*hugs Laura* ~ thanks for the blanket. I'll try not to do the disappearing trick but it feels like I should
*hugs Secrets* ~ feel free to come and join me in the corner. I hope you managed the drive
*sneaks into smoking shelter and hugs Arwen*
*leaves hugs for everyone else and bunks down in the corner again*

I have nothing planned for today and am getting edgy again. My laptop is back and I have to plug it in and see whether it has been fixed or whether it is still a bunch of crap and if it is I need to take a photo and send it to the repairers because they "weren't able to replicate the fault". It sends me over the edge... :(

*hugs Kahlia lots and lots*
*hugs everyone else*

Sorry it's not much :(

*hugs helen* its okay that it's not much. Hope you are alright...

*hugs for everyone else* Even those hiding.. i will find you and hug you :-P

*hugs Helen* ~ Thanks for the hugs hun. Don't stress about it not being more. How are things going with you?
*hugs Laura*
*hugs everyone she can find and retires to the smoking shelter*

I apologise for being a post-hog. Just wanted to share some good news...
Today I went for my first bike ride since I broke my wrist falling off my bike. It was only an hour long ride there and back again but it was very empowering... especially since I had to overcome my fear of the bike. I was also worried about my shoulder because of the necessity of using my R arm and so forth. I have to go for another bike ride soon to get lights for my bike because the connector for the back light is broken.

*hugs everyone she can find*

That's really good Kahlia, well done, I can't even ride a bike :/

Had a mixed day yesterday. Had my photoshoot, but was sad it being last time I'll ever see my university. Then was feeling really poorly after that (still am). Then got my blood test appointment sorted and found out I go into a college. Got to go enrol today, aswell as seeing my nan in hospital (she was meant to have an operation, which was cancelled, and instead went and broke her wrist, possibly her collasrbone and really hurt her legs) and pack as I'm going on holiday in less than 24 hours :O

Not doing so well really and I miss my best friend so much.

*hugs Helen* I was terrified of the bike which I only got as an exercise machine when I still had a car. Due to the lack of a car it was my biggest mode of exercise and transport. Then on the day I moved in here I broke my wrist in a bicycle accident.

I know what you mean about missing your friend ... I miss Nicole and we can't even contact her until the 21st of this month. She is in an organisation that rehabilitates girls with all sorts of problems. And we have to get clearance before we are allowed to speak with her. Just incase we were her drug dealers or whatever....

Have fun on your holiday by the way Helen.

*SCREAM*
*collapse in the corner*
I want to say f*ck it all

*hugs Rach* Do you want to talk about it hun?

I leave for the airport in about 2 & half hours, haven't slept yet, oppppsie :P Love you all guys, stay safe xxxx

I drink whenever I get the chance.
I've been saving the bottle of nice wine my friend bought me as an early bday present, and I've drank the whole bottle tonight just because I couldn't afford anything else.
I feel like such a failure.

Hugs to all.

The Mindreaders follow me on the street and it freaks me out.

I've been bitten all over by some sort of insect, so my skin is burning and I can't stop scratching myself all over.

The Voices are bad again so revising is not an option right now. How will I do an Open University course if the Voices won't shut up when I try to sit down to do something?

*hugs Helen* ~ I know you won't get this until you come back but I hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday.
*hugs Arwen*
*hugs Steel Maiden* ~ Sorry wasn't sure of your name.

My body is aching from the bike ride I took today. My legs got a workout - which was good, but my shoulder got bumped around a little which was not so good. I know that I am fitter than I was so all this exercise and so forth is doing me some good. I have to go up the hospital tomorrow afternoon to see my physiotherapist. I think she'll be happy with the progress I've made. But, I have to look happy - like nothing on Earth is wrong - because she has sent me down to A&E before for a psych review.

I had a phone call today from the psychologist I'm going to be seeing in two weeks. She sounded nice but my instinctive distrust of all mental health professionals and the medical fraternity is insisting that I don't tell her much because she can't be trusted. It's kind of a catch 22. If I talk then I'm placing myself and my emotions in a vulnerable state, if I don't talk then I'm sabotaging the sessions, and since I only get 6 sessions with her ....

Meh.

*Hugs Oly and Kahlia*
xxx

*hugs everyone*

Sorry I've not done individual replies.

I finally am able to get a counselor i think i am going to like, and my insurance probably won't cover it, but I can't get a hold of my insurance company because they are closed by the time i get off work!!!!
I think that I must not deserve the help...because if i did it would be easier that this!!! I feel so worthless....

*hugs everybody*

I'm off to Liverpool tomorrow, moving, new job, new everything, I think I'm in a state of simmering panic.

Anyway I just wanted to check in and calm down and also say hi to everyone again and of course unlimited hugs and cookies.

*hugs Arwen* I know what you mean hun, but don't beat yourself up about it, alcohol is a difficult demon to control

*hugs Oly* I hope the voices leave you alone, I hope you can do the OU course, you have so much talent

*hugs secrets* hope you're okay

*hugs Kahlia* I hate bikes, let me walk any day, hope everything with the psych and the physio goes ok.

*hugs helen* have fun hun

*hugs everyone else*

*hugs everyone*

Hannah ~ I'm enjoying the freedom that riding a bike gives me although I'm terrified of breaking my wrist or popping my shoulder out while I'm riding. Going down slopes is the worst.

My physio has given me a stack more exercises for my shoulder ... even though the surgeon hasn't cleared me for any. I hope she knows what she is doing although I think she needs to see a pdoc for treatment.

am i allowd to crash here for a while? im so lost and have nowhere to go, nowhere! i just need someone to come up, give me a cuddle, tell me they love me AND MEAN IT!!!
im so stupid, i wish i wasnt me :(
i thought i was doing so well... till now.

*cuddles ScarlettAngel* ~ Of course you can crash here. If you need it we have a denial tent where nothing bad can happen and you can separate yourself from the world a bit, a smoking shelter and multiple corners with people hiding in them. Do you want to talk about what's happening to make you feel the way you feel?