why bother?!
 

why bother with stupid therapy when I have self harm and ryl!!!? they never knew me anyways!!!!!!

I feel like im a iceberg so often hideing so munch pain, sadness, depression just everything that is so messed up about me under the water and show only the fake happy smiles laughter and the im fine shit on the surface!!!!

Hi, Darkwings44.

I can relate to everything you wrote. I'm finding it harder and harder to fake that smile when there is so much pain and sadness and regret on the inside. Sometimes I just have to accept that today is going to be rough and push through it and find something to distract myself; even for just a little bit.

I hope when you listen to music it takes you away from your troubles. For me music does that.

Sorry if that wasn't much help.

thank you...

music that i listen to makes me less alone... i listen to music that i can relate to...

dont be sorry!! you helped me!! =)

yesterday I was on my laptop on RYL talking about ranch and mayo and two staff at the group home was like "you're not allowed to talk to people online!" but the boss of the group home has been knowing that I go on this site and has said that its ok for me to use this site and then the two staff (one day staff S and the nurse G) cut me off early of my time on my laptop and I was so mad I yelled at one of the staff (S) because she went and said "you brought this on yourself" and that pissed me off because I was doing what I was SUPOSED to be doing in the first place!!!!!! so I yelled her and then later on another staff came in early (B) and wasn't on the clock yet and ask me if I was ok and I was SOOOOOOOOO very very very triggered but I don't have a blade so I asked her (since I cant drive and or go places on my own) if I could or if she could get me a blade and she asked whats wrong and why I needed a blade I didnt know that if I was going to get in trouble if I told her why I needed a blade so I told her and she said that we would talk about it later.
so later on.. the two staff apologized( S and G )( the staff who cut me off of my laptop) then said something about self harm I went to the one staff (B)that i asked the question to and she said that she didn't say anything so I later on found out what happened when boss of the group home called me...he said that one the staff (the nurse G) over heard me and the staff (b) talking about it but I don't know how because I whispered it to the staff!!! so I self harm a lot yesterday because of what happened (other then cutting because I decided not to get the blade from the staff(b) because she was going to get it for me.. but I didnt want her to get fired)...….

anyone esle feel like this?
 

:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: im sorry but.... anyone else feel alone even on RYL? is it just me whos feeling this way? feeling like shit???!!!! because that's exactly how I feel......:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

I think a lot of us probably do. It's a much quieter community than it used to be and sometimes it feels risky reaching out. That's certainly not to blame either RYL or any of its community, things just evolve that way sometimes. I do believe people still care though.

Yeah i been feeling like this too and its making me log in less although i still browse as a guest to see if theres been comments on my threads n that n check up on ppl who i care about on here

im sorry for making this thread.........:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

You don't need to be sorry :) sometimes it's helpful to have a discussion about these things.

Either way, I'm sending hugs.

thank you! *hugs you*
koala hugs i do that too!

i NEED it!!!
 

I need to sh right now!!!! I feel soo triggered and overwelmed but I don't have anything to do it with!!!!!! expect for my teeth and fingernails but I need more then just those things!!!! but I cant drive or go to stores by my self!!! :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

Try and surf the urge, they will start to lessen.
You don't need to do it, try and find other healthy coping skills.

I HAVE NONE!!!!!!!!!
i feel like screaming out at people irl "DO YOU SERIOUSLY KNOW HOW I FEEL??? HELL NO!!! SO SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!"

yes!!!!! hugs is allways welcome but only if there safe hugs
<3

should i?
 

can i ask a qestion?
im wondering if i should go to a pro site or not because maybe i wont feel alone there but ive never been to a site like that (RYL is the first and only sh site I have used) so im unsure what it like on those sites............:notsure: :notsure: :notsure:

How DO you feel?

What would people ‘irl’ know to make them understand?

You've been battling urges many times, have you not found anything at all that helps?

This site is a warm, supportive, community.

My CPN has looked at some other sites and said they are all encourage them to self harm and push people.

You don't need any negative in your life. If you found a site like that then it would mess up any progress you have made.

Please don't.

We are all here to support, I hope you can start to feel more comfortable. Maybe if you stuck to one of your threads you would get more help than having lots of posts dotted around. Just an idea, not a judgement.

I tryed that with the im done thread and towards the last post that i made i felt more and more alone......... im sorry......

I feel like shit!!!! :crying:

they don't....

I don't know....:crying: :crying:

im sorry for asking this but then what do you want me to do then? because i feel so alone here... =(

alone in this hell!
 

I feel so damn worthless, empty. sad, messed up, alone, angry, overwelmed by just everything!!!!!!! im so trapped within this fuckin life and no one gives a shitty damn!!!!!!!! I try to fake happy and everything in real life and say im fine and stuff like that but its hard!!! i feel so alone in real life..... it feels like no matter what i do it allways ends with it going from bad to fucked...... i dont know if i can live a happy perfect life that everyone esle has in real life....... im just destined.... to be messed up....... my destiny seems to get hurt by people only because for they wish to........only because they want to see me suffer...... :crying::crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

In answer to your original post, yes sometimes. I think that's just the nature of online forums nowadays. Sometimes there just aren't the people around to answer or who feel able to reply to posts.

I Think it's about being in a certain state of mind, darkwings. No place Will feel like a home unless you make yourself home.

I've been to pro sites when i was a lot younger. It's not exactly the most vaulable kinds of friendships you'll find there. Sure, you'll feel included and welcomed into a special, little elite but the Price of that is very, very high. It's not uncommon that young people die in these communities. They drive each other so far out, the competition to be the best self harmer is fierce, and more often than not it ends in suicide. It's one thing to feel included in a community but you'll risk losing an awful lot of the friends you'll make. And i know i Sound harsh but people do die from self harm. It's not as uncommon as most of us would like to Think.

It's so bloody easy to get sucked in to this mindset that self harm is your friend and the only thing you can trust. And it's fucking hard being young in this world and this time and you probably spend a lot of time wondering who you can actually trust. Trust the people who want to help you. That's my advice. And i wish someone had given me that advice back when i was where you are now.

Make this place home. And know that even if nobody replied, someone reads and is thinking of you.
Xx

ok i try to...

i dont think you were harsh... youre being truthfull about what you went through... and i will trust you and RYL.....
thank you so munch zurg for giving me insight on this subject!!!
*hugs you*
<3

Hi. I don't post much, but I've been here years and I come here for comfort more than anything. Stick at it, as Zurg says, no replies don't mean nobody cares. I read most things and care a great deal but as a general rule, have no idea what to say.

I've been on pro sites. They are dangerous. If somebody is actively encouraging you to hurt yourself, they are most likely not in a place mentally where they are able to really care about you and form a real bond. That's not to say they are a bad person, and it's not to say friendship is impossible, but I know from experience, a friendship formed on that foundation will not be a sustainable one. So it may be comforting in the short term to seek out people in a similar place to you, but in the long run, it will not help you find the belonging you are looking for.

So yes. Stick it out, there are some truly good people here.

ok i will...
but then what will?......
ill try..

oh ok....
but i see sometimes alot of users are online and not one post on my thread...... im sorry if it sounds rude im not trying to be rude =(......

Yeah.. I would assume people just don't know what to say, but you can see how many views it got so you know it was read.

Honestly, most forums are pretty quiet these days. Perhaps, people would rather use FB rather than forums like they used to, what a pity!!

Some banned members usernames appear online so it doesn't necessarily mean that they're able to reply. Also some are older members who haven't posted for years who check in from time to time. Also some members are bots so that doesn't mean it's a actual person.

Also I think that you have to be in a certain state of mind to cope with serious discussion. I know when I am triggered I avoid certain areas of the site. It doesn't necessarily mean that a member reads your thread or know what to say just because they're online. In addition most of the forum is viewable to guests so if you have x amount of views it doesn't mean that it's a member because guests cannot reply.

i want to disappear from this world!!

yesterday night i was in my room and i sort of Accidentally sort of bang my head and Accidentally cut my face twice and went to the restroom to wipe my face from the blood and i went to the staff and lucky the nurse was there at that time and i told her what had happened and she bandaged my face and stuff like that and they had to call the boss of the group home and he toke my word for it and then this mourning he said that the more he thought about what had happpened he was beliveing that i self harmed with my fingernails! but i would never self harm on my face i only sh on my arms or legs!!!!!

ohhh i didnt know

i understand...

i think the staff wants to cut my fingernails they said something about them being too long! but without them i cant sh my arms!!!! i haveno blade so without my fingernails im without sh besides biting but theres only so many places im able to bite!!!!!!!!! i cant deal with this!!!!!! I NEED TO DIE !!!!!:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

it really feels like sh is the only real friend in real life i have at this point!!!!!!!!!!!

Are there people around to go and speak to IRL when you feel this distressed?

no...

But you said there are staff and nurses around?

yes but i cant talk to them because ill get in troble..

Why would you get in trouble for reaching out when you're struggling?

because im not allowed to have suicideal and or self harm thoughts and or actions! they will write it up (make a report) and then i could get my computer locked up to wear i cant have it for a week!!!!!!

That seems a peculiar action to punish you for having those sorts of thoughts. Why do they not want to help? Or they could at least refer you to someone who can. Or maybe you could do that yourself?

Would they give you something positive if you have fought your urges for a week or whatever length of time? That sounds better than waiting for punishment.

the boss of the group home told me that if i sh then i will be in troble
i havent told them.... because i would get in troble
i do have a therpist but she is a terrible therpist and i dont like her... or trust her at all
i dont know....