*cuddles Kahlia some more and then cudddles Secrets*

Sorry that things didn't go to plan and that you had to come home early :(

*Hugs everyone*
Feeling too bloated and tired to reply to you all.
I was doing the washing up yesterday and a pint glass exploded in my hand (scary!) A shard cut my finger pretty deep, and it was such a shock. I was a real wimp about it, which makes me feel like I wont be able to self harm ever again.
I guess that's a good thing, right?
xx

*hugs everyone* sorry I've been so pathetically bad at messaging recently, I move to Liverpool in 10 days and everything is pretty insane. I seem to be holding together though, I am scared shitless :P

*hugs everyone again and leaves home-made cookies for devouring*

*hugs arwen* o dang! exploding glass is not good! glad that your okay, hope your finger heals fast.
*hugs wildly insane* good luck moving!

I was talking to my boyfriend about him joining the military, or well.. he was talking... i probably really need to tell him what i'm scared about in the air force, but he seems so happy and excited about it, I never get the chance to say anything.
There is too much piling up for me right now, I need to straighten some of it out before I... well... lets say before I screw up again.

*hugs everyone*

Uni have finally emailed me back hurray :D Still waiting from phone calls/letters from a few professionals *rolls eyes*

What did uni say Helen? xx

argh!!!!! screw everthing, i on longer give a sh*t. what the hell is the point. *curls up in ball in corner, crys myself to sleep*

*hugs everyone*

I rang the crisis team who organise community mental health and they basically are trying to have as little to do with me as possible. They told me I had to get a private doctor if I wanted a psychiatrist through some scheme neither I nor my doctor had ever heard of. My GP went off .... I was glad I was in the room and knew that the crisis team is one of his buttons. It was like a little shower of swearing where basically every second word was a curse word. He was none too happy about doing it - writing the referral I mean.

Why do mental health professionals have to have their heads stuck so far up their arse that they can't see anything?? Is it part of their training or something. Learning how to make their clients lives unliveable. I hate mental health professionals, they make me sick.

Woops, somehow missed this post for over 12 hours :O Anyway they basically said I was reigistered for returning in September and that he would forward on my email to exams & assessments about me re-doing my first year...

My sister came over last night, I thought it was going to be just me and her having a drink. But she invited two of her friends over, neither of which wanted to drink, so my sis decided not to buy any alcohol and just have a few of my beers. I felt completely excluded all night, in my own house. And I was feeling a bit peeved that she just decided that it would be alright for her friends to come over and for her to take some of my beers.
I'm not that annoyed, I guess. Just...My sis and one of the friends who came over are lying on the sofas watching **** TV. I just know they're going to stay there for ages.

Woo! Helen, that sounds like good news! xx

Kahlia, mental health professionals make me sick too :/

Arwen, yeah it is :) Just replied to another email from a photographer actually about Tuesday's photoshoot.

Helen ~ Yay for the uni getting back to you and giving you good news into the bargain. *hugs you*

Arwen ~ I'm sorry that you felt excluded in your own house. *hugs you*

*hugs everyone*

Me and my housemate went out to the uni club tonight for a change. I drank six cups of burbon and coke and two red bulls. I have to try and go to sleep but my head has set itself to keeping me awake. :S

*slips in and goes hides away in a locked room* maybe might be safe there.

*hugs* to everyone sorry not in a great place right now, just waiting to find out if theyre going to drag me back inot hospital or not :( i hate it all so much just want it all to go away :'(

Oh ****, I have til MONDAY, to email uni back with my ****ing appeal letter as they have apprantly withdrawn me.

I just don't need this right now...and can't exactly blame my 'depression' when my gp won't back me up (he'd have to...)

Why did I have to **** up so badly...

*hugs* heln. hope that you manage to get the emails in. i can completyl understan i had all that problem with uni wen i ended up in hospital. i really wanted to do it and go bk but then was supposed to go back in april but couldnt so they said theyd put me down to restart this september, but then got told i couldnt it was a mess. but ive decided not to go back, because im not in the right place. hope it all gets sorted for you though xx

Everything's going wrong today. I obviously don't matter and just argh

*Cuddles everyone*
My sister said she'd come over tonight, so we could have a drink together without her friends. But she hasn't returned my text, and according to her Facebook she's got people round her flat. Nice.

Helen- Having been through a similar process (having to submit medical evidence etc after withdrawing from uni) I just wanted to suggest you contacted student support and also the person you got the email from via the telephone and explain you have suffered from emotional issues and self harm throughout your first year and then ask them whether a note from your doctor or counsellor would do. At the end of the day you have proof in the form of doctors appointments/a+e visits/psych assesment and correspondance with a counsellor that you have struggled in your first year. Your GP may not be willing to say you have Depression but he should be willing to write a letter confirming your story as it were i.e explaining about emotional problems/self harm etc. I would also suggest mentioning that you are now having treatment in the form of a CPN and are waiting for CBT.

A good friend of mine failed a module or two of his first year at University and was thrown out but appealed on the grounds of a previously undisclosed (and undiagnosed) mental health issue and was allowed back in provided he resat his failed modules or redid the whole during the following year. He hadn't been to his GP until a few days before the appeal but recieved a note explaining he had had problems sleeping/dealing with family issues etc etc.

*hugs Zowie*- siblings can really suck some times. Hope you have a good night whatever happens.

Why don't you think you matter Secrets? *special hugs*

Kahlia- Hope you manage to get some sleep hun. I don't fully understand your health care system but it sounds like it sucks! At least your GP seems to give a **** though. Thinking of you x

hugs everyone

wish college would just tell me the date, instead of just keeping me on constant edge, if I had a date I could prepare.
just going to sit in the corner and try to relax a little.