Recovery
 

Some of you know I'm in hospital. It's been almost 3 months. I'm not ill so how can I get better?

Why do you think you're in hospital if you're not unwell? It's sometimes hard to see when we are unwell. What are the staff saying?

That I need to stop listening to the voices.

What's your view on listening to the voices? I know before they have told you to do very risky things and I think it's important to look after yourself rather than doing what they say.

Would you want someone else to do the kind of thing the voices tell you to do?

If they were special like me lr. I would get them to get their wings first though.

I'm worried about an implant because someone is inserting and stealing my thoughts. At the weekend I cut my head and hands to see.

wonder if it might help to reframe the way you are looking at it. it doesnt seem to be helping to think of being ill vs being well. because that seems to kind of be the constant issue in wording and logic where you get tripped up.


but is there any way to think of it as another way. like as an example. thinking about, what do i want? if my goal is to not be in hospital against my wishes, what do i need to do? what things do i have control over that would change my circumstances? what things do staff and drs need from me in order to be discharged? how can i make those things occur, regardless of my view of illness or wellness?


like dont get us wrong. get on some level they are looking for acknowledgement from you of you being ill and all that. but if it helps you in your head to think about it differently, that might be worth a try. then you can just see the acknowledging what is occurring as illness as something that might be important to them but does not hold value or belief to you.


this isnt to say fake things or lie necessarily. just that maybe if illness is not a framework of thinking about your voices or struggles that works for you, maybe there is a different framework that might work better that could be worth exploring.

I don't really understand.

if thinking about yourself or your experiences in terms of being ill vs being well is unhelpful (which from the sound of it, it is), maybe there is a different way of thinking about things that might work better?

I think I did that last year and it got me out of hospital but 2 months later I was back for the same thing. I need something different.

I just had ward rounds. There wasn't anyone I knew in the room, just my mum on the phone. It felt like an inquisition. I don't know what the plan is, the psych was going to talk to my mum after i left.

I'm sorry your ward round felt like people weren't really putting you first. Will your Mum talk to you about what was said when you left?

Yes. The psychiatrist (a locum) wants to rediagnose me with EUPD. Even though I still don't have mood swings, erratic behaviours (other than SH) etc

...

I just spoke to my main nurse and she is baffled. She doesn't think i have EUPD and she doesn't think a locum can rediagnose after one meeting. She's going to check the notes from the ward rounds.

Hopefully your main nurse is helpful and can give you some clarity?

Surely they should speak to your community psychiatrist about that?

I haven't had a chance to speak to my nurse today but I will try tomorrow. I don't think psychiatrists ever consult with each other!

Have you had a chance to speak to your nurse yet? I know what you mean about psychiatrists. My community psychiatrist and the ward psychiatrist can't agree on one of my diagnoses so it's like I have different diagnoses in the community and when I'm in hospital. I hope you can get some clarity and understanding.

I checked with my nurse and she said there's nothing in my notes about any diagnosis change.

Did she say if it's still being discussed or if they've decided against it or what?

All she could say was there's nothing in the notes. I'll have to ask my actual consultant (hopefully next week) but I'm not sure I want to put ideas in his head!

Could you just ask him if he can go through with you anything handed over from the locum psych? You wouldn't need to say anything specific, just say you've forgotten what she said and can he review it with you?

That's a good idea.

Proper psych was back. Mum says in the bit before they bring you in he basically said the stand in was wrong, spoke out of turn, and he isn't looking at changing my diagnosis.

I know you didn't agree with the other psych's opinion and I guess you're glad your diagnosis isn't being changed. I was wondering if you agree with your current diagnosis then since you have conflicting views about if you're unwell or not?

I don't agree that I'm unwell but if I was, EUPD would be the last one I thought appropriate.

How did you get on when you saw your usual psych the other day?

OK. He got me snother blood testvto see if there's any room for upping my clozapine. I don't know the plan if there isn't.

I really hope they can work out something that helps you to be ok to go home and get back to doing the things you like.

I saw the psych this morning. No changes to meds so he must think I'm improving. I told him about the couple of occasions when I thought maybe my evidence without the voices was a bit flimsy. He wasn't totally amazed like I expected!

Do you think you're improving? Do you speak to the nurses about your thoughts etc? I think nurses can sometimes be more understanding and encouraging if appropriate than psychs.

I don't talk to the nurses. I think I'm improving.

On Thursday a patient who I get on well with said she saw the devil in my eyes and I should get an exorcism. This has really thrown me. I told staff and the patient has said she won't say stuff like that again. But stuff like that sticks in your brain you know.

I'm sorry the patient said that and has made things more difficult for you. Remember she's unwell and people often say things that reflect how they are feeling rather than it being something about you, although I do know it can seem like it was directed at you.

Yesterday the psych added in another med. I kind of sort of want it to work.

What do you think the med working would look like to you? Did the psych explain why they added it and how it might make you feel? I hope it helps.

They want me to stop believing I can fly.

I think I can understand why you say you kind of want the med to work. It means challenging things but if you didn't have the belief about flying your life could be a lot easier. I hope everything works out.

I might be going to a rehab.

What are your initial thoughts about that?

It might be good? It's in my hometown. I'd probably start on the ward then progress to a flatlet. My parents are cautiously in favour which is rubbing off on me.

I have heard people say it's really helpful and means they stay well for longer, I haven't been in rehab myself though so can't personally comment. That's really great that it would be close to home too. I hope you can talk it through with everyone on Monday.

They gave me some information about the rehab and it sounds OK. I would prefer to go home but I don't think that's an option.

Keep talking about it and ask any questions you have. There's not a big rush is there? Although of course I know it's not ideal to be stuck in hospital.

If I do want to go there's probably a waiting list that I want to get on ASAP. I need to ask about waiting times.

Yeah. I hope you can get on the waiting list soon and not have to wait for too long if you and your family and professionals decide this is the best option for you.

I'm feeling sad that I might have left home without planning it. Most people from rehab go on to live independently.

That's understandable. I think if you went to rehab and at the end of it lived independently you might feel good about that. And I'm sure your family will be keen on visits and spending time with you.

Home is always an option. They aren't going to force you to live independently. However, I think it'd be really good to give it a try! You might love it!

Thanks guys. I spoke to my mum and she was reassuring too.

They're sending off my application today. Big moment.

Hopefully this is a really positive step for you. Good luck with whatever happens.

Thank you!