bothers you)
 

So first some background:
I haven't had a boyfriend in forEVER because I'm extremely picky and otherwise completely cut off from the outside world :). Anyway, turns out I found one. We share so many interests and personality traits, he's extremely cute, and he likes spicy curry (that about cinched it). The only problem is that he's a TERRIBLE kisser. Well, for me, anyway. Usually, this would be enough for me to not call him anymore (I know, picky) but this time I'd like to find a way to keep him.

This part is anatomically graphic (mouth parts):


How do I do that? I have no idea. I already started by telling him to please not make his tongue occupy all of my mouth space. Then we discussed rhythm. I still dislike it though. Very slobbery. Very messy. Very icky. He's a musician too, but it's like he can't count. :)
He seems okay with me bossing him around, but I need a more definitive plan. Has anyone had any prior experience with this? I'd take an entertaining story instead of advice. :)

xoxoxo

Ah, training bad kissers. Nothing more fun.

Tell him "More lip, less tongue"

And just lead by example.

Hahahaha, at least you get the fun of training him :D

The first guy I ever kissed (god, what a waste) seemed like he was trying to taste the back of my throat. It was horrible. My god. AND he tasted like corn (I cant STAND corn, btw)

But after a little while, I got him to stop choking me and start kissing me. I couldn't believe it though. He was my first kiss and I was giving him lessons. Man oh man.

He was impressed and I spent the rest of year ten trying to live it down :p

oh i have no help im afraid but at least hes not licking around your mouth dog style like my ex :p

No idea but good luck and let us know how it goes :P

Ah how loving

XD young love

aha

sorry its not really funny. but i find it too tempting to make a joke of it. like my dear old bat of a mother always said, you either laugh or youll cry.
But in your case it may seem choke :|

I think vulnerome has a good idea, start slow, like don't go into full on snogging. Perhaps make a game where her is sort of not allowed to kiss you, like he can only respond a little bit and not really really kiss you back. That way it might make him slow down and also show him what feels nice.

it reeeeally was.we were in the pub and i leaned in to kiss him and he started LICKING my face. some people need to watch more romantic films,no one kisses like that in RomComs!xx

^ EWW oh I hope he got better :S

LOL. My ex was THE worst. I was about 14 and we were together for about two months but MY GOD he was THE worst kisser. Like one time, we were at his house and it was all romantic. We were watching a film with the fire lit and eating snacks and laying together. Then he ate a crisp, half chewed it and swallowed some, but not all. He then took me by surprise and stuck his tongue in my mouth. It was covered in crisps and I wanted to throw up. He was a bad kisser anyway (big mouth and too much tongue) but that just made it even worse.
His only saving grace was that he WAS romantic and he had a big willy. (No, I didn't sleep with him, just played.) Hahahaha.

Hahahahaha! Thanks for the advice, ladies. I KNEW I'd get some good stories out of that! I like the idea of starting slowly...we'll see what happens :p
I want more stories!!

D'Arcy

tell him you're playing a game. where he's not allowed to kiss you, but you can kiss him. show him exactly how you want to be kissed. then ask him to try to copy you exactly.

the other trick is to do exactly what he does and when he complains just say 'sorry i thought you were into that because you do it to me every time'.
mand x

Ha! That's a good one. If only you could use it for every facet of a relationship.

ha ha.you think i kissed him ever again?! i have no idea about now, he probably is fantastic now!

I got to teach my husband how to kiss. At one time when we were dating it seemed like every time we went to kiss each other at the end of a date the city police helicopter had to hover overhead for a bit.:blush:

I make a point of kissing him goodbye in the morning. No matter how busy or upset we might be it is a way of...I dunno, can't find the words...keeping in touch, making sure he knows I care and reminding us of what's important.

That's really sweet blondie :-)

Also, what is it about blokes and ramming their tongue in your mouth? Geez, makes me glad I switched to the other team ;-)

Haha, nice battlekitten. You're not off the mark, on average, girls are better kissers then boys, though I have kissed some boys that have been amazing kissers.

Oh, that reminds me, I actually gave a friend of mine kissing lessons one night. She had the problem of being to... rapid with her kissing technique so, in front of her soon to be boyfriend, i taught her how to be slower and more sensual with her kissing. She was happy for the lessons (and the making out) and he was happy for the show and i walked away knowing I had made the world a better place. :D

*puckers up*
:)

I too have found girls to be much better kissers...but alas, it's a boy this time!
He's coming back next week. Hopefully he's practiced and by then I'm sure I will have compiled the perfect plan of attack...with your help, of course.
xoxoxoxo

*sigh* its a hard life. Pucker up sweetlips :yeah:


:cool:

Practiced how exactly, without you... do you REALLY hope he has practiced


he doesnt have a dog, does he?

I once knew a guy so hot he was beautiful, and actually really intelligent too.
His name was Joe.
I lusted after him for a while, and when we finally did kiss, it was as if he had lost his watch in my stomach and was prepared to fight tooth, tounge and nail to eradicate my face, open up my throat and retrieve his god damn time timepiece.
When I deflatedly relayed the slobberly affair to a friend, she began to laugh and said 'Sloppy Joe'
<3
x.

^^^^ HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

A little embarresing maybe, but I had the same problem with my bf only the other way around, Id never been in a relationship and never had any practice at kissing and was totaly crap. Basically though he talked me through kissing 101 teaching by example and we had alot of fun laughing and me being embarresed as hell when I got it wrong, the funny thing though is that within the day he was like omg you're a really fast learner and couldnt stop kissing me :D

ok so that probably wasnt much help but hey funny story

Again,
*puckers up*
heehee.
HA! You are right. I don't want him to practice on anything but a pillow!! Sometimes, when I'm working on a really hard piece, I practice it in my head even when I don't have my instrument. So maybe he's doing that. That sounds nicer!

Kangaroo, you've never been kissed correctly?? That's TERRIBLE. Find a bunch of people to kiss, immediately! But a warning, once it happens, you will judge ever so much more harshly :).

D'Arcy

When kisses work they are amazing and when they dont its poo so i would suggest just going straight for the genitals!

Thats wot i tell all the bad kissers i meet anyways!! :P

Maffew. That was a bit below the belt...

I think it's what he tells all the good kissers too, to be honest...

haha lol!
Roo, maybe you and irene should team up?
mand x
ps do i get to watch?

I heard Erin Kisses like a lamprey! Muhahahaha

whats a lamprey?

O_0

YIKES!

THAT THING IS ****ING TERRIFYING!!!!!!

i do NOT kiss like one of them. arse.

haha *infracts self for flaming*

AGH!! I've only known a few lampreys in life but damn that one takes the cake.

haha @ this thread.

I have a surgestion. Bite lol. And make it hard. That wil lmake him a little more reluctant to the put his tongue back in there again.

*sets up camp here having never actually kissed a guy*
*shudders at admitance*

*chokes at Ween*

Me neither, nu-uh! Nope not one!

bot did u day ween? dorry cant peek doo good as dost by dongue :P

hahaha

my friend and i kissed a couple of weeks ago.

He had got way better.

I asked him how well i kissed....apparently I kiss cutely....

wtf.

cutely...
nice choice of words...
i hope you told him how he used to kiss!
mand x

I dated this guy who thought it was fun to make a seal around my mouth, stick his tongue in as far as possible, and then seriously suck the air out of my lungs.
I broke up with him.

I saw him again last week and ooooh man. He is no better at all. It's like he's regressed... haha.

Someone with a lot of patience needs to teach him how to kiss!

Haha it took me way too long to get that. But then I cracked up.


I'm gonna have to join the never-been-kissed club, by the way. :-(

not when the word i was looking for was.....great/fabulous etc.

He never really kissed that badly....just tended to end up pulling your hair and was a bit overbearing!but he already knew that...because id told him before :D xx

he should have said 'you kiss like a goddess' or something along those lines... he obviously wasn't looking for another kiss or he would have come up with something better than 'cutely'. mand x

*offers kissing services*

i know...thanks for the confidence boost there :P

one of my ex's couldnt kiss properly and i t was a nightmare! i like to suck ppls tongues and he tried to do it back but was way too hard. eventually i had to grab his head and show him exactly what to do! i also love biting <3

Matthew, and I may be wrong here, I'm fairly sure no one wants a severed tongue in their mouth.

It grew back honest LOOK :P

See all mendered now *nods*

So whos up for some lessons in pengy luvvin?? I mean kissin........