in need of help...
 

I'm sorry i know i havent been here very much, not like i used to be. I'm really struggling though. Most of you will remember me. I just havent posted hardly anything for quite a while. I have had deppression for quite some time and i am on medication and have been for a long time. I've been unemployed for a long time to. I just feel like giving up. I feel like my life has come to an end after 24 years. I just don't feel like i can go on.

Feeling like life has come to an end is a horrible feeling and i'm really sad to hear you are experiencing that right now. I may be wrong, but I'd hazard a guess that things have dipped really low in the past too, can you think of anything that helped then?

Would voluntary work be an option? Even if only for half an hour a week? Something to keep you distracted but also to feel needed and valued. Have you got any pets? Or maybe try and see a friend?

Is there anything that helps you distract yourself? Sometimes I find colouring in with music on in the background good, especially because it doesn't matter if you think simultaneously, unlike with reading.

Could you perhaps go back to the GP or psych that prescribed the meds and explain how you feel so maybe the meds can be tweaked?

I hope you manage to get out of this dark place.

*hugs* Ian. Wish I had more words, but I hear you and will listen

Thinking of you, you've pulled through so much and I know things are difficult but you can do this too and we are here for you xx

Sorry i know i havent wrote on this i was ok for a while. I'm not feeling great again though. I apologize also for not answering your questions. I am so tired of life.

I think i will have to go to the drs. I have been getting out a lot because i dont like staying in doors. I just feel like giving up. I quit.

Going to the doctors is a really good idea. You deserve to feel better than this, and you can. Even in the post above you said you were doing okay for a while so know that it is possible, and you'll increase your chance by getting help from the GP.

I think i'm slowly heading back to how i was before just without the self harming. I don't want to be here. I'm sorry you shouldn't have to put up with me.

slowly drifting away

You can get through this...thinking of you *hugs*

You don't want to analyse things too much when upset and beset with adversity. The mind flips into the dark side of the psyche and lies and exaggerates about problems. Death is the worst thing and yet can seem ok compared to living. If you've been doing things wrong to keep from growing then that means you have ability to change and do things right. If you have no control then there is no reason to get down on yourself. 24 is still quite young. Lots of people don't find a focus until 30-35-40 or more. That stuff really doesn't matter as long as its your intent to want to be a decent person. Lots of famous and successful people also want to die. Learning to be content is not entirely dependent on circumstances. Make life and learning experiment and don't get bogged down with results. Appreciate the moment and the process. Don't hate things or yourself. That keeps you cut off from the bright side of your psyche. That fact you have conflict attests to the fact that you don't feel like yourself - a self thats still there but that you've been cut off from. Fixing that's a matter of learning to respond neutrally to stresses and not self destructing in storms of negativity. You don't have to "stay positive" - you just learn how not to fall into being negative - then the positive returns on its own

Hi Ian,

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I think going to your doctor would be good for you right now.

How are you feeling? Would it help to talk about what's going on for you a little more?

x x x

Hi Ian,
I am sorry I have only just seen this but wanted to let you know I am here to offer you some support. Would you like to talk about what is making you feel so hopeless at the moment? I think making an appointment with your doctor would be helpful to you. Here if you need anything. Take care
Kat xxx

I'm sorry i havent responded until now. Havent been myself for about a month maybe more. I went to the doctors on Friday and she has given me some different tablets this time. I didnt know it but this is the 4th lot iv been on now. Maybe i am just beyond anyone being able to help me. I overdosed a couple of weeks ago. I still keep thinking about it. I keep looking at dfferent tablets in the shops trying to decide what is best. I'm so tired, its just like a constant battle. Ok so when im ok its good im happy and so on but it never lasts long. I just dont know anymore. I cant get a job im fed up with living and i just feel like i dont have a life anyway. Why should anyone have to listen to this anyway. I apologize but as you can see im really not myself. I dont know who to go to. I feel useless i feel so exhausted.

god i feel dreadful i cant carry on like this

No they didn't. I didn't tell her the whole truth. All i really said was that i feel like giving up. I have been collecting tablets to.

I think i am beyond being able to be helped. I'm just not worth the hassle.

I know that when i do die it will be very bad but i cannot continue with life and i cannot live like this.

I agree that it would be helpful to go back and ask for more support than just the meds. It is worth reaching out for the help and you do deserve it however only you can make the choice whether to get that help or not. You have been through rough times before so I do believe that you can get through this too. Keep talking to us.

hey just to let you know i am in hospital. have been in since friday evening. i took a fairly large overdose

I'm sorry to hear you're in the hospital Ian. Are they being supportive to you and how are you doing medically? Please keep us updated and I wish you well for your recovery. I know you don't want to live like this and you don't have to, things can change.

I hope you're getting support in there x

Not very good I should have just used a bridge. That way I wouldn't be here. So fed up.

Oh Ian, I'm so so so sorry :(

please, if there's anything we can do, please ask!

We're all here

*hugs*

Ian I am sorry that things got to that point but I am glad your still here. Are they offering you any support there? Remember we are here for you, keep talking to us. Thinking of you

Ian no :( You sound so desperate. Are they offering you any support in hospital? Please please be honest with them about your thoughts and feelings

Just wanted to update you i was discharged monday afternoon. I have support with the crisis team. The hospital told me i was very lucky, i havent done any serious damage to any organs. I had to have treatment at hospital due to the overdose and even though i left it very late in going to a&e i just about made it. I was very very ill and i am very very lucky. Its a miracle i am still here. Sadly im not doing great though. I really dont want to go back to hospital again though. I didnt get any sleep at all whilst i was in hospital. I did manage to sleep when i got home after being discharged. I feel like something may happen at some point again just by the way i have been feeling but i will have to be honest and say to them. This is such a tough battle, im fed up with it, i dont know how long i can keep going :(

Why did i choose that stupid method, i should have chose the other method. It would have been a guarantee then that i'm not here. Oh this is so shit! Dont know how long i can keep going. Its so difficult.

*hugs*

This does sound like a tough battle right now :(

Do you have any professional support after the crisis team?

How are you doing now Ian? Thinking of you

Sorry for not updating. I have the crisis team coming round my house everyday at the moment, they are rather useless to be honest although some of them are ok and more caring and understanding. I have also had my meds increased. I have also been told to avoid alcohol for the time being as it was making everything a lot worse. How am i feeling? erm i wasnt to bad but have been thinking of another method and just giving up. Its like im alive but fighting for life if that makes sense. I just dont know how much more i can take, i dont know how long i can go on for. I'm exhausted. Everyday is a battle. The other day i went to a town that i am not familiar with because i wanted a change. I got the bus and took my ipod with me and walked around parks and different roads. I enjoyed it a lot. I just dont think i can carry on living for much longer though. The other method is in my mind...

It sounds like you really enjoyed the change of going to a different town. Is that something you could do more often? Life sounds so tiring and hard for you now, maybe this little something that you found enjoyable couldd really help you through.

Feel really rough, but trying so hard. This is just to much. I cant keep doing this. I keep myself busy most the time.

I cant live like this i really cant. I can't keep going :nono:

Ian, I am sorry things are so tough right now. are the crisis team still visiting you? if so when do you see them again?

Do you have any support at the moment?
I'm so sorry things are so hard :(
Please keep reaching out here xx

Ian I am sorry things are still so hard, are you receiving any support from anyone at the moment? Keep talking to us, we are here for you

I did write a big post or what ever its called but lost it and now i cannot be bothered typing it all out again so lets just keep it short. I cannot see myself being around much longer :nono: im sorry. I wrote loads about how i feel and how i had helped someone else but oh well it wasnt important.

oh shit just realized the part i left out was when i said i dont see myself being here much longer is because i have another.... im sure you know what i mean

All i ever wanted was to be happy a good job and friends and look whats happened! Totally ruined. Oh well i tried no point anymore. I have been discharged from the crisis team. They were poor apart from two of them. I am supposed to be getting counselling which has been messed up, due to people not doing there job properly.They said they would refer me and didnt and now say i have to wait to hear from them as i left my details on the answer phone. Bloody stupid.

I hope you hear back about the counselling soon. Perhaps you could go back to your GP and let them know how much of a struggle things still are for you that way they can try push through the counselling sooner. Hold on there Ian, you can get through this

I'm just so fed up with everything right now. A different company which offers counselling said i did not need there services, i told her i sometimes struggle quite bad. I am currently having counselling but its only six sessions. I am also seeing this man for help with employment but at the moment i havent got anywhere because everything is either to far away or not for me. I don't drive and cant afford driving lessons. I rely on public transport.

I just want a job and a better social life so that i can then afford to travel, which has been my passion for a long time, but so much crap has got in the way. I'm so tired of it. I tried to make friends but everytime it went wrong and i got hurt. Everything just goes wrong. I'm fed up with it. I get some good days, but today i've had enough. I wish i was dead. I do have a plan, i just havent finalised it.

Oh dear i frel fucking stupid. aeter feeling better im sliding back in again. I will be doing voluteering soon at a care home. Tyee other day i ended up getting dunky in the park, something i never thought would happen. How i get home i do not know. I'm so pathetic, just whten i think things are actuay better i end up going down hill again. You myust all think im rweally stwupid. I dwt bwame you.