I cant do this
 

Im falling apart, to much shit is happening and im really struggling. I feel suicidal and extrely parnoid, going to my gp tommorow to ask hi if he can medicate this away. but i coud use some support

How can you distract yourself to get through tonight before seeing your GP tomorrow?

Anything you like doing?

**Hugs**

il probally just watch loads of films to take my mind of scary things

im really not ok:(

oh god i cant do this i actually cant do this. arghhhhhhhhhhhh

I feel so alone right now and abandoned by everyone. Iv been through way to much in the past year, People iv cared about have died, iv lost all my friends, had health issues, iv been violated (dont wanna say what happened in detail) and i get the feeling im going to break my month and a half free of self harm tonight. To be honest I want to kill myself, noone would actually care I have noone, but i dont think my parents could afford my funeral that puts me of, i dont want to cause problems. Iv already figured out how I would do it though, shame i couldnt just hide my body somewhere, damn i just have to get though tonight so i can get to the docor tommorow. but i have noone to turn to. and i feel so much pain in my head

i'm sorry i dont have any wise words. but i wanted to tell you i read and i care. i'm in a similar position tonight. stay here with me x

I'm sorry Darl' I hope you're okay..x

hope your doctor's visit goes well today! hang in there. life can get better. I've learned it's best to take one small step a day at a time.

and setbacks do happen unfortunately. you gotta just keep trying and fighting. and getting the help you need

Doctor did nothing. I actually cant do this. im once again extremly triggered and low

in the past, have you felt like you actually couldn't make it through? i'm just asking, cause i know that i would feel like that, and then realize that i'd felt that low and triggered previously and that i had made it through those times.

I have but it feels diffrent this time, in the past I had people to support me and hope for the future, i feel like im loosing my hope and iv lost most my friends

Is there anyone around I can talk to i feel really bad at the moment.

From your other post hun, it seems that you are viewing things as very black & white. Please don't take that as a criticism because it's not, it's more of an observation because sometimes it's certainly hard for us to realise that we are thinking in very polarised ways and it can be helpful for other people to help us acknowledge that and see the difference.
Your Doctor has given you the number for the crisis team and I thought was looking in to what medication you could be given whilst waiting for the referral he has put in for the psychiatric team?

How would you feel about ringing the crisis team now? I appreciate your concerns about seeing them at home but it sounds like you really need their help and in the long-term, the best people to support you are the mental health team. If you don't contact the crisis team, how can they know how serious things are for you? It would be beneficial for the team to know how much you are struggling so that the referral can be pushed through if possible.

Anyway, I am online for a while if you would like to chat.

x

Hello,
Sorry things are bad, and that you found your doctor unhelpful :-/ What exactly did he/she say?

In terms of feeling like you've lost your hope for the future, I saw on your R/V that one of the things you're holding on for is your degree. Would it help to tell us a bit about what your studying and what you want to do with your degree, to help remind yourself the reasons to hang on?

I suppose my doctor was being helpful but hes organizing me long term help instead of short term help which is what I went to him asking for, but I dont think im stable enough to wait for that help, he also left me with the crisis team number but im really struggling to get the courage to phone them.

I'm studying animal science, only got one year left of it. I dont really know what I want to do with it, I wouldnt mind working in a zoo or even a lab.

have you ever phoned anyone before? (like the samaritans)

if you're studying animal science, i take it that you like animals. maybe you would find it soothing or fun to be around some animals. if you've got a pet, you could spend time relaxing and playing with them. if you don't, maybe there is an animal shelter where you could help walk dogs or something...

I'v texted the samaritans before I have issues with phone, I have a cat but to be honest he doesn't do much for my mood.

is there any way you could reach the crisis team via email? you wouldn't be the first person to have trouble with phones...

Iv looked them up online. I cant find an email anywhere :( I suppose I could go to the gp, tell him I cant phone them and ask him to, but that seems like a bit of waster of doctors time

I feel like im broken like someone has dropped me and iv shattered into thousands of pieces that noone could hope to put back together. I havn't felt this un fixable in a while but I havnt felt this broken in years. How can I hope tog et other this, and when i do get other this, what than? will somesort of cercumstance occur that will once again destroy me. What is the point of being fixed when something always comes along to ruin that, how many time can I heal from things until getting better for me is hopeless. I dont even know if this makes sense.

Hey Angel,

I'm sorry you were having such a tough time yesterday evening. Did you manage to get through it? How are you feeling today?

I can relate to feeling broken and how painful it is to feel that way.

In time, therapy and other treatments may help you to not experience these senses of being broken and shattered in to thousands of pieces. I guess that is why we have to fight on in the hope that one day it will be different and I'm sure it can be.

x

Hey Bridget,

I'm afraid I don't have many words, but I do believe that you can heal and be fixed, however long it takes. I'm here if you need anyone to talk to,

Ailsa xxx

Thank you both of you. *hugs tig* im sorry you'v felt similer before. I managed to find some things to distract myself with last night, and at the moment im feeling fairly stable.

I rang the chrisis team. was no use at all. all i got told was to distract myself oh and i was told my gp hasnt actually sent of the referal to the phychitrist. what am i suppose to do now :l

Things seem really difficult for you right now.

You said a couple of hours ago you were feeling a little more stable. Was there something that triggered you needing to call the crisis team? Well done for calling them by the way, I know it takes a lot of courage to pick up the phone when you are feeling awful. A GP referral to a psych can often take longer than a week so I wouldn't give up on that route just yet. I think if you havent heard anything in another couple of weeks then maybe chase it up. Do you have a follow up appointment with your GP?

I just started slowly feeling worse and worse so in the end decided i was going to be brave and call the crisis team. All its done is trigger me even more. No I have no follow up appointment for the gp :( il get no support unless the gp thinks of some sort of medication to give me or the phyce gives me an appointment.

Could you maybe make an appointment with your GP so at least you have someone to talk to as an interim measure? If you have even referred to psych then I would imagine your GP is waiting for their opinion before deciding whether meds are appropriate or not. There are other treatment options that do not require meds, hell it is not unheard of to be on a psych ward and not on meds. I do think trying to figure out a safety plan for yourself and also making another GP appointment may be a good idea.

I suppose il have to see the gp, but I really dont think there is much he can do.

It's always worth talking to them about it, you never know what they might have to offer, if only a different perspective.

Yep, it's always worth speaking to your GP again, and if you find them to be unhelpful, make an appointment with one of the other GPs in your practice.
Don't give up :)

Thank you everyone for your help and support. I shall see my Gp sometime at the beginning of next week:)

I just want to cry. Im sick of being hurt by people I cant deal with it what the point of trying when stuff like this happens

this all just feels hopeless.

I'm sorry if something happened - I'm here if you need xxx

I'm feeling suicidal again. I'm really struggling.why wont anyone help me? I feel like im not inportant enough to get help, maybe its just because im not sick enough for help. I have my suicide planned out how to do it now. And i really want to do it, because everything feels unfixable. I just want to give up, and if me dieing actually mattered surely one of the doctors would have got me help when i told them how bad im feeling. ah i dont know what to do anymore. im scared of going to the gp tbh, im their so often he probally thinks im being attention seeking, theirs no point calling the crisis team. I just dont know what to do :(

Lovely, you do deserve help, and if you're wanting to kill yourself, that definitely means that there's a problem that needs fixing. I'm sorry if you haven't been listened to. I still think you should go and see your GP, if the other option is dying, then you've nothing to lose, right? Please try and tell him how much you're struggling. Why do you think there's no point in calling the crisis team?

Theirs no point calling the crisis team because all theyl do it tell me to watch some films are go to bed if the last call is anything to go by. I dont know if I should go to the gp Im their on a pratically weekly basis, he really must be sick of me and it makes me feel like an attention seeking hypochondriac. I feel embaressed about going in now. I keep organsising things to do to look forward to but at the same time I also organise the perfect time "to do it", I dont want to be alive, if being alive mean feeling like this. Im not even scared of death anymore i really just dont care.

ok i think i might now have a date, urgh do i do this or do i keep trying :s

I'd definitely tell you to keep trying lovely - don't worry about going to the doctor if something is wrong you need help! Sorry I'm not of much more use right now, but you know I'm here if you need anything xxx

I just tried to sufficate/strangle myself with a thing round my neck, it felt to horrable to continue with. and now my neck feels really wierd and sore. I feel so shit. just meh.

Can you maybe throw out the thing you've been using to suffocate yourself? Do you want to talk a little more about the things going on in your life that are making you feel like suicide is the only option?

And I know crisis teams can be crappy sometimes, but it's worth persevering. Try watching a film, and then if you still feel unsafe, ring them up and say "I've tried watching a film, I'm still feeling like doing x,y, z".

Take care.

I dont really want to talk about it, just in case by some miricle he reads it :l

I cant even really watch a film i cant concentrate for more than 20 mins. I cant seem to do anytihng i use to be able to do.

Thankyou.

My moods dropping again and the idea of it dropping is making em cry. I dont want to go through this again. Its horrible. I saw the stuff I had been planning on od-ing on in the shop today.. i didnt buy it though, i was in a good mood at the time. So at least that make me a little safer when my mood drops totally. I feel so out of control im actually scared!

Ah, it's difficult when you're worried about people reading it. Although unless this person has an account on here, the chances of him stumbling upon it randomly are fairly small, especially if you replace names and places with X,Y,Z.

I'm so sorry things are tough, and I really do understand your frustration with services not taking you seriously. I think the best thing to do is to keep persevering with them and telling them again and again how you're feeling, and in the meantime doing the best you can to stay safe. Do you have any friends nearby who you might be able to meet up with, to give you stuff to look forward to?

No, all my friends are pretty much down south now! even the friends originally from wherre i was born are down south now. Which is kind of annoying. But only a month and a week left I guess.

Ok I guess I can try to say or at least hint on here what happened. I might end up taking it down though. Well X didnt listen when I said no. Does that say what happened enough *is scared to make it less vague* Ah I feel so dirty :(

Its getting to the point im scared to contact the services because i feel like im contacting them to much.

Gah this feels inpossable. Like proper inpossable and i dont know what to do so I will just keep on spamming this thread. Im soo frustrated I want help! and i think if i dont get it i might end up doing something really stupid. what do i have to do to get help!

I hate me so badly right now. Why did I let him do it to me! Why did I not fight. Im a filthy little cunt and I feel so much hatred for myself right now. Its horrable, im sitting here fucking crying and remembering the pain, the dirty wrong feeling, the smell, the betrayel. And while I might hate myself for it I hate you to. I feel like im made of hatred and I feel like everyone can tell, and i feel tainted. I just feel so alone and scared. I guess im just feeling alot of horrable feeling. I hate you so much.

Hey love,

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this right now, it sounds like everything must be very overwhelming and confusing. What happened wasn't your fault, and there is nothing to hate yourself for. Please, if you feel like you need help, keep contacting the services. It's not too much if you need it.

Thanks Ailsa. Im in physical and mental pain right now. I think the voices have started abit to (feels embaressed admitting that), I feel split in two, part of me thinks I must be absolutely mental but the other part of me think nah theres notihng wrong with you your over exagurating, if there was something wrong with you people would help you, and you would of killed yourself by now. which makes me want to do it just to prove me wrong. Soo maybe there is nothing wrong with me, maybe my mind is just over active. And if thats true it means i can start harming again cos im not doing it as part of illness because im well!