Regarding flaming and people bitching about each other *please read*
 

Hey all.
On a website such as RYL, often people get very close very quickly, they are sharing their deepest secrets from the get go and forge very intense friendships. Unfortunately sometimes, these friendships do not last, people fall out, and these secrets are used as weapons.

Quite often the moderators get post reports from people saying that they think others are talking about them in their posts.

Whilst it is most definately against the rules to flame other members in your posts, including the ranting and venting forum, there is NOTHING the moderators can or will do until we have some evidence that one person is writing about another.
We can not edit posts because people *think* they are about them.

So:
1) If you are writing a rant, about a person or situation away from RYL, please try and be specific. rather than 'i ****ing hate you, you bitch' how about trying 'i ****ing hate you, bitch from school' (something along those lines.. you get the jist!) so that people are left in no doubt that it isnt about them.

2) If you are reporting a post that you feel is about you, please please please dont just send us post reports that say 'this is about me, please delete it'. because we wont.. we will pm you and ask why you think its about you, and what proof you have.
It would be beyond helpful if, along with the post report, you send us a bit of information. tell us the situation, tell us why you think its about you, tell us pm's youve received... tell us anything that proves this person is writing about you specifically, because without knowing for sure, we will not edit anything.

Thank you.

The Mods

:-D

And if it's in a reply to a person's own thread, then less details are needed unless relevant, right, as it's fairly self explanatory? Just checking, as I've been in that situation.

do you mean if someone has quoted a post that you have already written?

the post up there ^^^ is mostly reffering to 'private' threads, like in ranting and venting and 'say here what you cant say to others' thread.

I think thats a better way of deeling with it, ive had the problem in the past where threads have just been deleted/moved because of the say so of someone else who thinks i am talking about them and it was never delt with very well.

I always thought this might be an issue, especially when I write threads about myself saying "I hate you" blah blah. So from now on I shall make it clear it is about myself.

However, people can lie cant they to avoid being caught flaming.

I think if you lie about it and say its about someone at school when its not....well theres nothing we can do about it really to be honest.But at least it would stop people thinking its about them!

yeah if someone lied about it then it wouldn't matter cause the whole intention of flaming like that is to get back at the person being flamed, and that wouldn't work if they denied it was about the targeted person. i know in some of my posts if i think it might be unclear, i say "this is not to anyone on ryl" or something similar.

All of what I say isn't about people here. Thanks for posting it though.

I don't really like the idea of having to add a disclaimer to a post. As long as the person isn't named or specifics aren't named, I don't really see a problem with saying 'I hate you' or whatever. In the same way that someone can just add at the end about it being about themselves, or someone at school or wherever, there isn't a way to know who it is about.

For most people, there are no issues with just writing 'i hate you' etc etc, because most people arent having arguments with other members here.. however, some people seem to be in constant arguments with other members here and we get a lot of post reports stating 'delete this, its baou tme' with no proof.

Clarification isnt a neccessity if you arent having issues with members here, however, if you feel people COULD read it to be about them because of whatever is happening, then please either a) dont write it, or b) try and be clear if its about someone away from the site.

yeah with me i don't really have issues with members so it'd be pretty unlikely anyone could think it was about them. but i could see how if you're having an ongoing conflict things could be definitely misunderstood and very difficult for the mods!

i've had occasional differences in opinion/gotten pissed of at people in RYL before but to me it's the internet, i get up, go have tea, take a walk, come back. if i have to, ignore their posts for a while. but i usually don't complain about people in threads, here that is. when i do rant about someone, i'll be sure to be specific, even be like (noone on ryl)

i think it's a good way to avoid conflict.

Could you not just reply to the person who thinks it's about them and tell them to take their head out their arse and inform them that the world stretches further than the end of their road?
If there's no proof it's them then there's nothing you can do, the other person is well within their rights to post whatever they want.

PLUS. A lot of people here feel this is the only place they can rant about things that are bothering them, if it is another member, but no names are mentioned then they're not breaking any rules.

Seems simple enough to me.

I agree with crumple, as long as no names or identifying details are mentioned I think we should be able to rant about anyone we want.

Yes, this is what we have been doing (in a less blunt way), but some days we have been getting 4 or 5 posts reports from x member claiming y members rant is about them. and then y member claiming x is writing about them.

tobe honest, if its not obvious who youre talking about, even if youre talking about someone here, it wont get reported and it wont get edited.

This thread is more about specific groups of friends that are falling out amongst themselves and then blatently bitching about and commenting on the people they are no longer friends with in their rants.

Chances are, if youve read this, and are utterly confused and a bit pissed, its not relevant to you at all!

If only it worked like that..sadly it doesn't..I got pulled up before for ranting about someone and someone reported me- it wasn't even about them and I didn't say any names or anything..and I got infraction points for it..this was a good while a go though.

But you know I totally agree with you on this..I don't read threads and think "Oh this is about me" or anything like that..your right and I'd tell anyone who said "uhh this thread is about me" When it doesn't say "LEIGH (magic) is a ******* *****" to take there head out of there arse and not be so self centred.

I rarely use R/V anymore because of this very reason of people misinterpreting my rants..not that I have 'beef' with anyone on here anymore.

I don't really post a lot but the one rant i have done i didn't really mention names or specifics.

I actually hate it when members are obviously bitching about other members.

That's all I have to offer.

well there's two at the moment who are actively bitching about someone and if you were paying any attention in the last two weeks you'd know its extermely obvious and actually quite boring now. so what do you do when you know they're bitching about someone but don't stop? that and they don't include names but it's really obvious.

I've spotted that from time to time, Tiff. Thing is, it seems so obvious I don't post report as I feel I insult the mods' intelligence to spot it themselves. Does that make sense?

No please do report it :) It doesnt insult us,we like help!I know I personally dont read all the threads in R&V so its easy to miss.

oks Liv. Thanks. :) Will do.

i'll do tooo

Yeah, it does Katie. And yeah, Tiff, it is boring.

Oh whoops, missed a page. Sorry.

I tried to put an end to the drama that has been going on between three members & me, & they have only gotten worse, I've reported posts & since there is no "proof" it's about me, zilch is done.

I've removed my thread where I retaliated to one of them, & I'm just going to ignore it now, I'm seriously fed up with the ****ing drama, I do not need it, at all.

could you put them on ignore so that you can't see their threads, specifically in R/V? they're probably most likely to do that on threads they started so if you put them on ignore you can just see "oh someone on ignore wrote that, i don't need to read it to avoid possibly upsetting myself" without seeing the title or anything.

I don't really know you or see any drama (though I know that doesn't mean it isn't going on.. I'm just not looking for it/its none of my buisness) but, I just wanted to ask, how do you know it's about you?

Put them on ignore and ignore them if reading there posts upset you.

It could be that members out of the 'three members' are writing about different people couldn't it?

If you 'feel' someone is 'out to get you' as such sometimes you can read to much into 'I hate you/bitching' stuff in R&V..

But obviously if you have proof then report it.

Internet fights/arguments make me lol.

Because two of these members have now messaged me away from the site & viciously attacked me, & all 3 have been ranting about me & my girlfriend.

I'm not "paranoid".


One of them also created a thread about me in Serious that was removed, it was extremely vicious, vile & bullying, I'm glad it was removed, & now I hope they move the hell on from this because I'm sick of the ****ing drama from them, I don't need it, & I will prove it if I need to with screen shots of their messages to me (but it doesn't count as it's away from RYL I'm told) & the r&v rants are clearly about me & my girlfriend with how they are speaking about us(outside of RYL, they also speak about us/me/her like this), & I'm sick of it, but I guess as you're not involved, you wouldn't really know if it were about me / my girlfriend or not.

Either way, I'm not going to bother anymore with them, it's really pathetic & time wasting, & I'm fed up of getting more distressed on a freaking support site.

yeah you should block them from all other internet sites if you can, msn, etc. and put them on ignore here.

I have =)
One of them created a new account on FB & sent me a very awful message though, so there are loopholes, but I'll just keep blocking them. =)

Thanks.
x

you might also report it to FB as harassment. if you keep blocking this person and they keep harassing you, that's way against FB policy.

You can?
Cool, thanks, I'll look into that. xx

i just want to say none of my rants are about anyone on here! And sarah i seriously thought this **** was ouer what you haue jus said has hurt me beyond belief, other members mite b bitchin at u but can u leaue me out of it! Im tryin to be nice to u by replyin to ur threads and bein concerned and ur throwin it bak in my face i would prefer it if u left me alone and stop sayin horrible things about publicaly and yes that includes facebook. Im currently very suicidal. And your not helping

I think this thread is pushing it on bullying as it is. Can we please keep private matters between members exactly that: private.

RYL is supposed to be a safe place for everyone, and it's disappointing when we cannot provide that when things like this go on. All we can do is appeal to people to please, think before you post. Bullying ends here, I for one am tired of members feeling victimised and I'm damn sure they're tired of it too.

Put them on ignore, change your screen name, report things if you have proof. What else can be done? Can't exactly tell some people that they are not welcome when I'm sure there is blame on both sides.

I agree Aimee. =)
Thanks.x

I think the thing is people can be very vicious and nasty.... There are also people who will say something in a rant and a yell without thinking about it; and once they have calmed down will be able to look at it slightly differently.

The thing is, if you're going to slag someone off, or yell about someone then just do it on a word document?! There is absoloutely no need at all to have anything like that on RYL when the member you are going on about is on here!

I agree. ^^

People do it publicly for a reason tho, mostly because they want the other person to read it or to get back at them or because they think its cleaver and will get a laugh out of it.

Best thing to to is ignore, post report if it breaks rules.

^ Oh, yes I agree.... I think some people do it in the hope people will see what they can see in a person; but people will find out things they need to find out... If that makes sense. It's just unfortunate. There are reasons for things happening, it's just not justification.... If there is an issue it's best to report etc....

sounds quite a bit like internet bullying....hmmmmmm.....i don't know what advice to give, but it really sucks, i'm sorry.