trigger warning - potential rape.
 

I’ve been staying with my best friend from university the past few days, We went out last night and got mega drunk and I was being my usual tease. (I'm a flirt anyway, but I'm gay, he's in a 6 year long relationship and he knows I'm just a flirt especially when I'm drunk) and he tried to kiss me. I'm female.

And then this morning I told him I’ve had a man get me drunk and try to take it further before, and thats why I panicked so much last night when he made a move, and he thanked me for stopping him taking it further last night.

Anyway, this morning (we were probably still drunk), he was sleeping on his sofa and came to lay down properly as he was hungover. I explained again and apologies for last night, and he offered me a hug, but it did go further and he didn’t stop when I asked him to, more than once and didn’t stop when I said no. He kept saying he wasn't going to cum inside me so don't worry about protection, and overtime I pulled his hand away he put it back. He did stuff to me and wanted me to do stuff back (which I didn't but he kept asking) He feels awful for it and so I’m just overreacting. I know I am and I want us to be okay, he’s my closest friend. It was just a thing that went too far and so they don’t need to know. I was teasing just generally last night and being drunk so I’m as much to blame as he is. I've never had sex with a guy before either. He didn't cum inside me, he finally stopped and just masturbated which then went over my arm.

Overtime he touched me I kept saying no and that I wanted him to stop and we had to stop, and that we shouldn't be doing this and it wasn't okay and to just stop.

It wasn’t a random guy, it was a close friend and things just got too close. I'm back at home today and we had this text exchange.

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I'm over reacting, aren't I? Please tell me I am. He’s my best friend and I’m not about to ruin his life, his families life, his girlfriends, his job, everything, over this. . I know thats the easy way out for me, but I can't do that to him.

I agree that it was definitely rape and I think he kind of knew that too. Like he might not have ment it but, if you said stop, he should have stopped and he didn't which makes it rape and not your fault at all. You said stop!

How are you feeling today?

Totally up to you what you decide to do next but the most important thing is to look after you.

First and foremost, you have to take care of you. I know from experience that the hardest thing is coming to terms with what has happened. You don't have to press charges or anything, that is completely up to you. What I will say is that you should probably talk to someone in person. I know that this is probably terrifying for you, but you definitely aren't overreacting. Consent is truly black and white and you made it very clear that you didn't want to do anything with him. With that being said, it might be smart to take some time and space away from him, not saying you have to, that is completely up to you.

I am always here if you need to talk, keep your head up, I know it's probably a really difficult time for you right now, I here if you need someone to just listen or if you need some advice. <3

We've spoken since, there was a week when he wasn't him. The time it was like he wasn't him.

He has zero memory of it, I told him to go through his bin, I told him there'd be a tissue balled up like it had been in someones hand. He found it and broke down, he's terrified that he's done it let alone to me.

I've been to the clinic, I've had tests and all sorts, and a therapy referral, I start trauma therapy 11th July.

I'm just broken now.


We live 50 miles from each other so its not like I'll bump into him

I have no more words right now though

posted in wrong thread

I'm so sorry you've been through such a horrible experience. I'm glad you've managed to reach out and I hope the therapy is helpful for you. Please take care of yourself. We are here to support you as much as we can, please post when you do find the words or even if you just want to post pictures or single words.

I posted that picture in the wrong thread.

ahh why is this in serious now? :-(

Because the mods felt it would be better off here due to the content of the post. General (where you posted) is better for less serious/adult advice about life. R*pe is pretty graphic and serious subject so it's the best place for it here. If a thread was moved it's nothing personal against you. If you are still confused then pm a mod who will be happy to explain their decision.

I'm not saying they're wrong to have moved it, it just makes it more real now its serious

Honey it became real when he r*ped you. Your reaction was just delayed due to shock.

I never thought things would be bad enough that I'd be in "serious" discussion on here.

I have to have a smear test next week.

Right now, I need to get in into my head that this has happened and that I've been raped.

It's very early days and I'm sure you're still feeling somewhat numb and confused. Is the trauma therapy for this situation or something else? I hope that it helps. I know it's quite a while away though so please focus on looking after yourself.

I keep panicking. Im a flirt and this is my fault.

I feel like such a fraud

I'm sorry you're having such difficult emotions about yourself. I can understand how you might be feeling, but from an outside point of view I don't believe you are a fraud or that what happened is your fault. How have you been getting on?

You are not a fraud, you've been put in a difficult and painful situation that isn't your fault. I hope you can talk to someone in real life about this, it may help. I was assaulted by a close friend too. It's an agonising and conflicting scenario, but you did all the right things telling him to stop, he should have listened and it is completely his fault. But I relate to how you are feeling, and I'm sending you a hug.

So I'm currently having therapy for what happened. Trauma therapy.
I've had 2 sessions so far and its breaking me.

I'm glad you've started therapy and I hope it's useful in the long run. I can understand that therapy must feel traumatic in itself right now. How are you coping after your sessions? Do you have enough support?

After the first one, I went to see a friend and after the second I had a show to do! So it was a jump back in the car, drive for an hour, and perform!

Do you think trying to stay busy afterwards is helpful? Take good care of yourself.

They were both things I had organised before my referral (my friends event and also mine) and were good distractions but it was still really hard when I came home.

This week I don't know what I'm doing afterwards, nothing is planned. My therapy is 30 miles away so obviously driving home but I can either just come home or go for a walk or something else, there's options.

Please tell me I'm not overreacting?

I don't think anything you're feeling could be considered overreacting, whatever you are feeling it is coming from inside you and those things don't need to be judged in any way. However you are feeling is valid and important. How are you getting on?

You're not overreacting. You've been through an incredibly difficult and traumatic experience, and all your feelings are totally okay. I know it's difficult but try to let yourself have those feelings without judging yourself. You deserve kindness and compassion from yourself.

Thanks lovelies.

Things are hard.

*hugs if ok* If it helps to post here then please keep doing it. How has your weekend been?

Really hard therapy today. I just want it to stop.
I want to stop being able to see it and hear it and I want it to stop hurting and I want my best friend back but he's the one who broke me.

He did this.

I only have 3 therapy sessions left.

Imo this person isn't a friend, he didn't stop when you asked and knew of your previous experiences. I'd stop talking to him and press charges in case this happens again to you or someone else. Sorry for the harshness but it's what I think.

We are no longer speaking and he's blocked on my phone and all social media.

Of course you want it to stop, this has been traumatic and changed a lot for you and for your relationship with your friend. Is therapy helping at all? Is there any way your sessions can be continued for longer than the 3 you have left? There's a lot to process and work through and I think it's important that you have someone you can talk things through with. Look after yourself. You can do this.

Nope, I'm only meant to have 6 but I managed to get 8. But after that, thats it.

Do you know what they suggest you do after the sessions end? Are you preparing with the therapist for the ending so it's not completely abrupt?

I asked her on Wednesday what happens, and she's only allowed to give me what she has. Then you have to apply to another agency with a waiting list.

She says we'll see how I get on, I've only had 5. Just over half. I may not need anything else.
They've been weekly, then in September they go fortnightly as she is away on the 5th and 19th, so I still have
August 29th
September 12th
September 26th.

I said I'd rather go from weekly to fortnightly to nothing rather than weekly to nothing.

That does sound like a sensible plan if there's no way to extend the number of sessions you have. I hope your last sessions are helpful. If you think you need more will you apply to another agency?

I don't know, it depends where I am at the end of September.
I don't want to go through it all again with someone else, so I may just leave it.

I can understand that. It's tough that there aren't enough resources/the right resources that lots of people need. Try and get all you can out of your remaining sessions and you can see how you're doing once they end and make a decision then.

This has taken so much from me.

No inspiring words, but I know how you're feeling.
And I'm sorry you feel that way too.

I deleted his number, blocked him, and deleted the messages from him.

I've been avoiding yoga, (I work in a yoga studio), I tried going back and anxiety said no. I walked out of 2 classes.

Today I managed to stay - he had no interest in yoga until he hurt me and his GP suggested it. I've been telling him for years. Now he's going (in his hometown) and I'm feeling like he's taken it from me. I don't know what postures I can trust my body and mind with anymore.

I'm so sorry he has taken so many of the good things out of your life. Well done for managing to stay at yoga though, little steps. I hope you can separate some things from the connection they have to him with time and get back to seeing things about how they relate to you. How are you getting on now?

Can I pass on that question?

My last session is tomorrow.

It's coming up to the anniversary (5th April) and I'm still coming to terms with this. I'm working on that day too;

Do you think working on that day will be helpful or not? How might you be able to look after yourself and get some support if you need it? Anniversaries are hard, I know, especially when things are still raw for you.

I''m struggling

Sorry to hear that. Is there anything safe that might help right now?