Can you help me?
 

Things have been rough for a little while. Struggling with mood, anxiety, sleeping problems and pain.

The last few days things have been feeling strange. My senses don't feel like they work properly, the world around me looks distorted and it feels like two realities are blending together. I've been seeing things that don't quite fit into this reality. Yesterday I could see people outside the window watching the house and it scared me.

I spoke to my wife about it and she said she thinks it's because I'm a bit unwell and it's really important that I trust her when she says it's not real and don't start believing the things I see.
Can I get some help with this? It's confusing and scary.

That does sound really scary, I can identify with things not quite gelling with reality and that being really disconcerting. I think your wife is right that you need to try to trust her if your own mind is playing tricks, although I know it's not easy. When people tell me things aren't real/are a little different to how I'm perceiving them I try and think to myself (if it's a person I trust) why on earth would they lie to me? The answer is, they wouldn't. Hope that helps, even a little.

I think it's called disassocation, a lot of it is down to negative thinking I think, can you breathe OK?

Thank you both. Katy, that is helpful. I will try and keep that in my mind.
I have to fight with the thoughts that these things are real and I can see them because the evil inside makes me see things other don't.

I managed to go out to the shops but I felt tense when I was outside. kept feeling like I was being followed and the colours of the trees were too bright. It was like they were glowing.

I do dissociate and I have been feeling fuzzy and disconnected a lot recently. I think it's a result of feeling very stressed and overwhelmed lately.

Keep feeling spacey and been having nightmares.
Seeing shadow creatures in the walls.
The lights feel too bright.
I feel so overwhelmed.

Does limiting stimuli help at all? Like turning off or dimming lights, sunglasses, maybe earplugs or some type of white noise?

What do you do for grounding? Have you tried any of those skills?

I did try turning all the lights off and sitting with some music (without lyrics) and it helped a bit.

I've just been to the hospital for a glucose management group as I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes last week. I have to alter my diet and monitor my blood sugar four times a day as well as going back and forth to the diabetes clinic. I have an consultation with chiropractor this afternoon for my Symphysis pubis dysfunction. It's causing my a lot of pain so I'm hoping there is something they can do about it. I'm nervous as I don't like strangers touching me.

My Dad has been poorly. He went to the hospital for some tests and they've found a abnormality in his bowel. He's got more scans and tests to find out if it's cancer. I'm trying not to worry until we know what it is but I can't help going through various scenearios and I'm scared.

Still feeling very overwhelmed a lot of the time. This month is going to be a tough one.

just trying to cope. It's hard.

Hi Luna. I'm a type 1 diabetic and, although it's probably very different to gestational diabetes, if you have any questions I'm more than willing to help if I can!

Thank you, that is really kind of you. I don't know much about type 1 diaebetes but I imagine gestational diabetes is probably very mild in comparison.

I had a bad night. A lot of panic attacks and nightmares.
I feel like rubbish. I'm so tired of this.

It does sound like you have so much going on and it is no wonder it is all overwhelming. Unknowns are really the worst to have to sit with and when it is as serious of health stuff as it sounds like, that is just so so stressful.

Do you have any support for your mental health right now, or is it all just for your physical health stuff?

I don't think that any type of diabetes is mild. Each one is quite different in how to control it and none of it is easy! =/

Thank you both.

I see a support worker. I saw her today. I told her about some of the stuff going on. She said to stay positive and to call her if I need to talk.

It's difficult to stay positive when I feel like I'm being worn into the ground. My head feels all over the place. It feels never ending. I'm honestly struggling to cope.

Sometimes staying positive isn't always the greatest advice and can really sound invalidating.

When you say you're struggling to cope, is there anything specific? Maybe we can try to offer some suggestions or help you break things down a bit?

I'll try and write it in bullet points because it feels all jumbled in my head.

- I haven't been sleeping well for months because of nightmares. It's been progressively getting worse with flashbacks, horrible dreams and panic attacks throughout the night. Mornings I feel more exhausted than I did when I went to bed.

- I find this time of year really difficult with trauma. Various things trigger off bad feelings and memories.

- My pregnancy is progressing well but my body is struggling. I have SPD which is causing constant pain, I'm badly anaemic and now have the gestational diabetes. I feel physically awful all the time. Dizzy, exhausted, struggling to breathe, weak.

- My wife is really stressed out with work and there's a lot of things going on with my step-son which is putting strain on all of us.

- I'm worried about my dad. The waiting and not knowing.

- Got things to sort in the house, things to think about and organise the baby. Trying to work out a birth plan.

- I keep seeing scary things. Feel like I'm being watched and followed. Things keep looking distorted.

- For the first time in a while self-harm urges are getting quite high. I feel trapped. Everyday. Like I'm suffocating and there's no escape. I have thoughts of suicide which obviously I'm not going to act upon but it feels like the only way out of feeling so overwhelmed, scared and trapped. I feel so low all the time. I don't know how to do this.

I had an appointment with the Chiropractor and feeling very sore from it.

I tried to go to bed to have a nap but i started hearing static and a wierd voices saying words. I started seeing images behind my eyes of childhood stuff and parts of me being cut open. Everything was flashing and it felt like my head was going to explode. It was scary and confusing. I feel a bit strange.

That does sound scary. Could you maybe use some grounding skills to try to see if it passes? It sounds like maybe silence is not the greatest for you. Do you have any type of white noise machine or app you could try using when going to bed?

The bright light is dangerous. It's not safe. He's behind it and the hands are coming.
I try to say it's not safe. I see a light and a girl and she need to get out but she's not moving and he's behind the light waiting.
I can't make her move.

The radio voice is telling me to run. Keeps saying not safe not safe not safe.
I'm scared to leave the house. I'm scared to stay.
I'm not dressed. Everything is slow.

*Hugs gently* sorry no words but read and I care.

I find time does go very slow when I feel scared.

Something is wrong anf thigs aren't making sense.
I feel confused and scared. There was a van with a girl in it. It scared me but I don't know why. A voice told me to remember the licence plate.
Everything is fuzzy and jumbled and I can't think straight. Keep losing time. Keep running out of time. Jumpking back and forth.

Is there anyone who can maybe be with you physically to try to help get you more grounded? Or at least to be aware of what is going on for you right now?

Do you have a phone? I know my therapist has suggested that one thing I can do when I get confused about time is to check the time on my phone.

My wife and friend know how I've been.
I lost quite a bit of time yesterday and have been feeling fuzzy and confused.
I keep getting trapped in a room with a bright light and I can't get out. I can't move. I know it's not safe but I'm stuck.

I have things to do today. I need to stay grounded.
I'm scared. I keep seeing and things. I keep getting trapped. I'm worried I'm being watched and I don't know how to stay here.

are you safe right now?

I'm struggling a lot. Losing a lot of time.
I feel very scared and confused.
Having the lights on is scaring me. It means he can find me.
I can being taken to that room. Trapped in. I don't like it. I really don't like it.
I don't know what to do. I need help.

I’m not coping and I don’t know what to do.

Can you talk to those around you?

If not maybe Samaritans just to get things off your chest.

How are you doing? X

I emailed Samaritans yesterday as I was really feeling at my wits end.

I'm feeling a bit better physically since taking an increased dose of iron and monitoring my blood sugars. I've still been in a hell of a lot of pain and haven't completely got my sugars under control yet. I'm still sleeping poorly.

I'm feeling low in mood and have been having a lot of self harm urges. I've been fighting with dissociation. It's a constant struggle to stay grounded.

My Dad has had a CT scan and had his MRI today so hopefully he'll be getting some result soon. He's been poorly and looks rough. I'm worried about him.

Things are still stressful at home.

I'm just trying my hardest to cope but it's really, really hard at the moment.

You're being so strong through all of this. There is an awful lot of things going on for you and I hear that you are doing your best to cope. Please keep going, things will pass. I wish I had some advice on how to make things easier but I don't think I do. Keep posting here and emailing the Samaritans etc if it helps a bit to get things off your chest.

Thank you so much <3

I feel so guilty. I shouldn't feel like this. I should be happy. I'm carrying my precious baby that I've wanted all my life. I shouldn't be feeling low, I shouldn't be having thoughts about hurting myself, I should be coping and strong and happy. I want to make sure he's safe and healthy but at the same time I feel so very awful.

I feel like such a bad mother and he's not even born yet.

That doesn't make you a bad mother at all. Everyone at some points in their life will feel like things are too much for them. You are having to deal with physical and emotional issues and that's bound to take its toll. There are no 'shoulds' in this, you are trying your best and doing a good job of it in my opinion. I think that when someone is expecting a child people can expect them to be full of joy but there are also things that make bearing a child difficult and that's not your fault.

Thank you. I just feel guilty and like I'm failing.

It's easy to attach guilt to yourself. Would you think someone else who was experiencing the things that you are was failing?

I guess not.

My moods are all over the place. I keep swinging from thinking things are beginning to improve to feeling utter despair and feeling like I can't cope.

I'm trying to get things done in an attempt to feel less overwhelmed.
My wife needs help to sort out her meds. She hasn't had her anti-depressants for a little while and she's really struggling.
I'm struggling to remember to take my own meds.

I'm getting frustrated with my blood sugars. I just can't seem to stablise them.

I'm also worried that I'm upsetting or pissing people off. I don't mean to be. I keep having feelings that people don't like me.

Thank you all for your ongoing support xx

I hope that you can see that you are as valuable, important and worthy of support as anyone else in your position.

I'm sorry you're struggling with your moods. It must be really difficult for you. I can relate to the whole mood swing thing - sometimes it feels like you can finally see the light, and then the smallest things suddenly make you feel hopeless and like you can't deal with life all over again. It can get really overwhelming. You're going through a major, major life change and understandably you can feel all sorts of emotions, coming in waves. But I hope when you are feeling down you can remember that the storm will pass and you will feel better after a while.

Getting overwhelming things done can be hard, but it's a positive thing to do. Good job for trying to get stuff done!
Can somebody else help your wife with her meds?

The whole issue with blood sugar must be really difficult too. Hope it gets sorted out soon.

As for upsetting or pissing off people - I feel like that too, a lot, and most of the time it just isn't true. When people are really pissed off, they are usually pretty vocal about it. But if you need more reassurance, can you just ask for it?

Thank you for your kind response.

Some things seem to be improving. My sleep is improving somewhat. I'm definitely getting a bit more sleep. Seeing the Chiropractor is also making my pain more bearable.

I had to go the hospital today to the diabetes clinic and have been started on Metformin. I'm disappointed to have to be on medication but hopefully it will help control my blood sugars.

I feel really anxious all the time. My mood still isn't great. I'm struggling to enjoy anything. I don't know. Still feel like I'm just existing.

I'm glad that some things are getting better, that's a start. I know that when there are other things that aren't going so well it's more of those things that we focus on. The feeling of just existing isn't a nice one, we all need some pleasure in our lives, some focus and meaning and connection. Does nothing even touch the surface and make you sometimes feel more like you truly are living in at least some ways?

I need some help.

My friend has had a trial flu jab and yesterday the voices were saying that the man had swapped it for poison. My friend was saying he isn't feeling great today and I'm really scared he's going to die. What do I do?

Hey Luna.


Flu jabs come in a prefilled syringe that can't easily be tampered with. Trial medication is dealt with especially carefully so it is very, very unlikely that anyone could swap it for anything else. Flu jabs can make people feel a bit rough for a few days after having one because like other vaccines, they provoke an immune response. Has your friend got a contact number for the people running the trial? Perhaps you could suggest he rings them for advice if he is feeling unwell?

Thank you. That's reassuring and I'll try to be logical about it.
I'm just really anxious. What is the man does something bad and I could have stopped it all this time?

it's quite normal to feel rough after a flu jab - just because it stimulates your immune system to respond so that they're protected. It would be literally impossible that it's swapped for poison. perhaps your friend needs to chat to the people running the trial if they aren't feeling well? You don't need to do anything x

The voices are bad and telling me to hurt myself and I'm making people ill. I'm having a panic attack and can't calm down

I promise you aren’t making people ill lovely.

Can you put some music on and focus on that? I find that helps me with panic. How is your breathing? Can you maybe have a lay down, hug a soft toy or something? I’ve been known to do that too when I have panic attacks.

I've managed to stop hyperventilating.
I've lit lots of candles and made a cup of tea. I still feel very panicky and anxious.
I feel agitated because I really need to hurt myself.

My mother in law is dropping off my step-son in a couple of hours.
My wife is at work all evening.

I'm really scared I'm contaminating people.
What if something really bad happens? What if there poison in my friends jab? What if I've given my Dad cancers? What if I've infected my baby?

They said a good person would cut. would bleed out the poison. I'm being selfish and evil..

Don’t listen to the voices. You aren’t contaminating anyone. I promise.

Maybe having your step son over will be a good distraction. What time does your wife finish? Is there anyone you can phone in the meantime?

You are doing the right thing with candles and tea. You can get through this.

She does finish until 10pm. I wouldn't do anything bad if he's in the house.
I feel so scared.

Try to slow your breathing down as much as you can Luna. Sometimes it can help to breathe in for a count of 4 and then out for a count of 4 There is no way you're making people ill and we can help you you work that out logically if it would help? That's something I'm absolutely positive about including the fact that the voices are actually part of your illness.

Reading back through your thread I'm wondering if the voices say things like this if you're worried about someone's health i.e your dad? It sounds like there's quite a lot of uncertainty with his health and the moment and it's understandable that that would feel scary. And yes it's going to bring up a lot of feelings for you lovely, that doesn't mean you're responsible because you're not. All it means is maybe you could do with talking more about about how it's making you feel.So please do carry on talking here whenever you need to. Really proud of you for making this thread <3

*Hugs*

Sorry I have no helpful words, but I do care.