RYL Chat?
 

Does anybody else think RYL chat should be suspended for a week or so to let things cool off? There's more damage than healing being thrown around in there. It's a drama station in my opinion. We have grown adults acting like children.. People not asking for help or support so much as just crying for attention. And a lot of rules being broken every night.- *This is just my opinion and should in no way offend anybody*

I personally very rarely use chat. When I used the site around 2004 I never went in their either.

I understand where your coming from with the rule breaking and it causing more damage than good (at times) but I'm not sure it should be suspended...

It is extremely hard to moderate chat rooms on any site. The mods on RYL do a brilliant job and we have to remember that they are volunteering their time!!!

Perhaps chat should be thought about but I'd be unsure how to resolve the issues.

I do agree i have been on chat all week in room 4 i think it is and there have been about four arguments this week. The thing is though you will always get rudeness and arguments no matter where you go. As for what can be done i dont know.

If you see rules being broken, save the chat log and send it to the chat mods, who should deal with it.

Don't close chat for a week, that's a stupid idea.. IMHO.
Chat is the best thing, evahh. And you're going to get arguements wherever you go that are going to be uncomfortable and awkward for some people. Just because it's a bunch of crazies arguing doesn't make it anymore unacceptable.

Leave chat alone.
If you can't beat 'em, may as well join 'em.

There are always arguments in chat. I don't know what the answer is, to be perfectly honest. It does appear to have become a more heated atmosphere in the time I have joined RYL. So yeah, not sure of the solution but I do think that if it is left then issues will be more difficult to resolve.

These types of thread do pop up continuously.

youre gonna get arguments on chat.
youre gonna get arguments on forums.
it wouldnt work out

Lol I just think it would be a good idea to close it for a week or so. It will give people time to cool off. Spending so much time with the same people will get to anybody, and it's happening lately. Tolerance is gone in chat, people say whatever they want with no regards towards anybody else. And not everybody is being reported for it. So I think it'll work kind of like a time out does. Then when it's back on people should be reminded of the rules of chat. Not to mention i'm sure the Mods could use a break away from it themselves..

These threads never end well.

Hello,

Whilst I understand your concerns and realise that the suggestion comes from a good place, I personally think that shutting RYL chat wont solve the problems in chat. The issues that are in chat need to be faced head on and all members that use chat must taken responsibility for their actions.

Chat is a fast moving and live area of RYL, this makes it very difficult to determine what kind of situations will arise. It also makes it seem as if it is the most problematic area of RYL, because if no moderators are in chat then it cannot really be sorted unless a log is sent in. The reason some people may not be being dealt with is because we have no evidence, so if you see any problems in chat then please do save a log and send it into us. We take every log sent and work through them to solve issues in chat.

Obviously I am passionate about chat, its one of my favourite places on RYL, although as a moderator it can be difficult to see the positives. What I would say is that the most disheartening thing about chat is having to tell members who are in chat every day to stop breaking the rules. If you know the rules you should stick to them, regardless of whatever sort of time youre going through. The rules are there for a reason.

I have also noticed that chat moderators will be ignored when asking members to not break the rules, this is completely disrespectful. Moderators have feelings too and to be continously ignored isnt the best feeling in the world, maybe thats something to think about too.

I would also implore members of chat to cut the chat mods some slack at the moment. There are not as many chat mods at the moment as there should be, this is through no fault of our own. We try to be in chat as often as possible, but we all have lives to lead too. This is why we need logs to be sent in and we also need some patience at the moment. Hopefully this will be solved soon, but until then were kind of running on half power at the moment, so it would be great if people kept this in mind.

Chat is a valuable resource for many people, it can be beneficial and I know that people who go into chat usually have very positive things to say most of the time. But chat is also a priviledge and its something that doesnt have to be a part of this site.

People need to be responsible for themselves, if someone is ignoring you, put them on ignore, if someone is flaming you, report it. The whole of chat should never have to suffer because of a minority.

I know this is long and many people dont read it, but I hope I speak some sense and that its something that isnt just my feelings.

Liv.
Head of Chat :) x

I don't think chat should be closed- that would punish those who do not break the rules, or, those who use it for support and really need it. I think instead of closing chat, people need to respect the moderators, report logs, and put people on ignore who are causing problems. Ignoring them is incredibly powerful.

Liv has said some very wise words.

the moderators need to respect people as well.

i was in some of the chats last night and a few were getting out of hand and i tried to disperse some it, i hope i didnt step on any toes but i just want everyone to feel comfortable in the chats. next time ill make sure to save chats if they get out of hand

would it be possible to have like volunteer chat mods to help control things? it might take some pressure off you mods a bit. just a thought

I don't see what closing it will achieve. Just means the same thing will happen in a week's time. If you see rule-breaking then save the chat log and report it to one of the moderators.

However, since Chat is a real-time, text-based system it can be difficult to gauge both context and tone. What I read as banter someone else may read differently.

Andrea- I like to think all of the chat mods are respectful, however if you feel someone is not then please feel free to PM me about it and I will see what can be done about it. If its about me then you would have to go to Harley.

breezey-you'll find that some people in chat dont take kindly to members acting in the same kind of way as mods, its good that people listened to you then, but for future reference that doesnt always work. The big problem with volunteer mods is that they would need powers in chat, which we cant just give to members and chat mods need to be chosen carefully. I have chat mods set up to add to the team but cannot add at the moment, hopefully that'll be sorted soon.

couldnt agree more.

It's not about you Liv, you're one of the nice mods.

Don't you dare close Chat. o.O

But on a more serious note, I agree with Liv.

I'm a bit confused what the members 'acting as mods' looks like, and why that's a problem.

Generally people who tell people to stop rule breaking/tell people to move rooms etc. I guess its a problem because they dont have any authority/basis to tell people to move/behave.

^ See, part of me wonders why someone should need an 'authority' to do it. Of course no one likes to be 'told off' by another normal member, but in some cases it's just common courtesy. But then of course, there is no stopping some of the regulars from doing what they want to do.

I guess they have the right though to kind of say 'hey, this is making the space unsafe and unpleasant for the rest of us - could you do this please?' If there is no mod available I don't know why people should have to feel upset and not say anything about it.

Lol I didnt say people dont have the right.I dont have a problem with it personally,other members of chat do though.Ive seen it many many times.

I also didnt ever say people cant say when they are distressed by something, I feel like what I've said is being edited a little.

No, you misunderstood. I didn't mean it from a mod point of view (although I'm sure I've seen some who would prefer members not to say anything with regards to moving rooms or anything...), I mean it from a member-to-member view. There can be an attitude of "you're not a mod therefore I can still do what I want".

I've only seen this a few times though.

It's not a response so much to what you said. I know you were explaining the reasons why some people might have a problem with it - I was simply challenging those people's idea.

Lol crossed wires aplenty! I didnt see your reply so that wasnt aimed at you!

yeh that is the attitude a lot of the time.x

Got it :) Sorry...Im a bit sensitive about chat heh ^_^ x

Not a problem at all xx

Haha, sorry Liv. I know you are pretty protective of Chat.

haha yeah :P thats true!xx

I think this is a ridiculous thread. What on earth is it going to solve, people will just continue where they left the moment its back on. If you dont like chat, you can always stop coming there. Dont ruin it for the people who can cope with the drama etc. that is connected to chat and who are capable of getting something positive out of it, in spite of that.

For whoever wanting it closed for a week.. just stop coming there for a week. No one is putting a gun to your head, forcing you to log onto chat. Take responsibility for yourself and stay away if thats what you need, but dont ruin it for the rest of us.

dont normally agree with u, but completely 110% agree with this.

I agree it seems to be filled with attention-seeking drama queens who seem to revel in causing arguments and tension amongst chat members. So instead of closing chat, send logs in about the people who are causing the arguments and hopefully we can get rid of those who cause drama as opposed to getting rid of Chat altogether.

I have also suggested to other members when someone starts 'playing up', instead of rising to it, leave Chat or the room for ten minutes, because if everyone did this, King/Queen of Drama would soon get the hint that their antics would not receive the attention they usually seem to want. I say usually because I know this is not the same for everyone, however if someone needed support but started acting out instead then blaming it on being 'triggered' or whatever, members going into another room or leaving Chat when it starts up may cause them to realise if they'd like support, they should ask for it the conventional, calm way and stop, well, being a dick about it.

I apologise if this doesn't make sense, I am very tired :P Basically if someone starts drama, if you feel like arguing back, leave. Or just leave anyways. They'll get the hint. Hopefully. (I understand this is the same as disciplining a child - reward/punishment etc. etc. - however, people who cause drama tend to be acting ridiculously childish anyways, so why not?)

I agree that people are probably just going to pick up where they left off, but I don't think it's ridiculous for people to have an opportunity to talk about it. People cope with the drama differently. If they question it and say it makes them feel uncomfortable when rulebreaks are going on, then that's not not coping with it, that's coping with it differently.
Yes, take responsibility and avoid chat if it's too difficult for you, but likewise, the people breaking rules need to take responsibility for those natural consequences, too.

I like that.

But, that is not gonna happen by closing chat. People need to report it so the mods know, who is causing problems and can deal with them appropriately. I am not saying discussing is ridiculous, i am saying the suggestion of closing chat is. Or at least, thats what i meant by what i said. I genuinely just dont see how closing anything for a week is going to solve anything.

My biggest issue with this thread is, that instead of encouraging people to take responsibility for their own well being, it is encouraging this site to do something that you as an individual, should be able to do yourself. you cant make other people form this world into a world that suits YOU best. You need to find ways to adapt to it and if a situation upsets you, you remove yourself from it. This thread is like saying "I am scared of dolls, so none of the other kids can play with dolls". Which is completely unfair and I dont think any mature person would suggest that. Is it then not better to report rule breaking, get the people punished who deserve it, take responsibility for yourself and remove yourself from upsetting conversations when they happen, so that the rest can get something positive out of it?
I am not saying we dont have a problem with chat, but it will not be solved simply by removing the oppertunity to meet in chat, temporarily.

I totally agree that closing chat would not be helpful. I am with you there, entirely.
I guess, on a more general level, and not as a thought that is 'aimed' at you, I was just pondering on whether taking responsibility always means removing yourself from an uncomfortable situation (which, sometimes it does) or whether people who are feeling more emotionally robust can challenge the situation. I suppose I was thinking about the issue that people 'can't' question the arguments in chat at the time, and suggesting that arguments don't affect just the two-or-so individuals but impact on the whole community. That's also not to say that it's not natural that arguments go on - with a mix of personalities, it's understandable and totally a part of normal life. In my 'ideal' world, individuals would go away every now and then and reflect on their interactions with others, because the way we interact with others can say a lot about our own personal struggles.

That's true with the text speak rule.

No i also think you should challenge yourself but if you are not up for that, which i assume a person who wants chat closed isn't, its about removing yourself from what is upsetting you not asking others to remove that situation for you. I am all in for challenging yourself but me as an individual and what i would do, isn't that relevant for this discussion.;)

I understood the original post more along the lines of, "The other kids are destroying the dolls or dress them up as go go girls, so please give the dolls a rest for a week." :P

I agree though, that closing chat wouldn't solve things. griddlebone has good points. If no one responded to flaming or arguments, then they'd die down pretty quickly. But that never happens, does it.

It's funny how people who seem perfectly reasonable on the forums turn into idiots when they're in chat. But that's what happens, too. And some of the people who argue for personal responsibility, who make good arguments about ignoring people who cause drama... well, they're the same who'll follow drama in chat because it's "entertaining". Not all, mind, and I'm not talking about anyone in particular who contributed to this thread. But I've seen that happen, and as long as that hypocrisy goes on.. nothing's going to change.

Basically, chat will only improve if every chat user tries to make an example of good behaviour. Apparently a lot of people aren't capable of that, but such is life. And that's what logs are for.

Although you said that wasn't about anyone who contributed on this thread, I did make that comment and I can understand why it would be aimed at me, let's face it. I am a regular Chatterer and am guilty of taking part in drama, arguing back, etc. etc. And I'm not entirely sure why, guess the drama tended to be a good distraction (ironically).

However, surprisingly, people do grow up. And myself included, a lot of members no longer rise to the bait of drama (except on rare occasions, admitted) and my suggestion of ignoring them and leaving the room will only work once the handful of members who tend to argue back grow up. That's what it all comes down to. Which is a huge problem on this site, for many reasons. Being mollycoddled because of their illness, or having to be grown up in the outside world therefore breaking down the barriers on the site and just being a child, for the attention or just because they're plain childish.

I know just saying 'You need to grow up' isn't going to help that much, but that's what it is. And if you're a Chat goer and drama happens a lot with you involved, you really do need to take a step back and think about whether or not you're actually causing the drama yourself. And if you don't think you are, take steps into learning to not retaliate. Looking at it that way, it's reeeeally not that hard. Just grow up a bit. Everyone's happier.

That makes a lot of sense, politeness goes a long way.
Though, in another sense, we do know the rules so it's important to try and respect them, so I can understand a bit of frustration there. That said, I know the forum rules but occasionally I forget and make a mistake. My OT did a little bit of assertiveness training with me and I always remember that one of the things was "I have the right to make a mistake, other people have the right to criticise me for it".
Yeah I think I'd be a bit cross if a member told me to **** off!

Someone needs to tell me what I missed.

Just wanted to say that I think this goes both ways, because the number of times I have seen members getting shouted to by the regulars of the general rooms to 'STOP USING TEXT TYPE' or even the constant correcting them everytime they do use text type - I personally would find that very rude and condescending. I know I for one will always whisper the person using text type and say something along the lines of 'Just so you know, text type is actually against the rules and people tend to get pretty worked up about it so could you please try not to use it'. This seems to work a lot better rather than openly shouting at them in main chat which always leads to an arguement about why is it against the rules, and blah blah.

I agree with you here and I know that before I was modded there were people I would have listened to and people I wouldn't have listened to with regards to following the rules (not that this ever happened cos I'm super-duper 100% perfect never broken a rule in my life). But I think that is more because the people I would listen to are my friends, whereas unless I was in a good mood (which if I was breaking rules I wouldn't be) then I wouldn't listen to a stranger or someone I don't like... But I'm the same in real life, I think thats just part of human nature.

I should clarify - I read the whole thread in one go before I replied, and then I tend to remember WHAT was said, but not by who. My brain can't manage both. :P So I really didn't have you in mind when I typed that. It's just such a common occurence on these threads that it irks me to see such hypocrisy. Practice what (the general) you preach, and all that.

I respect what you're saying though. Not many people have the proper insight, nor the guts to say things so openly, even after "growing up" in that sense.

To follow where the thread is going, what do we take from that? That we should simply all try to practice more politeness?

While we're bringing up everything that's wrong with chat.. it would be great if RYL were used for what it's meant to be used for ie. SUPPORT. Rather than a massive stigma attached to mentioning anything remotely serious because that's "emo". & yes I've taken part in that recently, because I've pretty much given up ever hoping I will get something useful out of RYL.

Also. People asking for support, you offer them basic common sense advice & they tell you to "shut up" or "f*ck off". Makes one reluctant to support, I can tell you.

Not to mention the emotional blackmail, blatant glamourising of self harm/eating disorders/drug-taking, blatant glamourising of bullying because it's "cool"...

Jus' sayin. I figure a lot of people getting up in arms about the state of RYL could look to themselves & consider whether they need to take their own advice.

I don't use chat, only very rarely. But I did want to say "Well said Chels."