Trying for a baby & BPD
 

is anyone in this situation? or been in it?
every month and its not happened I feel suicidal... its ridiculous xx

Hi,

Yes I felt like that with my first son and everywhere I looked people were pregnant it was terrible. I just had to think that if I did eventually get pregnant that if I had hurt myself in anyway social services would have to get very involved. They had to asses me once I was pregnant because of my bpd but they had spoken to my therapist and I had a lot of support in the form of my Mental health team, an amazing midwife, a health visitor (that I met before baby was born so she could get used to " someone like me" and they arranged a volunteer to come and help me once my son was born plus I was compling with medication and had not harmed myself for over a year. If those things had not been in place they would probably have been very involved....

Anyway what I'm saying is once you are pregnant and you have a child you will never be able to attempt suicide or hurt yourself as you could lose your child ( what my therapist at the time said) so you have to find away to control these urges and thoughts BEFORE you are pregnant or it's 10Xs harder with added hormones / sickness/ pain to control yourself.

It's hard but think of the life you want to have with your child and focus on that image.

X

Hey,

I think what Sunshine says is very important so I can't really add more on that front!

I guess what I would say though to you is that it is natural to feel disheartened and upset each month. I'm on a popular baby site with a TTC section and most women/couples who are trying do feel disappointed each month they haven't conceived so sadness is okay but I guess it's about managing that sadness in a 'normal' way and not allowing it to envelope you in to feeling suicidal or self harming etc.

If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me. I can really appreciate how lonely this process can be!

xx

Thank you both. I am trying very hard to control my reactions and emotions. My suicidal urges are quite intermittent... but its more like a normal reaction for me now a days, but I don't act on it.

My self harming has also decreased significantly, although sadly I still struggle with this and even recently had a few bad days!

I keep thinking that if I don't 'behave myself' then even if we do get pregnant I may have the baby taken away from me which would be horrific.

I need to get better so that I can continue on and have the life that I dream off x

It's good you are working so hard towards controlling your reactions and emotions. Do you have any support with regards to this?

It's also brilliant your self harm has decreased significantly, well done! It's understandable at times you will still struggle but I hope for you it will lessen so that you worry less about the potential for your baby to be taken away from you.

xx

Thanks.

I am seeing a psychiatrist every 3-6 months and my GP monthly..waiting for psychotherapy.

I work with children and if was approved that I wasn't a risk so hopefully that would help!! X

I used to think suicidal thoughts were normal for me but since having my son they are not at all anymore so it really can change also it sounds daughting now but once you have someone to live for and you can't imagine them having to grow up motherless it just never crosses your mind.

I recently got pregnant with our second child (although it's still very very early days) and it took us 8 months and I did get very disappointed each month and the tension of those weeks between ovulating and your period is toutre looking for any possible sign but when it did actually happen it was soo much sweeter :)

I really hope you get there :) and well done on reducing self harm that's amazing :)

X

Thanks so much! I hope and pray one day I'll have a family all of my own xx

Not trying, but currently pregnant.
One important thing is that you need to tell your doctors that you are trying. Quite a few psychiatric medication isn't safe for use whilst pregnant and can cause birth defects. There are some meds that are safe for use during pregnancy, so it may be that you need to switch over now before you conceive. I fell pregnant whilst on medication and had to withdraw very quickly, which was really unpleasant. My baby seems healthy so far, but there are still risks.
Also, the UK has perinatal mental health teams. They specialise in care for pregnant women and then afterwards until their babies are a year old. They are experts in supporting women with serious mental health issues. I've just had my assessment with them and they were very helpful and going to give me a lot of support.

Hey congrats - brilliant news.
I'm not on any medication at the moment and my GP knows I'm trying I will tell my psych at my next appointment.
How are you finding being pregnant?

Thank you :-)
Honestly, really rough. I've got hyperemesis, so I'm vomiting over ten times a day and am constantly dehydrated and exhausted.
My mental health though, is better than it's been in a long time. Which is weird because I thought coming off all my meds would leave me struggling.

Aww sorry you feel rough. It must be the excitement of having a baby helping you stay well!

Hope it all goes well xxx

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I completely empathise as i'm in a similar position. Though only a week out of inpatient and not an actual agreement to start trying. Its so tough feeling like you either want to be pregnant or dead, right?

Hi
Glad your out of IP and doing ok, its tricky when your first out, so hope all is well... big hugs
we have been trying for 7 months now and its soooo disheartening I feel like a complete failure.
I know that I would be an amazing mum. I would give the baby everything that they need and I know I can keep stable enough to be happy.. its just so tough thinking it might never happen

It took me 8 months this time. Are you tracking your ovulation there are apps you can get. Also it's so clique but when I least expected it and had given up hope and thought there was no way it happened.

Thanks!
Yeh I got an app 2 cycles ago so only have two months worth if data.. Been tracking my cycles etc so this month we now when's best etc but I'm not sure if that's going to put more pressure on us!
Oh well worth a shot!
Trying to get healthy too - upping exercise and reducing sugars and fatty foods.

Thanks for offering support it's really helpful to know I'm not alone and there is hope.

From a mental health point of view I've been pretty 'stable' since Christmas so do you think that's long enough?!

Well your not on meds so that's great better then me and your complying with your team and stable I doubt very much that anything bad would happen as long as you are still complying in pregnancy. I was told that anyone under mental health services had to be assessed and she saw me once and she said everything was fine but she would refer to me the "early invertertion team" which is for families who might need some support and they were great went with me to groups, gave me help with child focused play, got me on a free parenting course and I could call or ask for help if needed . Also before I gave birth I had an amazing specialist midwife who came to CPAs with me. There is so so much support out there for women with mental health problems!! :) I'm sure your psychiatrist or gp would raise there concerns if they thought it was unwise

You are doing great.

That sounds quite scary. I don't like the fact that people judge you based upon as diagnosis. I don't like bpd. No one acts kindly towards me when they know. It's really tough. Even in work it's like that once they found out the 11 years I'd been in that job meant nothing!! Xx

I've never really found it that bad in the general public because no one has heard of it. But when you say "emtionally unstable personality disorder" it sounds like your some maniac "hey I've got an unstable personality...wanna give me a job or some kind of reasonsiblity" they just back away.

I never found it a problem with hospital or perfessionals either until (funnily enough) I went a team that is meant to specialise in it and started Dbt because then they just judged you based on what they have read about the diagnosis and not as a person with symptoms.

Like I said though there is a lot of support if you are pregnant though. :)

I need to get discharged from services x

No it actually meant I got a lot more support being under mh services. Everyone knew I could struggle so they gave me loads of support and the social worker I saw while pregnant refered me to the family early intervention team I would not have got that support..I got a family support worker which was basically like a second cpn who helped me get to baby groups/classes and would come go my CPAs so she could stand up for me and my son when my mental health team where being dicks!! I was sad when she discharged me because she was such a nice caring person and seemed more interested in listening to me and my concerns then the mental health team ever did!

One thing that has been said to me though is that if you need services, it is better to be involved with them and being engaged so that you can show you are being responsible with your health.

If you got discharged when you weren't ready because of TTC or being pregnant, I imagine this is likely to look worse.

x

I'm in a bit of a panic. I wish i had never told my doctor about my issues. It's destroyed everything. They don't help me just make me worse and now there is big consequences!! I'm so scared

Consequences with potential pregnancy or something else?

Do you have somebody supportive within your team you can talk to about this and whether they would be helpful or not?

Thanks

No one in my team are supportive I get passed from pillar to post see a different psych every time since mine went on mat leave in January - I don't have a CPN or CC so I don't really know someone I could talk to about it. My GP is supportive and helpful.

I am still on waiting lost for therapy but I really want to say I don't want it 'I'm fine now' and see if they discharge me.. Then I won't need to worry about them if we do get pregnant?! What do you think...

I don't want to have social services involved (if I'm lucky enough to conceive)

Seriously social services aren't just bad they will try and support you and help you feel less isolated. They really did help me. If your gp is being supportive but you are not getting a lot of help from your mental health team then can you talk to them about your worries?

I think you should not pass up the opportunity of therapy as i feel personally everyone could benefit from trying to better themselves/ there situation. It also shows you are willing to try and make yourself better and more well (not sure if weller is a word) for yourself and a possible child?

X

Yeh true..
Sorry I'm being very annoying today... Very anxious about everything

You aren't being annoying - it's okay to feel anxious and to need reassurance xx

Thanks!
I'm trying to think if the positives

That's a good plan :) x

Good plan just not working xx

How is it all going? Xx

Hey!
So physically - not managed to do more as bee very tired
Diet - I've eaten healthily
Mentally - had a wobble yesterday as I received a letter saying I was pbr cluster 8 and I got really upset as I read about it n it said that group are hostile, not engaging, over dependant on services etc - none of which I am. But thanks to support on here - I feel a lot better about that.
Baby wise - I'm now in the two week wait phase!!!my app says I can test on 13th august -unless you know what comes first! So I've got my fingers and toes crossed!
I'm going to try to distract myself the few days after (if I can)

I even being able to eat healthy and stuff is good when your tired :)

Sorry but what is pbr cluster 8? I've read a lot of what my diagnosis is online and also section reports in the past with people judging my actions and things I say. And it's so hard to read esepecially when you don't think it even applies to you.

Eep the 2 week wait is the worst every slight sign of nauseousness you jump on and it makes it 10xs worse if your period comes. When I just tried to not think about and I had pretty much convineced myself it hadn't happened this month it had. I think I've started to believe if I trick myself into thinking I want something different or It could possibly not happen it does. But that's just my weird mind think :p

X

Yeh I'm trying not to symptom spot but it's hard when you want it so much

Heya, I was reading other posts you made (epp just a bit stalkerish there) and it said you found out you can't have children . I was just wandering what your diagnosis of that was because I've known people who were told they couldn't conceive and give birth naturally. Also I was an IVF baby after my mum went through operations as a teen that destroyed her tubes so it totally is still possible. :). (You don't have to tell me either)

X

Hey!
Oh that makes me sound odd too like I'm saying I'm trying to conceive but told I can't!!! Ha!
No I have a cyst on one ovary so I potentially can conceive naturally but we got told that my husbands sperm count was 0.. However after that test we found out the subsequent 3 samples were all ok so they think it was just a problem with that sample/doing the test.
So we were told we can't have children and thought that for months! But we have found out that we can try naturally and may well conceive.
When I'm feeling low I start to think they were right the first time n we can't conceive - so I'm a bit fluctuant with it! But reality is we are trying. Hope that makes sense!! Lol
Xx

Lol yer I get you. Someone I know had pollycesitic ovaries and concieved 3 times! So it defo could happen :) fingers and toes crossed for you.

Cheers! Xx

3 days... praying period doesn't arrive

Eep good luck..try not to get your hopes up. Then if you aren't it isn't too bad and if you are then it's even better news!! :)

I know... You know what it's like tho!!! Easier said than done! I do think my periods on it's way so I know I'll be set up to fail. Just need to keep myself safe and sane over this week

I was just about to ask are there any period signs yet? If you arnt it will be so soo crushingly horrible but you can get through it! It's so fustrating that you get **** news and then you have the horrible emotions and grossness of bleeding! I mean what a ****ed up way for nature to treat us! It makes the week horrible but then as soon the week is over you get to start trying again! I don't even know what could help just know how horrible it is!


Bbuuut my fingers and toes are crossed and I'll plait my hair as well! ;)
X

Cheers!!!
No signs as yet - due Wednesday so... A few more days to go.
No pain yet which I usually get so that's a positive
I've got a sore throat and feel a bit run down but otherwise all is ok

Good luck! Wishing you baby dust ;-)

Oooh good luck baby dust to you too.... Just one more day but I think it's a no... Getting cramps! Xx
Tww is sooooooo tough - how long you been trying for?

So... No sign as yet today

Still no sign x

2 days late sounds pretty promising! Have you got a test you can take? Good luck :)

Hi thanks

Yep I've been through the poking and prodding - so has my husband. We got told we couldn't have them naturally because my husbands sperm were all dead... But then they told us that that was a mistake and they were fine, so we went through months of upset etc. however, there are lots of things they can do these days. We've been told to try until next February and then consider ivf... But I must remain 'mentally well' in this time!!!

I'm sooooo hoping I'm pregnant but I have a feeling I'm not. I haven't got a test yet was going to pop out today but not sure if I'm testing too early or I should wait until next weekend?

Hoes your tWW going!?
Xx